St Edward and The Dragon
by silkendreammaid
Summary: Edward has always given everything for those he loves. This time he may have given too much. Envy and Roy Mustang hold the answers for both his damnation and salvation. Chapter 13: Communication
1. Prologue: Blood for Blood

**St Edward and the Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**I: Prologue - Blood for Blood  
**

_Who opens the countries to us after death?  
And who the gateway of the monstrous rune?  
What do the dying see, that makes them turn  
Their eyes' blind whiteness round so terribly?_

_Georg Heym 1912_

..00..

Edward Elric was on his hands and knees at the edge of the large transmutation circle as the blood fell around him.

Above, in the jaws of the chained dragon his Father was dying.

His face was streaked with tears and sweat. His bangs were stuck to the sides of his face. He could feel the throbbing from the bullet wounds in his left shoulder and the blood soaking through his shirt and running down his arm. He had known pain and this was negligible compared to what he had suffered before. And he wasn't about to give them any satisfaction by showing any awareness of it. Shakily his fingers kept moving, using his blood to complete the array within the array.

Prisoners, all of them. Trapped in this dark hall where darker people plotted and planned for selfish greedy purposes. He lifted his bruised face and looked across the marked floor. She lay where they had thrown her, discarded by a stone pillar. He choked back a sob as he looked at her dead face. Beside her lay another body and his face stared at him, eyes forever frozen in regret and apology. Innocence, deceived and corrupted. Edward had lost everything with their deaths. He was going to make those responsible pay. _Blood for blood_.

Betrayed and used by those seeking power and glory. He had never sought such things and had never known the allure it could hold for others. But he had never thought to be the last one left. He had been completely horrified at their unwilling betrayal of him but nothing had prepared him for the soul deep pain when they were betrayed in their turn. Everything had been used against him. His father, his friends, his love. Even the dragon that mindlessly struggled in his chains.

Revenge had never been an emotion he had appreciated before. How it could inspire and incite the blackest of thoughts. How it could provide answers to the questions of aching despair. Combined with his knowledge and determination and his willingness to sacrifice everything for those he loved, their betrayal and senseless murders had created the perfect weapon… him. _Blood for blood_.

He completely ignored the scurrying footsteps and shouts around him as he began to crawl into the centre of the array. Let them make their arrangements. Pushing and shoving their precious machinery and technology into formations. They all thought he was being their willing little puppet. More fools they. Did they really think that the deaths of his friends would make him that malleable? He had nothing more to lose now. Their invasion force wasn't going to be doing any invading. He was going to make sure of that. _Blood for blood_.

Dragging his useless left leg behind him he kept his finger moving, using the blood to draw a line from his little array to the centre of the larger one. Dying eyes watched his every move and understood. Only the dragon heard the acceptance in the muttered, "You idiot, Edward."

In the exact centre of the array Edward stopped and began to draw another circle, the pair to the one on the outer rim. His fingers were shaking harder and his breathing was becoming laboured. Sweat burnt his eyes and more blood dripped from his arm. He could feel his heart racing and knew he was running out of time. But he was going to complete this. He was going to take them with him. _Blood for blood._

"Elric!" The screamed demand from the first tier above him made his raise his head, looking up at uniformed woman standing there. "What are you doing?" The gun in her hand was aimed at him.

"What you wanted, Eckhart. Finishing the array." He threw the words up at her. His grin resembled a death's head and his eyes were cold with hate. He had never known hatred like this before. It burned inside him, stronger than the cold pressure of revenge. Like an open sore fouling his mind and heart with bile, he hated. He hated _her_. She had manipulated them, she had betrayed them. She had killed them.

"Hurry it up, Elric! We can not wait much longer!"

"Neither can I." He said softly and ignored her curses as she shrieked more directions at the minions who scurried behind him. Stupid pawns he thought, you deserve this, you all do. And may there be an especial hell for you, you traitorous bitch, he muttered under his breath.

The circle was almost completed. Just a bit more blood, just a little longer. He smiled at the symbols beneath his hand as he closed the last line. The circles were joined. The Gate would open, he had not been able to negate the large transmutation circle's main purpose. But they would all be dead before it did. His little circles, drawn in his blood, linked the patterns to him. He was chained to the alchemy. He had once bound his brother's soul to armour, now he was likewise bound. Knowledge he had gained so many years ago from the same Gate he was going to open now. Knowledge that revenge had unlocked and that hatred gave him the strength to carry out. He would deny them. _Blood for blood_.

"Edward. Help Edward." Impaled upon the dragon's teeth, Hohenheim whispered faintly as he slowly twisted the remains of his body around to press his hands together and placed them on the dragon. "Please, my son" he shuddered as the last light faded from his eyes.

Blue light flared along the dragon and the restraining chains were severed in its wake. The dragon roared as his torn body fell to encircle the array below and the corpse dropped from his mouth. Edward laid his hands on the small circle and poured himself into the array. Lines glowed and sparked as light traced out the conjoined arrays. When it reached the blood pooling under Hohenheim's body there was a sharp crack.

Blinding light flared and Edward laughed as the array burnt through the stone floor and reflected itself across the walls. Brighter and brighter it flamed. Screams arose from the men behind him as the arrayed lines cut through flesh and stone alike. He ignored the gunshots that chipped the floor beside him and he ignored the one that shattered his left forearm and the one that buried itself in his lower back. Edward barely heard the curses from Eckhart as the arrays climbed higher and severed her legs. He ignored the cries and terrified shouts as metal and men disintegrated as the linked transmutations spread further. He was tied to the circles as they expanded, replicating over and over. He pushed more of himself into the reactions.

"Blood for blood." He denounced in a cold voice, his words lost in the increasing noise of stone and men dying.

Lines of fire carved their way through ancient stones. Blood and flames rose to the ceiling far above. Choking smoke of burning rubber, machinery and flesh swirled across the blistering arrays. Buttresses began to give way as their supports were shattered in the rising wave. The walls began to topple.

Edward knelt in the middle of the main array, silent. He looked upwards with unfocused eyes, blood pooling beneath him. Unfelt tears slipped from his eyes and sweat and dust matted his hair. There was an unnerving calm about him as he waited. For the third time in his life he offered himself up for the ones he loved. But this time he yearned for the death he had somehow avoided twice before. He should have sought to return to his brother on the other side but he couldn't. The prices paid were too high already and he was too tired, too weary. _Blood for blood_. No more blood he thought, I've seen too much blood. He only wanted oblivion.

The dragon writhed on the outer rim of the array as alchemical symbols projected themselves across the scaled body. Roaring as he twisted, blood oozing between the torn flesh and scales the dragon struggled against the alchemic energy holding him in place. With a violent lurch the dragon slipped into the array and wrapped himself around Edward as if to squeeze the life from him.

As the roof collapsed a dark light flared in the centre of the array and the dragon and Edward disappeared beneath the rubble.

The destruction fanned out in an ever increasing circle. The surrounding rooms fell and then the whole castle slid down in a rising cloud of dust and death. The ground began to sink and the few survivors now found themselves running from the very earth beneath them.

An hour later the shaking ceased and a mile wide depression marked the spot where the castle and its grounds had been.

* * *

Edward Elric knelt before the Gate still wrapped in the dragon's coils.

If Truth spoke to him he did not hear it. He was deaf and blind to the world around him. There were no words left in him. There was no life left in him that he wanted to acknowledge. His eyes were flat and dull and apathy cloaked him. Blood and dust blanketed him. There was nothing golden left.

The void around him was not as barren as the void within him.

The dragon spoke in sibilant hisses and the large black doors opened. When the reaching hands touched him, Edward Elric smiled. Willingly almost hungrily, he accepted the death he saw coming for him. _Please_.

He made no sound when they tore his soul in half.

He screamed when they refused to let him die.

* * *

He opened his eyes. It took him a few moments to realise he was looking at a white ceiling. When his eyes slid to the left he saw an equally white wall. He shifted his eyes in a slow arc back past the white ceiling to the right and found another white wall. It was very quiet. He could hear someone breathing but he couldn't see anyone. He held his breath and heard nothing. So, it appeared he was the one breathing. He started breathing again.

Hospital. His mind dredged the word up and he reached for a reaction. He couldn't find one. For a moment he wondered if he should be worried but his eyes slipped closed and something akin to sleep claimed him.

* * *

Georg Heym (1887 – 1912): "Why do you visit me, white moths, so often?". Christopher Middleton translation.

Author's Note: Yes, I have taken great liberties with the movie. Obviously Edward's actions have meant that Eckhart and her army never went through the Gate to Amestris. I am making Edward eighteen years old and he has been two years in Germany.

silken :)


	2. 1: Asleep

**St Edward and the Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters therein.

* * *

**Chapter I: **

**Asleep: **_**adj**_**. inactive, dormant: indifferent**

_I do not stir,  
For every thought and deed  
Darkens the purity of the world._

_Albert Ehrenstein 1917_

..00..

Voices brought him out of the blank void. Sounds flowed past him beyond his closed eyes. He remained still and silent letting the words filter slowly into his consciousness.

"…and she's positive, Colonel." A light voice, female. He thought for a few moments and then decided he could hear it on his right side.

"It is possible that it is him." The second voice was also female but it was much colder than the first. The words were crisp and controlled. It too came from his right side.

He opened his eyes and saw the white ceiling. Slowly he slid his eyes to the right. Like an afterthought his head followed.

There were two of them looking at him. One in white and one in blue. He waited and the word nurse rose in his head and then soldier appeared beside it.

The white clad nurse noticed his eyes open and smiled at him.

"How are you feeling?" Her voice took on a chirpy tone that once upon a time might have irritated him. But now he merely stared at her. He blinked slowly before he realised that she had asked him a question. Questions required answers. Words appeared before his mind and he wondered which one to use. It took another two blinks before his mouth opened and the word he had chosen fell out.

"Fine." His voice was rough and barely reached his ears.

"Perhaps this will help," she said as she reached to the bedside table and produced a glass of water with a small straw. She placed the straw to his lips and he automatically sucked. Cool water slid down his throat as he swallowed.

"Now, isn't that better?" She smiled again.

He thought about it for a moment. "No." His voice was still rough and his tone completely uninterested. He saw her frown in concern but the emotion was fleeting and he lost his awareness of it when he blinked again.

"Do you know who you are?" The blue clad soldier asked him. Her voice was calm and his eyes shifted to look at her. Sherry coloured eyes examined him intently as he simply looked at her.

It took him awhile to remember his name. "Edward."

"Edward who?" She was persistent.

He thought some more. "Elric."

"Do you know where you are?"

"Hospital." The words were slow and he could feel them flitting through his head.

"Do you know who I am?" The soldier stared at him and he almost frowned, he wanted to slip back into the void. He looked at her and let his eyes trace her face and the blue uniform. The name came.

"Hawkeye."

His eyes began to drift close and he ignored her as he sank back into the comforting darkness.

Colonel Riza Hawkeye stood and looked down at the young man on the bed. It had to be him. No-one else had ever had eyes that colour except Edward Elric. And he knew her. But this Edward had such empty eyes. Even as he had said her name she had seen no spark of recognition. It was as if she had been reduced to a mere word in his mind.

Hawkeye watched the nurse put the glass away and straighten the already smooth blankets. He didn't move as she tucked them in tighter.

"Call me when he wakes again." She said and gave the nurse a card with the office numbers on it.

"Of course Colonel."

"I'll organise to have someone stationed here from this evening onwards."

"Yes Colonel."

* * *

Colonel Hawkeye entered General Mustang's office and did something totally out of character. She sat down in the chair in front of his desk. Mustang raised his eyebrow and frowned.

"What is it, Hawkeye?"

"Edward Elric is back, Sir."

Roy Mustang blinked. He had not expected her to say that.

"I thought you were at the hospital checking up on Breda?"

"I was, Sir. A nurse asked me to look at another patient."

"Go on." Mustang put down his pen and leant back in his chair. His chin dropped to rest on his steepled fingers and his face took on its deceptive lazy façade.

"Apparently he was found near an abandoned building two weeks ago and has been asleep or unconscious this whole time. He has some severe injuries, bullet wounds for the most part although I'd say he was beaten rather badly at some point judging by the bruising still evident on his face." Hawkeye paused for a moment struck by a sudden realisation. "Actually Sir, he woke up while I was there and he didn't seem aware of his injuries at all."

"Shock, or still only half-conscious maybe."

"Perhaps Sir," but her voice was doubtful. Those empty eyes stared back at her. "The nurse asked me to look at him because they thought they recognised him. We all know Edward was hospitalised there before and given the fact that this young man has long blond hair and is missing his right arm and left leg they were rather convinced it was him."

"And are you convinced, Hawkeye?"

"Yes Sir. His eyes are golden. I asked him his name and he said Edward Elric. I asked him where he was and he answered hospital and then I asked him who I was and he knew me." She looked at the General. "He's changed, there's something that didn't feel right. But it is Edward there."

Mustang was silent. He knew Hawkeye and he knew she would not make a statement like that unless she was completely sure. If Hawkeye thought it was Edward then Edward it was.

"I'd like to place one of our men there, Sir."

"Why, Colonel?" Mustang tilted his head.

"As I said General, there's something wrong and I'd feel safer if one of _us_ was there with him."

"Who did you have in mind?"

"Breda, Sir. He'll have to stay there for another week before they'll let him go home. He can share Edward's room."

"Very well. Do that and this evening I think I will come with you to visit them."

* * *

General Roy Mustang entered the hospital room and saw the blond head of the sleeping young man. He walked closer and stood beside the bed. Hawkeye was correct, he thought. It had to be Edward.

Golden hair he remembered, that square jaw and defined cheek bones. The blankets contouring the young man highlighted the missing limbs. He saw the bruising Hawkeye had mentioned. It was still purple in places all down one side of his face. Mustang recognised the signs of a very thorough and vicious beating. His shoulders were just visible and the left side seemed heavily swathed in bandages.

Mustang looked at Breda in the other bed. He was lying back against his pillows, his broken leg covered by a cage under the blankets.

"Has he woken?"

"No Sir. He hasn't even moved. Sometimes I don't think he even breathes. When the nurses came in, he didn't stir at all."

Colonel Hawkeye entered the room in her usual brisk manner with a doctor at her side and a file in her hand.

"Edward's medical report, Sir." She said as she handed the file to Mustang.

Mustang took the file and flipped it open. "Tell me what it says" he said calmly as his dark eye scanned the first page.

"Two bullet wounds to his left shoulder, one in his lower back, left forearm shattered probably from a bullet as well. Two broken ribs, the contusions on his face, possible concussion. We're not sure if this is a self-induced coma state or whether there is an underlying cause. He's very unresponsive and according to the report from your colonel and our nurse when he was awake he was very distant."

"He was aware of his surroundings, Hawkeye?" Mustang asked.

"Yes Sir."

"We'll have to notify Alphonse that his brother is back and the Rockbells to have his automail re-attached."

"General, I must protest, you can not perform such a procedure on an unconscious patient." The doctor frowned at Mustang.

"When he's awake again, we'll ask him." Mustang said casually. Then his eye sharpened and he looked at the doctor with a fierce expression. "But I know this young man much better than you do and I know that lying around in here is the last thing he would want. He would be the first one to demand his automail back."

"But his injuries have to heal first, General. You can not perform surgery of that magnitude on a patient who, quite frankly, is extremely lucky to have made it this far."

"Edward Elric has always made his own luck and I do not see it failing him now, Doctor."

"Without the patient's consent I will not allow this to proceed." The doctor squared his shoulders and stared at the General.

"He is not the 'patient', his name is Edward Elric." The General snapped back.

"Very well, General. When _Mr Elric_ gives his consent then I will allow it. Are we clear?" With a sharp nod and without waiting for Mustang's response, the doctor walked quickly from the room.

"That is one brave man," Breda said around a smile from his bed.

"He cares for his patients," Hawkeye replied non-committally although there was a slight twinkle in her eyes.

"He can care for them all he likes, but I doubt he'll be able to handle this one." Mustang said with a small smirk.

Hawkeye frowned. He hadn't seen Edward's eyes yet and it wasn't something she could describe well enough to convey just how desolate they looked. The General was going to have to see them for himself. She looked over at the sleeping young man and wished he would wake up.

But Edward slept on.

* * *

Three days later Breda woke from his light doze at the sound of the door opening. General Mustang and Colonel Hawkeye entered with a young teenager between them. Breda recognised the dusty blond head and grey eyes of Alphonse Elric.

At fourteen, Alphonse stood taller than his brother had at sixteen. Built on a leaner scale he appeared taller still. His hair was pulled back in a low ponytail and he was wearing his brother's old coat. He moved cautiously and his eyes flickered around the room.

He approached the bedside and looked down on the man they were telling him was his brother. Al studied the sleeping face. The hair was the same colour, a bit duller perhaps and so much longer, the jaw-line still so square. Colonel Hawkeye had told him the eyes were golden, but with them closed this face was just like a lifeless statue. His brother had always been so alive, so vibrant. There was none of that in the sleeping figure here.

"Is it really him?" Alphonse asked slowly.

"Yes." Hawkeye answered. "We're just waiting for him to wake up properly."

"It kinda looks like him." Alphonse said hesitantly. Al had no real memories of the four years he had been attached to that armour. He had been told the stories and he had had flashes in dreams and nightmares. He could clearly recall his brother at the age of eleven; he could remember everything up to the night they had attempted to bring their mother back. After that it was blank. Everyone was always so considerate of his memory loss but he felt they were always leaving things out. They weren't telling him the whole truth. Perhaps now he would finally get some real answers as he stared at the man on the bed. Wake up, he thought, wake up… Brother.

Al turned his head at the sound of the commotion outside. A blonde young woman pushed roughly through the door, shaking off the hands of the soldier stationed there.

"Where is he?" She demanded. She looked around the room and then at the bed Al was standing next to. She walked to stand beside him and looked down at the sleeping man. Winry bit her lip. This was Edward, it had to be and how dare he sleep when they were all there. How dare he disappear and leave them without any news of his whereabouts. And how dare he come back in this state.

"Wake up Edward! I am so angry with you!"

"Winry! Stop it!" Al exclaimed in a low voice. He felt a bit resentful at the way she seemed to automatically assume a position of authority over his brother. Edward was his brother, not hers. He knew they had grown up together and she was in so many ways like a sister to him, but for some reason he did not want to share this with her. He had the feeling that this was something that even Edward wouldn't have wanted to share with her.

"Miss Rockbell, I think it would be wiser if you were to moderate your tones." The General said blandly as he watched the shadows flicker across Al's face. "We are after all in a hospital and the patient is rather badly injured."

Winry gave Mustang a nasty look. They had clashed a few times lately mainly over Al's wanting to renew his involvement in the military. Both of them had agreed in the beginning that Al should not re-enlist until he was older, but now he was fourteen Al had asked to re-enlist. Mustang had said yes, Winry had disagreed and was insisting that Al wait until he was sixteen. Al had not been happy and neither was Mustang. Mustang had been tactful and tried not to put Al in the middle of this but Winry had been less than diplomatic and Al was becoming increasing resentful of Winry.

Mustang understood that Al was of an age when he would resent authority figures at the best of times, but Al was older than his years even if he didn't recall most of them. Winry's attempts to keep him safe and sheltered were not what Al needed. The Elrics had been almost ferally independent during their four year search. They had travelled widely and faced all manner of difficulties and obstacles. Al might not remember that sense of independence consciously but Mustang could see the yearning for it in him.

"When he wakes up, Mustang, we'll be taking him home where he belongs."

"That will be his decision, Miss Rockbell." Mustang replied calmly.

Edward heard the voices again. If he could have he would have defined them as distasteful. They rippled across the smooth silk of his void. They disturbed his peace. They made shadows flicker behind his mind. Words slipped into his ears and he let them form and move past him. Different voices to last time. He couldn't remember the word for curious so he opened his eyes.

The white ceiling. It was always there. It reminded him of his void. It gave him security…safe… the word flitted past.

"Edward?" The soft voice came from his right and he turned his eyes to meet startled ones of grey. He looked at the young boy's face and his mind swum in an attempt to connect it to a word, any word. The grey eyes were filling with tears and Edward blinked slowly. Crying, the boy was crying. How strange. Edward blinked again and let his eyes drift half closed. A small word appeared behind his eyelids.

"Al." He said and was unaffected by the collapse of the boy. Empty golden eyes watched as he dropped his head to the bed and buried his face into the blankets, hands gripping tightly as his body shook with his sobs.

The one he remembered, Hawkeye moved into his line of sight and placed her hand on the boy's shoulder. She could see that deep emptiness she had seen before and knew it had devastated Al. That long pause before he had spoken Al's name had seemed unending to her, to Al it must have felt like a lifetime. How could Ed not automatically know his brother's name?

"Hello again, Edward."

"Hawkeye." He said with a blink.

"Where have you been Edward? How could leave us like that?" A voice came from further down the bed. There was an irritable edge to that voice and his eyes slid up to the white ceiling briefly before sliding down to find blue eyes staring accusingly at him. He stared at her and saw her falter slightly.

"Aren't you going to answer me?" She demanded, fighting against the horror of those blank eyes.

His mind gave him several words and he chose the smallest one. "No." His eyes began to close, he wanted to leave now. It was too tiring to keep looking at these faces that seemed to demand things from him.

"Edward." The voice was firm and tugged him back. He looked beyond the irritable girl and saw a single dark eye looking at him. A single eye. He held his breath as an image floated across his mind, fading before he could reach for it.

"We need your permission to reattach your automail."

The room went silent, even Al choked on a sob. They all looked at the young man. His face so placid and his eyes so blank. If he didn't move his head to face them they would have sworn he was blind. He never moved any other part of his body. He seemed unaware of it. They watched as the golden eyes blinked.

Automail echoed in his ear. He waited for a reference, for something to appear but there was nothing. It should mean something he thought and then blinked again and the word disappeared.

Roy Mustang allowed no sign of the shock he felt at those eyes to show on his face. There was absolutely nothing there. He had once heard it said that the eyes were the windows to the soul. In which case, Edward had no soul. Like Hawkeye before him, he felt that Edward had reduced everything around him to basic words that he could respond to. There was no visible recognition of what the words meant. And yet there had to be some part of him still functioning.

"We have to take him home." The loud blonde said as the silence grew. "You want to go home, Edward. Don't you?"

Edward blinked and his eyes slid from one to the other. Home. It meant nothing to him. It was another word. She seemed to find a lot of meaning in it but he didn't.

"No." She looked as if he had hit her.

"Do you know who I am, Edward?" She leant forward, her blue eyes wide and hurt with his rejection. If he didn't know who she was then maybe she could salvage some self-respect, some relief.

He blinked and let his mind wander again. "Winry."

She would have fallen to her knees if Mustang's hand had not caught her arm and held her upright. Mustang and Hawkeye exchanged a look. He looked at Edward and the hollow eyes had shifted back to the ceiling again. With a silent sigh, Mustang half carried Winry to the door and opened it. There were a few chairs just outside and he let her slip into one of them before moving to stand in front of her.

"Winry," he said in a surprisingly gentle voice. "You have to get yourself together. Your reaction is worrying Alphonse and it's not helping Edward. Whatever is wrong here is not going to be solved by any of us becoming angry."

"Like you really care for either of them," she almost spat back at him. "You'll just take them both away from me again like last time, won't you?"

"No, Miss Rockbell. The only ones who can decide whether they stay or go are those two young men in there." Mustang said firmly before he turned and re-entered the room, leaving her sitting there.

Winry felt the tears run down her face. She knew he was right but felt she had lost so much in her life; that she had been left behind too many times, that she didn't want to lose anymore. By holding on so tight she just wanted to keep them safe and with her.

* * *

Mustang found everyone exactly as he had left them. Al had quietened but was still shaking slightly and his fingers had turned white where he gripped the blankets. Hawkeye kept a steadying hand at his back. Edward lay unmoving, those empty eyes still open and staring at the ceiling.

The door opened behind him and he turned to see the doctor he had met three days ago.

"He's awake I'm told." The doctor stated.

"Yes." Mustang said blandly.

"Mr Elric." The doctor stood and looked at the young man. He barely refrained from shuddering when those golden eyes turned in his direction.

"Do you know who I am?" He asked.

Edward blinked. The face was unknown but the white coat wasn't. "Doctor."

"Do you know where you are?"

"Hospital."

"Do you know who you are?"

"Yes."

"Do you know who this is?" and the doctor pointed at the General.

Edward blinked. "Mustang."

"Do you know where you are?"

"Hospital." Ed felt his eyes getting heavy. Little circles appeared in his mind and he began to follow one.

"Edward." Mustang's voice interrupted his line. "Do you agree to automail surgery?"

Automail. This time the word appeared like silver in a circle. This time it didn't fade. Something twitched at the void inside him and he held his breath until it settled. He blinked and found the doctor and Mustang watching him intently.

"Do you, Mr Elric?" The doctor asked.

"Yes." It was with a sense of relief that his eyes closed and the circle reappeared to spiral slowly across his void.

"He has agreed, Doctor." Mustang said calmly.

"I know, but there is something definitely wrong with him." The doctor replied. "His mental state seems so disconnected to reality."

"He knew everyone here. He recognises us." Hawkeye stated.

"Yes, but there's no emotive responsiveness. It's as if he has shut down on some basic level in his subconscious."

"Shock perhaps?" Mustang queried.

The doctor shook his head. "No, not to the extent he was displaying."

"A head injury?" Mustang frowned.

Again the doctor shook his head. "No, the facial bruising, and the broken ribs are all from a severe beating but there's no sign of anything deeper than concussion and that seems to have been a light case."

"My brother is going to get better, isn't he?" The wet grey eyes were wide and terrified, his hands still twisted in the blankets.

"We don't know." The doctor pinched the bridge of his nose. "Maybe the automail surgery will cause him to react. The intense pain may be just what he needs because he does not react to the normal stimulatory tests."

"I will do the surgery." Winry's steady voice came from the doorway. Her face was resolute and determined despite the tear tracks remaining on her cheeks.

"Of course, Miss Rockbell. Edward wouldn't want anyone else to do it." Mustang said quietly.

"Not for another week though. The wound in his lower back caused some kidney damage and more recovery time would be beneficial."

"I will need to prepare new ports for him anyway. Shall we say two weeks from today, Doctor?"

"Very well. I will make arrangements and we'll have a theatre set aside for you."

* * *

Al found the two weeks passed very slowly. He spent his days at Edward's bedside. He had refused to return to Resembool with Winry and he had actually shouted at her to leave him alone and just let him do what he had to.

Mustang had stepped in and organised a bed for Al in the military dorms with Master Sergeant Fuery. He also detailed Havoc to drive him to the hospital each morning and to pick him up every evening. The first week Al would play shogi with Breda between watching his brother sleep. But when Breda was discharged, Al found it quiet and lonely in the room.

Edward slept without moving. Al knew that Edward would always be in the same position. Flat on his back, arm and leg straight under the smooth unruffled blankets and his eyes closed. Every now and again, Al would lay his head on his brother's chest to reassure himself that Edward was still alive, that his heart was still beating.

The nurses came in and would sit with him every now and again and listen to him talk of how much his brother meant to him. They would bring him a lunch tray and made sure he was cared for. His large grey eyes and mournful, innocent expression captivated each and every one of them. Towards the end of the second week they let him help change the dressings and bandages that hid his brother's wounds.

He frightened Fuery that night when he woke up screaming and crying. Fuery held him as he shook and shivered at images of large metal hands pressing against his brother's shoulder and leg and the blood pouring between the gauntleted fingers.

"He'll die! I can't let him die! Brother!"

It took him a long time to settle down and Fuery was left awake for the rest of the night listening to Al's breathing catch on the occasional whimper in his sleep.

The next day Al was back at the hospital and helping the nurses while Fuery was informing the General and the Colonel of the previous night's events.

* * *

The operating theatre was quiet. Winry and Pinako Rockbell were setting out their equipment. As soon as she had heard of Edward's return and pending surgery, Pinako had insisted on being there although Winry would never have attempted the procedure without her. A nurse was standing by the door to assist if necessary.

They had looked at Edward's shoulder and leg earlier and knew they were going to have to reopen his old scars to be able to reattach the ports. Winry had tried to explain Ed's condition, for want of a better word, to her grandmother but it had been difficult. Until you actually saw his eyes it was hard to believe he wasn't just sleeping. Both were slightly perplexed as to how they were going to perform the surgery if Ed was not awake. Although neither believed he would be able to sleep through it.

Connecting the nerves required a patient to be awake and aware. It was necessary so as to avoid the wrong connections being made. Anaesthesia could only be very mild as the pain levels were also used as indicators for successful connections. Winry had the connectors laid out in their correct order of use. They were planning on attaching his shoulder port first and if all went well they would do the leg immediately afterwards.

The doors swung open and the trolley bearing Edward entered. The doctor followed it in and Winry had a brief glimpse of Al, the General and the Colonel waiting outside as the doors closed.

They all looked at Edward. The sheet covering him was pulled down to his waist and his body was pale under the harsh light. His left shoulder was still bandaged and his left forearm encased in plaster from wrist to elbow. His ribs were still a colourful rainbow to match the almost faded bruises on his face and lightly strapped.

They began placing the protective coverings around his shoulder, raising the bed higher and putting a hard cushion at his back to enable easier access to all sides of his shoulder. He was like a lifeless doll as they began to paint his shoulder with disinfectant.

When Winry made the first incision, his eyes opened.

He blinked at not seeing his familiar white ceiling and found his gaze caught in a large bright light that seemed to be directly in front of him. His eyes watered as it burned into his void.

"Edward?" A male voice from the left and he turned his head slowly that way although his eyes still wanted to stare at the light. He blinked and through the spots in his eyes he recognised the white coated doctor.

"Do you know who I am?" Edward wondered why they always asked him that. Was it some sort of ritual they had to perform?

"Doctor." He replied.

"We're going to attach your automail now, Edward. You have to stay awake now." The doctor's voice was firm and Edward's eyes fixed on his face at the word 'automail'. "Can you stay awake, Edward?"

Edward thought about it. Awake was the state he was in now. When he was in the void he was not awake. There was no void when he was awake and his ceiling seemed to have disappeared too. The spots from the light made little coloured circles cross his vision.

"Yes." He watched another circle twist from blue to red.

The doctor watched the golden eyes as the young Rockbell woman made her second incision. There was no awareness at all. He had never seen anyone with such empty eyes and yet still able to understand and respond to what was said to him. Even if Edward's responses did seem to be on a very basic level. With every incision his eyes never shifted and he never moved.

Blood slipped down his skin as Winry cut deeper seeking to expose the first of the cervical nerves that had to be split and linked to the port. Then she would do the same to the other four. Next she would pick up the dozen or so strands from the brachial plexus and seal them into the connections for the port.

When she slipped the scalpel beneath the whitened sheath of the first nerve she looked up at the doctor and he nodded. They all tensed as Winry twisted the blade and sliced cleanly through the nerve.

Edward's head twitched and tilted to the left but his eyes never flickered. Little lights burst in front of his eyes and he watched as they danced like candle flames in a breeze.

"Edward?" The doctor spoke to him through the flamelets and he nearly sighed. He settled his eyes on the white coat. "Can you feel that?"

Feel what he thought and he watched the words trap one of the lights and then both disappeared. But the doctor was waiting so he replied "No."

When Winry cut the second nerve, again his head twitched but he felt nothing. It was unnatural to them all to watch as his shoulder was opened and to hear no response from him. They had to rely on the twitches and the little muscle spasms that occasionally swept across his face and chest.

The doctor watched Edward. His eyelids closed halfway for which the doctor was rather grateful. That hollow look was becoming increasingly disturbing. His breathing remained even and when sweat began to shimmer across his forehead he still remained unaware. The doctor was slightly fascinated with the apparent function of some involuntary systems and yet not others.

It took nearly two hours to make all the connections in his shoulder. When the port clicked into place Edward's eyes opened fully for a brief moment before they closed completely. There had been no emotion in his eyes.

They all sighed and began on his leg. Femoral and sciatic nerves. Again they had to rely on muscle spasms and twitches. Occasionally Edward's eyes would open halfway again but his awareness seemed more distant and the pauses between his responses were longer. The doctor wondered if Edward was indeed feeling the pain somewhere deep inside and had closed more of himself off to avoid it.

This time when the port was finally secured to his thigh his eyes remained closed and he didn't stir again.

* * *

The doctor leant against the wall of Edward's room and watched as the younger brother kept vigil at the bedside. The General was the only other person left. The others had not been able to remain either through exhaustion or other duties. The doctor himself was feeling the tiredness but he was unable to make himself leave.

When Mustang nudged his shoulder and tilted his head to the door the doctor smiled wryly and followed the man out into the corridor. The two men looked at each other. Mustang, slenderly built, medium height, dark of hair and eye and despite the long day still immaculate in both dress and manner. The doctor, slightly taller, older and thinner, his white coat creased and stained and his eyes tired beyond expressing.

"How is he really, Doctor?" Mustang asked.

"Who knows." The doctor shrugged. "Today has been the most surreal I have ever experienced I think."

"We could hear nothing from outside."

"There was nothing to hear. He barely twitched and those damned eyes of his never flickered." The doctor rubbed his forehead as his tiredness made his words sharp. "My apologies General."

Mustang waved them away. "It is understandable." He looked at the closed door. "What do we do now?"

"We wait. As you are aware automail surgery takes years to recover from… and yes, I know he did it in one last time" the doctor said quickly to forestall the General's comment. "However, given his mental condition this time and his complete lack of physical movement, there is just no way to predict how he will adapt or even how long it will take."

* * *

Edward lay wrapped in his void. It was silent and white and empty, nothing impinged upon him. If he had thoughts he didn't remember them, if he felt anything, he wasn't aware of it. The voices had been loud at first, demanding and wanting, but now they were almost gone and no-one had made him move to the awake state. After a while he'd learnt to ignore the voices, letting them slip through his void and into forgetfulness. Sometimes he almost awoke but by holding his breath he could slide himself back down into his comfortable space.

There was no awareness of time. It was one of the shadows that lay just outside his white centre. He saw it sometimes as he lifted into the almost-awake state but he was never curious enough to reach for it. There were a lot of shadows beyond his void. And if he had been able to understand the concept then he would have been content for them to remain there.

* * *

The room was dark when his eyes opened. His room was filled with shadows and he sought for the words to explain his sudden awakeness. They didn't come.

"_Edward_."

The voice was soft, it was not one he recognised. He listened and could not hear anything. He held his breath and still there was nothing.

"_Edward_."

It didn't come from the left or the right. His eyes swept slowly down towards the end of the bed. Only shadows.

"_Edward_."

He almost frowned as his void shivered. Where were the words? Why could he not reply? He let his eyes close seeking the comfort of his void, but the words followed him down. Upon the pristine whiteness of his centre words were scrawled around a small circle.

"_If you don't wake up Edward, you will never find me_."

* * *

When Al came in the next morning he found Edward curled on his left side with the blankets twisted around him.

* * *

Albert Ehrenstein (1886-1950): "The Poet and War". Christopher Middleton translation.

Author's Note: The brachial plexus is the bundle of nerves that attaches to the vertebrae (C5 to T1) via the cervical nerves and controls arm movement.

Thank you to the reviewers for your kind, supportive words and to all those that have read and hopefully enjoyed it so far.

silken :)


	3. 2: Association

**St Edward and The Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters therein.

* * *

**Chapter 2:**

**Association: **_**n**_**. a mental connection or relation between thoughts**

_All my past life is mine no more,  
the flying hours are gone,  
like transitory dreams given o'er,  
whose images are kept in store  
by memory alone._

_John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester 1680_

..00..

Al stood in the doorway and stared at the back of the golden head on the pillow. Long hair spilled over the bed and a silver shoulder was gleaming above the twisted covers. Al let the door close quietly behind him as he went further into the room.

Slowly he walked around the bed. The blankets were definitely pulled tight under Ed's single leg. Al held his breath as he moved up towards Edward's face. Sleeping, he was sleeping. But for the first time since Al had seen him he actually looked like he was sleeping. His cheek was cradled in his palm. There was even a small glitter of drool at the corner of his lip.

Al bit his lip and clenched his hands together. He could hear Edward breathing. After months of having to visually check, he could actually hear breathing other than his own in the room. Al looked at the door, he should go and tell someone but he didn't want to. He wanted to be the first one Ed saw when he woke up. He wanted to be the only one here.

He hurriedly and quietly dragged his usual chair from the wall and placed it right in front of Ed's face. He sat down and gripped the blankets at the edge of the bed in his fingers. Wake up Brother, wake up he thought.

Since the surgery three months ago, Al had been here every day. He was still staying in the dorm with Fuery and being 'mothered' by the nurses. As more time had passed and Edward didn't wake the nurses had allowed him to look after more and more of his brother's needs. They had shown him how to keep his brother clean and free of bed sores, they had shown him how to manipulate Ed's remaining limbs to keep the circulation moving. They had taught him to recognise when the drip and drainage bags needed replacing although he was not allowed to actually change them.

At first Winry had been there every day with him but she had had to return to Resembool for other clients and customers. She called him every two days for updates and to ask when he was returning. But Al was not returning. He was not going home unless Edward was with him. Winry had been thankful for one thing. Al's desire to be at Ed's side had distracted him from wanting to rejoin the military.

General Mustang came to visit every week, as did Colonel Hawkeye. He liked it when they were there because they would just sit with him and there was no pressure to talk if he didn't want to. He was very grateful for all they were doing for him and for Edward. As soon as Ed woke up he would ring them.

"Come on Brother, wake up," he murmured, keeping his eyes fixed on the sleeping face.

* * *

Edward wandered past a shadow and felt a shiver run up his spine. Where's my light he thought and then wondered why he was thinking. He turned in a slow circle and saw a swirl in the line of black that followed him. How intriguing he whispered to himself and reached for it. Shadows misted through his fingers and he frowned as it slipped beyond him. Hope, something whispered behind him and he spun around. Another shadow stood there. He stretched his arm out and it too dissolved around his fingers. Faith came another whisper sending him twisting again. Again it faded out of his reach.

Pain whimpered somewhere below him and he looked down to find a red circle at his feet. His eyes followed the lines and felt a familiarity teasing at his mind. I know this he thought. He knelt down and looked closer at the circle. A single line led away from it into the deeper shadows. He placed his finger on the centre point and felt his arm tingle as heat rose around him. Wide hazel eyes stared up at him from the circle and as he watched a thin line of blood wove its way through the patterns of the circle. The eyes were weeping and he could see himself reflected in them. He was screaming at someone, he was watching her die. Tears and blood met in the circle and a wave of fire swept over him.

Blood doesn't burn he thought and he began to turn away. But he couldn't. His eyes stayed fixed on his reflected self. He couldn't move away. He saw the same screaming image again. He saw her fall again. He frowned and the images repeated. He tried to pull away again and failed. Something held him in place. A large chain slipped around his neck and pulled his face down to the circle. His golden eyes looked straight into the hazel ones a bare inch apart. He saw her die again. I should know her, shouldn't I? Why am I screaming? He lifted his hand and reached through the eye. Blood ran down his fingers and he found himself drawing a circle with the blood.

He drew the circle again and again. Blood kept running down his arm. The hazel eyes kept watching him. His reflection kept screaming as she died. Every circle he completed created a link of dark steel that began to curl around him. Heavy and cold it lay upon his shoulders. Circle after circle, link after link and the chains wrapped around his chest and his arms. It became harder to draw the circles.

The hazel eyes blinked and faded beneath him leaving only the bloody circles and dark chains. Edward lifted a bloodied hand to touch the chain but it slipped through his fingers and he fell forward. He thought he saw his name on the last link.

His eyes opened.

* * *

Al watched and waited for almost an hour before Ed twitched. The placid face Al had become used to cracked, as a frown swept across the pale forehead. Movement flared behind the blue-veined eyelids. Al held his breath and leant forward, his hands tightening on the blankets. Beads of sweat appeared and Edward's head shifted. Al took a deep breath. Please Brother, wake up, please he thought.

Then it happened. The eyelids lifted and golden eyes stared straight at him. Al braced himself for that awful emptiness but it wasn't there. The eyes looked at him and blinked.

"Brother?" Al whispered hesitantly.

"Brother." Edward repeated the word. An image appeared in his head of a young boy. Dusty blond hair and grey eyes. Smiling and running, laughing and crying. A missing tooth, a soggy stray cat, swinging on a tree, splashing in a lake. The pictures linked together and then flashed into a suit of armour. Tall and cumbersome, large and cold. Hesitant and strong, quick and intelligent. Gentle gauntleted fingers pulling at a braid, moving to stand and protect, another soggy stray, holding a book. He looked at all the images and then looked at the grey eyes in front of him. "Alphonse."

"Brother." Al could only whisper again, his eyes flooding with tears at the recognition in Ed's voice and he lunged forward to wrap his arms around his brother.

Edward made an indeterminate sound as he found himself buried beneath the sobbing boy. He tried to pull his arm out from under him but it was squashed beneath him and he could feel his shoulder begin to ache. He started to move his right arm and then realised he didn't have one. Instead there was a shiny silver shell over his shoulder.

"Where is my arm?" He didn't realise he had said the words aloud until Alphonse raised his head and looked at him with a surprised expression on his face.

"It's in Resembool, Brother." Al said cautiously. It had almost sounded like Ed had forgotten that he had an automail arm, but that was just silly. Ed had lost his arm six years ago; he wasn't ever going to forget that.

"Resembool." Edward repeated. Images unfolded in his mind. A large house, a rush of faces, all nameless except for Alphonse. A swing, the same swing he had seen earlier, a vista from a window of a long valley and lowered clouds. "Resembool." He said again. It was a place. "You come from Resembool."

"So do you, Brother." Al said. Edward frowned.

"Why did I leave my arm there?" It was a simple question and Edward did not understand why Alphonse's face went pale. He blinked and watched impassively as the young teen took some deep breaths.

"Don't you remember, Brother?" Al's voice was hushed. "Your arm is automail."

"Automail." The images came again. A silver arm. Heavy and strong. Creaking sounds as fingers moved. Pneumatics and bolts, long steel wires and panels. And a metallic leg. He blinked. A leg?

"A leg?" He asked in confused tones, and Al pulled back and looked at him.

"Yes, your arm and your leg." He spoke quietly and watched as Edward rolled over slightly to free his arm and then plucked weakly at the covers. Tentatively Al reached over to help and held the blankets up so Edward could see the port on his left thigh.

"When did this happen?" Edward looked at his brother.

Al blanched. He dropped the blankets and stared at Edward. The golden eyes were not empty and there was a curious interested look on his face. He didn't seem confused and Al knew Ed had understood everything he had said so far. It was almost like last time, except that Ed was responding better.

"When you were eleven." Al said carefully, watching Ed's eyes. There was no reaction. Ed just blinked at him.

"When the array backfired on us." He said slowly and saw the brief frown cross Ed's face.

"Array?" Lines filled his mind. Lines and circles with triangles in patterns. Decorated symbols and numbers, shifted in white dusty lines. "Alchemy." Edward whispered.

"Yes!" Al exclaimed and startled Edward who pulled back and blinked in surprise.

"You do remember it! It went wrong and you lost your leg and your arm and I was in the armour!" Al rushed the words out. His brother remembered. He could tell him what no-one else could. He was going to get some answers at last.

"Armour." Edward repeated the word and Al held his breath. He recognised the pattern now and he waited.

Ed saw the armour and the grey eyed boy on opposite sides on a large array. There was something on the array, it heaved and shuddered in a cloud of steam and dust. There was blood on his hands, there was blood beneath him. He turned to look and saw his leg had gone. When he turned again, the grey eyed boy – his brother- had gone. Circles, more circles, why did that seem familiar, circles of blood. A circle of blood on the armour to match the one on … on… me. I drew the circles he thought. I had to… I had to…

"I had to bring you back." He said and Al's breath rushed out. Yes, his brother did remember but he needed the right words first. It was like finding a key to unlock his mind. Al smiled, now he could get the answers to all the questions he had. His brother was back and his life was going to be just perfect.

"Yes, and you did but it cost you your arm." Al forced himself to speak slowly. He clenched his fists to help keep himself controlled.

Edward watched as a link was made between the array and the boy and the armour and the automail. "That is why I had automail." He confirmed and Alphonse nodded.

More links formed. His arm and Resembool. "That is why my arm is in Resembool. And my leg." Edward looked at Alphonse. The grey eyes were shining and his face was split with a wide smile. Edward felt a bit unnerved at the blatant display of such happiness.

"I want them back." He stated clearly and saw that his words had disconcerted Alphonse.

"It will take a few days, Brother."

Ed thought about that and found nothing to relate it to so he ignored it. "I want them back," he repeated.

Al frowned slightly. Getting Ed's arm and leg back would mean he would have to tell Winry and Al had been hoping to avoid that just yet. He wanted more time with his brother. He wanted more answers. He was afraid that Winry would be able to make Edward agree to return to Resembool. He sighed; he was going to have to risk it. He had to have faith in his brother.

"I'll ring and get them to bring them here," he said reluctantly.

Edward nodded. He ignored the reluctant sound to Alphonse's voice and yawned absently. Al looked at him sharply and noted the fuzzy look in the gold eyes and the drooping eyelids. He bit his lip. He didn't know if he could let Ed go back to sleep. What if he didn't wake up again? What if he forgot everything again?

When Edward rolled onto his left side and curled up, Al felt a bit relieved that Ed hadn't reverted to his comatose position of the last three months.

"I'll be here when you wake up, Brother." He said quietly.

"Okay Alphonse," came the sleepy response and Ed's eyes closed completely. Al watched closely. He could hear Ed breathing, he could see the little flutter of his eyes beneath his eyelids. He watched for a while to reassure himself that Ed was simply sleeping.

Al looked at the door and then back at his brother. He didn't want to leave even for a little while. But he had to. He had to ring Winry and he had to ring the General. And he'd have to tell the doctor. How was he going to explain Ed's behaviour without them thinking he was just like before? Or even worse, that his mind had gone.

He had to go make those phone calls. If he was quick then he would be back sooner. Just in case Ed woke up. He had to be here. He had promised.

* * *

Al listened to the phone ringing and tapped his foot impatiently. "C'mon Winry, pick up the phone." He muttered as it continued to ring. Finally he heard a click and her tinny voice echoed into his ear.

"_Rockbell Automail."_

"Winry? It's me."

"_Al, this is a surprise. Is everything ok?"_ Her voice seemed so metallic and distant.

"Umm, listen… Ed woke up." There was a dead silence in his ear. He could hear the line crackle so he knew she hadn't hung up. "Winry?"

"_Did you say Ed woke up, Al?"_

"Yes, and he wants his automail."

"_He wants his automail?"_ Her voice rose and he moved the receiver away from his ear slightly. _"Al, does he know… is he… Al, is he normal?"_ He could hear the hope in her words.

"He's not like he was before, Winry. He didn't speak much." Al couldn't keep the smile on his face from echoing in his voice. "He knows me, Winry. He remembers me."

Again there was silence and Al waited. He wasn't going to tell her anything else. There really wasn't all that much to tell anyway, but if she thought Ed was better then she wouldn't ask too many more questions.

"_I'll bring them with me, Al. I'll be there in three days."_ There was something in her voice that Al didn't like and he knew his earlier thought had been correct. Winry was going to try and get Ed to return home.

"Okay, Winry. See you then." Al said and hung up. He looked down the hall at the door to his brother's room. He still had to ring the General but he wanted to go back to Ed. Quickly he dialled the office number.

"_General Mustang's office."_ Hawkeye's voice was cool and not as tinny as Winry's had been.

"Colonel?" Al said politely.

"_Alphonse. How are you today?"_ Her voice was always soothing to him.

"Umm, could you tell the General that Ed woke up?" He asked hurriedly and was not surprised at the silent response. It didn't take long before she spoke again.

"_I will let him know, Alphonse. Is he awake now?"_ Hawkeye had regained her composure and spoke in her usual calm manner.

"No, he went back to sleep. I have to get back there, Colonel, just in case." Al fidgeted.

"_I understand Alphonse. The General and I will visit this evening."_

"Yes Colonel." Al nodded as he spoke. "I've got to go, Colonel. See you later."

"_Good bye Alphonse."_

Al hung up and ran back to his brother's room. Ed was still sleeping. Al sat down next to the bed and waited.

* * *

At mid-morning the door to Ed's room opened and a nurse appeared. She smiled at Al and he smiled back and raised his finger to his lips for silence. She frowned at him and then noticed Edward's changed position. Her eyes went wide and she looked at Al with a question on her face. He nodded with a wide smile.

She walked around the bed and stood next to Al. She examined Edward and nodded at Al.

"Yes, he's sleeping normally." She spoke in a low tone that didn't carry past Al. "Did he wake up?"

Al nodded. "Yes, he seemed much better than before." Al replied in the same low tone.

"That is good news, Al. I'm happy for you." She smiled at him as she checked the drip. "I'll tell the doctor, but let us know as soon as he wakes again, okay?"

Al nodded, hiding his reluctance. For the last three months Ed had been all his and now he was going to have to share him with everyone else. He looked at his sleeping brother and he smiled. No matter what anyone else did or said, Edward was his brother and there was nothing that could change that.

* * *

It was late afternoon before Edward snuffled in his sleep and shifted his head against the pillows. The doctor had come in soon after the nurse had left and had chosen not to wake Edward. Al had tried to tell him about how different Ed had been but it had been hard and the doctor had told him not to worry about it. He would see it for himself later. Several other nurses had called by just to see Edward sleeping properly and to give Al quick hugs.

Al straightened up and leant forward as Ed took a deep breath and his eyelashes fluttered slightly before opening fully. His eyes were still sleep-hazed and Al watched as they focused on him.

"Alphonse." Edward said in recognition and Al smiled in relief. His brother had not forgotten him. He looked at the door.

"I have to tell them you're awake, Brother. The doctor wants to see you."

"Doctor." Edward said and the images appeared. White coats, examinations and bandages. A grey haired man with a frightened manner. Needles and blood. "Hospital."

"Yes, Brother. You're in the hospital." Al affirmed as he went towards the door.

"Why am I in hospital?" Edward asked.

"Because you were badly hurt, Brother." He said as he opened the door and stuck his head out to see if the nurses were nearby. One was and he waved her over.

Edward shifted on the bed. He didn't feel hurt and he frowned as he heard muttered voices at the door before Al turned around again and came back to the bed.

"I am not hurt." Ed stated as Al sat down.

"Not any more Brother. You've been here a long time so all the injuries have healed."

"What injuries, Alphonse?" Ed asked in almost formal tones. Al wished Ed would start calling him 'Al' again.

"Some very severe ones," said the doctor as he entered the room. He looked at the golden eyed young man and was relieved to see that terrible emptiness had disappeared. There was more expression to the face and he moved freely as he looked from one to the other. But he could see some of what the younger brother had tried to describe. It was the detachment, the sense that he was holding himself in a waiting state, waiting for the correct stimulus.

"You had a broken arm and we removed two bullets from your shoulder and one from your back." He paused as Edward lifted up his arm and looked at it before turning to look at his right shoulder. "No, your left shoulder, Mr Elric."

"Elric." Edward repeated. Reflections appeared in his head. A face in a mirror, braided hair, a red coat. A tall man with a thin face and long blond hair. Alphonse. An engraving on a marble slab. "Edward." He said slowly.

The doctor watched and recognised the signs of mental associations at work. Edward Elric was linking words he heard to whatever he could remember. It explained why he had looked to his right shoulder first. He had already associated it with an injury because of the automail.

"Yes, Brother. Edward is your name." Al said quietly.

The doctor looked at Al. He was being very calm and collected about this, he thought. Which was good. For a patient trying to make connections, being inundated with too many words or images all at once could cause a detrimental backlash and the patient could retreat into an almost comatose state.

"Do you remember being shot, Mr Elric?" The doctor asked calmly. Edward looked at him and for a moment his eyes went perilously close to that hollow emptiness they had once held but then he shook his head.

"No." His voice was just as calm as the doctor's had been and the doctor realised that Edward had been completely unaware of that approaching blankness.

"You also had some broken ribs from a nasty beating and some internal injuries."

"Broken ribs. Beating" Ed frowned. The words linked and he saw someone hitting….no... kicking… me? A swollen jaw. Swinging under a thrown punch, a wild kick, falling against a wall, a floor. He shook his head. There were too many images… "Too many fights." He said

The doctor nodded and said nothing more for the moment. He busied himself with a quick examination and decided that for someone who had been inactive for the last three months, Edward Elric was in a fairly decent shape. He was too thin and pale and he was going to need some intensive physical therapy to regain his muscle strength. But overall he was remarkably healthy.

"When can I leave here?"

The doctor blinked at the question. The young man was not able to walk and hadn't eaten anything solid in nearly four months and had only woken up that morning. He shouldn't even be thinking of leaving.

"Not for a few weeks yet. We need to rebuild your muscle strength after being inactive for so long."

Edward nodded, that sounded logical.

"I understand your automail will be arriving in a few days. When that is attached we will start intensive therapy. Until then I must ask that you remain in bed and begin the preliminary exercises that I will have a nurse demonstrate for you."

Ed nodded again. Al was watching with interest. Edward was being very amenable to the doctor's orders. But Al thought that would change as Edward remembered more and more.

* * *

Al ate dinner with his brother for the first time that evening. The doctor had stayed long enough to oversee the removal of the drip before he had repeated his instructions and then left.

Two trays had arrived soon after. Al's had been a full meal of roast meat with vegetables and gravy and a slice of what appeared to be torte cake for dessert. Edward's was a single bowl of a thin broth and a small container of milk.

Al helped Edward sit up. They had both become aware of just how weak Edward was when he hadn't been able to do it for himself. After three slow mouthfuls his hand had begun to shake from the effort of lifting the spoon. He had to put the spoon down and wait before he could gather the strength to try again. Al bit his lip. He wanted to offer to help but he knew that Ed would not accept it. Even in this state, Al knew that Ed would not allow any pity or anything that would interfere with his recovery.

It took Edward half an hour to finish it and the broth had gone cold long before then. But he had managed to feed himself. He leant back against the pillows and was aware of a sense of fullness in his stomach. Al sat back in his chair next to the bed. He looked at the empty bowl and the neglected milk.

"Did you like that, Brother?" He asked.

Ed considered the question for a moment. "Yes." He replied. "It was nice."

There was a knock at the door and it opened. General Mustang and Colonel Hawkeye walked in.

Al smiled at them as Edward turned his head to see who was there.

Both of them were relieved to see normal golden eyes looking at them. That terrible emptiness had gone but then they realised there was no actual recognition of them in there either. Only curiousity. They looked at Al.

"Brother, you remember General Mustang." Al spoke calmly.

"Mustang." Edward repeated dutifully and let the images come. A sure voice in the darkness, flames and arrogance. Two dark eyes above a folder. Raised voices. "Colonel."

"I'm a General now, Edward." Mustang said carefully as he watched the eyes blink and recognition flared.

"Ok, General." Edward said. "You used to have two eyes."

"Yes. I was shot."

"So was I," Edward replied casually.

"Brother, you remember Colonel Hawkeye too, don't you?" Al hurriedly interrupted.

"Hawkeye." Edward repeated again and looked at the blonde. A gun, a dog, a stern face. An unguarded smile and a quiet voice. "Lieutenant."

"Yes Edward, although I am a Colonel now." Hawkeye said calmly as she watched the golden eyes flicker.

"You used to work with them Edward. When you were in the military." Al said quietly.

"Military." Edward said. Faces blurred in a sudden rush. He recognised Mustang and Hawkeye but the others flashed past without names. Blond hair and blue eyes, a short one with glasses, grey hair, red hair. All dressed in blue. Another one-eyed man, a pair of laughing green eyes, Alphonse in the armour… "A silver watch." He spoke the last image out loud.

Mustang nodded. "Yes, when you became a State Alchemist." He kept his voice even. He was watching with interest as Edward processed the information. He had seen the way Ed had repeated significant words and was using them to stimulate whatever memories he had. He was not surprised when Ed repeated his words.

"State Alchemist." Ed's voice dropped on the last word and he frowned. "Dog of the military." He rocked back against his pillows. "Fullmetal."

"Yes, that was your title, Edward. You were the Fullmetal Alchemist." Mustang confirmed and watched as the golden eyes fixed on him.

"You gave me the watch." Edward stated.

"Yes."

"I want it back." Al almost smiled at Ed's response. It was exactly what he had said earlier regarding his automail.

"It was lost, Edward. In Liore." Mustang said.

"Liore." They saw his lips move but he made no sound. The golden eyes went wide and remained fixed on Mustang. Edward's body tensed and he sat frozen. "False prophet" he whispered. "Grand Arcanum." His eyes closed and he slumped into his pillows.

"Brother?" Al cried as he reached over to shake Edward. Hawkeye left the room for the doctor and Mustang moved around to grip Al's shoulder.

"Al, it's ok. I think he just fainted." He said, trying to keep his voice calm and reassuring.

"But why? Liore? What does it mean?" Al asked, looking from his brother to the General.

Mustang sighed. "Terrible things happened there, Al. My fault for using that word. It obviously set off too many memories for him."

"It can happen like that, General." The doctor said as he entered the room and heard Mustang's last words. He strode over to the bed and checked Edward's pulse and listened to his heart and lifted his eyelids.

"Yes, just a faint and I think he'll probably go straight into a sleep state from it. A defence mechanism to avoid a similar occurrence too soon after this one and also to give himself time to assimilate whatever images and memories it evoked."

Mustang and the doctor exchanged a quick look and they moved towards the door. Mustang caught Hawkeye's eye and tilted his head to Al. She nodded and walked over to rest her hand on his shoulder as the other two left the room.

"Well, Doctor?"

"I wish I had all the answers for you, General." The doctor smiled wryly. "I suspect any answers I have are not going to be very satisfactory." He sighed. "Mr Elric is obviously more cognitively active than he was three months ago. He's more vocal although I feel that his understanding is deeper than he's demonstrating."

The doctor leant against the wall and pursed his lips slightly.

"Something has happened, something traumatic that has affected him on a very primal level. His emotions seem to be completely absent and he's only allowing us to see a small fraction of his character. Make no mistake General, that emptiness we saw before is still inside him somewhere and we have to be very careful not to bring it out again."

Mustang frowned. "If memories of Liore made him faint, then whatever has sent him into this state must be truly horrendous."

"How so?"

Mustang ran his fingers over his eye patch in an absent manner. "Liore was a massacre, Doctor. It was a living nightmare and Edward was right in the middle of it. So was Alphonse but he fortunately doesn't remember it."

The doctor remained silent and Mustang looked at him. There was something in that silence that made his eye focus sharply.

"What is it, Doctor?" He asked in a firm tone.

The doctor sighed and looked at Mustang with a sombre expression on his face. "Alphonse wants to know about what he can't remember. He's looking to Edward to fill in the gaps."

Mustang sucked in his breath. "There are some things that should be forgotten." He said quietly.

"And you would judge that for him?" the doctor queried.

Mustang did not reply.

* * *

When Winry appeared in the doorway three days later Al was almost pleased to see her.

Edward's memories had not been as forthcoming as Al had been hoping for. He had discovered that Ed reacted best to visual or tactile stimuli. Words alone didn't always work. He was helping Ed with his therapy. Light weightlifting to bring back his muscle strength. Stretching to restore his flexibility.

They were feeding him more solid meals of thicker soups and scrambled eggs. He always drank the orange juice but never the milk. After the first night he had refused to allow Al to help pull him up into a sitting position.

He didn't understand time. Every day when he woke up he would ask Al if his automail was here yet. Al would try to explain what a day was, what an hour was but Edward didn't seem able to comprehend it.

They had just finished lunch when the door opened and a blonde carrying a large case walked into the room. They both looked up and Al smiled as Winry let the door slam behind her. Edward looked curiously at the new face and waited.

"Well, finally." Winry exclaimed. "'bout time you were awake, Edward. You have a lot of explaining to do."

Edward looked at her and then at Al.

"Edward, this is Winry." Al said.

"What are you doing, Al? Of course Ed knows who I am." Winry protested.

"Winry." Edward repeated and watched the images appear. Metal, tools, automail, screaming and throwing.

"No, he doesn't, Winry. He needs to be told so he can bring the memories back. The doctor calls it associative recall or something like that."

"Automail." Edward said.

"Yes, Brother. Winry makes your automail."

Edward looked at Winry and she could see that he recognised her and there was none of that hollow emptiness that had frightened her last time. But his eyes were still strangely distant.

"I want my automail." Edward said to her and she blinked at the abruptness of his words. Edward never spoke like that to her.

"I brought it with me but I'm not sure if you are ready for it to be connected yet." Winry said in an attempt to control the situation.

"Make sure." Edward said firmly.

She looked at him and frowned. This was not like Ed at all. Al was staying quiet and watching them, eyes flicking from one to the other. He knew Ed had been waiting for Winry or rather the automail to arrive. He hadn't seen Ed take control like this before. He had been complaisant with the nurses and therapists. Now Al understood. Without the therapy he wouldn't be able to bear the weight of the automail. Edward had been working solely for this purpose.

"I'll have to check the ports and test the connections." Winry said slowly.

"Good. Now." Edward stated.

"I've only just arrived and you want to do this now?" Winry looked at him and her voice rose slightly.

Edward frowned and he blinked. "I have been waiting three days."

Al stared at him. Only because Edward had spoken so formally had he managed to avoid sounding as if he was accusing her of being derelict in not being here earlier.

"It takes three days to get here." Winry said defensively. Her eyes fell on the unopened milk on the trays with the remains of their lunches and she decided to carry the war into his territory.

"You drink the milk and I'll attach the automail." She almost smirked as she said it. She had to slow him down somehow and get some breathing space for herself.

"Milk." Edward repeated and he found very few images to connect it with. Mainly full glasses or unopened containers and strangely, a door closing.

She was not prepared for his arm reaching out and awkwardly opening the container and his sculling it down.

"Now, the automail." He said as he put the empty container down.

"I really think you need to wait a bit longer, Edward."

"No." Edward spoke firmly. He stared at her and she could see nothing but determination in his eyes.

She sighed in defeat and put her case on the bed. Al shifted in his chair. He didn't know if he should stay or go. He had never seen his brother get automail attached before but he knew it was very painful. It was yet another thing that reminded him of the gap in his memory.

Winry began to examine Ed's shoulder port. He turned his head to watch and only Al looked up when the door opened and the doctor entered.

"Welcome back, Miss Rockbell."

"Thank you doctor." She replied as she slipped the covering plate off. They both looked at the connections.

"There's no infection or dust, no signs of any overgrowing." Winry picked up a small screwdriver and prodded one of the connections. Ed twitched slightly but he made no sound. Winry looked up startled. This was just like the surgery had been.

"Do you feel this Ed?" She asked as she poked at another connection. Muscles twitched across his chest.

"Not very much." Edward said casually. He tried to stretch his neck further to see into the port.

It took her fifteen minutes to finish testing the connections and she agreed to reattach his arm. She examined his thigh port and again he could barely feel any of the prodding and poking at his nerves. She really could find no reason for not attaching his limbs and it irked her slightly.

Al watched with wide eyes as Winry opened the large case and extracted a shining silver arm. She placed it on the bed and Edward looked at it as well.

"My arm." He said and watched as his leg was placed next to it. "Good."

She took a deep breath and hefted the arm as she aligned it with his shoulder. Making sure the guides were straight and the notches were correctly positioned, she pushed it forward and heard it click as it lodged deep into the port. Edward's breath puffed out. When she did the same for his leg he watched and barely made a noise.

"Okay, Edward. I'm going to reconnect the nerves now." She warned him as she placed her hand on the locking lever under his arm. She pulled it and heard the deeper click as nerves and connections were shunted into their correct positions. Ed stiffened slightly but he remained silent. It was the same for his leg.

When the automail was connected, Edward lifted his right arm. It was heavy and it was hard for him to raise it high. The hardest and longest part of having automail attached was always after the surgery. The patient had to learn to use different muscles groups to control the automail limbs. Because there were no muscles in Ed's arm he had had to learn to use his neck and upper back muscles to make his arm and fingers move. The nerves were connected to the muscles and tensed as the muscles tensed setting off the pulses in the connections that triggered the automail reactions. It was similar for his leg. A lot of his leg movement was controlled by the muscles in his lower back.

"Your body remembers how to manipulate the automail, Edward. But you need to get stronger otherwise the weight is going to cause you problems." Winry spoke clinically as she watched him wriggle his fingers.

"How long?" He asked.

"However long it takes," the doctor replied. "As long as you keep up with the therapy, it shouldn't be too long."

"You can come home while you recover, Edward." Winry said.

Edward looked at her. "No."

"Why not? We can look after you and help you get well and back to normal." Winry protested.

"I do not need you to look after me."

Winry stepped back at the cold words. The doctor narrowed his eyes and studied Edward while Al looked from one to the other with wide eyes and a terrified look on his face.

"Don't need me?" Winry hissed. "We are family, Ed. I have been looking after Al while you've been gone. I am going to take care of you. I am not here just for your automail, Edward. I am here for _you_ too!"

Edward watched her and let the words link in his mind. Family and he saw a golden eyed man and dark haired woman, Alphonse, that house and swing.

"Al needs to come back home as well. You should think of him. It's not good for him to be all alone here like this."

"I'm not alone, Winry! I have the General and all his staff." Al protested. "And Brother is back now. I will be fine with him."

"Alphonse, you can not stay here and Edward is not in any state to care for you. He can't take care of himself yet." Winry looked at them both. Al looked upset and Ed was watching her curiously. "That is why you both need to come home with me."

"Resembool is not my home." Edward said.

"Of course it's your home, Ed! You were born there! We all grew up there! We used to play all over the place and your mother made the best cake." Winry looked at him wide eyed, her voice rising.

"Mother." Edward repeated and went white. Al reached out and stopped, his hand just above Ed's. The doctor leant forward, tensing as Edward's eyes began to fill with that hollow emptiness and then he blinked and it disappeared. Edward's eyes were glazed as he turned his head to his brother.

"We're going to bring her back, Al." He said clearly before his eyes closed and he slipped back against his pillows.

"It's another faint, isn't it doctor?" Al asked as he gently picked up Ed's limp hand.

"Yes, I think so, Al." The doctor moved around and quickly examined Ed. "And he'll stay asleep again, I would imagine."

"What happened?" Winry asked. She was confused. Ed was not being himself and now Al was looking at her as if it was all her fault.

"You have to be careful what you say to him, Winry. I told you, he makes associations when he hears words. You saw him do it." Al said accusingly. "Saying something like Mother was sure to affect him. It's overloaded his mind and he won't wake up til tomorrow now. You should've realised that."

"You barely mentioned it, Al. And this is another reason why he should come home." Winry remarked.

"I'm sorry, Miss Rockbell. Mr Elric was determined in not wanting to return and until we can determine exactly what is happening with his brain function, I won't allow him to leave." The doctor looked at her with sympathetic eyes. It couldn't be easy for her to see her friend in this state and to have him refuse her help in such an unfeeling manner, even if it was unintentional.

"Then when he wakes up you can tell him that until he comes home and apologises, neither Al nor I will be here." Winry said in a hurt and furious voice.

"No, Winry! I am not leaving!" Al declared. "I am staying here with my brother!"

"No, Al, you are my responsibility and I can't allow you to stay here any longer. You have to come home now." Winry told him firmly.

"No." Al stood up and looked at her. "I'm not leaving and you can not make me. The General would not let you do this."

"He's not family, Al. He doesn't have your best interest at heart."

"I know he listens to me. I know he wouldn't take me from my brother. Winry, you have been like an older sister to me, but I won't let you split up my family. Go home Winry, and don't come back." His stomach was churning and he was shaking as he made his stand against her. He finished speaking and walked to the door in a slow controlled manner. The minute he heard it close behind him he ran for the men's bathroom and threw up.

Winry stared at the door Al had just left through. Her face was pale and her hands were fisted at her sides.

"He's fourteen, isn't he?" The doctor said. Winry nodded.

"Go home and give him a few weeks and he'll probably be ringing you and apologising." The doctor kept his voice gentle.

"I'm losing them both again." She said in a small slow voice.

"No, you're not, Miss Rockbell. They're just in other places for the moment."

* * *

Edward spent the week concentrating on his muscle strength. Al spent all his time with him.

The doctor had rung the General to tell him what had occurred and Mustang had been there within thirty minutes. He had taken Al out to a small restaurant for a decent meal and a long conversation. Al hadn't eaten much but he had talked for hours. In the end, Mustang had taken him back to the dormitories and had extracted a promise that he would write an apology to Winry by the end of the week.

Edward never mentioned it. The matter was finished as far as he was concerned.

* * *

There was no-one in the room and the lights outside were dim. Edward had learnt that dim lights meant night-time. People expected him to sleep but he often found himself laying there and staring at the ceiling. Sometimes he would sort through the thoughts and memories he had accumulated during the bright light time, the day Alphonse had called it. Sometimes he would try to think of things he didn't know the words for.

Tonight he had raised himself from his pillows and swung his legs to the side of the bed. He looked at his two legs; one flesh, one silver. Since he had gotten his leg back he had been waiting for this moment. To be able to stand. To be able to leave the bed.

He slid forward and his foot touched the floor. His flesh toes felt the coldness and he leant forward to press his whole foot down. He watched as he made the automail foot follow suit. He eased his body closer to the edge of the bed, his hands gripping the mattress.

Slowly he bent forward and began pushing himself upwards. He could hear joints cracking as he deliberately straightened up. He kept the back of his thighs against the bed for support and took a few deep breaths. His head felt light and he could feel his knee tremble. But he could stand.

He sat back down again and let his body tremble as he settled back against his pillows. He could stand. He was going to walk.

He was going to get out of here.

* * *

John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester (1647 – 1680): "Love and Life".

Author's Note: I'm sorry for the delay on this. Edward just wouldn't wake up the way I was wanted him to. But finally, after three tries, he's going where I was hoping he would.

silken


	4. 3: Discharge

**St Edward and The Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters therein.

* * *

**Chapter 3:**

**Discharge: **_**n**_**. release from care; performance, as of an office or duty**

_For I dream I know not how,  
and my soul is sorely shaken  
lest an evil step be taken,  
lest the dead who is forsaken  
may not be happy now._

_Edgar Allan Poe, 1835_

..00..

General Roy Mustang spun his chair around and leant back as he looked out the large window behind his desk. The sky looked more like a bruise than a sunset he thought as he watched the clouds slowly shifting. He let his head tilt to the side and rest on his raised hand. Behind him, on his desk was the one problem he had been trying to avoid all day. A single folder, not too thick but more than filled with complications.

Edward Elric's file.

It had been six weeks since Edward had had his automail reattached. According to one of the pages in that file, he had exceeded all expectations in achieving the physical movement he had now. After so long comatose, they had expected him to still require walking aids and be limited in his mobility. But he could walk with minimal assistance, namely a wall nearby to rest against when he felt his muscles were overworked. He was more independent than they had expected him to be. If it wasn't for the doctor's ability to keep his authority over the increasingly impatient patient, Edward Elric would have walked out of there a week ago.

To try and control Edward's almost obsessive need to do his physical therapy, Mustang and the doctor had agreed that Edward needed some form of distraction. Books had been chosen and given to Al who in turn had managed to get Edward to sit quietly and read. Most were on alchemy and it had marked the start of a period of increased awareness from Edward. His vocabulary had expanded. At first, Al had read the words out to Ed but after the first few pages, Ed had begun to read them too. Somewhere in his mind a connection had been made and, although he would still ask Al for the correct pronunciation or meaning of an occasional word, now he mostly read on his own.

And Edward discovered that he could read as he did his arm exercises. So he would sit there with a book on his lap turning the pages with one hand while doing the required weight therapy with the other arm. Then he would change sides. Al hadn't been able to convince him to stop all therapy while he read. Al had picked up some history and geography books as well for his brother and he would sit there as Ed read them and wait for the brief pause when Edward would look up and repeat a word. The associations would start. Al would smile and prompt him carefully. Edward could speak more fluently now, so his images were clearer. Al began to hear of places he had been and seen during that four year gap. Mustang had sent his crew to visit and their faces had triggered more recall and Al had listened happily, delighted at all the new stories.

But there were still holes in Edward's memories. Words he couldn't relate to. Words that would send him very close to the blankness they all feared, words that would cause him to collapse and remain in a sleeping state for nearly twelve hours each time.

And there was the alchemy. He had read every book they had given him and he and Al had drawn circles but he couldn't seem to use them. He would put his fingers on the drawn arrays and nothing would happen. Al had been very confused the first time it had occurred. He had expected the paper to fold and twist into the reconstructed shape. He had expected to hear and see the crackle and flare of a perfect reaction. He had not expected to see Ed's fingers rest on the paper and have nothing happen.

Edward had looked at him with his mild curious gaze and said "What happens now?" Al had been completely stunned. He had drawn another circle and the same thing happened. He made Ed place his hands on a dozen hastily drawn arrays and still nothing happened.

"Where's your alchemy, Brother?" He had asked in a fearful voice, as he finally sat back and looked wide-eyed at Ed.

Edward had shrugged. "I don't know."

Mustang frowned at his reflected image. Alphonse had telephoned him and he had hurried over to the hospital. No matter what they had tried, Edward was simply unable to perform any alchemy. They had tested him and his theoretical knowledge was profound. If anything, Edward seemed to be more knowledgeable than he had been before. But he couldn't apply it. They had explained his old 'clap-and-slap' method and he hadn't been able to make that work either.

And it was Edward's inability to work alchemy that had become the biggest headache for Mustang.

Since the overthrow of Fuhrer Bradley two years ago, the military had lost control of the State and a Parliament had been convened. The military had managed to retain its autonomy, although they were technically answerable to the Parliament. They had brought in measures to ensure their remaining free of complete government control.

Mustang, along with Generals Stier and Felsen were now the nominal heads of the military. A strong triumvirate, they had managed to work together to keep the Parliament from becoming too autocratic in its relationship with the military. All three of them had no desire to see a return to the old ways when soldiers could be sent off to serve and die for pointless reasons. They had managed to stop the Parliament from having that sort of control and had a system in place to handle any such requests, if and when they came.

The three of them had had lunch together today. It was their weekly ritual, when they could discuss matters in a casual manner and allow themselves to speak freely. Mustang had broached the subject of Edward Elric's return and the possibility of accepting him back into the military.

"_The kid's not all there, Roy. You can't be serious about having him back can you?" Stier had remarked after leafing through the file._

"_He's no longer a kid, Jack. I don't think he's ever been a kid." Mustang had replied._

"_The Alchemists are your responsibility Roy. It says here he can't do it anymore, so where would you put him?" Felsen asked. "Don't forget the trouble we had with that recruit Lumir, Lumin or whatever his name was?"_

_The other two had grinned. Private Lomir had thought he had special alchemic talents and should therefore have been of a greater rank than a mere private. After weeks of complaining and whining, he had attempted to prove his point by challenging Mustang one morning. Mustang, irritable because he hadn't had his coffee and suffering from a hangover, had quickly disillusioned him. He had left him, still smouldering, suspended upside down from a hastily erected gallows._

"_This is different, Nick. Elric breathes alchemic theory like oxygen. It's in him still, somewhere. Locked away for whatever reason, along with his memories. I don't doubt it will reappear. He's never been the type to let anything get in his way, so I know this won't slow him down at all."_

"_No-one's doubting that, Roy. But what can he do until then?" Felsen had said. "You can't just stick him in an office and leave him until he's useful again. If he's as determined as you say he is, that would be the worst thing you could do to him."_

"_I agree. I was thinking of an advisory position, where he can use the knowledge he has, whether it's preparing new applicants or assisting in ongoing research." Mustang had paused. "His brother is going to want to stay with him as well."_

_Stier and Felsen had grinned at Roy. "That, my friend, is your problem." They were both well aware of how Miss Rockbell felt about Alphonse's military ambitions, having witnessed several of Miss Rockbell's disagreements with the General._

"_Traitors," grumbled Roy and he had smiled when they had laughed at his disconsolate face._

He could have offered Edward a place without discussing it with them. State Alchemy was now under his control and he had made minimal changes so far in the form of acceptance and service for State Alchemists. Knowing how little the other two knew about alchemy, he was always careful to keep them informed and aware of what was happening. The few times he had allowed Alchemists to be used in military operations, he had kept a tight control on their usage and actions. He was never going to allow the title of 'State Alchemist' to ever be held in the contempt it had been.

He had their agreement and now he had to find a way to raise the subject with Edward. Although Ed's comprehension had increased sharply, and he was aware of his previous service, there was no telling if he would understand the concept of serving again. And if he did accept, where were they going to put him? He could have a desk in the outer office here where Mustang and his staff could keep a discreet eye on him. But where would he live? In the dorms? In one of the small houses the military rented out to married officers?

And Al was going to want to be with him.

He still needed supervision; he wasn't capable of caring for himself yet. Al shouldn't be expected to care for his brother. It wasn't fair on the boy. Al had looked after his brother in many ways for the four years of their search and Mustang did not want Al to carry that sort of responsibility again. But who could he get to see to their basic needs of food and laundry? To ensure their day-to-day wellbeing?

And then there were the 'what-ifs' that Mustang was trying so hard to avoid thinking about. Like 'what if Edward never regained his alchemy?' and 'what if Edward remained as he was for ever?' and 'what if Edward slipped back into that lifeless state and stayed there?'

Colonel Hawkeye walked into his office and laid a few more folders on his desk.

"Hawkeye…" Mustang said, without turning his chair around.

"Yes, General?" She responded to the almost silent question in his voice.

"I have a small problem. Perhaps you could advise me."

* * *

Alphonse Elric stood on the hospital roof and looked out across the deepening twilight. Shadows grew in dark shades of purple-black as the red lines from the sunset disappeared. He leant his forearms along the railing and bent forward to rest his chin on them. He had been watching the sky change for the last fifteen minutes.

Edward was becoming a problem. He didn't like to think of his brother as a cause of trouble but it was becoming unavoidable. It was getting increasingly difficult to keep Ed content to remain in the hospital. His restlessness was starting to make him impatient with everyone around him. Ed had almost finished reading the last of the latest selection of books the General had sent. Al was worried that Ed would not want to read anymore but want to leave.

And Al had no idea what they would do when Ed did leave the hospital. He didn't want to return to Resembool and the only other option was the military. It didn't help that Edward seemed to have no idea either. All he wanted was out. Al rubbed his chin against his forearm. He had to think of something. They could travel to the places he had read about but he wasn't completely sure on how they would manage for money or accommodation. Even though Ed couldn't do alchemy, he could. He thought that he might be able to support them. And Ed could teach; Al had learnt so much these last few weeks as his brother had gone through the alchemy books. Together they could just possibly manage it.

As long as he didn't have to go back to Winry. He was certain she would make him crawl if he did. He had written that apology and had heard nothing in response. Her silence had not made him feel any easier. He knew she was just saving it up for the next time she saw him.

This of course, was assuming that Edward would go along with everything. Al had no idea what Ed wanted to do. He didn't know if his brother even knew. The only thing Edward was convinced about was getting out of hospital.

Al had asked once and Edward had simply said 'I don't know, Alphonse' in that completely disinterested tone he sometimes used. It had become his stock response for whenever the doctor asked and for the one time the General had enquired.

Al closed his eyes briefly. He didn't think his life could get any more complicated than it already was.

* * *

The doctor stood in the doorway to Edward Elric's room and watched in silence as the blond man lifted his right arm up and down with a steady, almost hypnotic action. The last of the sunset through the window tinted the golden hair and made the silver arm flash. Edward was reading and the doctor knew that Edward would be unaware of everything around him at the moment.

The empty dinner trays were still sitting on the small table along with the unopened milk. The doctor was used to seeing that now. Edward never drank the milk. He had only done it that one time to achieve his purpose of getting his automail attached. For someone with the mental gaps and lack of memories to the extent that he had, Edward was surprisingly determined. When he wanted something, he did all he could to get it.

Even now he was still exercising. The doctor watched as he changed the weights from one arm to the other and his left arm began to rise and fall in the rhythmic pattern. All without taking his eyes from the page.

The doctor was fast running out of reasons to keep him here. Physically, he was in perfect shape and health now. All his injuries had completely healed. He got over-tired occasionally but he was able to go longer and longer before he had to rest. It was his mental state that still had everyone concerned.

There were holes in his mind. Some were from memories he hadn't or couldn't recall yet, and some were for the emotions he never showed. For all his progress, he was still unable to show or demonstrate emotion. The doctor was fairly certain that Edward was aware of the concepts because he was definitely aware of the words. And he had used them on more than one occasion when trying to gain an advantage in his therapy.

The detachment was there in the back of his eyes and in the way his face would go blank sometimes. It was there in his voice when he found things unimportant or unnecessary to him. It concealed that horrible desolation those golden eyes had once held and still threatened to hold at times.

The doctor honestly did not know how his patient was going to cope when he left here. He knew that Alphonse was worrying over it. Those grey eyes were looking much older than his fourteen years as he tried to work out a way for them to survive. The doctor knew that the General was also trying to find a way to help them as well. He was not fooled by Mustang's seeming distance, he really was sincere in his wanting to be of assistance.

Edward was not capable of being left on his own. He was still prone to the fainting spells and the long sleep after them. They weren't regular, but they happened often enough to be of concern. He could attend to his own personal hygiene but he had no idea of how to care for himself. Any memories he had of being self-sufficient had not returned and he accepted the food and clean pyjamas and linens without thinking of where they came from at all.

The doctor hoped something would be resolved soon because at the end of this week he was going to be officially out of excuses to keep Edward Elric in hospital.

* * *

Edward Elric didn't think of the future. He did his exercises, he did his therapy, he ate and slept when they told him. He read the books and he allowed them to ask him pointless questions over and over. He knew they were stalling his release and he couldn't do anything about it…yet. He had decided that these were going to be the last days he spent here.

He was making sure his automail and body were in the best condition they could be and he was almost there. The only thing he had not attempted was running. He had done everything else and he knew he was as fit and as healthy as he could be. He had begun to sneak out during the nights to wander the dimmed hallways and continue his therapy. He had mapped out as much of the hospital as he could in his mind in his nocturnal wanderings. He found gaining the self-control required to move soundlessly with automail to be one of the hardest things he had done. The smallest movement would set off little pneumatic wheezes or soft creaks from the joints. The muscle control he already had over his automail was not enough, so he kept leaving his room every night to practise. His control became extremely precise and he discovered that he could now judge the pressures he was applying with his fingers a lot better. His gait improved and his leg didn't hit the ground as heavily anymore. His muscles strengthened and his automail became almost flesh-like in their manoeuvrability.

He didn't think about the worries the people around him had. They didn't concern him. All he wanted was to get out of the hospital.

That was still his main goal. He had something, someone to find and he couldn't do that here. Those words written around a silver circle appeared in his head every now and again. Sometimes when he was sleeping, sometimes when he wasn't. He didn't think about whether or not he would find whatever it was that he had to find, he knew he would because that was what he had to do.

Edward had not heard that soft voice since that night. He often found himself waking up and listening and hearing nothing. Sometimes he thought he could sense someone watching him but there was never anyone there. There were places in his mind where he knew he could not go. He could think about things for just so far and then a wall would fall and he would be unable to continue. His mind would shift onto another subject and he would follow obediently.

Their concern over his alchemy hadn't affected him. He recognised the symbols and circles and arrays, he knew how to use them. There was something in him that refused to allow the connection between the array and his will to be completed. Because it was something he did not understand, he didn't tell them about it. The books they had given him had not explained it, so he just left it as it was and didn't worry that it might never be understood, by him or by anyone else.

Edward turned another page and kept reading. Sometimes he thought that he had read all these books before.

* * *

General Roy Mustang was not happy as he walked down the hallway to Edward's room. He felt sorely disappointed in Colonel Hawkeye. She had pointed out the most obvious solution to the Edward problem, the one solution he had been hoping to avoid. She had let him down dreadfully by single-handedly managing to refute every argument against it that he could raise. Furthermore, she had even managed to explain why every other possible arrangement was either morally wrong or incredibly stupid.

He paused before he opened the door. His breath puffed out. There really was no other option but he didn't know how much of this Edward was going to understand or even agree with. Two years ago he could've predicted how Edward would react, but not this different Edward. He was completely unknown. Mustang sighed. Standing here was not going to solve anything either. He raised his hand and pushed the door open.

Edward was reading and Alphonse was watching him with a disconsolate look on his face. Edward didn't move when Mustang entered but Al looked up and smiled, his face clearing.

"General," he said. "Good evening."

"Hello Alphonse." Mustang replied. "How are you today?"

"I'm fine, General." Al said. "Just a bit bored, I think."

"I understand, Al. He hasn't done anything but read all day, has he?" Mustang smiled and Al nodded. It got very boring doing nothing but watching your brother read. But Al didn't want to leave, just in case a word or a phrase would trigger a memory. He did not want to miss that.

"Have you thought about the future, Al? About what you're going to do?" Mustang asked as he pulled a chair across and sat down near Al.

Edward looked up at the sound of voices with preoccupied eyes and waved a hand at Mustang to acknowledge him before he went back into his book. Mustang smirked slightly.

"I've had some thoughts, General." Al said carefully. He didn't know how the General would react to his plans. But he knew that Mustang would let him explain everything and hear him out before they would discuss it fully and he would give his opinion on it.

"What do you want to do, Al?" Mustang asked with genuine interest. Al looked down and twined his fingers together before he began to speak in a hesitant manner.

"Brother doesn't want to stay here, I know that, but he doesn't seem to know what he wants to do. So, I had been thinking of maybe travelling around, to the places he remembers. We'd be together, I could look after him and we could find work along the way to support ourselves." He paused and flicked a nervous glance at the General. Al relaxed slightly as he saw no signs of condemnation or protest on Mustang's face. "I know it wouldn't be easy, but I want to be with him, General. He's my brother, I don't want to lose him again."

"How much of this is for you and how much for him, Alphonse?" The General asked gently.

"A bit of both, Sir." Al didn't pretend to misunderstand the General's words and he turned to face Mustang. "He can't stay like this forever, and neither can I. I _need_ to know just as much as he does. Maybe he doesn't realise he has all these gaps, but I do and it's a horrible empty place to be." His grey eyes reflected the frustration he felt at having four years lost to him and not being able to recall it.

"Al, we've already seen how badly Ed reacts to some of those memories. If they are so terrible, are you sure you want to bring them back?" Mustang asked carefully.

"No, I'm not sure, General. It scares me. Maybe it's worse than anything I can imagine, but I'd rather _know_ than have all the vague imaginings I have now. It's something that I just have to do." Al spoke as firmly as he could.

Mustang looked thoughtfully at him. "And how would you support yourself and Edward, Al?"

"I can do alchemy and Ed could teach. It's not like we would be staying in places for a long time. It'd only be temporary."

"And what about your plans of rejoining the military, Al?"

"This is more important, General." Al replied. "Brother is more important."

"And Miss Rockbell?" Mustang asked with a straight face and nearly laughed at the terrified, yet stubborn expression that crossed Al's face.

"This is my decision, General. She'll just have to accept it." Al stated and tried to ignore the tremor in his voice.

Mustang looked across at Edward. He was still completely engrossed in his book and Mustang doubted he had heard anything that had been spoken so far. Al had put some thought into his plan, even if it was a bit unrealistic to Mustang. He didn't think Edward was going to be as much of a help as Al was obviously considering him to be. And their safety would be questionable as well. Last time they had the protection of the military and Ed's watch. This time they would have no official support if they got themselves into trouble. And given Ed's history, even in the state he was now, Mustang had no doubt trouble would find them.

"There is another choice, Al." The General said slowly.

Al looked at him, his eyes narrowing slightly before he realised the General had a genuine proposal rather than a way to distract him from his plan.

"If Edward rejoins the military, and you come with him."

Al's eyes went wide and his breath caught in his throat. He blinked and had to lick his lips as they suddenly went dry. "Are you serious, Sir?"

"Yes, I am Al." Mustang steepled his fingers as he leant back in his chair. "It would solve most of the problems."

"But… but would it be allowed? I mean Brother's been gone two years, wouldn't he have been discharged or whatever?"

"No, Al. Edward has been listed as Missing in Action since he disappeared. There was some talk at the time of having him dishonourably discharged for being AWOL and even those that wanted to declare him dead. Although technically you have to wait seven years before you can do that legally." Mustang looked Al. His eyes were wide and shining at the possibility. It would indeed solve all his problems and all the nameless worries that he wouldn't speak of. Al nearly sighed as the weight lifted from his back.

"That would be great, Sir. But what about Brother? He can't do alchemy."

"We can work around that, Al. As you said earlier, he could teach and he would always be able to do research, for himself and for the military."

"Will he want to?" Al asked as he looked at Edward. "Will he understand this, General?" Al almost whispered.

Edward read the paragraph again. The words were so familiar and yet he could not remember reading them before. They made the silver circle appear in his mind again.

'_An alchemist who attempts to reconstruct that which is broken needs nought but the will and the knowledge. For those who would achieve Understanding, the use of knowledge becomes paramount. Will is merely an infestation of spirit into the perfect sphere of the Learned.'_

"Edward!" He blinked and the circle disappeared. He looked up and saw Alphonse and General Mustang looking at him.

"What is it?" He asked composedly.

"We need you to make a decision on something." Mustang said calmly. Edward blinked again and Mustang thought he saw a flash of that emptiness flicker across the golden eyes. But Edward just looked at him with an expectant, waiting expression on his face.

"Would you like to rejoin the military?" Mustang asked bluntly.

Edward froze. Mustang looked at him in concern. Edward had stopped breathing and his eyes had gone blank. Roy looked at Al and saw that he too had noticed it and they both rose to their feet in alarm, Al reaching for the button to summon help.

Edward felt the circle in him shift. It rose up in his mind and spun in front of his open eyes. It left a silver trail behind as it slipped past into a shadowed hand. Ed turned his head to follow it but they disappeared behind a single word.

"Yes." He spoke the word.

Al and Roy looked at Edward. His golden eyes were clear, he was breathing normally and he was staring at them. The blankness had vanished as if it had never been there.

"Do you understand what we are talking about, Edward?" Mustang asked cautiously.

"Yes, General. You asked if I wanted to rejoin the military. I said yes." Edward replied with disinterest. Mustang frowned slightly. Edward's initial reaction did not warrant the detachment he was now demonstrating. Something had happened but Edward's eyes were so clear that it was hard to see any sign that he was aware of what had just occurred.

"You wouldn't be expected to do alchemy, Edward." Mustang eased himself back into his chair and signalled Al to do the same. "You'd be able to do research and also help others with theirs. You would have to follow orders and be answerable to me."

Edward listened and nodded. He understood most of what Mustang was saying. But he was seeing an opportunity to begin his search for whatever it was he had to find. A little glint of silver shivered at the edge of his mind.

"I'll be with you Brother." Al said as Edward turned his head towards him. "We can do this together, like last time."

"That's nice, Alphonse." Edward remarked, but Mustang had the feeling that Edward didn't really care if Al was there or not and he kept his concern hidden.

"Where will we stay, General? There's no room in our dorm for Brother." Al asked, mentally trying to figure out how to add another bunk into Fuery's dorm.

"You'll be staying with me," Mustang said unwillingly.

"We can't do that, General!" Al exclaimed. Mustang sighed.

"Alphonse, Colonel Hawkeye has already gone through all the options and it is the only one acceptable to her."

"What is wrong with this, Alphonse?" Edward asked as he followed their conversation.

"It wouldn't be right, Brother. The General shouldn't have to look after us." Al protested.

"Then what would you suggest, Al?" Mustang asked. He held his fingers up and began to tick off the points. "You can't afford to live in a small house or apartment and Edward still needs some medical supervision. You and Edward can't have a dorm as you're not a member of the military and Edward, again has to be supervised. You would not accept separate dorms if we put Edward in with Falman or Havoc," and the General winced as he recalled his Colonel's reaction to _that_ suggestion. "And I wouldn't exactly be looking after you, Al. You'd still have your independence but I will be there if any problems arise."

Al sat there and thought about it. It would be the perfect arrangement in a way. He would be with his brother, he wouldn't have to worry about supporting them or finding food or places to stay. And he would have someone there if Ed fainted again.

"But what would I do, General?" Al asked. "You said I would come with my brother."

"You wanted to join the military, Al. This would give you the choice of enlisting as a normal soldier or taking the State Alchemy Exams." Mustang watched Al's whole face light up and the grey eyes literally shone.

"Really?" Al whispered in complete shock.

"Yes, really." Mustang smiled at him but then his voice changed. "And understand this, Alphonse. You have to pass it fairly and honestly. I can allow you to sit the exam, but I can't help you in any other way. It wouldn't be fair."

"Of course, Sir. I wouldn't expect it anyway." Al turned to Ed. "Isn't this great, Brother! We can be State Alchemists together. You can help me prepare." Al was bubbling over in his excitement.

"That's good Alphonse, I know you will like that." Edward's voice was casual and he watched Al almost bouncing in his chair with a faint curl to his lips.

Mustang looked at Edward. He was taking all these arrangements very calmly. The disinterested manner was concealing something and Mustang was determined to find out what. Perhaps having the Elrics move in with him wasn't such a bad idea after all.

* * *

Three days later Edward sat on the edge of his bed waiting. For the first time in nearly six months he was dressed in something other than hospital flannel. The General had brought in some clothes and Edward was now wearing them. Black slacks and a dark blue shirt that he had found slightly constricting at first after the comfortable looseness of hospital wear. A darker blue vest lay over the chair along with a black coat.

He looked around the room. The books were gone. Alphonse had taken the last ones out earlier. The chairs his visitors had sat upon were lined up neatly against the wall. The water jug and glass he had rarely used were the only things on the bedside table.

He pushed himself off the bed and walked to the window. He stared out and saw the grassed area surrounded by the other hospital wings. The leaves were starting to turn in the late afternoon sun but he took no notice of that, he merely watched as people hustled from one building to the next.

The doctor and Alphonse found him still standing there when they came in to tell him it was nearly time to go.

"We'll be sorry to see you leave, Edward," the doctor said as he gave Edward his final check up.

"Thank you for all you have done, Doctor." Edward replied with a detached formality as he rolled his sleeve down.

The doctor held up a small paper bag and placed it in Edward's hand. "These are all you had on you when you were found. We've kept them safe for you."

"Thank you Doctor." Edward said as he put the bag on the bed.

General Mustang entered and looked around. "Are we ready to go?"

"Yes." Edward said, standing up and beginning to walk to the door.

"Brother!" Al called after him and Edward stopped and turned.

"What is it, Alphonse?"

"You forgot your things. "Al stated and pointed at the small bag and then the clothes on the chair. Edward came back, picked the vest up and slipped it over his head before sliding his arms into the coat. Al had taken the bag from the bed and now placed it back in Edward's hand.

"What's in there, Brother?" Al asked, puzzled as to how Edward could have just left it behind. Especially as it was the only things he owned.

"I don't know." Edward replied and tipped the bag up to spill the meagre contents on the bed.

The doctor and Mustang watched carefully, ready to step in if that blank emptiness appeared but Edward didn't appear to be unsettled by the items on the blankets. They watched as he reached out and picked up a slender gold ring before he slipped it onto the fourth finger of his left hand. Al's eyes went wide and Mustang had a hard time keeping silent.

The next item appeared to be another ring but it was silver and heavier, like a signet ring. None of them could see the raised design clearly. Edward pulled a gold chain up and slipped the silver ring on it. It clinked gently against a golden ring already hanging there. Edward placed the chain around his neck and paused briefly as the clasp clicked. Mustang saw the golden eyes flicker and the breath catch but it was gone so quickly, he almost wondered if he had imagined it. When the doctor caught his eye, he realised he had not imagined it.

Al was staring at his brother in shock. Edward had never worn jewellery of any sort before. It just wasn't something his brother had ever evinced any interest in at all that he could remember, and no-one else had ever mentioned it. And that couldn't really be a wedding ring, could it?

"Brother?" Al asked hesitantly.

"Yes, Alphonse?" Edward replied absently as he picked up a small bracelet. He frowned at it. It looked like a thin silver snake. Biting its' own tail.

"Did you get married?" Al's voice was soft and afraid. Afraid of how Ed would react. He saw the doctor and the General move closer.

Edward looked at the bracelet and turned it over in his hand. "I don't know, Alphonse." His voice was more distant than normal and his eyes were fixed on the silver circle in his hand. "It wasn't permitted," he said suddenly and blinked. He shook his head and slipped the bracelet into his vest pocket. "Can we go now?" He asked as he looked at them.

"Yes, Edward." Mustang answered. The doctor placed a hand on Al's shoulder to keep him from saying anything more, but Roy knew Al was not going to let it rest.

"Let's go, Alphonse." Edward said as he strode purposefully to the door.

* * *

It took them half an hour to leave the hospital. Every nurse had come along to say goodbye, mainly to Al. Mustang and Edward had watched, one with amusement, the other with disinterest as Al was hugged and kissed by them all.

Edward watched and remained well away from the crowd around Alphonse. He wasn't comfortable with people getting too close to him and he sidestepped to avoid a couple of the nurses who tried to hug him too. He held his right hand out and shook their hands carefully, ignoring the disappointed looks on their faces.

He kept the disinterested expression on his face as he twitched with impatience as it seemed to take longer and longer to leave. He didn't see Mustang and doctor watching him. Mustang positioned himself behind Edward just in case he got too impatient and started walking out, leaving his brother and everyone else behind. Mustang was again reminded of how detached Edward was with other people, even with Al.

The large black car was waiting for them when they finally managed to exit the hospital, Havoc leaning easily against it. With a casual salute to the General, he opened the doors and Al sat in the front while Edward and the General sat in the back.

Al immediately turned around in his seat to face the others. Edward looked out the window as the car began to move. His eyes rarely blinked or moved as they drove past the buildings.

"Don't expect anything fancy, Al. My house is nothing special." Mustang warned.

"It's ok, General. Any place would be better than the hospital for Brother, and I haven't really got a home anymore anyway." Al replied. There was no way he was going to call Winry's place home.

"You can have a room each or share, it's up to you. I have two spare bedrooms."

"I don't know what Brother will want to do." Al chewed at his lip.

"Al, I don't think Edward will mind if you share or not. What do you want to do?" Mustang asked. From what he had seen so far, Edward could care less if he was with Alphonse or not, but he could not say that to Al. The boy was happy to be with his brother and Mustang was not going to spoil it for him.

"I want to share." Al said after a very short pause. "But all my stuff is in Fuery's dorm."

"I had Havoc collect it earlier, Al. But we'll have to see about organising some things for Edward, because he has nothing."

Edward kept looking out the window as the others talked. His mind was empty as the images of shop fronts and houses flickered past. Nothing sparked and the silver circle had faded away again.

* * *

Roy Mustang lived within the Military compound five minutes from Headquarters. There was maybe a dozen houses in the walled estate, all allocated by the military for its personnel. Mustang was the highest ranked officer there, and one of the few permanent residents. Several of the houses were used as temporary accommodation for transferring soldiers and their families while they found more suitable lodgings.

Mustang's house was a small double storey brick building surrounded by a small but immaculate lawn and garden. The red brick had weathered into a soft warm colour and honeysuckle had crept halfway up one wall.

Havoc braked near the small path that led to the front door. Mustang shepherded his new housemates from the car and to the front door. Al waved and smiled as Havoc left, while Edward stood still and then followed the others into the house, his eyes distant and his mind just letting the images pass by him.

The house was cold. There was a faint fragrance of flowers and the house appeared spotlessly clean. Mustang led them to the lounge where he opened the curtains in front of the large bay window and let the light in. He lit the fire with a quick snap of his fingers and missed the flare that sparked briefly in Edward's eyes.

Mustang showed them upstairs where the three bedrooms and the bathroom were. Al put his bag on the bed in one of the spare rooms. With Mustang's help he moved the bed from the other room in and set the room up with the beds against opposite walls. A small wardrobe stood at the end of Al's bed and a dresser was positioned near the door. A small oriel window was between the two beds, the ledge already holding a couple of books. Edward watched and merely nodded when they told him which bed was his.

Mustang gave them both towels and showed them the bathroom. He explained that he had a part-time housekeeper who came through three days a week to clean and wash. He told them that she worked at a few of the houses around here as they walked back down the stairs.

The front lounge was warmer now and Al looked at the large soft leather couch and chairs. Mustang showed them the kitchen and the library-cum-study that took up one whole side of the ground floor. It was a comfortable house even as it appeared hardly lived in. The only areas that had shown any signs of life was the desk in the study and Mustang's bedroom. The rest of the house was still as immaculate as the housekeeper had left it two days ago.

* * *

Alphonse and the General sat in front of the fire that evening as they played a game of chess. The General's housekeeper kept the freezer stocked with ready-made meals and he had thawed a couple out to feed them. He made a mental note to ask her to triple the amount of meals she left.

It had been reasonably easy so far, Roy thought as he moved his pawn. Al was very easy to please, he seemed so grateful for everything that was done for him. He had done the dishes tonight, he had offered to cook tomorrow night's meal. It had taken Roy half an hour to convince him that he was to treat this as his home and not to feel like a guest here, and even then, Roy could still see the diffidence in him when he had gone to get a drink without asking first.

Edward had caused absolutely no problems and that made Roy very nervous. He had eaten the food and sat quietly with a book until Al had suggested that perhaps he should have a shower. With an obedience that had startled them both, Edward had calmly put the book down and done just that. Roy had provided a pair of black sleep pants and white t-shirt that Al had re-sized alchemically to fit. Edward had grown over the last two years but he was still about four inches shorter than Roy.

When he had returned from his shower with his hair wet and hanging loose, he had settled near the fire to dry it and had continued his reading. Al and Roy had watched him. The firelight had glinted on his automail as he had become oblivious to everything around him. Edward's complete acceptance of his new surroundings was a relief to them both, although they still worried that he would revert to that frightening empty state at any moment.

Roy sat back as Al used his bishop to capture the pawn. Two more moves and Al would be check-mated he saw as his eye scanned the board. He took a small sip of his drink and then leant forward to take Al's bishop with his knight. One more move to take the queen and trap the king, if Al didn't think to castle the king.

The hallway clock chimed ten and Edward lifted his head. He slipped the marker in his book and stood up. His eyes were distant as he looked to where Roy and Al were sitting. They watched as he stretched and put the book on a small table.

"Ten o'clock," he said and his eyes slipped out of focus. "Good night." His voice almost lilted as it became accented. They noticed his left thumb beginning to rub against the ring on his finger.

"Edward?" Roy queried softly. The golden eyes looked at him but Roy saw the duality in them and knew Edward was not seeing him.

"It's not my place to apologise. She doesn't understand, that's all." The accent became more noticeable and Edward turned to Alphonse. "You tell him, Alfons. I have done nothing wrong."

It was the first time Roy had heard any emotion in Edward's voice. He could hear the hurt and actually see it in the unfocused eyes. Edward's thumb was still worrying at the ring on his finger and his automail hand was loosely clenched.

"Come on Edward, bed-time," Roy said carefully as he stood up.

"I can find my own way, I've been here before." Edward replied, his voice going hard and his eyes sliding away. He turned and left the room and Al and Roy heard his uneven footsteps in the hall and then climbing the stairs.

They looked at each other.

"He remembered something, didn't he General?"

"Yes Al." Roy said thoughtfully, "and I don't think it was a very happy moment for him."

"Should we… should I…?" Al wondered hesitantly.

"Well I don't think it should be me." Roy replied with a wry twist to his lips. "He seemed to be blaming me for whatever the problem was."

"I'll go." Al said quickly and ran from the room while Roy sat back and took a large drink.

Edward had reacted to the clock, Roy thought. It had triggered the memory and he had lived it out rather than through the mental associations he had been doing. Was this a major change in his condition or just a random occurrence? Mustang made a note to ring the doctor in the morning and ask him.

Al came in and Roy looked up. He watched as Al sat down in his forgotten chair and turned wide eyes towards him.

"That was quick."

"He's asleep. He's gone to bed and he's sleeping." Al said stunned. "It's like nothing happened."

* * *

Edward woke in the middle of the night. He could hear breathing and he looked around unsettled until he realised that Alphonse was in the other bed. He sat up and listened. He thought he had heard someone calling his name.

He threw the covers off and slipped from the bed. Noiselessly he walked to the door and opened it. He continued down the stairs and made his way to the front room. There were a few embers still glowing in the fireplace and he looked at them before he walked over to the window. The curtains hadn't been pulled completely closed and the full moon shone down on his face.

"_Are you lost, Edward?"_

Edward whirled around and faced the empty room.

"_I'm waiting for you, Edward."_

Edward turned back to the window and saw only moonlight. He tried to find words but they weren't there.

"_You're not human, Edward." _

Edward let his mind empty, waiting for the words to appear. Where were the words? Where was his circle?

"_You don't feel anything anymore, do you Edward?" _Edward struggled to find something to respond with, to close the voice out.

"_If you don't find me, Edward, they will betray you…again."_

Edward turned around and froze.

* * *

Roy Mustang was not used to having other people in his house and was finding it hard to sleep. He turned over yet again and scrunched his pillow under his head, pounding it into a more comfortable shape. He stilled for a moment. He couldn't hear anything but something was moving in the house, he was sure of it.

He slipped out of bed, picked up his robe and slung it around his bare shoulders. As he neared the door, he grabbed his gloves from the dresser and put them on. As silently as he could he opened his door and immediately noticed that the Elric's door was ajar.

He padded across the hall quietly and stuck his head in. Ed's bed was empty. Al seemed to be soundly asleep. There was no light under the bathroom door so Roy assumed Edward had gone downstairs.

Roy tilted his head and wondered why he hadn't heard Edward walking. He should've been able to hear the uneven step of the automail. Silently he went down the stairs, his hand raised just in case.

He saw Edward standing in the moonlight, the colour leached from him leaving him in shades of grey and black. He looked like he was listening to something but Roy could hear nothing. He glanced around, the room was just as it was when he had gone to bed. He could see nothing that would cause Edward to come down here at nearly three in the morning.

Then Edward turned around and even in the shadow, he saw the unnatural stillness appear on his face. Roy leapt forward. He barely managed to catch him as he fell.

* * *

Edgar Allan Poe (1809-1849): "Bridal Ballad"

Author's Note: Thank you to all who have reviewed. I am always so pleased to get reviews and to know that you are enjoying what I write. Even when I leave you hanging like this…

silken :)


	5. 4: Dichotomy

**St Edward and The Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist and the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 4:**

**Dichotomy:_n_. division into two usually contradictory parts or opinions  
**

_No man can desire to act rightly, to be blessed,  
To live rightly, without simultaneously…  
_

You must call up every strength you own  
And you can rip off the whole facial mask._  
_

_…wishing to be, to act, to live. He must ask  
First, in other words, to actually exist.  
_

_W.D. Snodgrass, 1987_

..00..

Roy Mustang let himself sink to the floor with Edward in his arms. The moonlight gleamed across those empty eyes and he had to watch Edward's chest to see if he was breathing. The young man was a stiff dead weight and the automail did not make him very maneuverable as Roy tried to twist him around into a more comfortable position for them both.

Edward was warm to the touch but Roy snapped anyway and the dying embers flared back into life. The glow from the fire brought back some of the colour to Edward. Roy brushed the soft loose hair away from his face and the golden eyes blinked at him.

"Will you betray me again?" The whisper was so thin and Roy had to look hard at Edward to make sure he had really heard the words. The eyes were so blank, Roy wasn't sure what Edward was seeing. There was none of the earlier duality and Edward sounded so lost.

"No, Edward." He answered slowly, not sure if it was the right thing to say, but knowing he couldn't refuse the hollowness of those eyes.

"I don't want to see you die again." Edward sighed faintly and his eyes closed. The tension left him and he slumped against Roy. Roy felt himself slip backwards at the sudden increase in weight and shifted himself back to lean against the sofa, dragging Edward with him.

The fire warmed him as he sat there with Edward draped across his outstretched legs. He could feel the warmth of Edward's breath against his chest as he kept his arms loosely locked around him to stop him from slipping down any further. Ed shifted and buried his face deeper against Roy's chest as his automail arm slipped around and Roy arched his back involuntarily at the feel of cold metal pressing against his back.

Roy brushed back Ed's hair and looked at the peaceful lines of Edward's face in the firelight. The paleness had gone and his skin was becoming a healthy colour. The small twitches of his eyes reassured Roy that he hadn't disappeared into his coma state again.

Roy was left to ponder on what Edward's words could have meant. It was obvious that Edward had been betrayed by someone he had trusted, someone close to him and that they had died. Whether it was related to the injuries Edward had suffered was debatable although Roy thought they were probably connected. But there had to be more to it, he thought. A single betrayal does not, it could not possibly shut down half your mind. From what Edward had said earlier, there had been other people he had known. Perhaps the trouble had included them.

The way his voice had changed earlier. The accent and the lilt. Roy had never heard anyone speak like that before. Just how far away had Edward gone? There seemed to be nothing but questions and few answers.

Roy shifted and tried to slip out from under Edward but the arms tightened around him and Roy found himself unable to move. He frowned slightly. He didn't want to spend the rest of the night sitting here and Edward would be more comfortable if he could at least get him up to the sofa.

Roy tried again and discovered that as long as he kept one arm around Edward, he didn't object to being moved. But as soon as Roy had managed to lever himself up and onto the sofa, Edward wrapped his arms around him again and settled his head into the crook of Roy's shoulder, stretching himself out along the length of Roy's body and just sinking against him.

Edward had been so stand-offish and had not shown signs of wanting to be touched before that Roy was rather baffled with his behaviour at the moment. Was it part of the memories he was reliving earlier or was there something in him that could only be expressed subconsciously as he slept? Roy was finding more and more questions. And he wanted answers for them.

Roy looked at the half hidden face at his shoulder and sighed. Two years ago Edward had disappeared and he had been left behind feeling he had missed something. Something important. Through his initial recovery period he had suffered from depression at his perceived failure and it was only because Stier and Felsen had managed to drag him into their plans that he had been able to overcome his desire to go and hide in the mountains for the rest of his life. Edward's disappearance had caught him unprepared for the realization that the boy had meant more to him than he had thought. Edward's seemingly unstoppable nature and the force of his will had been something he had used to inspire himself with, and he had realised that as long as he had known that Edward could go on, then so could he.

But looking at the young man now, Roy knew something else. He had missed _Edward_. More than he had wanted to acknowledge. Edward had been important to him. Edward _was_ important to him. Roy's arms tightened slightly. He had to bring Edward back. This damaged Edward, this half-shell of Edward was a travesty and Roy needed to bring him all the way back to what he had been, to what he knew Edward should be.

* * *

When Edward woke up the next morning, he blinked blearily and shifted against the warm body he seemed to lying on. Hazy golden eyes looked up into the sleeping face of Roy Mustang. The dark hair had fallen across his face and his eye patch was skewed slightly. Ed could see the beginning of white scar tissue against the pale skin. Mustang was breathing deep and evenly as his breath ghosted across Edward's face.

Edward could feel the arms around him, keeping him anchored on the sofa. He sat up carefully, drawing his own arm out from under the sleeping man. He let Mustang's arms slip from him as he moved back off the sofa. Mustang made a small noise and a frown flashed across his face but he didn't wake.

Edward looked at him. Mustang had curled up slightly into the warm spot Edward had left on the sofa. Edward saw the robe Mustang had worn last night half hanging off the sofa and he adjusted it to cover the man's bare torso. His hand stopped as his eyes fixed on the white twisting scar that carved its way down Mustang's left shoulder and chest. It was red in places where the skin had knotted over itself. Pale white lines slashed an angry pattern across the raised welt of the central scar. It looked as if someone had tried to hack their way through to his heart and had not been fussy about what it took to accomplish that goal.

Edward was familiar with scars. He had seen his own scars. Some he knew were from the automail, but there were others he knew nothing about. His left hand rose and pressed over his heart. The large mark on Mustang's chest reminded him of the scarred circle that lay beneath his own shirt.

"_They will betray you…again."_

The words appeared in his mind and he looked at the sleeping man. There was no memory of betrayal by this man in his mind. Shouting and arguments, insults and flames, but no betrayals.

He had come down here last night because of that voice. Edward remembered the moonlight and the voice and the words and he had turned… and he saw… I saw…I saw… I know I saw something, what did I see? He shivered suddenly and the silver circle rose in his mind. What did I see, he asked it. He couldn't remember anything after he had turned.

He looked down at the white scar and rubbed at his own chest. For the first time he asked himself, why can't I remember?

* * *

Roy Mustang watched Edward closely as he ate breakfast and obediently got dressed and ready to accompany Al and him to the office.

He had woken up to find himself alone on the sofa, his robe tucked around him. Edward had merely said "good morning" to him when he had come down the stairs with Al. Mustang surmised that Edward had gone back to his own bed. Al seemed unaware that Ed had left his bed during the night.

"We'll get you set up and re-enlisted this morning Edward, and then you and Al can go to the library for the rest of the day. I know Al will have plenty to study if he wishes to be ready for the exam." Mustang said calmly as he ushered them into the waiting car.

Al chatted happily to Havoc as they drove to Headquarters while Edward merely stared out the window. Mustang watched him. He rarely blinked and he sat there almost relaxed in the seat.

When they left the car, Edward looked at the large marbled building and Mustang saw his fingers twitch and his thumb rub against the ring hidden beneath his glove.

"Headquarters." Edward said slowly as images of long hallways and offices filled his mind.

"Yes Edward." The General agreed and started to walk to his office. Edward followed but at one intersection he turned the other way and headed down the hallway.

"General?" Al queried as he watched Edward step confidently away. The General and Havoc exchanged a quick look and hurried after Edward.

"This is the wrong way, Edward." The General said calmly as he drew up beside him. Edward stopped and the golden eyes turned to him. They looked at him with curiousity.

"Did you move your office?"

"Yes Edward. My office is on the other side now." Mustang kept his voice even but the golden eyes looked at him and he suddenly saw them sharpen.

"You're lying." The words were flat and Mustang was about to shake his head when he glimpsed the hollow edges to Edward's eyes.

"No, Edward. You are thinking of the wrong office." Mustang said slowly. "My office was on the lower level here when you first came to Central six years ago." Edward blinked at him and Mustang watched carefully as he continued. "The office you are going towards used to belong to Lieutenant-Colonel Hughes."

"Hughes." Edward repeated and Mustang tensed. Edward took a step back as the images swept past him. A train, a party, wise green eyes behind glasses, pictures of a brown haired woman and child, a night in the rain. "Maes. He died." Edward's voice was still flat and Mustang frowned slightly. The golden eyes were flickering and Mustang could see the blankness trying to encroach.

When Edward blinked he half-expected to see that awful empty gaze but the eyes were clear again.

"Yes, Maes died." Mustang said carefully.

"He was your friend." Edward stated.

"Yes."

"He was my friend."

"Yes he was. He threw a birthday party for you."

"Why did you lie to me?"

"It was not a lie, Edward. My office has moved." Mustang watched him carefully.

"No. Why did you not tell me he had died?" Edward spoke formally and a distant look appeared in his eyes.

"Because you had more important things to do and it would have hurt you." Mustang said and found it hard to keep his voice steady. "There was nothing you could have done." There was an echo of regret in his words as he remembered his frustration at his own uselessness at the time. Until he had used it to fuel his desire for revenge, to finish what they had started.

Edward stared at him and his eyes became unfocused.

"You blamed yourself." It was a statement and Mustang froze. Edward's voice had been taken on the lilt from last night. "You blamed yourself because you wouldn't blame me. When did you know?"

Edward's eyes took on the duality they had held last night. He kept his unfocused eyes locked on Mustang's face.

Mustang was completely unsure what to do. He didn't know what Edward was talking about and he didn't want to run the risk of saying the wrong thing. He didn't understand what Edward was reacting to. Last night it had been the clock. This time there didn't seem to have been any stimulus unless, Roy thought, it was something I said.

"Why won't you answer the question? It's not difficult." Edward asked, his words taking on a sharp edge.

"I don't want to lie to you." Mustang said, trying to recall what he had said.

"Why would you lie to me?" Edward tilted his head to one side and his eyes blinked and Mustang saw the emptiness shift into view.

"I won't lie to you." Mustang said carefully.

"Then answer me, when did you know?" There was an exaggerated patience to Edward's voice and his eyes flickered.

"When did I know what, Edward? I don't know what you think I should know." Mustang said honestly and took a step closer as he watched the golden eyes go blank and confusion crossed his face. Ed swayed and Mustang placed a hand on his shoulder to steady him, poised to catch him if he fell.

Edward blinked at him and spoke clearly. "When did you know that I killed Maes?" Mustang's eye went wide and he stared at Edward. He heard Havoc stifle a denial behind him. Edward's eyes stayed empty and his words carried that unknown accent. He seemed unaware of Mustang's hand at his shoulder.

"You didn't kill Maes, Edward." Roy said quietly.

The confusion filled the golden eyes again closing out the blankness and Edward frowned.

"Then why did she tell me I did?" Edward asked and his voice broke on the last word as his knees buckled and he dropped almost too quickly for Mustang to grab him. Roy reacted without thought and wrapped his arms around the falling body and staggered back against the wall. He leant against it as he looked down at Edward.

The golden eyes were closed and the pallor and fine shimmer of sweat on his face suggested he had fainted again and not slipped further into the comatose state they all dreaded. He looked up at Havoc and Al and saw the shock and confusion on both their faces.

"Let's get him to the office and we can discuss this there." He said firmly and braced himself against the wall as he shifted his arms around Ed and lifted him up, one arm under his knees, the other around his back. Ed's head lolled slightly against his shoulder as he began to walk.

Al kept looking back at his brother, a worried look in his eyes. He didn't remember this Maes Hughes they had talked about but he could see that whoever he was had meant a lot to them all, even his brother. And that meant he had known him too. He had heard the changes in Ed's voice again. Last night Ed had relived something that even the General hadn't recognized so it had to have happened during the time Ed was away, but this latest one confused him. It was almost like Ed had been talking about two different things at the same time. He had seen the confusion on Ed's face and the similar puzzlement from the General.

Al realised that there was something seriously wrong with his brother. Something deeper than just the memory loss. And it was something he was not equipped to deal with because he didn't have those missing memories either. Al felt bitter disappointment surge up alongside the worry he felt for his brother. He had thought it would be easy, that he would be able to find out who he was, who he had been. But now he knew that it was not going to happen the way he wanted it to and that if he wanted to know, then he was going to have be prepared for anything. The exam would be his first step. Becoming a State Alchemist would give him a starting point and he could learn to be patient. After all, hadn't he been waiting two years for this already?

Mustang avoided the main corridors and hurried to get to his office. He didn't need to be seen carrying an unconscious Edward and have who-knew-what stories circulating through the military. He had provided enough food for the gossips over the years, he didn't want to add to it. He could see the worried look on Al's face and wondered if he should tell him about Ed's early morning relapse. There were shadows in Al's eyes and Mustang didn't feel comfortable with them.

He knew how close the brothers had been and to see them circling around each other because neither remembered struck him as a rather cruel trick of Fate to play on them. Perhaps it was made harder because Edward seemed uncaring of anything and he seemed to be at the mercy of whatever was happening in his mind. It had been very disturbing to see the hollowness when he had first awoken but now Mustang wondered if the true horror was with this almost soulless Edward. It was decidedly distressing to see these little glimpses into some unknown torment that Edward had suffered and was having to relive again.

Havoc led them through the outer office to open the inner door. Hawkeye followed them in and they watched silently as Mustang laid Edward down on the large couch. She went to one of the cupboards and pulled out the blanket Mustang kept in here. Mustang took it from her and placed it over Edward.

"Where are the others?" He asked as he watched the sleeping face for a moment.

"Falman and Fuery are overseeing the installation of the new switchboard and won't be back until after lunch. Breda should be here shortly. They had a problem with some of the new recruits and their dormitory allocations."

"Thank you Riza. Perhaps you can tell the others then what I am about to tell you." Mustang walked to his desk and faced them.

"We know how Edward reacts to words and people around him to stimulate his memories, but last night, as Al will confirm, he began to appear to relive them. We don't know what he was talking about and we haven't asked him about it yet either. On our way here, he had another episode and began walking to Hughes' old office." He paused and watched as Hawkeye's eyes flickered to Edward and then back to him. "And early this morning he collapsed after appearing to have a flashback as well." He saw Al look at him wide-eyed and held his hand up to stop him speaking at the moment.

"Where ever Edward is, someone has to be with him. And they have to be careful with what they say. I don't know if he uses what we say to bring back more memories, or if he uses them to define moments now. If he is reliving these moments, I don't know if what we say affects what he remembers. We have to watch him and we have to be careful. I'm going to ring the doctor up shortly and see if there's anything he can tell us about this." Mustang looked at Al. "We'll let him sleep now and you can read some of the books here if you want to get started Al."

Al nodded. He didn't want to leave Ed and he wanted more information on what had happened earlier.

"Hawkeye, if you get the papers ready for both Edward and Al, then we can at least make a start. Havoc, get onto the Library and organize a pass for Al. Tell them I have approved it and if they query it, say that he has to be there due to his brother's condition. Do not be any more specific than that." Mustang watched as they left and then moved to sit behind his desk and looked expectantly at Al.

"What did you mean, Sir? Ed never left his bed last night."

"He did, Al. I found him in the lounge at three this morning." And Mustang gave him a brief description of what had happened. "I assume he went back to bed and woke up when you did."

Al frowned. "Yes, he was sleeping when I woke up but he got up soon after. But I don't understand how I didn't know he got up during the night. I mean you can hear him with his leg."

"I don't know Al. I didn't hear him either." Mustang looked at the boy. "There is just so much we don't know and it doesn't help that we don't even know where to begin. We just have to be careful. We do not want to send him back to what he was like in the beginning."

Al shook his head. "Oh no. That was horrible." He paused. "I've been a bit selfish, General. Wanting Ed to remember so I could find out what no-one else will tell me." And Al's eyes flashed at him. "But it's not all about me, is it?"

"No, Al. Edward has a problem and I don't think just remembering is going to solve it. If anything it just might make it worse." He looked at Al. "We haven't deliberately withheld things from you Al. A lot of what you want to know, only Ed can answer because only he was there."

Al sighed and looked across at his sleeping brother. "I wonder how long he'll sleep for?"

"Well, if this morning's anything to go by, it'll only be a couple of hours. And then I'll get Havoc to take you both to the library."

Al smiled slightly at Mustang and nodded. "Ok Sir."

Mustang watched as Al stood up and went to the large bookcase and chose a couple of books before he sat down on the chair nearest the couch. Once he saw Al safely reading, Mustang picked up the phone and called the hospital.

It didn't take long before he was connected to the doctor and he leant back in his chair as they talked.

"_It's possible that the new environment has sparked these episodes, General."_

"But why would his voice change and he appear to be reliving them rather than just remembering?"

"_I have no answers for you General these cases never follow any set pattern. Being in different places has obviously stimulated more memories, that is obvious. The hospital would only have stimulated him for a short while and it's possible that the impetus of a new place has created a more 'hands-on' approach in his mind."_

"How possible is it that he could revert to the coma state?"

"_Very possible. You said he's not sleeping as long after the faint? It's possible he's assimilating things better but that can also mean he will make the associations in his mind quicker and a relapse might strike before either he or you realise."_

"I'm making sure there is someone with him at all times."

"_Good. I'm afraid that you might have to do that for a long time yet. Even if he does remember fully, the emotional backlash is what will shut him down and if that happens, I would not even try to give you a prognosis."_

Mustang stared at the phone after he hung up. Things did not look promising but he remembered what he had promised himself as he had held the sleeping young man this morning. He was going to get Edward back.

Somehow.

* * *

It was nearly lunch time before Edward stretched and woke up. Mustang was signing files and Al was taking notes from one of the books. Hawkeye had brought in the forms for Al and he had filled them in and then slipped into the outer office to ring Winry. She had refused to speak to him so he had told Granny Pinako. Who had been more understanding than he had hoped for. He promised to ring her weekly and keep her informed of what was happening. He felt rather pleased with himself afterwards because now he knew Winry could not force him to return.

Edward opened his eyes and found himself in a room he did not recognize. He turned his head and saw Alphonse and sat up, letting the blanket slip down. He looked around his new surroundings and his eyes fixed on the bookshelves. Ignoring everything else he stood up and walked across to look at the books.

Al and Mustang watched him. The golden eyes were focused and clear, there was no hint of his earlier mental displacement. He chose the first book on the shelf and read the inside cover and scanned a few pages before returning it to the shelf and then did the same with the next book. Mustang got the impression he was looking for something and it made him very curious. What could he be looking for when he couldn't remember most of his past? Was it something that would help him remember or was it merely a reflex action that had no meaning at all?

Hawkeye entered and brought in several folders with her. She smiled slightly as she saw both Roy and Al watching the oblivious Edward. They were both acting like nervous Mother Hens' with one fragile chick. The old Edward would have called them on it and told them off for needlessly worrying, but this one just ignored them. This Edward appeared uncaring of all that went on around him. It was hard to know what made him place one foot in front of the other.

"Could you order some lunch in here, Hawkeye?" Mustang's voice broke into her thoughts and she nodded. "Then ask Havoc to have the car ready for afterwards?"

"Certainly Sir." Hawkeye said calmly and slipped out of the office.

"Edward." Mustang said and had to repeat himself twice before Edward looked up from the book he was leafing through.

"Yes?" Golden eyes looked at him vaguely and Mustang could almost see the eyes trying to look back at the book.

"I need you to sign these forms." He said and held up a couple of forms.

"Alright." Edward replied calmly and walked across to the desk. He picked up the pen in his left hand and began to write his name in the places where Mustang pointed. When he finished, he handed the pen back and went back to the shelves.

Mustang looked down at form and blinked. Edward's handwriting had changed. He remembered the almost illegible scrawl Edward had filled his reports with. He had suspected the boy had written that way simply to make it difficult for him to read. But now his name was written in elegant flowing lines. It took him a moment to realise that not only was the writing different but so was the name.

_Edward Pferd._

In every indicated space, Edward had signed it the same way.

"Edward!" Mustang called and he saw reluctance in the golden eyes as they turned away from the book.

"You missed one." Mustang said mendaciously and this time he watched closely as Edward signed an extra line with the same signature in the same elegant hand.

"When did you change your name?" He asked, keeping his voice even. He watched Edward carefully.

"I haven't changed it." Edward replied calmly. His eyes stayed clear and showed no curiousity at the General's questions.

"You have used a different surname." Mustang pointed out.

"I don't know." He stated in a disinterested manner and Mustang recognized the end of any interest Edward had in the matter. It was like a door closing that had barely opened in the first place. As if he was humouring Mustang instead of just ignoring him as he might want to. That phrase had become synonymous with Edward refusing to discuss a topic further. And Mustang didn't know if Edward honestly meant it or not. There was no way to tell.

It was yet another question to add to his list he thought as he watched Edward leafing through another book.

* * *

Edward insisted on taking two of the books with him when they left for the library. Maybe insist was too lively a word Al thought. He had simply kept them under his arm as they had walked out. When the General had asked why he was taking them, Edward had simply said, "Because I need to read them."

Now Ed was doing what he had done in the General's office. Pulling down book after book and scanning them before placing them back on the shelf. Al watched him for awhile before settling down at a nearby desk and starting on his own studying.

Edward kept looking at the books. Occasional words would leap out at him and he would find them disappearing into the silver circle that kept shimmering at the corner of his mind. Several times a whole paragraph would be consumed and he would be left staring at the words blankly for a moment before his eyes started moving again. He didn't understand what he was looking for but something inside him did and he let it guide his eyes without thinking about it.

One book, '_Learned Theory: Rote Knowledge or Greater Wisdom',_ made the circle shift into view and he put the book on the table rather than back on the shelf. By the time General Mustang came to collect them, he had three books set aside on the table.

"Why can't I take them with me?" He asked calmly when he was told he couldn't take them home with them.

"Because they have to stay here." Mustang said with commendable composure as the golden eyes stared fixedly at him.

"But how can I read them if they are left here?" Edward asked.

"You can read them tomorrow, Edward." Mustang replied and Edward's eyes narrowed.

"If someone else borrows them, then I will not be able to do that." He stated and managed to make it sound as if it would be Mustang's fault if the books were not available tomorrow.

Mustang looked at him closely and wondered how it was that someone as mentally distanced as Edward seemed to be, could understand enough to try and manipulate him. It was so unlike the old Edward and it was done so coldly, without any second thought. Mustang wondered what was in those books that Edward was determined to have.

He noticed Al did not seem surprised by Edward's behaviour and he realised that Edward must have used this technique during his time in the hospital. Mustang straightened up and stared right back at him. He was not going to let Edward manipulate him.

"You can have them put aside for you, so that no-one else can use them, Edward. We can organize that before we go." He watched as Edward frowned and then picked up the books in a reluctant show of obedience.

When they got to the main desk, Edward remained silent as Mustang organized for the books to be held at the desk for Edward to claim tomorrow. The dark-haired librarian smiled at him and assured him they would be safely kept for him. Edward nodded his head and said nothing, his eyes becoming distant as she leant across the desk towards him and he took a step back.

Even when they walked out of the library Edward kept his distance and his eyes kept staring out into something neither Mustang nor Al could see. Mustang didn't think not being allowed to have the books would have caused his withdrawal but there was nothing else he could see as a possible cause.

Mustang sighed as he sat back in the car. Was living with Edward going to mean being this uncertain all the time?

* * *

As the clock neared ten that evening, Roy gave up pretending to read his book and watched Edward. He was sitting near the fire, his hair loose and reading one of the books he had borrowed from the office. Al was going over his notes and asking questions every now and again. Roy had answered some but Edward had answered more and had surprised them both again with the depth of his knowledge.

When the clock struck ten, Al looked up at Edward. Edward closed his book and put it on the table nearby and stood up. They both watched him closely but he merely said "good night" and left the room. They heard his uneven steps on the stairs and looked at each other.

"Nothing happened." Al said and frowned. "I don't know if that's good or not."

"Neither do I, Al." Roy picked up the book Ed had been reading. "There are a lot of things I don't know about anymore."

"Yes," Al agreed. "And Brother is the biggest one."

Roy smiled but he couldn't hold it for long. "Yes he is." He sighed. "There are so many questions and no answers."

"We could ask him?" Al asked hesitantly, already knowing the answer but feeling like it had to be said.

"It's a big risk, Al. You can see it in his eyes every now and again." Roy said sympathetically, knowing it must be frustrating Al more than anyone else to have this shadow of a brother.

"I know, but I want…" Al didn't finish and he looked down at his notes.

"I think we all want that, Al. It's just going to take time."

* * *

By the end of the week, the routine was set. Mustang dropped them off at the library and continued on to the office and then collected them on the way home. They spent their evenings in the lounge, reading and helping Al with his studies.

Mustang didn't know how Edward managed it but he had somehow convinced the librarian to allow him to bring books home, but never any more than two at a time. Al said Ed was still scanning the shelves, going through each book methodically and patiently. He never wrote anything down but when Al asked him about a particular book, Edward recited back the relevant paragraph word perfectly. Al had asked another question in amazement and Ed had shrugged and not answered the question, saying that it wasn't relevant.

Every night at ten, Ed would put his book down and go to bed. Al would follow soon after and Roy would be left, staring into the fire.

He had re-enlisted Edward back as the Fullmetal Alchemist but hadn't made it public. He had organized and given Edward a new watch. He had half-hoped for a reaction from that, but Edward had merely slipped it into his pocket and seemingly forgotten all about it. He had looked at the books Edward was reading and had found them mainly concerned with theories of learning alchemy and the role of knowledge in using alchemy.

Only one book had been unusual and it been more of a thesis. Titled _"Symbolistic Approaches and Ethical Responses in Human Alchemy"_, it had immediately worried Roy. Edward had held off all questions with his blanket response of "I don't know".

There had been few flashbacks. It was as if they had been put on hold while he read. But Roy had noticed a tendency in him to rub his thumb over the ring on his finger whenever his eyes threatened to go blank. As far as Roy knew Ed never removed the ring or the chain from his neck. He never mentioned them but Roy would see the unconscious checking Ed did every morning before leaving the house. A gloved hand would lift and grip the unseen necklace through his shirt and then he would twist the ring on his finger. Roy had seen Edward do it on the second day of his stay here just before he had followed Al out of the door. And he had done it every morning since.

Roy sighed at the fire. He wanted some answers.

* * *

It was after midnight when Edward walked silently down the stairs and into the lounge. The fire was out but the room retained the warmth. He knelt in front of the fireplace and looked at the dead embers. Ash and charcoal had piled beneath the grate and he could smell old smoke.

"When the fire dies, where does the flame go?" He murmured. His head tilted to one side as if listening for a reply and the accent echoed in his words. His eyes slipped in and out of focus as he stared at the ashes.

"You always promised you'd be there." He whispered and his eyes glittered. There was silence and Edward did not feel the single tear that slipped down his face before he blinked and he lost focus again.

He stood up and walked to the door before stopping and turning around. His face was completely empty and a black line had appeared across his eyes. He walked back to the fireplace and pressed his hands together before laying them on the smoke blackened brickwork around the grate. There was a small answering glow within the dead embers that briefly shone before winking out. He stared at it for a moment, then reached in to the ashes and pulled out a piece of charcoal. Using it he drew a circle on the brick in front of the grate. He looked at it, the black mark in his eyes nearly covering the golden irises, and nodded his head before standing up. He left the room without looking back.

He climbed the stairs soundlessly and opened the door to Roy's room. The curtains were not drawn and the room was faintly lit. Edward walked over to the bed and got in, pulling the blankets up to his chin and turning his back to the sleeping man, closed his eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

Roy woke with a start and lay still for a moment before he sat up and looked around his room. The door was ajar and it took him a moment to realise he was no longer alone in the bed.

The blond head on the other pillow was barely visible as the blankets were pulled so high. Roy blinked and looked across at the bedside clock. It was nearly two a.m. He wondered how long Edward had been here and then wondered how Edward had managed to slip in here without waking him.

Roy leant over and pulled the covers down slightly. Edward was definitely asleep and he seemed very comfortable too, Roy thought as he saw the relaxed features of the young man. There were no signs of any distress or restlessness to be seen. Roy leant back against his pillow and wondered what to do. He wasn't about to wake Edward but he didn't want Al to worry if he woke up and found his brother's bed empty.

Roy pulled the covers back and began to get out of bed.

"Where you going?" A sleepy voice murmured and he turned to see hazy unfocused golden eyes looking at him. Edward had turned his head to face him.

"Just to talk to Al." Roy replied calmly.

"He's busy at the moment," Edward said in a slightly disgruntled, accented voice.

"What's he doing?" Roy asked, turning slightly to face Edward.

"She's crying again." Edward said in a baffled tone. "And Alfons is the only one she'll talk to now." He shifted and rolled over to be facing Roy. "She won't let me near her anymore and I don't know why." He added in a hurt voice. "I thought we were friends."

"I'm sure it's nothing serious, Edward." Roy replied carefully.

"You always say that." Edward said with a slight smile and his eyelids dropped halfway. Roy saw the unfocused look in his eyes deepening.

"Go to sleep Edward. You're safe here." Roy told him without thinking.

"I know." Edward said as his eyes closed completely.

Roy watched him for a moment and then at the door. With a decisive nod he slipped from the bed and waited for a moment, but Edward didn't stir. He used what little light there was to scrawl a note to Al and padded silently across the hall and into the other bedroom. He left the note on Ed's bed before going back to his own.

Edward had not moved and remained where he was as Roy slipped back into bed and lay on his back staring at the ceiling, thinking of all Edward had said earlier. The accent had been back so it had to be something from the missing years. Who was 'she', he thought and why did he pronounce Al's name so strangely? And why was Edward so comfortable with sharing a bed with him? Who does he see when he looks at me, Roy wondered. And what was their relationship he thought. He remembered what Edward had said a week ago. Someone had betrayed him and he had seen them die.

He looked at the sleeping blond. Had it been someone he had loved?

* * *

Al woke up early and stretched as he looked across and saw the empty bed. He sat up and was out of bed before he saw the note on the bed. He read it quickly and his eyes widened. The General had been concise.

'_Edward has come into my room, had a flashback and is now sleeping.'_

Al walked out of his room and saw the other door open. He hesitantly stepped into the doorway and looked across at the bed. Both men were fast asleep. Roy was still flat on his back having fallen asleep midway through his thoughts. Edward was facing the other way but had settled against Roy, his back pressing against Roy's side. Blond hair was trailing across Roy's left shoulder and Roy's left arm had somehow gotten trapped under Edward's head.

It felt a bit strange to Al to see the two of them like that. He could remember sleeping with Edward when they had been little and remembered how Edward would always try to take as much of the bed as he could. Judging from how close Mustang was to the edge, Al could see that that habit hadn't changed. He felt a twinge of what might have been jealousy that his brother had gone to Mustang rather than to his own brother even though he knew that he would not have been much help.

He left them there and went downstairs. The General had always seemed such a solitary figure. To see that dark head so close to his brother's had been odd. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen the General looking so peaceful either.

Everywhere was shadowed and he yawned slowly as he opened the lounge curtains to let the early morning light in. He turned and his eye caught on the circle on the fireplace. He frowned and went over to look at it. It hadn't been there last night.

He studied the lines that bisected the circle and blinked at the configured angles between the three points of convergence. It was so simply drawn and so elegant. It was almost like the pattern of the General's gloves but it had been modified down into a more basic, yet still potent form. It had something to do with fire, Al could see that much and the lines had restraining controls embedded in their placement.

Al took a breath and placed his fingers on the array. He didn't know what to expect so he was careful in allowing his will to flow through.

The flare of golden light around the circle startled him. No flash and crackle but a solid sheet of gold that overlaid the array before settling into the lines and burning the circle into the brickwork.

Al fell back on his heels in amazement as the ash and embers in the grate began to burn.

* * *

When Mustang appeared in the lounge room an hour later he found Al staring at the still burning ash.

"What did you do, Al?" Mustang asked as he studied the fire in amazement. It burned and yet the ash was not reduced any further. He couldn't see where the fire was drawing it's fuel from. There was no wood left in the grate.

"I didn't do anything, Sir…Roy." Al stammered, still finding it hard to call him by name when they were at home as Roy had asked him to. "It was here when I got up. All I did was touch it." And he described the reaction.

"The only one who could have done this is Edward." Roy said thoughtfully and gave Al a brief description of what had happened last night. "He could have done it before he came into my room, but how did he do it?" Roy looked closely at the array and his eye studied the lines carefully. He was very familiar with all forms of Flame Alchemy but this one had him puzzled. Somehow two lines had been combined into one and the bisected angle funneled the power ratios into a different array that wasn't even there. It was as if Edward had drawn two arrays, one on top of the other and only one could be seen.

"I couldn't even begin to replicate this, Al." Roy said, awed. "It's so deceptive in its simplicity."

Uneven steps could be heard coming down the stairs and Edward appeared in the door. Still wearing his sleepwear and his hair loose, his face was sleep hazed. He blinked at them and both Al and Roy stared as black bands flickered in his eyes before disappearing with the next blink. They shared a quick look as Ed asked in his usual blank manner.

"What's for breakfast?"

* * *

William DeWitt Snodgrass (1926- ): 'After Experience Taught Me…' _Selected Poems, 1957–1987_

Author's Note: Thank you so much for all the kind comments and reviews. This is so different to what I usually write that I really appreciate it.

It's getting complicated... but it will all make sense, eventually.

silken :)


	6. 5: Incursion

**St Edward and The Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 5:**

**Incursion: **_**n. **_**the act of entering some territory or domain**

_What fierce imaginings their dark souls lit?  
Earth! Have they gone into you?  
Somewhere they must have gone,  
And flung on your hard back  
Is their soul's sack  
Emptied of God-ancestralled essences.  
Who hurled them out? Who hurled?_

_I__saac Rosenberg 1922_

..00..

_The rumours were slow to reach Northern Command. A senile old man died under a falling tree and a drunken logger began talking of a monster in the woods. A few more trees fell and a logger disappeared. People began to stay indoors after the sun went down. People began to avoid the forest to the north as a sense of unease pervaded the area. People said they could feel eyes watching them and if you were very quiet, you could the sound of something breathing. _

_When the single manned outpost didn't report in at the usual time and they had waited a further two weeks, Northern Command sent some one out to investigate. The hut was empty and no-one had been there for at least three weeks judging by the state of decay of the food left untouched on the table. There was no trace of the soldier stationed there and the people couldn't recall the last time they'd seen him. The investigators heard the stories and shrugged them off, they knew how easily spooked the mountain people could be._

_But there was an enemy to the north and if you removed the monster from the stories, it was very possible that they had begun to infiltrate Amestrian borders. _

_A report was sent to Central._

* * *

General Roy Mustang leafed through the report, but his mind was still thinking of Edward and his array. Every time he turned around there were new questions and it was starting to annoy him that he couldn't just ask outright for answers. It was all well and good to tell Al to be patient when he found himself running out of patience.

Yesterday Edward had been almost chatty for all of two minutes before the curtain had fallen again.

"_Is this your array?" Roy had asked carefully as he indicated the circle._

_Edward had nodded. "Yes, it's more efficient." He had stretched and walked over to the fire. "As long as there is ash there. Otherwise you have to burn more wood to get the ash back."_

"_Where is the second array, Ed?"_

"_It's there, under the ash," and he had knelt down and leant forward to sweep the ash aside with his left hand before anyone could stop him. His hand had passed through the flames and a vision of hazel eyes and bloody circles filled his mind. He pulled his hand back and it came out of the fire, slightly reddened and he stared at it._

_Roy had stifled an exclamation and reached to grab Ed's hand to examine it when Edward had turned. His eyes had lost their focus and he stared at Roy. _

"_I should know her, shouldn't I?" He asked suddenly, his voice filled with curiousity and his eyes reflecting the fire. "Why am I screaming?"_

"_Who are you?" Roy had asked without thinking._

"_Edward …Pferd." There had been a noticeable hesitation between the names and Edward had frowned. His left hand had reached out, the fingers moving as if seeking something. _

"_The chain…it has my name." And Edward had fallen forward, his eyes closing as Roy caught him. Al and Roy had exchanged a startled look before Roy had sent him to get the first aid kit from the bathroom and had carried Edward to the sofa and managed to get him settled on it._

Edward had slept most of the morning and had awoken to ask about lunch and to question why they weren't going to the library today. When he had been told it was a day off, he had shrugged and gone to Mustang's study and begun to go through the books there. He didn't ask about the light bandage on his hand and when questioned about the array he had replied "I don't know."

Mustang leant back in his chair. Edward's hand was barely burned, Mustang had expected blisters to appear but all he had was reddened skin. Edward had shown no awareness of the fire as he had stuck his hand into it. It was as if he hadn't realised it could burn him. He had rung the doctor up but the doctor had not been able to offer any help except to advise them to be more vigilant with him. If his condition was affecting his awareness of basic self-preservation then it was possible he could fail to see other potential hazards. Mustang had passed that on to his office.

And last night Al had come rushing down the stairs after he had gone up to bed to say that Ed had ignored his own bed and gone straight to the General's. Roy had sighed and followed Al up to his room and they had both seen the golden head nearly covered in blankets sleeping peacefully.

"_You take my bed, Al. I'll sleep in yours." Mustang had said as he saw the tension in Al. He knew Al wanted to do more to help and was feeling left out with Edward's distance to everyone and his seeming attachment to Mustang rather than his brother._

_It had seemed the perfect solution until Roy had woken to the sound of a loud accented voice. He had hurried into his room and found Edward sitting up with unfocused eyes and shouting at his brother. Who was completely stunned and totally clueless as to what to do._

"_You told her about me, didn't you Alfons? How else could she know those things?" Edward's voice was filled with hurt and disappointment. "She says I can save them. She says Dad knows the way as well." Unfocused eyes glared at grey ones. "I thought I could trust you. You were my friend, Alfons!" His voice rose and the accusation in it was clear._

_Roy hurried over and placed his hand lightly on Ed's shoulder. Ed turned around and the smile that appeared on his face was so unexpected, Roy blinked._

"_What are you doing here?" Edward asked calmly, all traces of his upset gone._

"_I heard voices." Roy said casually._

"_You should tell Alfons to bring her with us next time. I'm sure she gets lonely staying home all day."_

"_I'll tell him, Ed."_

"_See Alfons, even he knows I'm right." Edward turned to his brother with the wide smile and unfocused eyes. Roy watched Al swallow. Edward's face resembled that of a twisted clown and Roy had to hide his own shiver. It was the blankness that stood like a second shadow behind him that gave his features an unsettling presence, and Edward was unaware of it all. He smiled again at both of them and settled back down under the blankets and went to sleep._

"_I can't... I can't." Al had said. "I can't stand to see him like this. I can't help him at all. He doesn't see me, he sees this 'Alfons' and it's not me." He had looked up at Mustang. "You stay with him, I can't… I just can't."_

_Mustang had nodded and watched sadly as Al had left to return to the other room. He had slipped into his bed and thought about Edward again. He had changed from one memory to the next in a split second and he had settled himself down after it rather than faint. Just what the hell was going on inside that blond head?_

Poor Al, he had placed such faith in his brother all through his life and to have it ignored now was hurting him. He had put so much stock in Edward's return and it was turning to dust in his hands. He was only fourteen, he didn't have the skills or knowledge to deal with this. Mustang snorted softly. Neither did he. He wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing half the time.

He and Al had talked briefly about Ed's outburst and the reference to his father especially had baffled them. The last time Mustang had seen Hohenheim had been at Resembool that one time. Al had no memories of his father and only the memories of Edward hating him as they grew up. Roy had told Al as much as he knew and had described that time in Resembool but he couldn't tell him everything because he just didn't know it all. None of them had known why he had left so suddenly or where he had gone. It didn't seem possible that Ed had met the same man wherever he had been, so who did he mean when he spoke of 'Dad'? Besides, neither Roy nor Al could see Ed ever calling Hohenheim 'Dad'.

Mustang sighed. He made a notation on the report, saying he didn't think the use of State Alchemists would be of help at this stage unless there was actual proof of any foreign incursion and then tossed it on the small pile of completed work. He looked at the much larger pile of things still to do and sighed again.

* * *

Al tried hard to concentrate on his studies as he sat in the library. Edward was still going through the shelves in that methodical manner he had. Pick the book up, scan it and then replace it. Get the next one. Repeat.

Al leant his chin on his palm and watched his brother. Brother. He wondered if Edward saw them as brothers still. Most of the time he used 'Alphonse' and not the familiar 'Al' he remembered from their childhood. And he called him 'Alfons' with that strange accent when he wasn't seeing him at all but someone else.

Last night Edward had looked at him with those unfocused eyes and accused him. It feels like he accuses me all the time, Al thought. He doesn't even talk to me. It's like I always have to speak first and wait for him to react. Like a puppet, but not completely. There's something he's looking for, I can see that, but he won't tell me. He just shuts me out. He's still my brother, but am I his?

It was a thought that was beginning to eat away at him. It didn't help that Edward seemed to be turning to the General, Al frowned. Although the General was just as puzzled as he was. Al sighed, it would be easier if he could find someone to blame. But there wasn't anyone at fault. Except maybe Edward or whatever was inside of him. Because Al was fairly certain that there was something else inside his brother and it was the reason Edward was acting so strange.

The General hadn't said anything yet and neither had Al, but he remembered those black marks he had seen in Ed's eyes. It had startled him and he hadn't seen them since, but he couldn't forget that they had been there. It had unnerved him and he took it as yet another sign that there was something seriously wrong with his brother.

The array had been brilliant. They had waited until later and had cleared the ash away to reveal the second array and they had stared at it. They didn't even know how he had drawn it. It had been under the ash. How had Ed drawn it without moving the ash? He had to have been able to do alchemy to project the second array, but Edward still seemed unable to use it. Al had tried to get him to do some last night but nothing had happened and Al had been left feeling disappointed and confused.

But Ed's knowledge was awesome, Al thought. To have designed that array without studying Flame Alchemy in any detail and then to have drawn that array was nothing short of genius. Even the General had been stunned by it. It irritated Al that Edward was able to demonstrate such knowledge and yet was unable to recognize his own brother half the time.

He wanted to sit Edward down and question him. To ask him about all the things that confused him. To demand the answers he knew were in there somewhere. The General kept saying to be patient, but Al was running out of patience.

* * *

"_Do you see it yet, Edward?"_

The faint whisper tickled at Edward's ear and he stiffened slightly. He lifted his head slowly and looked around carefully. Alphonse was taking notes and not staring at him as he had been doing most of the morning. The librarians were all occupied elsewhere. No-one had said anything but he knew they watched him, waiting for him to slip into the places they couldn't follow. The places that scared them and he could never remember. The General was taking no chances and someone was always near him.

Edward found their concern vaguely irksome but very useful. He had used it to get himself better access to restricted materials and to bring books home. He failed to see why they needed to watch over him. If they would leave him alone and just let him complete his search there would be no need for them. To him, it was their presence that triggered the episodes and if they weren't there, there would be no reason for him to be sent into the places inside.

"_You need them, Edward."_

Edward frowned. The words were echoing strangely and his silver circle had not appeared. He had come to rely on that circle. It was the one thing he could trust. It always appeared when he needed it. It was the centre of his balance, of his mind. But it wasn't here now. Why wasn't it here? I need you, he called silently.

"_You think a circle will help? Haven't you learned anything yet?"_

Edward spun around, the book falling from his hands. He stretched his left hand out and grabbed at the empty air and his fingers tingled. He opened his hand and flames seared across his palm, burning through the glove and the light bandage still wrapped around his hand. His eyes narrowed and the black rose to encircle his golden irises. He stared at his hand and the flames moved into a slow circle.

"It doesn't exist." He said hollowly.

"_It never did."_

The flames died and his hand was left with a warm sensation. The ring on his finger felt heavy and he stared at it.

"Why are promises made when they are not kept?"

"_To lie is to be human."_

"I am not human." Edward blinked and a flicker of flame slipped from his finger.

"_You are dead."_

Edward laughed and his voice broke as he slipped to his knees. He blinked and the circle appeared in front of him. He stared at it and it settled back into the corner of his mind. I missed you he said to it and it shimmered slightly. The black disappeared from his eyes and his lips twisted into a smile.

"I am dead." And he slipped further, unaware of the arms around him and the voices calling and talking in hurried whispers. He barely saw the concerned grey eyes as his eyes closed and he felt his little void catch him.

* * *

Al sat on the floor with his brother in his arms while the librarians called Headquarters. He had looked up at the sound of the book falling and had watched with dread fascination as Edward had made flames appear in his hand and he had seen those black marks appear in his eyes again. Edward's words worried him, especially that last remark.

Al looked over at the discarded book. Had there been something in there that had triggered this response? Al had never seen Ed react to any of the books he scanned. He had seen him pause occasionally but never anything like this. Was it the book or something else? What was in his brother? What was inside his head?

Edward lay quiet in his arms and he watched the closed eyelids flickering. He sighed. No matter what, this was still his brother and he couldn't ignore that. Maybe this man in his arms wasn't what he had hoped for when he had wanted his brother back, but this Edward was the only true family he had left and he never wanted to lose that. He leant forward and rested his cheek against the top of his brother's head. I just wish… I will always wish, but I'm glad you're back, Brother.

Roy Mustang looked at them as they sat there. He had hurried over to the library as soon as they had called the office. He could smell the faint acrid scent of Flame alchemy and he saw the burnt scraps of glove and bandages on the floor. Al was looking a little pale but more calmer than he had seen him look over the last few days. And Edward was sleeping like the dead as he always did after these episodes.

"Al?" Roy asked softly, not wanting to startle the boy. Al lifted his head and looked up at him as Roy stepped closer and sat on the nearest chair. "Are you alright?"

"Yes." Al nodded and looked down at his brother.

"Tell me, Al."

Al spoke slowly, trying hard to be clear about what he had seen and heard. Roy looked surprised as Al described the flame that had appeared but he didn't doubt the boy. The words Edward had spoken worried him but he kept that from Al, he could see that he was already worried enough.

He slipped from his chair and knelt beside them. He reached and lifted Edward's left hand. They both looked at it. It was still faintly red but there were no marks or burns on the palm. Roy pulled off the burnt remnants of the glove and then placed it to rest on Ed's chest.

"I honestly don't know, Al. Whatever it was that Edward did, it's just unheard of." Roy was puzzled. "We know he doesn't use circles, but no-one has ever produced flame without a spark first."

"I think the black marks in his eyes have something to do with it." Al said hesitantly. They both looked down at the now closed eyes.

"It's possible, Al. We'll just have to keep watching over him." Roy almost smiled at the sigh Al gave, but said nothing. "Do you want to take him home or stay here until he wakes up?"

"When he wakes up, he's just going to go straight back to the shelves again." Al remarked and Roy nodded. "I think we'll go home. He has books there." By the time Edward woke up from his faint, it would be time to leave anyway.

"Alright Al. Havoc's outside with the car."

Edward was too heavy for Al, so Roy carried Edward to the car and took them home. Al went ahead and opened the doors and they decided to put Edward in the lounge. Al laid his fingers on Edward's array and the fire began to burn. Edward was right, he thought. It was much more efficient this way.

Roy left to return to the office and Al made himself comfortable with his notes while Edward slept for the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

_The severest storm in twenty years moved through the Northern districts and villages were cut off from the main routes. Trees fell and landslides closed roads. Hard to find and difficult to navigate goat trails became the only way in and out of the Northern Reaches Districts. The blizzard that followed closed them and the area was effectively isolated from the rest of the country._

_Several older people succumbed to the cold and their bodies were kept in an old shed until the ground cleared and thawed enough for the men to be able to bury them. Wolves could be heard through the bitter nights, moving closer to the village. And when a child went missing, the men gathered together and went out to hunt them down._

* * *

Edward woke up and stretched and looked around. Alphonse was reading and frowning over something in his notes. There was the smell of cooking in the air and he could hear plates chink from the kitchen. Mustang must be here too.

He turned his head to stare at the fire. He had gone back to his void again. He could feel the lingering tug of the white space behind his thoughts. The glimmer of his circle distracted him and he watched it for a moment. He wondered where it went to when he couldn't see it and felt his mind shift to recall some of the alchemy texts he had read this morning.

He was halfway through contemplating a paragraph he had memorized when the fire popped and his eyes flickered. Overlaying the remembered page was his circle and it twisted around itself, lifting the words into a spiraling reflection. Two circles, one of silver, one of words. He followed each fluid twist with his eyes. They seemed to be dancing as they spun around each other, moulding to reflect and replicate the other with a silent grace.

Edward felt his eyes getting heavy as he watched and he frowned slightly. He was sinking and there was nothing beneath him. He tried to blink but it was very hard to open his eyes again. The circles swirled and he could just see the fire behind them. He lifted his hand, reaching towards it, trying to pull it to him through the circles. He could feel his eyes go out of focus and he frowned as he felt himself slipping into a shadow. His fingers twitched and he felt them tingle just before his eyes closed and he fell into the darkness.

* * *

"_There are words that mean little, Edward. One must always find the meanings behind the words." The man's voice echoed around the small room and Edward nodded._

"_The truth behind the truths." He said._

"_That's a good way to phrase it, my son. But see, when you have a truth, how will you know it to be _the_ truth?" The golden hair, so like his own but faded through time, caught in the dying firelight._

_Edward frowned. "There is no _one_ truth."_

"_And behind those words?"_

"_There is more than one truth?" Edward stated, but he questioned it slightly. _

"_You will always seek one answer, Edward. It is the nature of the Alchemist." _

"_Why do I never find that answer?"_

* * *

Al watched closely as Edward twitched in his sleep. He had looked up from his notes and seen Edward reach his arm out. The eyes had been empty and he had seen them close as Edward had fallen half off the sofa. He had called out to Roy, who had come running and they had placed him back on the sofa.

They were a bit surprised at the suddenness of this episode. Al hadn't even known he'd woken up so they had no way of knowing if he had been awake for a while or just gone straight into this turn. But they had never seen two attacks this close together and Edward had said and done nothing to warn them an attack was imminent.

The list of questions kept getting longer and longer. It was becoming harder to sit back patiently and watch over him. Both wanted answers and it was only the fear of that original empty state that kept them from demanding the answers from Edward.

Barely an hour passed before Edward woke up. He stretched and yawned.

"When's dinner ready?" He asked as he looked across and saw Alphonse watching him. The intensity of those grey eyes let him know that he had had another episode and one that had obviously worried them. Alphonse didn't normally stare that hard. Edward mentally shrugged and his circle twinkled back at him. He did not understand why they worried about him like that. It didn't make anything better or bring him any closer to the answers he was seeking.

"Soon, Ed. Roy's getting it ready now." Al said.

Edward nodded in reply and picked up the book closest to him and began to read. This time the words stayed on the page and he had to be shaken out of his reading when Roy came in with dinner.

* * *

Edward went to sleep in Roy's bed again that night. Al merely sighed and shook his head when Roy asked if he wanted to try sleeping with his brother again.

"No." Al looked at Roy. "Whatever is in Ed at the moment, it doesn't want me there. He doesn't see me. That is my brother, but he doesn't see it the same way I do."

"Al…" Roy began.

"It's ok, Roy. I've been thinking about it for a few days and I knew it today when he collapsed at the library. And it's alright, I'm ok with it. I have the exam to prepare for. There are things that only I can do, and that's the first one. After that, I will find others." Al paused. "I'm not going to try and fix things that just can't be fixed yet. I know that one day, Ed will be back, properly, the way he should be, the way I want him to be but I can't make it happen just because I want it to happen."

"Al, if the Edward we both wish for was here, he would be as proud of you as I am." Roy looked at the young teen and smiled. "I think you will be of more help than you think. If there was one thing that kept Edward sane during those years, it was you. No matter how changed he may be, I believe somewhere in there he knows exactly who you are."

* * *

As if testing them further, Edward had no episodes for a whole week. He was calm and obedient. He read and scanned the books. He did as he was told, he accepted everything without trying to gain any special advantages. It was unnatural and it worried Roy and Al. The air of complacency that seemed to surround him made them edgy. As if Edward knew something they didn't and he was simply humouring them.

He slept every night in Roy's bed and Roy got used to waking up with a face full of blond hair and the occasional weight of an automail arm lying across his chest. Edward slept heavily and Roy sometimes found himself lying awake and watching the sleeping face. It was hard to believe the serene face in the night became the emotionless shell during the day.

If Edward dreamt, he kept them to himself and it was Roy who woke up shaking one night as the ghosts of Ishbal made their annual call.

He lay there and trembled. Every year on this one night he could not keep them at bay. They would walk through his dreams, dressed in his flames and pointing at him as their eyes bled. Even when he managed to shake them off and wake up, he would still see them. An unending parade of those he had killed, of those he had failed. He shivered as the sweat dried across his forehead and he sat up, his knees rising. He leant his elbows on his knees and placed his head in his shaking hands.

There would be no more sleep for him tonight. The fire and a half bottle were what he needed now. They would get him to the morning and through the next day and tomorrow night it would take him awhile to get over his fear of sleep but he would finally fall into a dreamless one.

He jumped when two arms wrapped themselves around him and he felt himself pulled back down onto the bed. Flesh and automail held him lightly but securely and he found his head placed on Edward's shoulder. The light accented voice echoed beside his ear.

"Didn't I tell you that I could help you too? Why do you insist on bearing it all by yourself?"

There was gentle concern in the words and Roy turned his head slightly to look at Edward. The eyes were unfocused and the expression on his face was one of tenderness. He had never seen Edward look like that, ever. Not even when he had been looking at his brother.

"Edward?" Roy asked hesitantly, not sure what memory Edward was reliving now.

"You worry too much, liebling." And Ed leant forward and brushed his lips across Roy's ear before settling him back on his shoulder. "Sleep. I'll watch this time."

Roy shivered at the light caress and wondered at the protectiveness he heard in Edward's voice. That answered some of his questions as to why Ed had been comfortable sharing a bed with him and what their relationship had been. It was rather a shock to consider Edward old enough to have been in such a relationship. Was this why he had a wedding ring and yet had said that it had not been allowed? Single sex relationships were not something the Military frowned on, but it wasn't something they wanted advertised either.

He felt rather relaxed as he settled into Edward's shoulder. If he turned his head slightly he could see the calm relaxed face and hear the slow beating of Edward's heart in his ear. Roy found his eyelid growing heavy and he fought the sleep he had not expected to see again tonight. Edward's breath was warm against his face and he heard amusement and tenderness in his voice.

"You always have to fight it, don't you." Edward pressed a soft kiss against Roy's lips. "Sleep or you get the couch tomorrow." The words were more caress than command and Roy could feel Edward smile as he settled back into the pillow. There was an ease of long standing intimacy in his accented words and actions. Roy was almost jealous that Edward had known this and as his eye closed, he wondered. He wondered just how similar he looked to whomever Edward was seeing when he looked at him.

* * *

When Roy woke up the next morning, his head was still on Edward's shoulder and he had turned in the night to lay his arm across Edward. The nightmares had not returned and he felt rested despite his earlier broken sleep.

He looked at the sleeping man. Edward had the serene peaceful expression on his face that Roy enjoyed seeing the most. Roy smiled as he eased himself away from Edward. He watched as Edward frowned and shifted slightly, his hand reaching out before he settled back down into sleep. His hair had loosened from the tail and golden strands were caught across his face so Roy reached over and gently pulled the hair away. His eye caught the glitter of gold and he looked down to see the chain Edward always wore had slipped from under his t-shirt.

Roy looked at it. He hadn't seen it since Edward had placed it around his neck at the hospital. The thin golden band seemed to match the one Ed had on his finger but the heavy signet ring seemed out of place. Roy lifted it carefully, not wanting to disturb Edward. He turned it to the light and saw the raised design. He froze and stared at it for a long moment before looking at Edward. He knew this image. He could draw it with his eye closed. He _had_ drawn it with his eyes closed in the past.

It was the same symbol as the one on the back of his gloves. It was his transmutation circle.

* * *

Roy sat in his office later that morning staring at his gloves. He realised that there was one small difference between the signet ring and his circle. The salamander was missing but other than that, it was the exact same symbol. Who's ring was it, he wondered. Given the automatic way Edward had placed the gold ring on his own finger, the fact that he had not done the same with that ring seemed to indicate that it didn't belong to him. Keeping it on a chain around his neck though indicated an attachment to it or to whoever it belonged to.

It was easy to infer that whoever had worn the ring was the one Edward had thought him to be when he had held him last night. But then who did the other gold ring belong to? And the small bracelet he had never seen since either. That had been small, more suited for a woman's wrist. Or a small child's. Roy knew how Edward felt about the innocent and about children especially. Edward would always try to protect them and he would go to great lengths to ensure their safety.

Had he lost not only his love, but also been unable to help others more innocent than he had ever considered himself to have been? Roy knew Edward would have been devastated, but would it have sent him into this mentally dislocated state, or was there still more that he was missing?

Roy had not told Al all the details of last night. He wasn't sure how he would react if he knew that his brother had been involved with another man. Roy was no stranger to the way relationships formed within the military. When you lived through hell, sometimes the only ones who could help were those who went through it with you. During Ishbal, it had been common for men to find comfort with each other. A single night of striving for something other than death. To touch someone and to be touched in return. To know that you were not alone. Roy had had his share of those nights and the fleeting relief had been sweet at the time, but afterwards, like many others he had found it impossible to continue. To hold them in your arms was to feel that you were still dancing with the dead. Roy had found other ways to dull the memories. Women, because he still craved physical touch and alcohol, because it helped him forget. And he had had a goal to work towards.

But Edward had obviously found happiness in a single sex relationship and his partner had had bad nights too. Actually, as Roy thought back, it sounded as if they both had bad nights. '_I'll watch this time_' had been Edward's words. And the relaxed open ease with which Edward had held and caressed him suggested something much deeper than a relationship built on comfort fucks. Roy was not sure how he was going to react if Edward continued to see him as his partner and decided to do anything other than the light caresses. Ishbal had been a long time ago and his relationships had all been with women since then. And much as he cared for Edward, he hadn't considered caring for him in a physical sexual way.

He had loved the boy and found respect for him as he grew up, he had always looked after him, watched over him but he had never wanted him physically. But Edward wasn't a boy any more Roy, he told himself. He's taller, older and lost. And he sees me as someone he loves, or loved if the other me is the one he saw die. What if he asks and I can't say yes? What if he asks and I can't say no? Would rejection hurt him more than acceptance is going to hurt me?

Roy groaned. And he thought he had finally found some answers. All he had now, were even more questions. And he still had Al to consider. How much could he or should he even tell him?

He had told him about the insignia on the ring and Al had been as mystified as he was as to how Ed had come across that symbol wherever he had been. They had spent an hour talking about it as Edward had seemed to be rather lethargic this morning. He had risen later than normal and had spent an extra fifteen minutes in the bathroom and he was moving slower than usual, almost as if he was relaxed, but still with the same light blank expression on his face.

Something was definitely moving in Edward. Al was right, he thought. There had to be something else in there. The strange, almost magical alchemy, the black that had appeared twice that they knew of in his eyes, the way he could swing from memory to memory and then not recall what he had said ten minutes earlier. The 'I don't know' reply that he gave was probably true. Edward didn't know, but there was something in there that did. And it had its own agenda. It was using Ed, it had to be.

And Roy Mustang was going to find it.

* * *

_The men of the Northern Reaches hunted tirelessly for a week and brought home the carcass of every wolf they could find. They shared the furs between them and the wolves disappeared. There was no more howling in the night, no more tracks to follow._

* * *

There was something different about Edward today. Al could feel it. The relaxed way in which he moved, the almost languid way he pulled books from the shelves and flicked through the pages. Had something else happened during the night? Roy might not have seen it, like he had not seen the one from the other day. But there was something from last night Roy had not mentioned and Al was curious as to why the man had not told him everything.

Al didn't know what Roy had left out but after two years of people side-stepping his questions he had developed a sense for when information was missing. He wasn't going to press Roy yet, because he had seen the puzzled expression on his face, and Roy had been honest with him on most other occasions. He knew Roy would tell him sooner or later.

He watched Edward skim through another book and sighed. Did Edward plan to go through every book in this library in the same way? Even scanning them as he was doing was going to take him months. Al shook his head. If there was one thing this new brother of his had that the old one had lacked it was patience. And Al found he hated that change more than anything.

"I'm going to get the coffee, Brother." Al said as he stood up, unable to watch anymore.

"Okay Alphonse." Edward replied in his calm voice, his eyes never lifting from the page.

Every morning when the librarians made their morning tea, they made some for Ed and Al. Al liked to go and collect it and would often bring them in biscuits or small cakes as a way to thank them. It gave him ten minutes of not feeling like his brother's keeper.

Today they were talking about the opening of a new extension to the library. Apparently the old First Branch had burnt down years ago and they had finally finished building the new one. Files and papers that would have been housed there, had it still been standing, had been building up in the stacks of the main branch and it was getting hard to find any more space for them. With a new extension opening, they would finally be able to move them over to their proper and rightful places.

Al enjoyed their chatter and offered to help if they needed it, but they smiled and said they'd manage. But they would keep him in mind if they needed him.

When Al got back to the shelves, Edward had disappeared.

Al took a deep breath and told himself not to panic. Edward had probably gone to the bathroom. Al ran to the bathroom. There was no-one there. There was a viewing platform on the upper level. Al sprinted up the stairs and looked out over the whole ground floor. No black coated, blond haired brother. He ran as fast as he could back to the librarians and they spread out, searching everywhere.

They met in the middle of the ground floor and all shook their heads. Edward was nowhere to be found. One librarian came running back.

"The guard says Edward passed him."

Al went pale. Edward hadn't been on his own since his return and now he was out there wandering around? He dashed to the phone and rang Roy.

* * *

The General organized a search party before he went to the library. All the way there he kept looking for the bright golden blond head.

Al getting frantic was the first thing that Roy noticed and he placed his hands on the boy's shoulders to calm him down. He half-heard Havoc talking to the staff and concentrated completely on Al.

"He'll be fine, Al. Your brother has more lives than a cat and he always lands on his feet." Roy said, keeping his voice light, despite the worry gnawing away at his own stomach.

"Normally perhaps, but now…" Al was unable to continue and he tried to take deep breaths to stop himself from breaking down in front of the older man. "He's not the same anymore, Roy." He whispered.

"I know Al." Roy said soothingly. "But I have everyone I can out there looking for him. And we need you to help." He looked at the boy and saw the grey eyes darken.

"How can I help? I remember even less than he does of this place." Al shook as he was faced with his missing years again. Roy cursed silently, he hadn't meant to upset Al.

"Al, you and Ed never spent a great deal of time in Central during those years so I don't expect you to remember places. What I want is for you to remember before that. Where would Ed be drawn to if he had to be on his own? I don't know if he's gone looking for something specific or just wandering, but we have to start somewhere." Roy spoke evenly and watched as Al straightened and the shadows cleared from his eyes. His face still remained pale, but Roy knew the colour would soon return.

"I always went to the river, but Ed liked to climb trees sometimes." Al said thoughtfully as Roy guided him out of the library. Havoc followed them.

"We'll try both, Al. Don't worry, we'll find him." Roy said and settled him into the back seat as Havoc started the car. "The river first, Jean."

Havoc nodded and pulled smoothly away from the kerb.

* * *

Edward Elric walked through Central like a shadow, avoiding all contact as he strode purposefully forward. The black coat swirled behind him as he sidestepped both people and cars, and paced evenly down streets and pavements alike. His eyes were almost blank and he rarely looked around him. His thumb was pressed against his ring and the silver circle shifted constantly in his mind.

It was a relief to be away from the watchers. He had taken the chance when Al had gone for the coffee and walked straight out the door. He had to go somewhere. He wasn't sure where or what it was but he knew he would find it, as long as he kept his mind empty. It was the thoughts that disturbed him, that disrupted the sanity within his void.

He stopped suddenly and turned into an alley. He looked up and half expected it to be raining but it wasn't and he frowned lightly as he walked to the end wall. There was a large weathered stain on the bricks and he placed his left hand against it. It looked as if someone had splattered red paint against the wall a long time ago. So long ago the colour had all but disappeared and only a hint of the original colour could be seen. His eyes went hollow for a moment before he blinked back into his usual blankness.

"Arrogance or pain. Which will you leave behind?" He said in a quiet voice before turning away from the wall and leaving the alley.

He slipped back into the city and walked with the ease of long familiarity through streets he had never seen before, past places he had never been before. He didn't think of Al or Mustang, he kept his mind empty and let whatever was in him guide his steps.

It took him little more than an hour before he found himself standing in front of a derelict building. The roof had caved in at some point and the doors hung crookedly on their hinges. An old iron cross had fallen from the roof and leant drunkenly against a wall. Edward stared at the shattered windows and the coloured glass that lay scattered on the ground. There was a bloodstain beside the broken doors and he stared at it briefly.

He hesitated, his eyes flickering from hollow to blank, before he stepped forward and disappeared into the building.

* * *

_Four days after the wolves disappeared, another child went missing._

_Three more children disappeared before Northern Command sent another report to Central Headquarters._

* * *

Isaac Rosenberg (1890 – 1918): "Dead Man's Dump."

Author's Note: Thank you so much for all the comments and reviews. I really do appreciate each and every one of them. Writing is so much more enjoyable for me, knowing that you are out there waiting.

silken :)


	7. 6: Information

**St Edward and The Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 6: **

**Information: _n. _knowledge derived from study, experience, or instruction  
**

**----  
**

_Once more in man's frail world! which I had left  
So long that 't was forgotten; and I feel  
The weight of clay again,- too soon bereft  
Of the immortal vision which could heal  
My earthly sorrows…  
_

_George Gordon Byron, Lord Byron 1821_

..00..

Havoc drove as fast as he could. Al kept his face pressed to the window as they sped along, scanning the streets for his brother. Roy was doing the same on his side. He had sent his crew out to the hospital, the library and other places he knew Edward was capable of remembering if this wandering was the result of a flashback.

There didn't seem to have been a catalyst for this episode. Edward had simply walked out. He recalled Edward's relaxed manner of this morning but he doubted the blond had preplanned this. Edward didn't plan anything at the moment. He seemed to be living from one thought to the next. There was no continuity in his manner.

It worried Roy. If one thought had sent Edward out of the library, what would happen when that thought ended? Would he be able to find a way back to the library or would he be at the mercy of whatever his next thought might be? What if there was no next thought and he just collapsed into one of his faints? He rubbed his gloved fingers together as he worried. He had the urge to set something alight just to relieve the tension in his shoulders.

Al kept his eyes moving as he watched. Ed had to be out here somewhere. Ed would never have left without a reason, no matter how obscure or twisted it was, he had to have a reason. The problem was Al thought, that in Ed's current condition they didn't know if the reason was something from the last two years or from before that. There were too many possibilities. And what if it wasn't Ed, but that other side of him that had sent him out into Central? What reason would there be for that to happen?

Al's fingers twisted together as he fretted, his eyes burning as he tried hard not to blink in case he missed seeing that blond head.

* * *

Edward walked slowly between the fallen beams. He looked up. The roof had collapsed and debris was everywhere. Tiles had shattered upon impact, the supporting battens and beams had smashed windows and pews alike. Leaves and other wind-blown litter was scattered in random drifts across the floor but it hadn't begun to pile up in the corners. The damage was too recent for the weather to have conquered it yet.

Edward kept his mind empty and he moved effortlessly past the wreckage and found the dark entrance. He stared at it for a long moment. Blood had pooled at the threshold at some point and was now a black stain that he stepped over as he entered into the shadows.

It was cold and his eyes were wide. They shifted from gold to black occasionally and he strode through the darkness with sure steps. His footsteps echoed but he didn't hear them. Shivers went up his spine but he ignored the feeling as he passed what appeared to be a large spike jutting from the floor.

He stopped when he came to the ledge and he looked out into the vast cavern. His face lifted and he stared at the stone sky above and then he brought his gaze down and looked upon the devastation of what had once been a city.

"_One small step."_ The voice whispered. _"One small step and you could fly."_

"I have flown too high already." Edward said emptily and his words echoed.

* * *

They followed the river and saw no trace of him. Havoc stopped the car several times and Al would get out and ask but no-one had seen him. Mustang could see Al getting more and more anxious and he wasn't feeling any easier either.

Havoc stopped near a public phone booth and called the office. Fuery had been left there and he had no useful information to pass on. No-one had seen him. He hadn't come to the office, he hadn't reappeared at the hospital either under his own volition or in his collapsed state. He hadn't returned to the library or gone back to Mustang's house.

Al was running around in mental circles. He didn't know Central very well. He knew where a few places were and that was it. Headquarters, the library, the station, the hospital, Mustang's house. They were the main landmarks he knew. Ed had virtually the same ones he realised. The older memories were the ones that neither of them could consciously remember. The fact that Ed had not appeared at any of the obvious places meant that an older memory had been accessed.

"Where else would he know?" Al muttered.

"Pardon, Al?" Mustang queried coming out of his thoughts, thinking he had missed half of Al's sentence.

"Edward. He has to have gone to somewhere from an older memory. He's not at any of the new ones." Al said. "I mean, where else has he been since he came back that we haven't covered? So it has to be something from the past…"

"Wait, Al. That's it!" Mustang exclaimed. "Havoc! Ring the hospital, get Hawkeye to ask the doctor exactly where they found Edward."

Al watched as Havoc bolted from the car and back to the phone booth.

"You said it, Al. Where else has he been since he returned? The only place we haven't been is the place where he was found. If, if he has any connection to a place, it would be that one." Roy said.

"And if he's not there?" Al asked hesitantly.

"Then we will keep on looking, Al. We will find him." Roy said firmly and saw Al relax slightly. There was no way he would abandon Edward.

Havoc came sprinting back and slid into his seat. "The doc said it was some old abandoned building. There'd been an explosion the night before and the roof had collapsed. Ed was found just outside of it. I have an address." He said hurriedly as he started the car.

* * *

Edward descended the long staircase. The city was a ruin. Buildings had toppled and fallen, rubble littered the streets and fissures and small crevasses scarred the landscape. The wreckage was widespread as if a natural disaster had stormed through and laid waste to everything in its path.

He didn't pause as he took the last step and kept walking. He watched as his silver circle swung in front of his eyes and his body automatically stepped past litter and debris. When he found himself outside the large building he blinked and his hands shook briefly before his circle shone bright again. He walked up the steps and through the shattered doors.

The floor had once been elegantly tiled and the walls hung with damask. Now it was shrouded in dust. Must and mould scented the air and there was an emptiness that seemed almost palpable. Edward slipped through the silence like a ghost. He went without hesitation through the faded halls and forgotten rooms. When he came to where large ornate doors had once hung he slowed his pace and he stood just inside the large room.

Slim marbled pillars supported the surrounding tiered balcony. Red velvet hung in tatters from the high cupola ceiling. The parquet floor was scratched and indented. Edward looked at the large intricate array and walked to the outer edge as his eyes emptied of all awareness of his surrounds and he saw his void appear.

"_Do you remember?"_ His silver circle shimmered at the corner of his mind as the words slipped across the white centre.

"No."

"_Do you want to remember?" _

He did not reply as shadows suddenly tried to crowd into his void. He looked at them and shivered, his mind reaching for his circle. It stayed just out of his reach and he tried again. The shadows moved around his centre and his circle surrounded them. He studied the pattern they made.

"_Do you want to remember?"_

"Yes." He hesitated but the word left his mouth and the shadows split as his circle tightened and cut through them to encircle him.

"_Then begin."_

Edward's eyes remained empty as he took off his gloves and coat. He knelt at the array's edge and with his right finger began to scratch a circle within the large array. He pressed hard and ignored the screeching that echoed around him. Line after line, curving and crossing in predetermined angles.

Every line connected brought a shadow across his centre. Every angle left a stain across his circle. Every curve sent a tremor through his mind.

"_Continue."_

Edward crawled onto the array and kept his finger moving, scratching a line. An inch, then a foot and then two yards, three. The line grew longer the further he crawled. Blank eyes didn't see the array beneath him as he drew his line. In the centre he began to scratch out another circle. Not quite the same as the first but very similar.

The shadows in his mind grew thicker and heavier and his circle became deeply tarnished, the silver peeling away. A black line began to weave between the shadows, thickening as his finger kept moving. It pulled the shadows into the remnants of his circle and as he closed the last line on the array the light in his mind disappeared completely.

Edward Elric wept.

* * *

Mustang frowned as Havoc drove towards the address the hospital had given them. He kept looking around and his frown deepened. Al watched curiously as the General began mutter under his breath.

"Left here and then the next right, second right after that." His voice got slightly louder and Havoc tilted his head.

"You know where we're going, Chief?" He asked, his eyes flicking to the rear view mirror.

"Yes, Havoc." He stared back at the blue eyes. "I should have realised it earlier." He looked at Al and then back at Havoc.

"When we get there I want you to go back and get the others, Jean. Depending on what has happened to Ed, we just might need the help."

Havoc nodded and drove faster.

"Al, I don't know what to expect, but I want you to promise me that if I tell you to do something you will do it. No arguments. No asking why. I need to know I can trust you to obey implicitly."

Al hesitated. The General was looking uncommonly serious. Could it really be as dangerous as his words seemed to imply? But his brother was there and he trusted the man beside him.

"Yes General." Al said and Roy smiled at him.

"Thank you."

Havoc braked hard and Al and Roy got out of the car. They all looked at derelict building.

"Get the others." Roy said again to Havoc. He pulled out his watch. "Give us until five. If we're not back by then, be discreet. Don't let everyone come looking for us."

Havoc nodded and Roy watched the car disappear before he took a deep breath and turned to face the old building. Both of them saw the large bloodstain near the doorway.

"This is the last place I saw your brother before he disappeared." Roy said quietly as they stood there. Al turned and looked at him. The General's eye was fixed on that rusty brown stain. "He said you had gone ahead. That you were waiting for him. I left him here. He never told me what he was looking for, or why you were already here. I didn't expect it to be two years before he returned."

He began to walk up the steps and entered the building. Al followed him and they walked carefully through the destruction. Al's eyes were wide and he stared around him as they went. If he had been here before, he was hoping to remember something, anything.

They both stopped in front of the door that led into the darkness. Mustang frowned at the large bloodstain. He would bet that Edward was responsible for both stains. Edward had walked in here over two years ago. And somehow, nearly six months ago he had staggered out of here. Bleeding, badly injured and with half his mind gone. Mustang looked at Al and hoped he was doing the right thing by letting him come, although he knew there was no way Al would obey a command to stay here.

Mustang stepped into the cold shadows and began walking carefully. He heard Al following him.

* * *

"_Why are you crying?"_

Edward lifted his right hand and felt the cold steel on his face. He lowered his hand and there was moisture on his fingers. He looked at his left hand before lifting that one and feeling the wetness this time. He looked at his hands. One steel, one flesh. Smudged tears on his fingertips.

"I don't know." Ed murmured.

"_Why would you cry unknowingly?"_

"Because I should know." He said in a firmer voice.

"_You would determine that?"_

"Isn't that why I am here?" Edward's eyes went blank.

"_Perhaps. Do you remember?"_

"There are shadows." Edward replied.

"_Who casts the shadows?"_

"I can not see the light." He said.

"_Then it is not there."_

"But there are shadows." He repeated and he frowned as he looked at them. He reached out and felt a coolness against his hand. The shadows swirled and he stiffened as eyes stared out at him. They blinked, their colours shifting grey to hazel and then back to grey.

"_Is knowledge the same as truth?"_

"No."

"_Will knowledge lead you to the truth?"_

"Yes."

"_You always were a fool."_

Edward shuddered and the shadows closed in on him, dragging cold fingers over him. The eyes stared at him and circled him and he tried to turn to watch them. The shadows shifted around him and he stood up as the eyes rose above him. I know you, he thought, I do know you. The eyes gleamed at him and disappeared. No. Come back, he thought. The shadows hung on his shoulders and he turned around, seeking those familiar grey eyes.

"Come back! Come back!" He didn't realise he was shouting. "I said, come back!" He yelled and clapped his hands together.

* * *

Roy looked out over the devastated city. It was the first time he had seen it. He had sent Hawkeye here after Edward had disappeared and he had listened to her report in disbelief. Even she had seemed to have had difficulty in believing it and she had seen it. He had sworn her to secrecy and no-one had known of what lay beneath the ground. But she hadn't said anything about it being laid waste like this.

Al stared. The place was huge and vast and his eyes were wide as he looked around. He didn't remember seeing anything like this before. It was incredible to believe that he had once been here and couldn't recall any of it. He looked up at the ceiling, roof, or whatever you called it. How would it feel to be under here with no sky he wondered. Had people actually lived here? The General was looking rather stunned by it too.

The loud explosion had them looking across at the large plume of smoke and dust that suddenly billowed upwards. They exchanged quick glances.

"Edward." They both said at the same time and they turned to run down the long staircase. Roy tried to keep his eye on both the stairs and the large pillar of smoke. At least he knew where Edward was now. He had been feeling a bit daunted at trying to find him in this huge city. He looked across at Al. The boy was doing the same thing. Watching the smoke and watching his feet.

They ran faster as another explosion shook the ground.

* * *

The echo of his clap had not died when the flare of alchemy rose around him and the percussive wave surged to the ceiling blowing straight through the old stonework. Blue glowed as the falling debris disintegrated and Edward ignored it as he spun around again.

"Come back damn you!" Edward shouted. The blue light flickered and settled into the lines he had scratched across the array earlier. Like glowing water it shimmered as it filled the scratched grooves in the floor. The large array beneath it dimmed as if it had slipped into the floor.

The shadows flickered across his eyes and a sliver of light had him spinning to the left. He clapped again as he stamped his foot down onto his small array. The light flared and the ground shook as it rocketed upwards in another shock wave and enlarged the hole in the roof.

"_Do you want it so badly?"_

"It is mine." He said and his voice had taken on a firm edge.

"_Are you sure?"_

"Yes."

"_But you don't know what it is."_

"It is mine." Edward repeated. Shadows were tugging at him, he could hear a whispering starting in his ears. His breathing seemed to be loud and there was a pounding inside of him that he couldn't define.

"_What will you give?"_

"Anything."

* * *

Roy and Al kept running towards the smoke. The place seemed to be deserted and Roy was rather glad for that, although that made him more worried about whatever Ed was doing or facing in that building. They pounded up the steps and Roy caught Al by the arm before they entered.

"Al, remember. You promised me. If I say to go, then you go. If I tell you do anything, you do it. Without question. You can ask anything you like afterwards."

"Okay." Al replied. He felt his heart beating really fast and he was scared and he could see that Roy was worried.

"Sometimes doing what you are told is the hardest thing Al, but trust me, we will get Edward out of whatever he's gotten himself into." Roy looked at him and Al nodded.

Their heads lifted at the sudden angry scream and they surged through the doors and sprinted down passages, following the echoes.

They crashed to a stop as they saw Edward.

He stood in the centre of the large room. There was a large array beneath him, but it was barely visible. A small linked pair of circles glowed a vibrant blue and Edward was standing on one of them. Blue light surrounded him like a soft nimbus and it moved as he did. His eyes were wide and staring blindly. His right arm rose and metal fingers fisted as if holding onto something.

"_Do you see it now?"_

"It is mine." He hissed and his back arched as the chain snapped around him.

"_Will you claim it?"_

"Give it back to me!" He screamed his demand again.

He felt the fire burn through another shadow in his mind. There was heat running through him. His blood had become liquid fire and each breath burned. Every shadow gone cleared a line in his mind. He could see faces, words, blurred through the heat but they were there and he would do this, he would make it come back.

"It is mine." Edward said clearly, every word cutting through a shadow. "Give it back to me."

"_Who are you?"_

Edward stood there and his empty eyes turned to his hand and the chain that only he could see.

"Edward Elric."

The chain shattered as a blackness covered his sight, darker than the shadows and a scream echoed behind his mind. He held his breath as a face appeared. Then another and another. Flashing faster and faster. Words poured into his ears and he struggled to hear them. He began to shake and he fell to his knees as the sights and sounds continued.

Roy watched and kept a hand on Al's arm to keep him from rushing forward. They heard Edward speak and didn't know who he was talking to but Roy heard the life in it. There was none of the blandness he was so used to hearing. Even though he could hear the strange accent, it was Edward's voice of over two years ago. The tone of that screamed demand sounded so familiar. The blue aura shifted and changed, closing around the blond as the golden eyes went blank and his face paled. His eyes began flickering between black and gold.

Roy watched closely and saw him fall to his knees. His head fell back and he looked straight up to the hole in the ceiling. Roy signalled Al to remain by the door and prepared to move to the side of the array. Edward's lips were moving but he couldn't hear what he was saying.

"What's happening?" Al asked softly before he obeyed as he had promised.

"I don't know Al, but whatever it is, when Ed collapses, I want you to run." Roy said.

"What do you mean?"

"He's very shaky, Al. He looks like he's about to pass out. When he does, the alchemic reactions should stop too. I want you to get ready to run, because I am going to be right behind you."

"With Ed?"

"Yes." Roy heard the need for reassurance in Al's voice and remained calm. Edward was looking extremely pale now and sweat was starting form across his forehead. The blue glow deepened and sank lower. Roy could hear Ed's breathing become louder. The lips kept moving and he slumped, his head falling forward.

Roy kept his eye on Ed and inched closer, shifting around to face him. The golden head lifted and wild eyes stared at him. Edward was a ghastly shade of white, he looked as if he was feverish and he was shaking. The blue glow disappeared.

"Roy?" He asked, blinking as if unsure that he was really seeing him. Roy saw the irises turn black and Edward's face twisted.

"Bastard!" He hissed and Roy nearly took a step back at the hate in that single word. "Fucking bastard!" Edward surged upwards, adrenaline flooding into him pushing him beyond the exhaustion he felt.

He staggered forward but straightened further and swung his left arm towards Roy. Mustang ducked and stepped back, dodging the next swing from Ed's right arm. Edward was shaky and slightly un-coordinated and it was only that which saved Mustang as Edward kept moving, attacking with every step, his eyes fixed on Roy's face.

"Edward." Mustang said calmly as he jumped back from another mad swing. Ed's face was dreadful to see. The white exhaustion was apparent but the hate filling his eyes burned across those black irises.

"How can you still be alive?" All he could see was Roy's face. That single eye and dark patch. "I killed you, bastard!" He spat and he saw the dark eye he knew better than his own, widen. Anger and hate surged through him and he gave himself completely over to it. He would kill him again if he had to.

He lunged forward and saw the eye flicker and he leant backwards instinctively as a gloved hand went past his face. He stumbled back slightly but then managed to swing his left leg around and felt it connect. The grunt of pain made his lips curl in a feral smile and he leapt forward again ready to follow it up with his right arm.

A snap echoed in his ears as flames flared in front of him and he staggered backwards.

"Fullmetal!" A voice shouted and Edward froze. His black eyes widened. Roy never called him that. Never. The heat of the flames made his eyes water and he saw them die down. Roy was on the other side of them, one hand pressed against his hip and a gloved hand raised.

Edward stared and felt his mind tilt. It was Roy and it wasn't. The look on his face was different. There was wariness and caution, but none of the cruelty he had seen earlier. But the hair and the single eye were so familiar.

"Fullmetal." He saw the man's lips move, he heard the name and then he blinked and he finally looked past the face and saw the man. He saw blue, the military blue he had not seen for two years. His head shook from side to side. He saw the gloves and the red circles and his head kept shaking. He looked at the face again. It only had one eye.

"Mustang has two eyes." He croaked in denial and he could feel himself going cold.

"I lost my eye the night you disappeared, Fullmetal." Mustang spoke carefully. He didn't feel it wise to use Edward's given name just yet. Edward was visibly unstable in body and mind. Mustang could see it in his face and the way he swayed as he stood there. Memory had obviously returned to the young man but it was worse than he had imagined. The intensity of his attack had startled him. Edward had been completely focused on killing him. Alchemy had been his only defense. He knew he was no match for Edward in a physical encounter.

"How?" It was more demand than question and Edward hung on the answer. He felt himself balanced between shadows and both were pulling at him. There didn't seem to be a preferred side to fall. Both were frightening.

"Archer shot me." Mustang said simply and Edward dropped to his knees.

"Mustang?" It was a thin disbelieving whisper of sound. Edward could feel himself shaking and he had to blink to clear his suddenly blurred vision. If that was Mustang then that meant… that meant he was back but that wasn't possible. His little array should have led to a dead end. The Gate would have opened and gone nowhere. How had he passed through? His head dropped slightly and he looked at the floor. He took a hard breath and saw the large faded array and his eyes widened.

His head shot up and he looked at the wall behind Mustang. He knew this place. He had died here. Al had sacrificed himself and the Stone to bring him back and he had offered everything to get Al back. Al. He looked at Mustang and he swallowed. His hands shook and he fisted them tightly. He was afraid. He wanted to ask if Al had returned and he was afraid. What if he had failed? His arms shook as he felt his fists tighten further. He blinked and looked down at his hands. One was automail.

Roy saw absolute terror appear on Edward's face as he stared at his hands. When the black eyes looked at him he took a small step forward and knelt in front of him, keeping his distance just in case Edward regressed back into his memory. Confusion and fear warred for equal space on the young man's pallid face.

Ed had to try twice before he could make anything come out of his mouth. "Al?"

Mustang's eye looked to the side and Ed's head followed. He saw dark blond hair above a pale face. Wide grey eyes stared at him and the teenager looked as scared as he felt. Edward was silent. He was staring at eyes he hadn't seen in six years. If anything could persuade him that this was not a dream it was those eyes, but then he looked back at his hand. Automail. He hadn't had that in two years.

Edward was caught in a looped thought. What was real and what wasn't? Less than an hour ago he had been dying and exacting his revenge on those who had betrayed them. Less than an hour ago he had brought the whole castle down around him. He looked up. There was no chains, no dragon. He looked around. There were no bodies, no hustling minions, no machinery. No dead eyes staring at him. There was only one thing to do and Ed did it. He clapped his hands and placed them on the floor.

It buckled and a small figure barely four inches high appeared. It looked vaguely horse shaped and he stared at it. He and Al had once made these figurines when they had begun learning alchemy. He looked at his hands. He could do alchemy. He had to be back. This was not a dream, everything was real. He looked at grey eyes again. That really was Al.

"Al." He said.

Al stared at his brother. It sounded like his brother, even though the accent was there. The eyes were black but they were looking at _him_. He was being seen as Al. Not 'Alphonse' and not 'Alfons'. His hands shook as he licked his lips.

"Brother?" His voice was tentative. He had seen his brother apparently intent on killing Roy. He didn't understand what was going on, but that was his brother and he was really, properly back now. He had to be. He was looking at _him_.

"Al." Ed blinked but didn't manage to stop all the water he felt in his eyes from falling. Several tears slipped past and he was quick to wipe them away. He saw Al shoot a quick look to Roy…no, not Roy. This was Mustang. Roy was … gone.

Ed couldn't move. He wanted to go to Al but his muscles just weren't moving. All his energy was gone. He could only watch as Al took a hesitant step closer. He was so tired and that was his brother. His eyes were heavy but that was Al. Whole and complete.

"Al." He lifted up a suddenly very heavy arm, reaching for his brother. When slim arms went around him, he smiled and whispered "brother" as his eyes closed and he felt himself slipping into darkness.

Al looked at Ed. He was smiling. He looked at Roy and Roy smiled at him.

"It's ok, Al. I think everything was just a bit overwhelming for him." Roy looked around. "We should probably get out of here and go somewhere much more comfortable."

"Do you think he's all right now?"

"I don't know, Al." Roy frowned slightly. "I think something has happened and Ed has suffered a great deal. He might not want to talk about it just yet."

"But it is him back now. He's really, really back."

"It certainly looks like it, Al." Roy said but he didn't think it was going to be as simple as that. Something had pushed Ed into his diminished state of the last months. And Edward's eyes had lost their golden colour and were now black. There was something going on and Roy was going to keep a close watch. This was not over, he was sure of it.

Roy picked Edward up and Al led the way out of the building. It gave him a strange feeling knowing that this vast city was down here, unknown and untouched beneath the city above. They made their way quietly to the large staircase and they paused as Roy caught his breath. Edward was not exactly light. They started going up.

* * *

Edward heard voices as if from a distance and he felt rather weightless. He listened and the voices came closer.

"…do at home?" That sounded like Al and he listened closer.

"It will be Ed's choice, Al." The deeper voice rumbled in his ear and he stiffened. That was Roy's voice. Arms tensed around him slightly. "Fullmetal?"

Not Roy, this was Mustang and he opened his eyes slightly. He blinked. His head was on Mustang's shoulder as he was carrying him up a long staircase.

"I can walk." He protested, still feeling dazed and Mustang stopped walking.

"Are you sure, Ed… Fullmetal?" The single eye looked at him with barely concealed concern and Ed nodded more firmly.

Mustang let go of Ed's legs and let them slide to the ground. He kept an arm around the young man as Ed straightened up. Ed was grateful for that as he felt his knees buckle and he had to grip Mustang's jacket to remain upright.

"Are you sure?" The deep voice asked again and he nodded. He could do this.

"Yes, I'm just a bit tired, that's all." Ed replied letting go, and nearly fell over.

"Still as stubborn as ever, Fullmetal." Mustang's voice was laced with amusement and he tightened his arm around Ed's waist. "Come on. You walk and I'll just hang onto you."

Edward frowned but realised he had little choice in the matter. It was either accept it or be carried again. And he did not want that. He looked up as they started again and found Al watching him. He automatically smiled. It was incredible. His brother was here and alive. Ed didn't think he would ever get tired of looking at his brother.

"Where are we going, Al?" He asked just wanting to hear his brother talk.

"We're going home so you can rest, Brother." Al said. Ed's eyes opened wide.

"Home? Home where?"

"At Roy's place." Al replied and Mustang felt the shock that ran through Ed and he stopped moving.

"What?" Ed went white and he looked from one to the other. "Since when is Mustang's place home?"

"We've been living there the last month, Edward." Al looked confused.

"That's not possible, Al." Mustang could feel Ed getting tense.

"We've been there since you left the hospital, Brother."

"Al, I haven't been in a hospital since Lab Five."

"What's Lab Five?" Al asked.

The brothers stared at each other and Mustang's eyebrow rose.

"You don't remember Lab Five?" Ed asked in disbelief.

"Edward." Mustang said slowly and the black eyes looked at him. "Al doesn't remember any of those four years."

Ed's eyes opened wide. "Nothing at all?"

"No." Mustang shook his head. "Al was brought out of here by a young woman, Rose I think her name was. She said you had disappeared and she had found Al unconscious in the middle of an array."

Ed shook his head slightly. Had Al's memories been part of the price paid to restore him? Ed had never known if the price he had paid had been enough and now he knew that something had been taken from Al as well. My fault, he thought.

"I guess we have a lot of catching up to do, Al." Ed said, thinking that he was never going to be able to tell Al everything that had happened. Judging from the fleeting pressure he felt from Mustang's hand at his waist, the man knew that too. He shot a quick glance at Mustang and had to stop himself from flinching back as he met the single eye. The similarity was disturbing. It was hard to keep from taking a step away.

Al's smile was wide. This really was his brother and he would be able to tell him what no-one else could. Al knew that he would have to be patient but he felt as if a large weight had been lifted from him. He wouldn't have to worry about Ed wandering off or collapsing anymore. His brother was back.

"You don't remember being in the hospital, Fullmetal?" Mustang asked and took a step forward. Edward moved with him and they began climbing the stairs again.

"No." Ed reiterated. "I haven't been in hospital for years."

"Then how do you explain your automail?" Mustang asked calmly.

Edward frowned. He knew that tone. Mustang was making a point and was doing it the long way.

"I lost my automail when I crossed over two years ago. The Gate has given it back."

It was Mustang's turn to frown at the unknown reference, but he left it alone for now.

"Ed, you spent nearly five months in the hospital here and had your automail reattached over two months ago."

Ed shook his head. "No, Mustang." His face darkened. "I've only just returned." He saw both Al and Mustang shake their heads in negation.

"Edward, you were found in the street above us with no automail, severely beaten and bleeding badly from several bullet wounds." Mustang said bluntly.

Edward stopped and he shivered. He remembered the fight. He had seen them die and then he had seen the face of their betrayer and his whole world had collapsed. He had received the first of his wounds there. For all his slenderness, Roy had been a vicious fighter and it hadn't taken long before both had been bruised and bleeding. He shuddered away from recalling the rest of it and tried to bring his thoughts back to concentrate on what Mustang was saying.

Six months. How could he have been here for six months? It just wasn't possible. He had assumed that his automail and healed wounds had been because of his passage through the Gate. And Al and Mustang would not mislead him in matters of importance. They had to be telling the truth as they saw it. Something didn't feel right. But he didn't understand why there would be such a time difference. Did the Gate control time as well? He thought about it as they kept walking up the staircase.

* * *

By the time they reached the top, Edward was exhausted. He was sweating and his breathing was rough. He leant against Mustang and forced himself to place one foot in front of the other. Al moved to his other side and they both helped him through the dark passage and out into the ruined church. He blinked at the destruction and looked around him as they walked. He drew in a soft breath when they finally left the building.

Three cars were parked and blue uniforms were gathered around. Edward looked at them and smiled as he recognized each and every one of them. People he had never expected to see again. Seeing them reinforced the knowledge that he really was back, that it wasn't a dream.

Mustang's crew turned and stared at the three of them, their eyes fixed on Ed. He looked dreadful. His face was white, his bangs were stuck to the sides of his face and his hair was half out of its usual neat tail. His gloves were gone and he was wearing just a shirt and trousers. But it was his eyes that had them silent. Completely black, all the warm golden light had gone.

Hawkeye stepped forward and there was relief in her voice even if she allowed none of it to show on her face.

"We were nearly about to go after you, Sir." She said evenly.

"Still babysitting the Colonel, Hawkeye?" Ed asked lightly and was rewarded with wide eyes and the merest hint of a dropped jaw as Hawkeye turned to him. Edward did not, had not spoken like that at all in the last few months.

"The Colonel is a General now, Edward. He needs closer watching." She said, regaining her composure. Ed laughed weakly and she could hear how tired he was. She shared a quick look with Mustang and knew he was aware of it too.

"And I thought he'd stolen someone else's jacket." Ed remarked. Stopping was a bad idea as he could feel himself starting to shake again. He had to keep moving, but his two crutches were not inclined to walk further and he began to sag between them.

"Edward needs to rest. You should be taking him home, not letting him stand here." Hawkeye said firmly and she saw Edward frown slightly and try to pull himself up. Al and Mustang walked him across to the car where Havoc opened the door and they let Edward collapse onto the back seat. Al slipped in to sit beside him.

"Tell the others he's found and call them back, Hawkeye." Mustang said and he saw the questions in her eyes. "Organise an appointment for tomorrow with the doctor and let me know when it is. Clear tomorrow for me."

"General…"

"Riza." He stared at her and kept his voice low. "I have no answers at the moment. For you or for me." She nodded and took a step back. Neither of them did well with mysteries and she was going to have to be patient. She could see that Roy was having to hold himself back as well. It was only after Havoc had driven away that she realised Roy had entered the car and sat in the front and not the back as he usually did.

* * *

Edward leant against his brother as they drove through Central. He was having trouble thinking straight and all he wanted was to collapse somewhere and not have to move again for a week at least. Every time he looked at Al, he would get a smile and he always smiled back. He'd have to get Al to let Winry and Pinako know he was back, but if he'd been here for six months, surely they'd already know that, wouldn't they? Who else would have done his automail?

Mustang's house. Al called it home. He had not been that surprised Mustang had not sat in the back and he had felt slightly grateful to the man. He was going to have to talk to him. He could see it in Mustang's eye. He was aware of Ed's ambivalence towards him and he probably had some idea of why. After all Ed had just tried to kill him. But how much more of it he had guessed, Edward didn't know. But not yet and not in front of Al. It was not something he wanted his brother to hear. His eyes felt very heavy. It would be so easy to fall asleep right now.

Al looked at his brother as he slept. He turned slightly and Ed's head shifted against his shoulder. He couldn't keep the smile from his face. His brother was back. It was as if his heart was beating that phrase through him. The black eyes worried him slightly but everything appeared to matter less now that his brother was back. There were stories to be shared and time to be spent with each other. Edward would move back into his own bed and they'd be able to talk and be together all the time.

Mustang turned slightly in the front seat and watched the two in the back. Al was looking euphoric and Roy was worried how he was going to feel when it wore off. Ed had never been one for dwelling on the past, Al might not find Ed as amenable to filling in his memory as he wanted him to be. But then again, Ed had never really been able to deny his little brother anything.

Ed's attack had been a complete surprise but it had answered several questions and went some way to explaining his mental state. But there was more, Mustang was sure of it. The black eyes alone told him this was far from over. He was going to have to talk to Edward but not with Al present.

* * *

Mustang had to carry Edward into the house. They couldn't wake him and they settled him onto the lounge sofa and it was an hour before he stirred and found himself covered by a blanket in a strange room with Al reading nearby. He still felt very tired and his eyes heavy, but he was comfortable and he didn't intend to move for some time yet.

"Hey Al." He said quietly and watched his brother turn and smile at him. He smiled back as Al put his book down and came closer, sitting on the floor beside the sofa.

Ed reached out with his right hand and then changed his mind and used his left to pick up Al's pony tail.

"I thought you said you'd never grow it long." Ed said and Al looked down at the floor before he lifted his head.

"When did I say that?" He asked and saw Ed's eyes widen.

"You really don't remember?" And Al shook his head. "What's the last thing you do remember?" Ed asked curiously.

"I remember putting my hands on the array to bring Mum back but that's all." He saw Ed look away and heard the sharp intake of breath. "I've had dreams of the armour and other things. But I don't know what's real or not. All I have are stories."

"I'm sorry, Al." Ed said softly, his eyes still averted.

"Why, Brother? You couldn't help not being here."

"I should have been here. It's all my fault." Edward looked at Al. "It was my fault for putting you in the armour and for not being here when you needed me."

"I don't remember it being your fault, Brother. I wanted her back too." Al stared at his brother. He could see the guilt. "And you got me back. Everyone has always told me that you promised you would restore me, and you did. You kept your promise."

"But you lost your memories, Al." Ed protested. Brother or not, Edward couldn't believe forgiveness was so easily given. He had spent so long blaming himself that he could not let go of the guilt.

"You are back, Brother. I have all I need now." Al said simply and Ed had to swallow past the lump in his throat. He stared at the dirty blond hair he held and felt it against his fingers. Real hair, real flesh.

"You were everything I ever wanted, Al." He said slowly. Restoring Al had been his only goal for four years. He watched the hair slide over his hand and his eyes caught the glitter of the ring on his finger. His face darkened and pain made him hold his breath for a long moment.

"Brother?" He heard Al asking and he took a deep breath and blinked. Al was looking worried and Ed let Al's tail go and tried to smile as he used his left hand to straighten the blanket.

"I'm ok, Al."

Mustang stood in the doorway and watched. He saw the shallow smile and his sharp eye caught the ringless hand that reappeared after Ed had pulled the blanket straight.

* * *

"What the …?" Ed stared at his reflection and saw his black irises. He put his hand up to his face and pulled at the skin around his eye. He had black eyes. When the hell had that happened? How had that happened? His eyes had been their usual colour this morning.

Al had gone up to shower and Mustang had taken the dinner dishes away. Ed had stood up to look around the room and had seen his reflection in the decorative mirror to the side of the fireplace. He had noticed how pale he looked and then had seen his eyes. He had blinked and gone closer for a better look.

"How could they change?" He muttered as he turned his head from side to side and saw his eyes shifting.

"We don't know, Edward. They were golden this morning." Mustang replied from the doorway. He kept his distance as he saw Edward flinch. Edward looked away and then looked back.

"I'm sorry. It's not you, it's…" Edward began to say, ashamed at having flinched but unable to stop it. Mustang shook his head and he stopped.

"You don't have to apologise. I do understand some of it." Mustang said and Ed looked down, a pale blush across his cheeks. "You have done nothing to be ashamed about."

Ed turned away and stared back at his reflection, the blush fading. The black eyes stared at him as he shook his head. He had plenty to be ashamed for and all his revenge had become dust in his hands. He had survived and they hadn't. He had come back and found his greatest mistake corrected. He hadn't realised that there was just as much shame in surviving revenge as there had been in surviving sacrifice.

"Edward." Mustang's voice was hesitant and he waited until Ed turned to look at him. "I've moved your things into Al's room."

Edward blinked. His things?

"My things?" Ed asked. Mustang's tentative manner alerted him and his eyes widened. He went so white Mustang thought he would faint. "No." He denied in a breathless whisper.

"No, Edward. It's nothing like that." Mustang said with all the reassurance he could muster.

"Then what was it?" Ed asked hoarsely.

"You slept in my bed. That is all." Mustang said firmly. Edward went red and then white again and Mustang strode across as the young man swayed. He stopped abruptly before he got too close and merely said "Sit Edward, before you fall down."

Edward sat down in the nearest chair. His head was spinning. "Why was I … sleeping in … I mean, why would…? And Al… oh shit." Ed gave up and groaned, placing his head in his hands and leaning forward.

"You slept there because you wouldn't stay in yours. And may I say you are the most uncomfortable person I have ever shared a bed with. For someone your size, you certainly seem to need a lot of space." Mustang remarked and saw the blond head shoot up, outrage on the pale face.

"What the hell? I do not hog the bed, you're always…" Edward came to a stop and he stared at Mustang in dismayed shock.

"Ed, I am not him." Mustang said gently and Ed closed his eyes and lowered his head at the understanding he heard.

"I know." He replied just as softly. "You just look like him."

* * *

Edward sat in the darkened lounge and stared out the window. Al was disappointed with him he knew, but he really hadn't felt like talking and he had waited until Al had fallen asleep before sneaking out of their room.

After realizing just how much Mustang had managed to figure out he had become wrapped up in memories he really didn't want to think about. But they hurt and they were too new to want to be ignored. Edward had never managed to wallow in self-pity. He always fought it and tried to tell himself that it wasn't pity he was feeling. It was guilt or it was shame or it was blame. Never pity.

He was fighting against it now. Betrayal stung deeper than he had ever imagined it could. And it was his fault. He should have realised, he should have known. There were no happy ever afters if your name was Edward Elric. Just a continual procession of mistakes and errors to collect and carry with you.

Elric. He could have his own name again. After eighteen months of being someone else, of having to deny his parentage and his knowledge, he could be himself again. Not that it had made any difference. They had all been betrayed from the beginning.

"Edward?" Ed looked up and saw Mustang standing in the doorway, a concerned expression on his face. "Are you alright?"

Edward stared at him. Black pants with a robe thrown around his shoulders. For a moment Edward felt time slow and another Roy stared across the room at him.

"_Another nightmare, Ed?"_

"_No, just can't sleep." A shrug and then smiling as a hand pulled his hair free of its band. Turning to see the gleaming eye and sliding his left hand across the smooth chest as he leant against him. Arms sliding around each other. _

"_We can sleep later." The tempting smile and his laughed reply._

"_We always sleep later."_

Ed blinked and the ghosts disappeared. Mustang had stepped closer but was keeping a careful distance.

"Are you alright?" Mustang repeated and Edward looked at him. He opened his mouth to reply when he heard a little voice in his head.

"_Pferd means horse."_

* * *

_The five man squad Command sent to help allay the fears of the Northern villagers did not return from their patrol._

* * *

George Gordon Byron, Lord Byron (1788 – 1824): "The Prophecy of Dante."

Author's Note: Finally it's here. Forgive the delay and hopefully the rewriting and a stubborn Edward are not too noticeable…

Thank you so much for the comments and reviews. I really appreciate them. They keep me writing.

silken :)


	8. 7: Nocturnal

**St Edward and The Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 7: **

**Nocturnal:**_** adj**_**. Of, relating to, or occurring in the night**

_…there comes over me this hour  
A wondrous longing for my latest sleep.  
I long to drowse, and fall upon eternal sleep;  
I want to sleep, but not to dream, and not to wake;  
Pass hence, and yet behold no region more;  
Fade from this company of distracted men  
Where all are mad deluders, or else sick deluded…  
_

_Wilfred Owen 1912_

..00..

"_Pferd. Roy Pferd. Pleased to meet you" And the dark haired man held out his hand. Edward stared at him in shock. He was looking at Roy Mustang. Except for the eye patch. "You ok, kid? You look like you've seen a ghost. Come on in, I have the spare room ready for you." The voice was slightly different, accented and easy. He had never heard the Colonel sound as friendly as this man did._

_Edward followed him into the small house without saying a word. He had grown over the last six months and Mustang… no, Herr Pferd was only about six inches taller than he was. Edward wondered if this man was the same height as Mustang. He sighed, he knew he would never be able to go back and shove his new found height into the bastard's face. But it would have been nice._

"_Hey, you awake there?" Came the light teasing voice and Edward blinked and found himself looking into a single dark eye. He stepped back, startled at the other's proximity and saw the face twist into a resigned acceptance. "It's alright, kid, don't be scared. I don't bite."_

"_I'm not a kid!" Edward replied forcibly. "And I'm not scared either!"_

"_Everyone gets scared at some point, kid." The man smiled at him and turned to go up the staircase. "Come on, this way to your room."_

* * *

Edward stared and then he laughed. Mustang heard the bitter edge as the young man turned his head and looked out the window again.

"Go to bed, Mustang." Ed said dismissively and Mustang frowned.

"I'm not tired." He replied and sat down. He saw the tremor that went through Ed as he settled into his chair. Ed remained still, keeping his face turned away and ignoring him.

Ed wished the bastard would go, leave the room and not come back. He was so much like _him_. It wasn't enough that he looked like _him_, he had to be as stubborn as _he_ had been as well. He closed his eyes and images of Roy flashed through his mind. He opened his eyes and shuddered. How was he ever going to be able to sleep again?

It hurt. He hadn't thought anything would ever hurt as much as automail surgery. He never thought anything could even come close to it. And like before, he couldn't let it out. He had to find somewhere deep inside to bury it all again. So Al, so no-one would ever know just how much of a fool he had been. How blind he had been, how trusting. What was worse? Losing everything you loved? Betrayal? Both?

It hurt. It was solid lump of pain right in the middle of his chest. It echoed behind every breath he took, it pulsed with every beat of his heart. A constant throbbing that he could not ignore. That wouldn't let him ignore it. Physical pain he knew how to deal with, he had ignored that on many occasions. But this was different. This was a soul deep hurt that just wouldn't stop.

It hurt. It hurt to be here, to still be alive. He should be happy, he should be proud. He was back and Al was alive. But he wasn't. He was supposed to be dead. He wasn't supposed to be feeling all this hurt. Where was the oblivion he had wanted? Where was the _end_ of it all? They had all died and he should have died with them. Being here was failing all over again. He had failed when he had tried to bring his mother back, he had failed to completely restore his brother. And he knew he had failed to make their deaths worth anything by surviving.

Mustang watched Edward. The unnatural stillness he held himself in as he sat there, sideways on the couch, knees drawn up and his arms tight around them. Mustang knew that Ed had forgotten he was here and he was even more sure that those black eyes were not seeing anything out that window. He had seen those strange eyes flicker and had wondered what thought had slipped through Ed's mind to make him go pale and sound so bitter.

Edward was hurting. He could see that and he could do nothing but sit here. He was too similar to the one Edward called 'Roy'. He had speculated on how similar he was to whoever Edward had been involved with. He hadn't expected to have it proven so suddenly.

"_You just look like him."_ Edward had said and there had been so much regret in those words. Edward had loved, still loved, the one he looked like. The 'Roy' that he wasn't. It was that likeness that kept him from being able to get close, to talk to Ed. To help him. Edward had _flinched_. Edward had never flinched from anything in his life before, but the sight of Mustang had made him draw back. There had been no fear in his eyes. Mustang didn't think he could have coped with seeing fear in Edward, seeing that pain had been more than enough. And shame.

Why the young man would feel shame was beyond him. Mustang was not offended at Edward's reactions. It was understandable to a degree. To see a face that had so many memories attached to it and to know that it is not the one you wanted was going to cause anyone pain. And then to find you had been sharing a bed with that someone and you knew nothing about it would be disconcerting at the very least.

But Mustang was more concerned over why Edward had tried to kill him. Or rather, the 'Roy' he resembled. They had been close, all the evidence proved that, then why had Edward been so set on killing him? It was beyond possibility that there was a twin to this other Roy, so it had to be the same one. What had the other Roy done to cause Edward to hate him enough to kill him?

Mustang recalled the tenderness Ed had displayed last night. Had it only been last night that Edward had kissed and eased him back into sleep after that nightmare? It felt so long ago. There was no intimacy here now. Just Edward wrapped in his secrets and pain. What had caused the lover to become a killer? Edward has said he had already killed him. And the hatred he had seen in Edward's eyes. Mustang had never seen anyone's face hold that much hate before.

Only betrayal could have caused such a turnaround, Mustang thought. Ed's reactions hinted at something more than just an ordinary betrayal though. Edward was not someone who would kill a cheating partner. No, this was something much worse. Mustang let his eyelid drop halfway and kept watch.

Edward shivered. Guilt. It had been a familiar feeling for so many years. Ever since that first transmutation he had carried it with him every where. It had deepened the shadow behind Al, it had made his automail feel heavier and it had been in his eyes every time he looked in the mirror. He had thought he had managed to finally lessen its' burden. For the first time in years he had actually seen his eyes smile without shadows. His lip curled, yeah and look how that turned out. That was why you didn't trust people, Ed. That was why you didn't let yourself get close to anyone, he told himself.

They were all going to let you down sooner or later. They would leave, they would lie to you and they would betray you. Everyone had gone, everyone had betrayed him. And he was the last one left.

Guilt. The guilt of putting his brother into that armour had allowed him to face automail surgery without making a sound. He had never thought anything could equal that burden but now he had found it. Survival. It was not what he had planned for. It was not what he had wanted. It should not have happened.

But it had and he was back here now. Faced with the last person he wanted to see. How ironic that the one he loved… had loved, had looked almost exactly like the one he had once hated.

It had been strange at first, living with someone so familiar and yet who was different in other ways. It had taken him nearly a month before he could even speak to him without wanting to call him 'bastard' or 'Colonel'. But it had been necessary for his safety, for theirs. They had all told him so and he had believed them.

"Idiot." He muttered, unaware that he was speaking out loud. Mustang looked at him through his half-closed eye and saw the silent tears on the pale face. Edward had been weeping for a few moments now, slow tears that simply dropped from the corner of his eyes. Mustang didn't think Edward knew that he was crying. He watched as Ed began to rock slowly. Mustang had never felt so helpless before.

He knew what it was like to be caught up in pain and hurt and wanting only to be left alone with it. He had resented Maes for coming in and dragging him out of that misery. He could have stayed there forever, which wouldn't have been too long if he had ever found the nerve to attempt those circles. He wondered if Edward was feeling that siren call. Twice Mustang had found himself so close to the oblivion he thought would redeem him. And twice he had failed to take that last step. Pull the trigger, touch the circle. It had seemed so easy until you got to that moment right before the point of no return.

He still didn't know if he was a coward or brave for not having taking that next step.

He looked at Edward and then closed his eye. Edward had taken that step. Twice he had touched that circle. Attempting to do the impossible. He had even achieved it. And he had paid high prices every time. Would he, could he do it a third time and want nothing but redemption in nothingness? Mustang did not want Edward to reach that point. Edward had been through enough, he didn't need to suffer those thoughts as well, Mustang thought. Which was why he was sitting here, pretending to sleep as Edward cried silently, and not able to go across and offer anything as simple as a hug because Edward would _flinch_.

"Just go to bed, Mustang." Edward said quietly and although there were wet tracks on his face, there was no sign of tears in his voice. Mustang stayed still for a moment.

"I know you're not sleeping." Edward sighed.

"Neither are you." Mustang said quietly, keeping his eye closed.

Edward made an indescribable sound and Mustang could almost hear the shrug that went with it. There was a small rustling movement and then silence again. He could hear Edward's breathing so he knew he hadn't left the room. After hearing it every night for the last week, he was familiar with the sound.

"You didn't have to tell me about my things earlier." There was reluctance in the accented voice.

"Perhaps not. But would you rather have heard it from your brother?" Mustang replied calmly.

Edward went silent and Mustang waited.

"You know I wouldn't." The voice was slow and almost resentful. Mustang nearly missed hearing the sigh that followed soon afterwards. "I didn't want to hear it from you either."

"And just moving them back and saying nothing would have been better?" Mustang asked logically. He counted to one hundred before Edward replied.

"Maybe." To have stayed ignorant just a little bit longer. To not know that Mustang knew.

"Only Al and I know, and he didn't see anything in it." Mustang replied in an even, almost disinterested tone. He got to ninety this time.

"Al's still innocent." And Mustang nearly lost his composure at the self-hatred and bitterness that permeated those words.

"Everyone is innocent at some point." Mustang said carefully.

"No-one stays innocent." Edward replied with a derisive snort when Mustang reached ninety in his mental counting.

"Some stay innocent longer than most."

"Because people are too stupid to see what's there." Edward sneered slightly at eighty-five.

"There is nothing wrong with being innocent. They should have every chance to stay innocent for as long as they can." Mustang replied easily, hiding the dismay at the harsh edges he was sensing in Edward.

"So you thought to save Al's innocence?" Ed laughed and Mustang opened his eye and looked at the young man. He had never heard laughter that sounded so much like crying before. But there were no tears in the black eyes now. They were staring at the window and his face was twisted with feelings Mustang didn't want to name.

"Everyone is worth saving, Edward." He said without thinking and then regretted it as the black eyes looked at him.

"You can't save those that don't want it." Edward said and Mustang sat up.

"You still have to try." He looked at Edward. I will try, he left hanging unspoken between them.

"You will fail." Edward stated and there was no misunderstanding his words.

"You do not know that." I will not let you be lost, he didn't say.

"Yes I do."

"Because you think you failed?" Mustang asked and watched Edward smile and nod.

"I have failed. Being here is a failure."

"You don't mean that."

"I didn't want to be here, Mustang. Not here, not in this house, not in this country, and certainly not in this damned life!" Edward spoke firmly, his voice becoming more emphatic. Mustang could hear the pain that Edward was keeping at bay.

"Returning home is not a sign of failure, Edward." Mustang said firmly. The silence grew and he started counting again as he watched Edward struggle to regain his self-control.

"When the result is other than you wanted, then yes, it's a failure." He said just as Mustang reached one-fifty that time. Edward was tensing hard, he saw. There was so much buried in him and he wasn't letting any of it out and Mustang couldn't seem to break through the barriers Ed kept putting up. His small outburst a moment ago had been the closest he had come and Edward had closed up again straight away. There had to be something that would get through to him that he was not alone. And that he could be saved.

"So you weren't trying to return to us?" Mustang asked bluntly.

Two black eyes met a single one and there was no hesitation this time.

"No."

"Why?" Mustang could not stop himself from asking and he watched as Edward stared hard at him as if judging him. The black eyes narrowed and something that Mustang couldn't define appeared on his face.

"Because I didn't want to come back here."

"Why?"

"This is not the afterlife I was seeking."

Mustang was silent. Edward had been at that point of self-destruction and had taken that last step. He hadn't expected to hear that.

"You look surprised… Mustang." Edward managed not to call him by that other name as he looked almost amused at the man's reaction. Mustang shook his head in denial and Edward laughed with that bitter edge.

"You're lying Mustang. Why would it surprise you? People want to die all the time. You went through Ishbal, you saw what happened at Liore. Tell me you haven't considered it at some point."

Mustang wondered how to answer that question. He had been there, he knew exactly what Edward was talking about.

"I thought so." Edward's voice broke though his thoughts. "You have considered it and can't admit it. How close did you get, Mustang? Was your last moment going to be for someone else or just for you? I'm guessing it was just for you." Ed sighed. "Doing it for others bypasses all those second thoughts."

"It's selfish. And cowardly." Mustang said uneasily as his mind turned.

"When there's nothing else left, it's very easy." Edward replied soberly and Mustang looked at the young man. He swallowed.

"Maybe that's why I could never actually take that final step. There was always something else left." Mustang didn't realise he'd spoken out loud until he saw the recognition on Edward's face.

"You see it now."

"But there was still Al left for you."

"Giving up seeing Al again was part of the price I paid for his restoration." Edward spoke softly and Mustang could hear again the tight control Edward was keeping on himself.

"And the price for returning?" Mustang asked. It was a long time before he heard a reply.

"I don't know."

Questions Mustang wanted answers to crowded in his mind and he had to bite his tongue hard to stop himself from asking them. Edward was talking to him and that was a start. He knew Edward was not going to tell him anything he didn't want him know. If there was one person who could keep secrets and be as stubborn as hell, it was Edward Elric. He would have to wait, to be patient again. He sighed.

"You've never liked being patient." Edward's apparent reading of his mind had him staring at the blond, before it clicked and he realised just where Ed had learnt to read him so well.

Ed apparently realised it too, because his breath caught and he closed his eyes briefly. His eyes opened and he began breathing again, slowly, as if testing the air for more hurt.

"I have learnt to be patient." Mustang said non-committally.

Edward frowned. He had felt easier discussing his death wish earlier than he did now. This was approaching the painful lump that was his heart or his soul. He wished he had neither. The man was being patient, Ed thought. He had to be full of questions and Ed didn't want to answer any of them, although he had answered some already. Ed was grateful Al wasn't here. Al didn't need to know these things. Al was innocent and should be kept that way.

But he was going to have to say something. He had a tendency to not say things, to keep things close. He had done that with…with Roy.

* * *

"_Why don't you want to stay here, Ed?" The one-eyed man looked at him and Edward could hear hurt in his voice._

"_Because I can't!" Ed frowned. This was harder than he thought it would be._

"_Because you hate me?" The words fell heavily between them and Ed froze. He looked at Roy, his eyes wide._

"_That's it, isn't it? You hate me." Roy sighed, a pained expression on his face. "I've seen the way you move away from me, Ed. You barely look at me when we talk. And when we do talk, it's not what I'd call conversation."_

"_I…I…" Edward stared at him with dismay on his face._

"_It's been three months since you came here Ed. I thought at first you were upset because you had to come here and that you'd get over it. Then I thought that maybe my scars were the problem, but yours are worse. So if it's neither of those things then it must be me that's the problem."_

"_It's…it's not you, Roy. Okay, it's not you." Ed said and looked down, his hand fisting at his side._

"_I don't believe you, Ed. This last week… you'll even leave the room if I'm there."_

_Ed bit his lip, his face pale. He swallowed hard and he stared at the floor between them._

"_Roy. I'm the one with the problem. You…you look a lot like someone I used to know and I didn't like him much. At first, every time I saw you, all I could see was him. It was hard." Ed paused and licked his dry lips. "It's just that…it changed. That day we went to the river. Something changed. And I didn't see him anymore. I saw you. And then I couldn't stop seeing you all the time. I li…I just can't stay here anymore." He rushed the words out._

"_Because you see me?" Roy was suddenly closer and Edward took a step back, looking up to meet that single eye. "Ed, do you like me?" Roy's voice was hushed and he saw the red flood across Ed's face before Ed could nod hesitantly._

"_Yes. And I know it's wrong and I can't help it. I have to go!" Edward made to walk past, his head down but Roy placed his hands on his shoulders to stop him. Slender fingers lifted the blond's chin._

"_I like you too, Ed." And Ed froze again. This time because Roy kissed him. Roy's hands slid from Ed's shoulders and went down his arms to hold his hands. He tugged slightly and Ed found himself flush against Roy as the man's tongue slipped across his lips. Ed's lips parted instinctively and Roy deepened the kiss and Ed moaned before he could stop himself. He had never felt the rush of sensation and heat that swirled through him from a single kiss before. He'd never been kissed like this before and when Roy's tongue teased his, he followed Roy's lead and reciprocated. Ed found himself trying to push closer and they broke apart breathing heavily through their noses._

_Ed's whole body was throbbing with every heartbeat and Roy's face was flushed._

"_No more talk of leaving." Roy said._

"_No." Ed replied._

* * *

But this time, Mustang had figured it out. He wasn't going to ask for details. Even Mustang wouldn't expect him to tell him everything. He probably just wanted a bit of confirmation. He already had that, you idiot, Ed told himself. Ed groaned, burying his face in his knees as his arms wrapped tighter around his legs as the pain surged up again.

"What did you want to ask, bastard?"

Mustang stared at him. Edward was giving him license to ask anything? He narrowed his eye as his mind went completely blank. He had never expected that and now he couldn't think what to ask first. Did he start with the snippets of memory that Edward had had over the last few weeks or did he ask about the missing two years? Or did he ask why Edward had tried to kill him? Much as he wanted the answer to that one, he had the feeling that it would be left unanswered. Some questions you just couldn't ask…yet.

"What did you want me to ask?"

Edward laughed. He kept his face hidden in his knees and he laughed. The sound was muffled and Mustang thought for a moment Ed was crying. But it was laughter and it didn't seem as bitter as the earlier laughter. Edward lifted his head slightly and turned his face towards Mustang, keeping his head on his knees.

"I don't want you to ask anything. And you know that. But I'm not stupid. I know I have to talk about some things."

"And if I ask something too painful?"

"It's all painful, bastard. Nothing you ask about is going to be without pain."

"Then should I start with the ones everyone else are going to ask? The 'where have you been' and the 'how did you get back' questions." Mustang said lightly.

Edward sighed. "I haven't decided how to answer those ones yet. Some things are hard to explain to non-alchemists."

"You don't have to tell them too much, Edward. I think they'll just be pleased you are back."

"Even if I'm not?"

"Even then."

Ed was silent. Yes, they would be pleased and as long as he didn't actually tell them he hadn't wanted to be here, that he hadn't been trying to return. As long as they didn't know, then he wouldn't hurt them.

"There are…things between us. I don't want people… Al knowing about." Edward spoke hesitantly and there was shame in his voice.

"You… and someone who looked liked me. It's nothing shameful, Edward." Mustang said evenly.

Ed's eyes flickered. "Maybe not here, but… but it was not allowed by either Church and State …over there. Unnatural and illegal acts and practices."

"That was there. Here, it's slightly different. No-one will condemn you for finding happiness with another man." Mustang paused. "It's not something that is spoken of much, but there are such relationships in the military. And during conflicts it becomes more prevalent for awhile."

"And you?"

Mustang swallowed. "A long time ago… during Ishbal. It was …a comfort."

"You wouldn't tell Al that though. You see why I don't want him to know?"

"I understand, Edward, but it's not because I'm ashamed of it. It's because he really is an innocent." Mustang paused. "But you have to know that he will ask you about it."

"Why? What did you tell him?"

"I didn't tell him anything, Edward. He's seen your wedding ring. He asked you once about it and you said it wasn't allowed."

Mustang could almost feel the pain that came from Edward as he tightened up.

* * *

"_We can't be too open about this Ed. You know what they do to people like us?"_

"_I know, I just wish…" Ed stroked his hand down the side of Roy's face._

"_So do I." Roy held out his hand. "I wanted to give this to you."_

_Edward looked at the golden ring and his eyes went wide. "Roy." He breathed._

"_You always wear gloves, no-one will see it." Roy said as he took Ed's left hand and drew the glove from it. He looked at Edward._

"_Will you wear it, Ed? I love you and I never thought I would want something as much as I want this."_

_Edward had to swallow twice. "Yes. I'll wear it." He had watched as Roy had slid the ring on his finger. He looked up at him. "I love you." He gripped the front of Roy's shirt and pulled him into a deep kiss. Roy began to undo his hair and Ed tugged Roy's shirt from his trousers._

"_Did I tell you that I loved you?" Ed moaned as he began to kiss down his lover's throat._

"_Not nearly enough." Roy groaned as his back arched and he began to pull at Ed's clothes._

* * *

"Edward?" Mustang asked softly.

"It hurts, that's all." Ed said in a muffled tone after a while as he took a deep breath. "I don't know if I can tell Al the truth."

"He won't judge you, Edward. He's your brother." Mustang watched as Edward kept taking deep breaths. "Even when you decided to move into my bed, he didn't find it …wrong."

"Why did I do that?"

"I have no idea. You just did it one evening."

Edward shook his head. It was hard to believe that he had been here for six months already and he knew nothing about it because he had been on the other side of the Gate at the same time. He wasn't sure how that worked and there was the other time displacement that made him more curious. Al had been restored as a twelve year old yet he had been four years in the armour. Why had Al come back at that age and not his original age of ten, or even to his chronological age of fourteen, Edward didn't know. Al should have been sixteen, nearly seventeen now. He felt he had somehow cheated his brother out of something.

"And Al didn't have a problem with that?" Edward asked hesitantly.

"No." Mustang paused. "That first night, I told him he could sleep there too, but it didn't work out and he went back to his own bed."

"Why didn't it work?"

"You had a flashback and shouted at him."

"That's stupid, I've never shouted at Al in my life. What kind of flashback?"

"You called him Alfons." And Ed froze. "He was upset but he knows you weren't actually shouting at him."

Ed shook and the words were slow coming. "Alfons… looked a lot like Al."

Mustang nodded. "I thought so."

Ed sighed. "Tell me what else I did." He had been right. Everything was going to hurt. No matter what it was, it was hurting. He wondered if there would ever be a time again when it didn't hurt. Mustang was taking a long time to answer his question. He looked at him and frowned. "Tell me."

"You kissed me."

* * *

"_You kissed me."_

"_You kiss me all the time." Ed replied as he looked at the stunned face._

"_But you never kiss first."_

_Edward shrugged. "I thought it was time I did." He tried to stay nonchalant, it had taken him nearly two weeks to get his courage up to make the first move. Two weeks since Roy had first kissed him. He had learnt to kiss back, but he had never been able to actually initiate anything. Roy would always grab him for their kisses but this time Ed had done it. He smiled at the older man and pulled him down for another kiss._

"_I need more practice." He murmured against Roy's mouth._

* * *

Mustang went on as Edward's jaw dropped. "I was having …a bad night and you kissed me and threatened me with the couch."

"Nightmares. You had nightmares." Ed growled. "I didn't think it was going to hurt this much." He rocked back and forth.

"Edward, when you lose people you love, it's always going to hurt. I still hurt for Maes."

"Yeah, but that was years ago, like when we lost Mum or when I put Al in the armour. Time dulls that. But I lost everyone this morning. I haven't had time yet." Edward kept rocking, hunched up over his drawn up knees. "It's still too fucking close!"

There are moments when all you want is the touch of another person. To know that you're not alone, to know that you are still real, that you are not merely a bundle of pain. Edward ached. It was an ache that ran straight through the pain. It was the ache of wanting comfort, of needing to be told that 'it would all pass' even when you knew the words were a lie. Tears were not going to make the ache disappear, not that he would let them fall. He had wiped his face earlier and had been glad Mustang had had his eye closed and not seen him cry. He hadn't even known he had been crying.

He rocked and knew he was completely lost this time. He struggled to take the deep breaths that would help him regain his self-control. He could feel his shoulders aching as they stayed so tense. His stomach churned and he had to swallow the bile that threatened to choke him. He was shaking and wanted only for it to end.

When the arms went around him and he was pulled forward to a warm chest, he shuddered.

"Just don't hit me with your right, Edward." The words were muttered above him and he lifted his hands to grip at lapels of Mustang's robe, intent on dragging the man down but then he stopped. With a curse he let his head rest against the warmth and continued to shake.

Mustang knelt on the couch, his arms wrapped around Edward. He was hunched over slightly awkwardly and feeling his back pulling slightly. But he kept himself still and hoped that Edward would not hit him when he managed to get control again. Mustang had been half out of his chair before he had second thoughts of the wisdom of going to comfort someone who saw him as someone else, but he hadn't been able to find any better reason and as Edward had kept on rocking, he had kept on moving to him. He wasn't going to be able to help Edward if he kept to a safe distance.

Edward held tight to the robe. He swallowed time and again, the bile, the tears and the pain that kept surging up inside him. The warmth around him kept him from freezing inside and because it didn't move, he didn't feel threatened by it. It was just there. It was offering warmth and expecting nothing in return. He rocked slower and found the strength to complete a full breath. Vanilla wafted into his nose and he blinked as he took another breath. He swallowed again and felt the shaking easing slightly. His breath rasped in his ears and pulled his head back a bit.

The arms around him began to loosen and he pulled at the lapels. "No…" he whispered before he realised what he'd done. He dropped his head with a soft groan and let go suddenly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"Stop apologizing, Edward." Mustang's voice said quietly. He let Edward go and sat back on his heels, kneeling on the couch in front of Edward briefly, before settling back properly into the corner. "At least you didn't hit me."

"I thought about it, bastard." Edward retorted automatically, without lifting his head. He wasn't going to admit that just having someone hold him had been just what he had needed. Still needed. Sheltered. He had felt sheltered with Mustang holding him like that. It was a different feeling to the comfort he had felt before from…him.

* * *

"_Ed! It's alright, it's alright Ed!"_

_Shuddering gasping breaths and someone calling his name. Edward blinked and sat straight up, trembling and sweating._

"_It's just a dream, Ed. It's ok, I'm here now. It's just a dream."_

"_Roy?" Ed asked, his voice uneven and his face pale. He gripped the man's arms and let him hold him closer._

"_I'm here." Roy pulled Ed against him and laid down beside him. Ed rested at his shoulder and breathed deeply, trying to control his racing heartbeat._

"_What's that smell?" He asked trying to distract himself from the nightmare images that were still threatening at the edges of his mind._

"_My aftershave probably. Sandalwood." Roy replied, a puzzled smile on his face as he looked at the blond._

"_It's nice, spicy." Ed said, his eyes getting heavy. He snuggled closer and Roy kissed his forehead._

"_Sleep, liebchen. I've got you now."_

"… _you." Ed mumbled as he fell into a dreamless sleep._

* * *

Mustang smelled different. He hadn't said or done anything, he had just been there. Offering nothing but willing to give if Edward had needed anything. Shelter. Vanilla scented shelter.

"Why do you smell like vanilla?" Ed looked up at him and asked suddenly. Mustang blinked at him and his eyebrow rose.

"You smell the same, Edward. It's the soap in the bathroom."

"Oh." Edward felt a bit nonplussed at that.

"Why did you ask?" Mustang asked and then stopped. "No, don't answer that. I know."

They both went silent.

"You know me and yet it's not me that you know." Mustang said after awhile. "We have never been close. We have never really talked or shared anything. You disappeared and came back so changed it was unnerving, and then you return again and you're changed again. There's been so much honesty here, it almost makes me wonder if you are really Edward. And there's still so much we haven't said, things that I know you won't speak of and things I'm not sure I want to know about."

"You think I find this any easier, Mustang? You are so like him. You say something and I see a memory. You move a certain way and I see another memory. I need to find the differences, because if I don't, I am going to go insane. It hurts, every similarity hurts. You smell different, you sound slightly different. I need to keep reminding myself. There's not a thought that I have that doesn't hurt."

"I can't be someone else."

"I don't want you to, bastard! That's not what I'm saying." Edward stared at him. "You can't be anything than who you are. The problem for me is that what you are is like _him_. You probably don't eat breakfast, you probably always dog-ear your pages, you'll leave the toothpaste lid off, you'll always straighten your cuffs before leaving the house and you probably roll your socks up before you put them in the wash. Hell, I bet you sleep on your right side too." Edward finished with a low laugh. "Do you see Mustang? You can't change those things, you can't be someone else, when you are already_ him_."

"I…I…" Mustang stopped. He did do all of those things. "I do eat breakfast occasionally."

"Just coffee and toast." Edward replied. "That's why I need differences, Mustang."

"You loved him and now you hate him." Mustang said without thinking and Edward moved. Mustang found Edward's glaring black eyes inches from his own and an automail hand wrapped around his throat. The hate Mustang had seen earlier was there across Edward's white face.

Mustang stared back, not flinching from the glaring eyes. Edward was breathing hard and his grip threatened to tighten as he fought the urge to kill Roy again.

"Fullmetal." Mustang said and heard his voice straining to get past Edward's hand at his throat. The black eyes flickered but the hand stayed firm. Mustang tried to reach him again. "Fullmetal."

Edward trembled and Mustang watched as he blinked. "Mustang?"

"Yes, Fullmetal."

Ed took in a large breath and let it out slowly. Very carefully he unlocked his fingers from around Mustang's throat. His eyes dropped and he saw the red marks and he swallowed. Mustang sat up straighter, his robe slipping from his shoulder and Edward froze. Mustang frowned as Edward reached out with the same hand that had just tried to kill and gently touched the scars at his left shoulder.

A metal finger traced along the solid lines of convoluted flesh and tracked the strokes of where a sword had once tried to carve its way to his heart.

"Different." Ed murmured as his eyes followed the white lines and his finger prodded at the knotted lumps.

* * *

"_What are you doing, Ed?" Roy asked as he watched the blond move across his chest._

_Ed looked up from where he was lying beside him. "You're so smooth." And Edward dragged his fingers across from one side of Roy's chest to the other. "No scars."_

_He lifted his head and began to kiss the path his fingers had taken, nipping slightly just above the right nipple to make Roy arch and curse.  
_

"_Demon."_

"_I know." Ed said smugly and did it again before kissing the red mark and shifting closer._

"_You'll pay for that." And Roy reached down to pull Edward up to kiss him hard before rolling them over and staring into the golden eyes beneath him._

"_You know I love you, don't you Ed." He said with a grin just before he lowered his head and went straight for the spot on Ed's neck that had him swearing at the man above him even as he pulled him closer._

* * *

Mustang watched as Edward stopped moving his fingers and fell back onto the couch with an anguished expression. Mustang followed him and stopped him from curling up completely, grabbing his hands and pressing them into the couch between them.

"Don't say it, Edward." He ordered firmly. "You apologise for that and I will be upset."

"But I…I nearly…"

"But you didn't." Mustang said gently. The black eyes were staring at his throat and then flickering to his scars as if for reassurance. It was the first time Mustang had seen anyone _relieved_ to see his shoulder.

"I left marks." Edward's voice sounded small and Mustang looked at him with concern. For the first time since he had returned, Edward reminded him of the young child he had once been and had rarely allowed anyone to see. Insecure and unsure of what to do. Lost.

"Bruises will fade, Edward." Mustang replied. "I have had worse and so have you. Bruises are a minor thing."

"But I lost control." He tried to pull his hands away but Mustang pressed down.

"Look at me Edward." He demanded and he waited until the black eyes reluctantly lifted. "You didn't mean to hurt me, you reacted because I said something you didn't want to hear yet and that I shouldn't have said yet. I know you loved this other _Roy_. Your face changes, your voice changes, dammit Edward, _you_ change when you're thinking of him. I can see it on your face. And straight after I see that, I see you change into pain and hurt and hate. _Look at me_." He ordered as the eyes looked away. "I'm not stupid Edward. He hurt you, he betrayed you. You hate him, you still love him."

Edward stared at him and Mustang watched as anger flooded colour into the pallid face. Edward leant forward and Mustang nearly moved back but stayed his ground in front of those furious eyes.

"Will you betray me too?" Edward hissed at him. "Will everything I've told you become something to use against me? Does it amuse you to see me like this? Because until you know just how much this fucking hurts, I don't need you to condescend to me, bastard. You think I don't know all that? I'm not stupid either and I know exactly what he did to me. Do you think it's easy to sit here and go from one memory to the next, from one stab of pain to the next like some fucking human rollercoaster?

"Yes, he fucking betrayed me. More than anyone has ever betrayed me before. I can't think back at all without having that thought hit me right between my eyes. And not just the memories, but with every single fucking thought I have, Mustang. I can't ignore it, I can't stop it. What he did is always there. It's always going to be there. You don't do that to a person and expect them to forget it. If I thought it would make it any better I'd go back just to kill him again."

"Edward…"

"No. Do not give me the 'when more time has passed' crap. That is not something that will work here. Some things can not be forgiven and should never be forgotten."

"Edward. I'm not going to betray you, neither will I use any of this against you. But I don't want to have to think twice about speaking to you because I don't know how you're going to react. What if Al asks you something, are you going to do this to him, or is he different enough?"

"As long as I can see the differences I can keep it under control." Edward said firmly.

"I'm not keeping my shirt off just so you can see the differences, Edward." Mustang snapped back and he saw the black eyes gleam slightly before Edward's breath caught.

"That's what I mean, Edward. Even the smallest of things." Mustang said softly.

"It's like a circle." Edward muttered as his head dropped again. "Round and round and I can't get out of it."

"If I know one thing about you, Edward Elric, it's that you will always find a way." Mustang said quietly.

"Elric. It's been so long since anyone called me that." He said whimsically.

* * *

"_Edward, it's for your own safety as well as ours."_

"_But a name change, Dad? That's going a bit far isn't it?"_

"_Edward, if I could convince you to dye your hair I would. It was hard enough convincing you to cut it. And even then it's not as short as I'd like. We have to work with what we can."_

"_Like your hair's not recognisable either, Dad." Edward retorted. "But why Pferd though? It's a stupid name."_

"_Because that's the name of the man who owns the place you'll be staying at. You'll be a cousin, a distant relative of some sort. But you will have his name."_

"_Is all this really necessary?"_

"_Yes Edward." Hohenheim sighed and his eyes were tired. "If they find you, they will kill you."_

"_And you?"_

"_There's a train tonight. I'll be leaving too."_

* * *

"Pferd."

Edward blinked. "What? How did you know that?"

"You signed your re-enlistment papers that way."

"I did what? Hang on, you re-enlisted me?" Edward stared and pulled his hands away. "Why did you do that?"

"Because you agreed to it, and because that way Al could stay here and take the State Alchemy exams."

"He doesn't need me for that, he can take them whenever he wants to. That's his decision, I'm not going to talk him out of it." Edward shrugged it aside. "Why would you need to re-enlist me?"

"Because of your condition, he could go with you to the libraries and it allowed him to remain here in Central."

"My condition. That's one way to phrase it I guess. It sounds like I was totally out of mind."

"Yes Edward, at times you were." Mustang replied. "Hawkeye should have organized a doctor's appointment for you tomorrow, so you can ask the doctor all about it."

"Gee, that was considerate of you." Edward said sarcastically.

"It's the least I could do, Fullmetal." Mustang thought Edward nearly smiled but whatever creased his lips was too fleeting to label.

"It shouldn't take too much to get my enlistment cancelled, should it? Seeing as you're a General now." Edward remarked.

"You don't want to stay in the Military?"

"No. What would be the point?" Ed looked at him. "And lets face it Mustang, the further away from you I am, the easier some things will be." He added, the accent more noticeable as he tried to speak lightly.

"What about Al?"

"I'm not stopping him from signing up."

"He wants to be with you, Edward. If you resign, he's not going to sign up, he's going to follow you."

Edward grimaced as he acknowledged the truth of Mustang's words. Al was stubborn enough to put aside what he wanted to be with his brother, even when his brother didn't agree with it.

"He's been waiting for you since you left, Edward. All he wants right now is to be with you. He even told Miss Rockbell to leave at one point."

"Al said that to Winry?" Ed's eyes went wide.

"Yes." Mustang nodded. "They haven't spoken since."

"Fuck. That's just… that's just incredible." Edward blinked a few times. "I never thought anyone would ever stand up to her, and not Al of all people."

"That's how much he wants to be with you, Edward."

Edward sighed. "I'm going to have to stay so he can get Certified."

"You don't have to."

"Yes I do. You know how much he wanted to become an Alchemist when I did. And he will pass, Al's always been better at theory than I ever was."

"He doesn't remember all of that theory Edward. He's having to relearn it. And when he does pass, how will you resign then? I know you, you couldn't leave him here in the Military on his own."

Edward scowled at the man. "Stop thinking so far ahead. It's unnatural." Mustang was right, he wouldn't leave Al in the Military on his own. And if he did resign, he knew Al would be resigning right behind him. Maybe he should stay and wait until Al was older and not needing his brother so much. Then he could leave. Yes, there was long range planning in action he thought.

"Says the one who rarely thinks at all." Mustang replied with a smile.

* * *

"_What were you thinking of, Ed?" Roy shouted at him._

"_I was just…"_

"_You weren't thinking at all, were you? All wrapped up in those damned plans and not looking where you going." Roy stalked across the room to him and fisted his hand into the front of Ed's shirt. "What if the car had hit you, Ed? What then? You could have been killed! I could have lost you!"_

"_Roy, it's ok." Ed lifted his hand and wrapped his fingers around Roy's wrist. "I'm ok. I can still move pretty quickly despite the leg. Look at me, Roy. I'm fine."_

"_I am looking and it's not fine." Roy said. "I could have lost you." He repeated and all Ed could do was hold him close and kiss him as an offering of reassurance._

* * *

Edward looked up and saw the understanding on Mustang's face. He sighed.

"We'll have to find a way to live with…this." Edward said slowly.

"We will." Mustang replied.

"When Al passes, we can get a dorm."

"You can."

"We could get one now."

"No, you're listed as requiring supervision due to a medical condition." Mustang said. Edward groaned.

"Whose idea was that?"

"Hawkeye's."

"Shit." Edward said. There was no getting around it if Hawkeye had organized it.

"Elegantly put." Mustang moved back into the corner of the couch and stretched his legs along the back of the cushions.

"Watch it Mustang!" Edward complained as Mustang's feet pushed against his hip. He settled back and straightened his legs out beside Mustang's and they sat there in silence. It was still dark and the ticking from the hall clock could be heard. Neither man felt tired and Edward was glad of the respite from having to talk.

He had said more than he had planned, but in a sense it was a relief to have said it. Mustang would be able to help him dodge Al's questions. Mustang hadn't judged him and had even comforted him. That was something he never would have imagined Mustang doing at all. Not to him. He sighed. It was never going to stop hurting though. And there was that little space inside him that still ached for oblivion.

Mustang wondered if Edward would be able to live with him, with the resemblance. He could still feel Ed's hand at his throat and see that look on his face. Differences. Edward was going to need find more than differences if he was going to be able to stay sane under all that hurt, Mustang thought. And there were still so many other questions he wanted answered. The alchemy, the signet ring. How would Edward respond to those questions? He sighed. Once again he was faced with questions. At least he had managed to keep Edward here.

The clock began to chime and both men tilted their heads to listen to it.

"Four." Edward said.

"I'm glad I told Riza I wouldn't be in today."

"When are you going to marry her?"

"When she leaves Jean."

There was a muffled snort. "You came second to Havoc?"

"Shut up, Fullmetal."

* * *

"_Shut up, Ed."_

"_Why? Don't you agree with me?"_

"_No, I don't. I think what he says will be worth listening to. You never saw the devastation after the War. How hard it was just to get something to eat."_

"_But it'll just be like the Freikorps again, Roy. Look how much trouble that caused. You only just managed to get out of that. You can't join every group that promises to right all the wrongs like that. There are no quick fixes for this sort of thing."_

"_Ed, this is my country. I don't expect you to feel like I do. But I have to do something and if this Workers Party can do that, then I'll be there."_

"_You're only going because Drexler will be there." Ed sighed._

"_Drexler is a brilliant man, Ed. He has a vision for Germany." Roy dropped a kiss on the blond's doubtful face. "Don't wait up, Ed."_

* * *

"Edward?"

"What?"

"I asked if you would let go of my leg now." Edward blinked and looked down. His hand was gripping Mustang's calf and he let it go as if it had burnt him.

"Shit, shit."

"You weren't going to apologise for it were you?"

"…No."

"Good."

It was silent for a moment.

"Edward."

"Yes?"

"How much Flame Alchemy do you know?"

"Not very much, why?"

"I have an array I want you to look at in the morning."

"Sure."

It was a bit longer before the silence was broken again.

"Mustang?"

"What?"

"Nothing."

* * *

Wilfred Owen (1893 – 1918): "Science has looked."

After the First World War there were right-wing paramilitary groups called the Freikorps which admitted ex-soldiers into their ranks. Most Freikorps were disbanded after the Kapp Putsch in 1920.

In 1919, Anton Drexler and Karl Harrer established the Deutsche Arbeiterpartei (DAP), or German Workers Party, nicknamed the Nazi Party. Anton Drexler was also a member of the Thule Society.

Author's Notes: This has to have been the hardest chapter I have had to ever write. I have never known two such stubborn characters. But it's done and I am just so damned relieved to have it done, I haven't had time to feel too guilty for not working on Echoes. Which I will do the minute I actually get this edited and posted.

Thank you so much for putting up with me and waiting for this one.

silken :)


	9. 8: Nuance

**St Edward and the Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 8:**

**Nuance: _n. _A subtle or slight degree of difference, as in meaning, feeling, or tone; a gradation  
**

_It may be he shall take my hand  
And lead me into his dark land  
And close my eyes and quench my breath –  
It may be I shall pass him still.  
I have a rendezvous with Death…  
_

_Alan Seeger 1917_

..00..

It grew lighter as the night gave way to false dawn and then shadowed slightly before true dawn began to appear. Edward watched the shadows change, his eyes heavy but still unable to close them. Sleep was something he couldn't face yet. Several times he had had to force himself not to curl up and let the pain get the better of him again. There was a headache behind his eyes and it was almost a welcome distraction from the hurt in his soul.

He looked over at Mustang. He had fallen asleep. He stared at the man as the darkness cleared. Last night he had told him things he had never thought he would say. Secrets he had not wanted to share. He bit his lip. And he had to trust that Mustang wouldn't say anything. Especially to Al. It was hard. The likeness made it very difficult to trust him. Even though he knew that this was not his Roy, it was not possible to see one without the other.

The scars he could see more clearly now. But Mustang was right, it wasn't fair on him, or anyone, if they had to think twice before they said anything to Edward. It had taken him months to get used to the likenesses on the other side. So many times he had had to stop himself from saying anything and now he was going to have to do it all again. Only this time he had to keep the pain hidden as well.

He was back and he didn't want to be here. He couldn't let them realise that. He didn't even have a purpose anymore. He was staying because of his brother. Edward blinked. If Al hadn't been here, he would have had no reason to be here. That little whisper within him almost gloated at that thought. It could have had all the oblivion it desired.

Ed looked at the sleeping man and his lips curled. Mustang would have a fit if he realised just how tenuous the ties were that were keeping Ed here. Ed had heard the resolute tones in the deep voice last night. He almost smiled at the thought of Mustang, of all people, trying to save him. You couldn't save those that didn't want it.

Mustang's leg twitched at the side of his and Ed drew in his breath. He waited and watched as the leg twitched again, trying to slide over his as Mustang shifted. Edward swallowed.

* * *

_Edward rested his head on his hand and stared at the man sleeping beside him. He smiled and eased himself closer. He watched the steady rise and fall of Roy's chest. The man could sleep like the dead after sex. Ed saw Roy's leg twitch and Roy shifted, swinging his leg to lay it across Ed's and his arms pulled him close._

"_Sleep Ed," he mumbled without waking fully and nuzzled into the blond's hair before settling again. _

_Ed smiled and closed his eyes. After three months of sleeping together, he knew that Roy's leg always twitched just before he would shift and trap Ed's legs beneath his._

* * *

He looked at his feet on the couch as he took several deep breaths. It was strange to see his automail there after having had the unwieldy prosthetics for the last two years. Six months. They said he'd been here six months. That just didn't seem possible, even for the Gate. How could anyone be in two different places at the same time? It was simply impossible. It had been hard enough to accept seeing people resemble those he had known here. But that was not as incomprehensible as messing with time was.

He sighed. Nothing but questions. No purpose, no reasons, just questions. And pain. He lifted his arm and looked at scars on his forearm. Bullet wounds to match the ones on his shoulder. He rubbed at his chest through his t-shirt. Scars. So many scars and they didn't hurt. It was the ones inside that hurt, that hurt deeper than any of the physical marks ever had.

The scars on his skin had faded, gone pale, stopped hurting. Would the inner soul pain do the same? He had never thought the pain of losing his mother, of what he had done to Al would fade, but it had. It had given him a purpose, he had used it to fuel his determination. But this pain didn't have a purpose, it just _hurt_ and he didn't know if that would ever stop. He couldn't think straight enough to use it for anything.

How long could he remain like this, he wondered. Where every thought hurt, every memory was an echo that wouldn't stop. What had possessed the Gate to send him back here? He didn't even remember seeing it. He frowned. The last thing he remembered was the castle beginning to collapse around him. The dragon had been on the array. His lips curled slightly. He could just imagine their reaction here if they had seen that.

A dragon. Mythical beasts were unheard of here and rare beyond measure on the other side. He had stared at it, unable to believe his eyes when he had first seen it. He had almost ignored the sight of his father caught in those massive jaws, almost but not quite.

* * *

_Scales rippled in waves as it strained against the solid chains. It's eyes staring at him and Edward shivered at the hate he felt coming from the strange beast. Long and sinuous it encircled the tier it was chained to. The blood dripping from its mouth came from his father. He could see the faded blond hair hanging loose and the blood seeping through it to drip onto the array on the floor. He found himself swallowing bile as his stomach turned._

"_Power feeds on the weak, Elric." She said from behind him and he turned._

"_My father is not weak, bitch!" He said defiantly._

"_But he is, Edward. To ensure your safety he has made himself weak." A leather gloved hand waved around the room. "This is all for you, Edward."_

_Edward turned again and saw them being escorted into the room. Armed men at their sides, they almost stumbled in._

"_Even the strong have weaknesses, Edward." She leant closer and whispered in his ear. "Even you."_

* * *

Edward shivered and found himself leaning forward, swallowing air in hungry gasps to ease the tightness in his lungs. Fuck, this hurt. How was he expected to get through this? Was this the price he had to pay for being back here? He swung his legs around and sat on the edge of the couch, his elbows on his knees and his head resting in his hands. He concentrated on just breathing.

"Brother?"

The sound of the tentative voice had him holding in a sigh as he took a deep breath and turned his head to see Al standing just inside the doorway.

"Hey Al." He said softly. "Sleep well?"

"Yes." Al replied as he came closer. He saw Roy sleeping and kept his voice low.

"Good." Ed smiled slightly. The one thing, the _only_ thing that could possibly make this half-way bearable was standing in front of him.

"Are you okay, brother?" Al asked hesitantly. Edward's face was pale and Al could see a faint shimmer of sweat across his forehead. There were shadows under and in his eyes. When Al had first come down the stairs he had heard his brother's harsh breathing and then seen him shaking.

"I'm fine, Al." Edward said as he took a deep breath and stood up. Al looked at him skeptically. Ed saw him looking and he frowned slightly. He sighed. "Sit down, Al."

He waited until Al had sat down in the chair and then sat back on the couch. Edward paused, trying to find words that would stop Al from probing too deep and yet not give too much away. He looked down at the floor and then up at his brother.

"I am fine, Al. Honestly. I'm a bit tired and it feels strange to be here after having been… gone for so long. I don't understand how I can have been here for the last six months when I was… over there at the same time."

"Where were you, Brother?" Al asked. "No-one could find you. They told me you…you could have been dead and I never would have known." He kept his voice low but Ed could hear the frantic edges to it.

"Al, it's hard to explain and I don't understand all of it." Ed paused. "You don't remember the Gate do you?" He watched the puzzled frown appear on Al's face. "No, I can see that you don't. Okay, there's a Gate. Call it Truth, call it Equivalent Exchange…"_call it Hell_ "…call it whatever you want, it is a place we both saw the night we tried to bring Mum back."

Al's face went pale and his eyes widened. He leant forward, his hands gripping together. Edward took a few breaths and became aware of the subtle changes to Mustang's breathing. The bastard was awake and pretending to sleep. Ed resisted the urge to look at him or to say anything. He wouldn't have to repeat it again if Mustang heard it now, and he didn't think he could tell this story twice. He looked at Al. Al looked nervous but he also looked …hungry. Hungry to know.

"You always said you could never remember seeing the Gate… and Teacher and I never found a way to bring that memory back to you."

"Teacher?" Al asked.

"You know her?" Ed almost smiled. He remembered how she had reacted when she had realised what they had done. He swallowed. The oblivion he wanted might not be too far away when she heard where he had been this time.

"She came to visit a few times before she died." Al said and then stopped as Edward hissed.

"Teacher died?"

"Yes, she wasn't well." Al said worried that he had upset his brother. "Mr Curtis said she had been unwell for years and that she had been happy to see me back. She was very upset that you were missing, but she told me to always keep looking. That you were a very determined person and that you would always try to come back to me."

* * *

"_Come back, Ed!" Edward blinked and looked into the dark eye. Roy smiled at him but Ed could see the worried frown across his face._

"_What?"_

"_You spaced out on me. I called a couple of times. Where did you go?"_

_Ed smiled at him and shifted along the couch to press himself against the taller man. He wrapped his arms around him and settled his head at Roy's shoulder._

"_I was just thinking of my brother."_

"_You never speak about him."_

"_I'll never see him again. It hurts to remember."_

"_And yet you were smiling. Not all memories have to hurt."_

_Ed moved and straddled Roy leaning forward to kiss him. "You always say the right things."_

_Roy smiled and shifted his hips upwards with a wicked gleam and heard Ed's breath catch. "All the memories we have will be happy ones, liebchen. I'm never going to leave you."_

* * *

"Al… no." Edward said heavily. "This is not your fault, okay? Teacher…you don't remember her like I do, like you would do if you _could_ remember. She was the most beautiful, scary person and she taught us about alchemy. You do remember how she set us on the island, don't you? And afterwards…" Ed spoke and told Al about Izumi. He did not go into much detail as to why Izumi had been so ill. He let Al think his reaction had been to the news of Teacher's death and not the memory he had been overwhelmed by. It wasn't hard to be upset. Even though she had been so sick, he had always thought she would be here forever. The stern woman had given him more hope and more terror than anyone else ever had as he had grown up.

"I wish I could remember her like you do, Brother." Al said as he leant against the couch and let his head rest against the side of Ed's knee. "I only remember her as Teacher. It would be nice to remember her as a friend as well."

"She would have pleased to see you restored, Al. She wouldn't have wasted regrets on things that couldn't be changed. Life only goes one way."

"She said that. And one is all, all is one. She could do alchemy without circles. Did we ever learn that from her?"

"No." Ed's voice slowed. "Teacher and I could do it because we remembered seeing the Gate. You couldn't do it because you couldn't remember. We thought we could find a way to get you to remember because then you'd be able to do it too. But we never did."

"Why not?"

Ed thought and chose his words with care. "A rebellion broke out and we… I got sent there. We were separated for awhile and by the time I could get back to you, a lot of things had changed."

"Like what?"

"Like they were looking for me for desertion."

"Oh."

Edward nodded. "Yes." He looked at the top of his brother's head. He didn't want to answer any more questions for the moment and he knew Al was going to have nothing but questions. At least he had some hope of getting answers. Edward had nothing but questions and no hope of getting answers any time soon.

"Hey, Al. What do we do for breakfast here?" He asked, wanting to avoid the questions from both Al and his own mind.

"There's some eggs and things. Roy usually cooks." Al said and felt the sudden stillness in his brother. He looked up and saw the black eyes staring blindly across the room. "Brother?" Edward blinked.

"I'll cook. The bastard never gets it right." He said and stood up, looking down at Al. "Coming to help?"

Al smiled. "Sure," and scrambled up from the floor to hurry after his brother.

Mustang opened his eye when he heard them leave. He wasn't sure if Edward had known he had been listening or not. He had been right yesterday. Edward could not refuse his brother. Al had asked and Ed had answered. Ed had also been cautious. Mustang had heard the hesitations in that accented voice. He was glad Edward had not told Al about that… rebellion. He didn't think Al needed to know about Liore just yet either.

How difficult was this for Edward, he wondered. Several times he had thought he could almost feel the pain coming from him. Mustang was suddenly very glad that Al was here. He knew exactly what Ed would do if Al was not here. He had already done it. Mustang frowned. Edward was hurting badly at the moment, but it would pass. Everything faded eventually. You never forgot, but you were able to breathe again. Ishbal, the Rockbells, Maes, all had sent him into dark places that hurt and came with thoughts and ideas that had very nearly killed him. Edward had gone through the same dark places.

"_This is not the afterlife I was seeking."_ Edward had told him during the night. When Edward began to breathe again, when he could say something, or hear something without being driven back into memories, when he could see the differences, would he then be able to see this afterlife as his second chance? Because if he could get Edward to realise that being back here was not the failure he claimed it to be, then he would be able to save him.

It wasn't going to be easy. And Edward was not even close to wanting to think about a future of any sort. Mustang frowned. It was easier for him to think of these things because he had been living with Edward for the last month. But Edward remembered none of that. To Edward all this had happened barely twenty-four hours ago. To Mustang, Edward had been back for six months.

"Roy?" Al's voice broke into his thoughts and he looked up to see Al staring at him. He blinked and yawned.

"Morning Al." He smiled at the teen. Al certainly looked happier.

"Brother says breakfast is ready."

"Okay, thanks Al." Mustang drew his robe around him and stretched up from the couch. "It makes a change to not have to do it myself."

"Brother says you always do it wrong." Al grinned at him and Mustang grinned back.

"Considering your brother's past eating habits, I find it truly remarkable that he even tastes what he eats." He spoke louder than he needed to.

"I heard that, Mustang." Edward called from the kitchen. "And given the way you cook, I'm surprised you even know what taste is, bastard."

Mustang heard it in the accented voice. Another memory hitching along with the words. Without entering the kitchen to check he knew Edward would be standing there, those strange black eyes staring, the small smile curving his lips and completely lost in whatever memory had captured him. And he knew without seeing, that Edward would return to himself, his face twisted in pain and hate and struggling to find a way to breathe again.

"But you never complained before, Brother." Al said suddenly and turned back toward the kitchen. Mustang frowned and followed a few steps behind. Edward was looking at Al with a dismayed expression and Mustang could see the pallor of the last memory still on his face.

"From what little I've been told, I don't think I was the complaining type, Al." Edward said after a short pause.

"You weren't." Mustang said as he came up behind Al and moved past him and into the kitchen. He sniffed the air and had to admit that perhaps the smell was better than after he cooked. Al sniffed too.

"Brother's right. It never smells this good when you cook, Roy." Al said without thinking.

* * *

"_Wow, this smells wonderful, Roy." Alfons pulled his chair out and sat down._

"_Ed cooked tonight." Roy said grumpily._

"_I know." Alfons grinned at him. "It never smells this good when you cook."_

_Ed looked at them both and laughed. "I can let him cook the next time if you really miss it, Alfons."_

"_Good God no! You ever let him back in there and I am never coming here again."_

"_You two just don't appreciate me."_

"_We do, Roy. It's just we appreciate you more out of the kitchen." Ed said, trying to keep a straight face. A task that became more difficult as Roy looked at him and Ed felt the butterflies begin again. It had been happening more and more often lately and he looked down at his plate. He could feel Roy looking at him. There was a weight to his stare and there were things in his eye that Ed didn't know if he was ready for yet. They hadn't spoken of it, but they both knew things had become a lot more serious between them. _

_Ed looked up. That single eye had promises of a future in it and Ed had never thought he would ever be able to even consider the possibility of a future at all. It absolutely terrified him._

* * *

Edward looked up and a single dark eye was staring at him, a concerned frown on Mustang's face. He was completely frozen in Mustang's grip and he knew there was something wrong and this wasn't Mustang, this was Roy, but Roy was dead so this had to be Mustang. He rocked back and forth unconsciously. If he was still alive then maybe Roy was too… _and fuck, it hurt to breathe. Why did it have to hurt so fucking much? Have to breathe again, sometime. Why am I drowning and breathing at the same time? Blink, blink. Why doesn't that eye ever blink? It's watching me. He knows. I love him, no not this him, the other him. The one who loves me back. He does. He does. It wasn't his fault. It was all his fault. It can't have been his fault. I can't breathe again, why won't he let me breathe? Let me go. I need to get away, you have to let me breathe. Let me go. Let me go!_

"Let me fucking go!" Ed wrenched himself free and slammed into the cupboard doors. He blinked. He was on the kitchen floor and his head hurt. He was leaning against the cupboard, almost huddled against it. He put his hands to his head. "Ow shit, that hurts."

"Fullmetal?" He looked and saw…Mustang, kneeling on the floor not too close but close enough. He swallowed and began to stand up, finding himself very shaky. He leant against the cupboards and took a deep breath.

"Mustang." He saw the relief on Mustang's face as the man stood up as well and then took a deep breath before turning to look at his brother. He wasn't sure what he expected to see on Al's face but he knew that whatever was there would be because he had put it there.

Al was staring at him. Confused, worried, slightly scared. Ed wanted to go over and just hold him, he wanted to turn away and pretend everything was fine. But this was Al and he could never ignore his brother. He could hide things from Al, not many but some. But he had never been able to refuse him. Even when he didn't ask with words, Ed knew what that expression in those eyes meant. He sighed and waved a hand at Al, gesturing to the table.

He watched as Al sat down and saw Mustang move away, keeping a comfortable distance between them but not leaving. Ed hated to acknowledge it, but Mustang was probably the only one Al felt secure with at the moment.

"I'm sorry, Al." He started slowly. "I… I have some bad memories at the moment… and they just get …overwhelming sometimes." He paused and took a shaky breath. "I don't mean to worry you, Al. It's just a bit… hard at the moment."

"We can talk about it, Brother…"

"No!" Edward said loudly and then closed his eyes briefly. He opened them again and looked at his startled brother. "Sorry. Al… I can't…not yet…"_not ever_ "…it just… hurts too much right now."

Al stared at Ed. Pain, that was what he now recognized in those strange eyes. He wanted to get up and give his brother a hug, he wanted to sit here and demand answers. When they were kids they had shared everything. He knew they were no longer kids, that things were different. Everything was different. But he had an almost overwhelming desire for it to be as it was. No secrets, nothing forgotten, no pain. His brother was in pain and he was sitting here. Al shook his head and stood up. He moved around the table and hugged his brother.

Ed froze for a moment, his eyes wide, before he slowly raised his arms and wrapped them around Al. He stood there and felt Al's arms around him. Al's head rested against his and Edward swallowed to realise that he was a bare two inches taller than his younger brother. He closed his eyes.

Two years ago he had given up everything for what was in his arms now. He had gone to the Gate with one demand. Return Al. He had been willing, he had always been willing to give up everything for his brother. And when he had woken on the other side, he had realised that he had indeed given up everything. He had given up ever seeing his brother again. Now he held his brother, solid warm and alive in his arms.

Edward opened his eyes. He had forfeited everything once to restore Al and now that he had lost everything a second time, he found himself unable to find solace in his brother's embrace. This should have been salvation. Even if he hadn't succeeded completely, he should have felt something beyond the happiness of feeling his brother's arms around him. But there was no salvation here. Not for him, not anymore. It was bitter to realise that he no longer felt the bond they had shared for four years. It was gone.

"Thank you brother" he said gently and to Mustang watching, all he could hear in the accented voice were tears.

* * *

Hawkeye called around just after nine and when her knocks went unanswered, she entered and walked in. She found all three staring at an array on the brickwork in front of the fireplace.

"… don't join like that, the angles will make it implode." The General was telling the other two. Ashes and cinders had been cleared to one side and another array was visible.

"That much is obvious, Mustang. But with the conjunction here, you're negating the flow through these points and transferring it across." A black-eyed Edward with that strange accent replied.

"That does not explain how it jumps the circle, Edward."

Al looked up and smiled at her as the other two continued to discuss the arrays.

"Hello Colonel." He said with a wide smile. Hawkeye found herself smiling back. Al was obviously still so happy his brother's memories had returned. She hadn't seen him this happy for a long time, if ever.

"Hawkeye." Edward said as he turned from his kneeling position by the fireplace. Hawkeye noticed that there were shadows around his eyes. She was a bit startled to see him in just a t-shirt and loose pants, his hair nearly falling out of its tie. In all the years she had known him, she could probably count the number of times she had seen his automail on one hand. To see him so casually dressed made her blink slightly.

"Colonel, what a pleasant surprise." Mustang said and Edward snorted at him.

"As if, Mustang. She's got paperwork." He almost grinned but there were shadows in his eyes.

"I though I had organized for everything to be cleared today, Hawkeye?" Mustang queried.

"There are some things that just can't be avoided, Sir." She said with a smile.

* * *

"_You can't avoid it, Edward." Roy looked at him across the table._

"_I know." Ed sighed, tugging at his tail._

"_And you don't actually hate him."_

"_Not anymore, anyway." Ed sighed again. "Why did he have to come back?"_

"_I don't know. You can ask him that." Roy stood up and walked around to lean against the table beside Ed. He looked down at the blond and smiled. "Whether it's wise or not, he has come to see you. The least you can do is meet him."_

_Ed looked up at him and smiled back. "You make it seem so simple."_

"_It is. You're the one who likes to complicate things." Roy grinned at him and then leant down to kiss him._

"_And us? Do we tell him about us?" Ed asked._

"_Your choice, Ed." Roy pulled back slightly. "I am not ashamed of what we have here, Ed. He's your father and let's be honest, it took Alfons ten minutes to figure it out."_

"_Only because he walked in on us making out in the kitchen." Ed exclaimed, his face slightly pink. "I don't intend getting caught doing that again."_

"_Oh really?" Roy's eyebrow rose and a purring note entered his voice. "So you'll still do it if we don't get caught?" He murmured as he reached down to pull Ed up against him._

"_Roy, we can't…"_

"_But we can." Roy said and turned Ed quickly to back him against and then lean him over the table. "As I said earlier, there are some things you just can't avoid."_

* * *

Mustang and Hawkeye were in his study. Edward had gone up to shower and dress and Al was in the kitchen clearing up after their breakfast.

"What exactly happened, Roy?" She asked in the voice that no-one in the office had ever managed to refuse responding to.

_She had been talking and then realised Roy was no longer listening to her. He was staring at Edward with a concerned look on his face, Al had also started staring and looking worried. Edward had been staring straight ahead and there had been a strange look on his face before he had suddenly gone white. She had never seen hate flash so brightly as did it across his face before he shuddered and suddenly he was breathing fast and there was sweat on his forehead. Everyone had paused for a moment until he blinked and looked up._

"_Fullmetal." Roy had said calmly, wiping all trace of anything more than light concern from his face._

"_Mustang." Edward had responded, his voice rough. Hawkeye's eyes had widened at the pain she heard in that accented voice._

"_I need a shower." He had said, standing up and leaving the room without saying anything further. Al and Roy had shared a quick look before Al went to the kitchen and Roy took Hawkeye to his study._

"I thought you had paperwork for me, Hawkeye." He replied.

"I do, but something happened to Edward just then. What was it?"

"Paperwork first, Hawkeye." He said firmly and opened the folder she had given him.

"Roy, why won't you answer?" She asked, slightly hurt and very puzzled. It was very unusual for him to hide anything from her. Friends for many years, she had always supported him and given her loyalty to him. He had never let her down.

"Because he won't." The accented voice had her spinning around. Edward stood there, his hair loose. She noticed his feet were bare and wondered why she hadn't heard his uneven footsteps behind her. His gait had always been distinctive.

"Why won't he?" She asked cautiously. "Why not, Roy?"

Mustang watched Edward's breath catch before he swallowed and stared back at him.

"I said I wouldn't." Mustang said and Hawkeye had the feeling the words were directed more to Edward than they were to her.

"It will take more than that." Edward said slowly. _To prove your word_.

"I know." Mustang replied and his eye was as determined as his voice. _I will save you._

"You're a fool, Mustang." Edward pronounced and it was a simple statement of belief. _You can not save me._

"Prove me wrong."_ Stay and deny me._

Edward's eyes went wide. Shadows and voices leapt into the back of his throat and he swallowed hard. Oblivion hovered at the back of his mind.

"And when I do?"_You would let me go?_

"You won't." _Yes, but I won't lose this one._

Edward smiled and Hawkeye nearly protested. The last time she had seen such a smile had been in Ishbal. Standing at a window had been a youth, his red eyes and dark skin reflecting the flames as the house around him became an inferno. He had seen her and smiled. No hatred, no blame. Just a longing for the end, to know that there was no more.

She looked at Roy. He had recognized the smile and he was smiling back at Edward. But his was more of a challenge and she wondered just what had happened between them since yesterday. Every word they spoke had meanings that only they understood. She didn't like the nuances she was hearing. There was something wrong somewhere and she couldn't place it. She coughed lightly and they both blinked and looked at her.

"Do I get an answer to my question?" She asked, unafraid but cautious. She saw the quick look they exchanged and Edward sighed.

"I had a flashback." He said reluctantly. He knew he had to start answering these questions. But answering them meant he would recall the flashback and all the pain associated with it returned as well.

"You've had flashbacks before." Hawkeye frowned. "It's your reaction that's different."

"My reaction?" Edward looked puzzled and demanded. "How is it different?"

"You would collapse and pass out." She said, slightly taken aback.

"You never mentioned that, Mustang." Edward turned to him.

"Edward, there's a lot we haven't mentioned. We haven't had time yet. You're only just back, it will take time to fill in all the gaps."

"I can hardly wait." Edward said in an unenthusiastic voice. The little he had heard already hadn't been exactly pleasant.

"You are going to have to explain this to me." Hawkeye stated. "What you are saying is not making any sense."

"Edward doesn't remember any of the time he has been here, Hawkeye." Mustang said and she stared at him and then at Edward, who nodded.

"I don't remember anything before… yesterday." Edward shivered slightly. He was never going to forget yesterday.

"None of it?" She queried.

"No." Edward paused. "For the last two years I have been… somewhere else and yesterday…" _I was betrayed, I was dying, I was denied death_"…yesterday, I was returned."

"How? I don't understand." Hawkeye pursued the questions and regretted it as Edward paled alarmingly and swayed. Roy was on his feet and gripping Edward's shoulders to hold him still.

"Fullmetal?" He asked.

"…fucking hurts." Edward muttered on a shaky breath and then shook Mustang's hands off. "There was an… it was a transmutation, Hawkeye. I really can't explain it better than that." He looked at her and she could sense the truth of his words although she felt he was withholding information. "I have… bad memories. It's hard to… stop from remembering." It was impossible, they kept coming.

"I'm sorry." Hawkeye said, but Edward shook his head.

"Nothing to apologise for, Hawkeye. I know people want to know." He didn't sound very pleased about it and she was aware of just how tense he was. Hawkeye nodded understandingly. Having to answer questions and have to feel the pain each time would not make her happy either. She would have a word to the office when she returned this morning.

"You have a doctor's appointment at one." She said abruptly and Edward blinked at her.

"Why?"

"Because I organized it for you." She stated firmly. "And as you can not remember the last six months, then the doctor will be able to answer some of your questions."

Edward did not roll his eyes. He knew what the doctor would say. He knew where each and every one of his injuries had come from. And he had discovered yesterday that six months here had healed them. And even had his automail reattached. He wasn't about to discuss them or his memories with some doctor.

"We can finish looking at that array before we go." Mustang remarked and Edward nodded.

"After you've read these reports, Sir." Hawkeye said and Mustang groaned slightly.

"I thought I told you to clear today."

"You did. But these are rather urgent. And I believe Edward has a few personal matters to attend to, so you have some time, Sir."

Edward almost grinned at the expression on Mustang's face until he saw Hawkeye staring at him and remembered why he had come back downstairs instead of taking his shower.

"Have fun." Edward said and left the room. They could hear him calling. "Al? Where are my clothes?"

Mustang looked at Hawkeye. "Now, what is in this file that's so important?"

"That disturbance up North, Sir. There's been further developments. A patrol has gone missing."

* * *

Edward sat by the fireplace and studied the array again. Mustang and Hawkeye were still talking in the study. Al was sitting beside him.

"I don't know how you did it, brother." Al remarked.

"Neither do I, Al." Edward frowned at it. "I can see how it works. I can understand the arrays. The links between the two are clear. But to project the second array under the ash without actually drawing it, you'd need to actually be linked to it as well, somehow. I can't see that linking point anywhere."

"Maybe it came from all those books you were reading." Al said.

"Why was I reading like that?" Edward asked.

"You would always say you didn't know. It was almost as if you were looking for something."

Edward frowned. The more he heard about his six months here, the more confused he became. He had been in a coma, and then a semi aware state, and finally it sounded like he had been a member of the walking dead. There had to be an answer somewhere, although that answer was probably to be found just inside the Gate.

He looked at the array. This was interesting, but it wasn't enough. The pain and memories wouldn't let him get too distracted by anything. Puzzles that could have had him researching and theorizing for days, could barely keep his mind focused for an hour. He looked at Al. The grey eyes were following the lines of the array and he was smiling. Smiling because his brother was here. Edward felt that pang again. Al had been the one person he had always known and counted on. Al had always believed in him. And he still did, Edward thought as he met the grey eyes and smiled back.

He had loved his brother, he still did. But for four years they had been more than brothers, they had been closer than any two souls could be. And it was gone now. Edward had returned and it was gone. It was another line of pain and regret to add to his already impressive list, he thought. He sighed and turned slightly, leaning back against the wall.

"Brother?"

"I'm fine, Al." He said lightly, hiding a sigh. Al was starting to ask if he was alright every time he moved. He remembered Al being solicitous of his health and welfare during their four year search, but he didn't really want it at the moment. He had taken his clothes from yesterday and washed them. Edward had not been particularly thrilled to discover that they weren't even really his clothes, but ones borrowed and adjusted from Mustang. Like the black pants and blue shirt he was wearing now.

"…and make sure it's Stone. He's Northern bred, he'll know how to assess the situation." Mustang was saying as he re-entered the room with Hawkeye beside him.

"Yes sir." She replied and nodded with her usual composure. "And you will be in the office tomorrow." She added with absolutely no expression on her face and every threat in her voice.

Edward snorted and almost smirked. "He'd be absolutely useless without you, Hawkeye."

"He is useless without me, Edward." Hawkeye said and watched the strange black eyes gleam.

"Do you two mind?" Mustang asked with exaggerated offense in his voice.

"No." Edward replied.

"Not at all, Sir." Hawkeye said at the same time.

Al laughed. The others smiled. Edward felt his face hurt as he smiled. If anyone deserved to laugh, it was Al, he thought. At least someone was happy.

* * *

Edward Elric had always hated hospitals as he had grown up. Being in one meant yet another lead had failed, that he had misjudged a situation and not only injured himself, but had even put his brother at risk.

They waited in a small room where they had been directed to. Several nurses had already come through, mainly to talk to Al and see how he was, and more kept coming. Edward watched, slightly bemused as his brother was hugged and fussed over. Edward stayed back, unconsciously putting himself behind Mustang. He didn't really want to be fussed over. He nodded and smiled and spoke little to the ones that walked over to him. He was relieved, almost pleased, when the doctor appeared.

The doctor nodded at Mustang and smiled at Al before he looked at Edward. The black eyes and the shadows around them were the first things he saw. The tiredness, the pallor of an internal pain were what he recognized next. The stubbornness and determination the General had once mentioned were evident in the slight glare to those strange eyes and the tenseness in his stance.

"Good to see you again, Edward." The doctor said and saw the brief frown fade into a wry expression.

"I guess I'm supposed to say the same, except that I don't remember you." Edward replied and the doctor noticed the accent.

"The Colonel didn't mention that when she called to organize this appointment," was all he said.

"She didn't know at the time." Mustang replied.

"You don't recall any of the last six months at all?" The doctor looked at Edward and found Edward looking at him speculatively.

"No, I don't." Edward said flatly. The doctor saw both Mustang and Al stare at Edward.

"Nothing at all?" The doctor queried.

"No."

"Brother." Al said, almost questioning. Edward's eyes narrowed slightly before he turned to face his brother. Both the doctor and Mustang saw the sigh Edward could not quite hide.

"Leave it, Al." Edward said, his voice gentle.

"But…"

"Not now." Edward stared at Al, his eyes unblinking and a set look to his jaw.

The doctor noticed Mustang watching closely with a slightly puzzled look on his face. Whatever was happening was new then, the doctor realised. The memory issue obviously had angles that Edward did not want to discuss with him. And Al had just highlighted that. The doctor almost smiled. He had already known that Edward had lied to him. He turned away to look at his desk and picked up a folder.

"Perhaps we could get started with the examination?" He asked as he opened the folder and scanned the top page.

"Fine." Edward grunted reluctantly. "You shouldn't have to wait too long, Al."

"Wait? Wait where?" Al looked puzzled.

"Outside, Al. This won't take long and then we can all… leave."

Al looked at Edward, frowning in confusion. Edward didn't want him here? Al was slightly shocked that Edward did not want him to stay. He wanted to be with his brother, why didn't his brother want to be with him?

"Come on, Al." Mustang said easily as he saw the tension in Al and the slightly regretful look in Edward's eyes. "We'll get coffee while we wait."

"Okay, Roy." Al said and didn't look at his brother as he left the room with the General.

"Your brother has seen all of your scars." The doctor said after the door had closed.

"Great." Edward sighed.

"You didn't want him to see them? Or you didn't want to have him call you on your lie again?" The doctor asked, settling into his chair and looking at the young man who dropped into the other chair.

"You knew?"

"Yes. Doctors get to learn when their patients are lying or not. And even though you can't remember it, and you were hardly the most sentient of patients at the time, you are mine."

* * *

"_You are mine, Ed." Roy whispered above him. Sweat dripped from his chin and landed on the blond's chest, slipping down to pool in the hollow of his throat._

"_All yours," Ed gasped as he brought his hips up higher and arched gently against Roy. He hissed as Roy pushed deeper into him in a slow motion and tight muscles tensed harder. _

_Key-locked they lay there, small movements to enhance the tensions within them both. Another drop of sweat trembled and Ed watched it as it fell, feeling the shiver of contact as it dripped to warm against his skin. When Roy bent his head to track the sweat with his tongue and then to suckle lightly at his throat, Ed heard himself whimper as his nerves burnt._

"_All mine." Roy said with a fierceness he had never shown before and bit hard at Ed's neck at the same time as he drove his hips forward. Ed cried out and arched hard, his nerves snapping as Roy swiveled his hips smoothly and Ed came, sweat and cum gluing them together._

"_Mine." He said it again as he enlarged the mark on Ed's neck. He made Ed cry out again as he thrust hard again and a third time before he followed Ed in releasing. Ed shuddered beneath him as his cock pulsed deep and Ed's eyes were a hazy dark gold as he stared up at him._

"_Mine." Roy whispered and the gold deepened as Ed had to swallow twice before he could get the word past his parched lips._

"_Yours."_

* * *

The doctor watched as the young man toppled from his chair and knelt on the floor, his head down and his breathing ragged, his hands fisted against his knees. Sweat dripped from his forehead and his face had become ghostly white. The doctor had seen Edward's face go completely blank and the black eyes had gleamed, flickering rapidly. The doctor had catalogued happiness and ecstasy in the emotions that had flashed across his face before it had gone hard and hate and pain had overshadowed everything and he had collapsed.

"Memory is a strange thing." He said in a calm manner as he watched Edward try to recover. "It's selective and subjective. Time affects it as does emotion and logic. It's almost impossible to control. It will remember things you never want to remember and it will forget things you wish to always recall. It links itself to every sense you have."

Edward listened as he fought to clear his head and regain his self control. He was grateful to the doctor. That voice gave him something to concentrate on as he found the way to breathe again.

"Memory associations are a fascinating thing. The way a word or an image can make you recall things. Nuances to a single word can bring up two separate, completely different memories. You have all the signs of it now and you had it while you were here before."

Edward looked up at him, the surprise evident on his face as the doctor went from parting general information to a specific case...his. His hands shook and he couldn't bring himself to get up off the floor just yet.

"Once you began to wake up, you demonstrated a lot of memory associations. Words mainly, would send you into fainting turns, or you would link them with other words."

"How did that work?" Edward asked hoarsely.

"Somewhere in your mind you had all your memories, but you couldn't access them. Certain words would allow you to get at other words and those words unlocked more. But there were always gaps. And you were emotionally distanced from them. They were simply words you used, they didn't really mean much to you."

Edward nearly laughed, but found himself fighting an urge to cry. Given a choice between what he was feeling now and the diminished mind the doctor was describing, he'd take the diminished state like a shot. Anything to stop this pain, to stop the memories.

"You have memories now, but they aren't of the six months you spent here. That's why you denied them." The doctor met Edward's eyes evenly. "And they are recent, very recent if your reaction is any guide. Are you worried you will be considered crazy or mentally unstable if you admit to them?"

Edward shook his head. He hadn't thought about that. He knew he was stable, even if he appeared otherwise. It wasn't his mental state that concerned him. And he had years of controlling his emotional responses. It was the hurt, it didn't let him forget and it only allowed him the appearance of self-control before it sent him straight back into the pain.

"Edward." The doctor lowered his voice and Edward tensed. "Nothing I say is going to help you at the moment. You don't want to talk about it and I will not force you to. You are going to ignore any advice or platitudes I give you. One day you are going to get angry. When you do, then come and see me. Now, stand up and take off your shirt, let's get this examination done."

Edward found himself standing and unbuttoning his shirt before he realised it. He looked at the doctor who merely stared right back at him.

"You have a rotten bedside manner, Doc." Edward said.

The doctor smiled. "My bedside manner is always determined by the patient." He said calmly as he came over to look at the healing scars. He prodded at them and asked no questions. Then he went back to his chair.

"While you were in your coma state, your brother took care of you. He has seen all those scars."

"So you said earlier." Edward said as he picked up his shirt.

"Then why did you send him out?" The doctor asked. Edward looked at him as he paused in buttoning up his shirt.

"Because he would ask the questions you aren't."

The doctor smiled. "Your brother has always wanted to know things. Ever since I first met him, I have seen that." The doctor met Edward's eyes. "I don't need to have him ask those questions. I already know how those wounds were inflicted. I have seen bullet wounds, automail and sword scars before. You only have one scar I would question." And they both knew which one.

"That one I will never discuss, even with Al."

"Precisely. But he hasn't realised the angle, Edward. He sees them as two different scars." The doctor paused. "It is that scar that makes me not question your ability to remember nothing of the last six months here and yet have memories so fresh, they bring you to the point of collapse."

Edward remained silent. No-one had linked the scar on his chest to the one high in the middle of his back. He had told no-one, not even…Roy, the truth behind that scar. He had passed them off as burns and not the impalement it had been.

"I think you're close to exhaustion and you need to rest. I also know you won't do that. All I ask is that you have someone nearby when you do finally have to sleep."

"I'll be fine, Doc." Edward replied. And they both knew he had lied again.

* * *

"_Rockbell Automail."_

"Hello Granny." Al said with a smile.

"_Alphonse! How are you?"_

"I'm doing well."

"_And Edward?"_

"He's …good." Al was still a bit hurt that Edward had shut him out at the hospital and only because he knew Edward was hurting was he not feeling too resentful. Roy had tried to explain that to Edward everything had only happened yesterday. Because they had been with him for the last six months, it was easy to forget that Edward had no recollection of it.

"_What's wrong, Al? Is Edward alright?"_

"Umm, yes, he got his memories back."

"_That's wonderful, Al. Tell him he'd better drag himself down here to see me at some point."_

"I will, Granny." Al smiled.

"_I will tell Winry, Al."_

"Thank you." He said in relieved tones. Much as he knew Winry would want to know, he didn't want to be the one to tell her. He didn't understand why she hadn't understood his need to join the military and then she had become offended that he would stay with his brother. He didn't understand her. He thought they were like family and wasn't a family supposed to understand each other? He didn't remember it being this complicated when they were growing up.

If Al had seen Winry's face when Pinako told her later what Al had said, he would have understood a lot less. Especially when Winry turned to her grandmother and said "I'm going to Central" in a very flat and determined voice.

* * *

Edward cooked dinner and Al helped him. Mustang could hear their voices rise and fall as they talked as he leafed through one of the folders Hawkeye had left for him. He stared blindly across the room. Something had happened between Edward and Al and he couldn't figure out what it was. He had noticed it at the hospital in Edward's face. He loved his brother but there was something different. Something had changed and he didn't know what it was.

Edward had been withdrawn for a while after they had returned home. He had been distant and distracted until they had managed to interest him in Al's studies and he had helped his brother.

Several times they had seen him get caught in a memory and he had shaken himself out of them. Mustang noticed that Al found it harder to ask questions as he watched Ed recover. But at least Edward was here. Edward wasn't leaving and Al stayed right beside him.

After dinner they sat in the lounge and Edward and Mustang read as Al continued to work on his notes. Mustang would look up occasionally and find little had changed.

As it got closer to ten o'clock, Al began to watch his brother. Edward was leafing through one of the books he had somehow managed to borrow from the State Library last week. He didn't seem to be really concentrating on the book, Al thought. Mustang looked up and saw Al watching Edward.

The clock struck ten.

Edward blinked.

* * *

_The door opened and Ed looked up from his book._

"_You're back." He said._

_Roy came into the room and dropped onto the couch beside Ed. He leant back and closed his eye._

"_Too much talking again?" Ed asked._

"_Always." Roy grumbled in a low voice. "Committees are never going to solve anything. All they do is talk. Someone needs to take control."_

_Ed sighed and leant across to kiss him. "I wish you wouldn't go."_

"_I know." Roy said and there was no blame in his reply. They had argued past any blame or resentment._

_Ed looked at the clock. "Come to bed."_

"_It's barely ten."_

"_I know." Ed grinned. "I'll make a deal with you. You get home before ten and you can have all the sex you want. You get home late and you're on the couch."_

"_That's bribery, Ed." Roy said and he opened his eye to stare at the blond getting up from the couch._

"_Yes." Ed stared at the man he had come to care very deeply for. "You know how I feel about these meetings and I know why you need to go to them. But there has to be time for us here, Roy and if I have to use sex to get you to come home and see that there are other things than just politics and ideologies, then I will do that."_

_Roy stood up and stared down into the golden eyes that fearlessly looked back at him._

"_Ed, six months ago you never would have said anything like this to me. Six months ago I would have laughed at you." Roy smiled as he raised his hand and placed his fingers under Ed's chin, lifting his head slightly. "Six months ago I never would have said this to you. I love you, Ed Pferd and if you aren't in that bed at ten when I get home then you'll miss out because I will take the couch."_

* * *

Edward sat on the couch in the lounge again. Pain surrounded him and he let it wash through him in pulsing waves. He kept his breathing shallow and his eyes open.

Again he had waited for Al to fall asleep before sneaking out. He had survived a full day and it felt like a year. He kept trying to make his mind blank but it wasn't working. Faces kept appearing. Al's as he had told him he didn't want him to stay at the hospital, Mustang's as he had smiled his challenge this morning.

Roy's when he had told him he loved him too.

Edward buried his head into his hands and bit down on his metal fingers to stop from making any noise as the pain burned behind his dry eyes.

_Let this end, oh fuck just let this end._

* * *

Alan Seeger (1888 – 1916): "Rendezvous".

Author's Note: One nice long (for the dragon) chapter… so glad to have this updated, and Echoes as well today, after an interesting week…lol

Thank you so much to everyone for commenting and enjoying. It always pleases me to know you like this and point out my mistakes…lol

silken :)


	10. 9: Trauma

**St Edward and The Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 9: **

**Trauma: **_**n.**_** an event or situation that causes great distress and disruption.**

_…They who have beaten down  
The stale despair of night, must now renew  
Their desolation in the truce of dawn,  
Murdering the livid hours that grope for peace.  
_

_Siegfried Sassoon 1918  
_

..00..**  
**

Edward was tired. Just so damned tired, he thought as he leant his forehead against the window and watched the sun begin to rise. How long had it been he wondered, since he had really slept. A week, two? Everything had been so hectic and they'd worked through the night several times during that last week. Even when he had managed to get some sleep, it had not been peaceful sleep. Vague shadows had made him restless and uneasy.

He closed his eyes. He hadn't realised how much your eyes could ache until you'd spent two nights staring at memories and demons you never wanted to see again. And no matter how he tried he could not stop them from controlling him. For so many years he had worked to gain a strict control over everything he let other people see. Now he couldn't find it. It had gone and when the memories hit, he was unable to stop from reacting to them.

He opened his eyes. So tired. But the images started coming if he kept his eyes closed for too long. He ached from being so tense, he ached from being so tired and he ached from still being alive. He scowled at his reflection and berated himself. Not going there, not yet, not until he could leave and leave nothing to regret behind him. Al. As soon as Al was settled. It was the only promise he would keep now.

His self-appointed babysitter was not going to win this one. Damned Mustang. Edward listened for a moment and heard the man's even breathing. He had stayed with Edward through the night again but unlike the first night, they hadn't spoken. And the bastard had slept for half the night. He sighed and turned around, leaning back against the window and staring at man lying peacefully on the couch.

There was a part of him somewhere crying out for sleep, but it was faint and the hurt and memories kept him from hearing it clearly. And he didn't want to hear it either. He didn't want sleep. He had gone somewhere beyond sleep, too far into exhaustion to be able to sleep. What he wanted was oblivion. And sleep would not give him that.

Where was the oblivion, even for just a moment?

"Brother?" Al's hesitant voice had him looking to the door. He smiled at the tousled hair and sleep-hazed face. "You should have woken me up too." Al said and Edward let his breath out. He wasn't about to tell Al he hadn't slept at all.

"Yeah, maybe next time, Al." He said lightly and pushed himself away from the window. "Breakfast?"

"Sure." Al smiled and moved toward the kitchen. Edward followed, leaning over the back of the couch to jab a metal finger into Mustang's ribs as he went past. He smirked slightly at the muffled protest.

"That's for pretending to sleep, bastard." Ed said as he left the room.

Mustang stretched and rubbed his ribs. Edward had not been exactly gentle. He sighed. It had been a long night, despite the sleep he had managed to get. Edward had stayed curled up in the corner of the couch for the whole night. Several times he had heard Edward's breathing change and become harsh as the memories had returned. Once he had nearly moved when he had heard a muffled choking noise but it had stopped before he could open his eye.

He sat up and yawned. He wondered for how much longer Edward was going to be able to go without sleeping. He hadn't really slept since his memories had returned two days ago and the brief period he had slept on the way home from the old city had been closer to unconsciousness than sleep. Whatever was in those memories, was keeping him from getting any sleep. Mustang had figured out some of it, but there was more, he knew that. Edward had too much pain there.

He sniffed. He could smell breakfast and coffee. Mustang groaned softly. He had to go to the office today. Hawkeye had been most adamant about his returning to work. Al would go to the library and Ed would go with him. Mustang frowned. He didn't know if sitting reading in the library all day would be suitable for Edward in his present state of mind. But if Edward didn't go to the library then neither would Al. Mustang couldn't see Al wanting to be separated from his brother yet.

There was a loud crash.

"Roy!" Al shouted and Mustang shot up from the couch and ran to the kitchen.

Edward was caught in a memory. His breathing was hard and fast and his eyes were flickering at something only he could see. He had dropped the pan and it had hit the bench, splattering Edward before tipping further and falling to the floor. Mustang could smell the hot oil and bacon.

"Fullmetal." He said firmly, waiting for recognition to kick in. Blank eyes turned to him. The shadows were deeper beneath those strange black eyes and there was a deepening pallor to his skin. His face was twisting as he began to visibly shake.

"Fullmetal!" Mustang repeated with more urgency and moved closer, skirting the table. The black eyes flickered and Edward's mouth moved but nothing came out. The shaking became more noticeable.

* * *

"_It was a stupid thing to say." Roy said, after everyone had left.  
_

"_It was the truth." Ed replied staring hard at the darkhaired man._

"_You could have not said anything."_

"_He asked for it by inviting people to ask questions." Ed said logically._

"_But you're supposed to be tactful and polite, Ed."_

"_I was. If he hadn't been such an arrogant asshole, nothing would have happened."_

"_You offended him, Ed. And did you forget that you're supposed to not draw attention to yourself?"_

"_Herr Hitler is an idiot and I don't care if he is your newest member, if he can't take a bit criticism then he's not going to last very long. I give him six months, unless he gets his act together." Ed stood up and sighed. "People will remember a shouting match Roy, and he'll probably never ask for questions again. You know I hate you having these people here. If you want me to stay hidden, then go somewhere else and I can grow my hair again. Alfons has a new idea and I'd rather work on that anyway."_

"_Edward, doesn't the future matter to you?"_

"_I have my future, Roy. With you. And working with Alfons. What more do I need?" Ed frowned at the question. In another world, in another life his future had been a single goal and he had achieved that. He hoped. If being limited to this existence, to this future, was the price for achieving that goal, then he would pay it. _

_He smiled at the one-eyed man. Besides it wasn't a bad future. Not a bad one at all._

_"Besides, he was even shorter than me," Ed smirked as he hauled Roy to his feet._

* * *

"Mustang?" Edward queried as his eyes blinked rapidly.

"Fullmetal." Mustang repeated in a calmer voice as he walked closer. "Al, get some paper and a cloth." He said without looking at the teen. "Maybe a clean shirt too." He added as he saw the oil stains on Edward's clothes.

Edward struggled to control his breathing. Damn, why couldn't he control this? The pain went through him so fast and so deep, it was tearing him apart almost before he knew it was there. Even when he was aware that he was approaching a thought that could lead into a memory, he couldn't get a grip on anything resembling control. He shook his head from side to side. How was he supposed to live like this?

"Hold still, Fullmetal." Mustang's voice. The one thing he wanted to be free of was becoming the one thing that could call him back. He closed his eyes as he drew in a deep breath. Another breath. He opened his eyes as his hand was grabbed. He tensed and his breath caught.

"What…?" He began to say as he saw Mustang turning it over.

"I think you missed getting burnt." Edward blinked at Mustang's words.

"What are you talking about?" His throat felt rough and he had to control his initial reaction of stepping away from the man. Too close, Mustang, too close he thought.

"The oil, Edward. It's splattered all over you. Hold still while Al gets the cloth."

"I'm not burnt." Edward's eyes flickered and he went to pull his arm back.

"Fullmetal." Mustang said and he looked up to see the tense look in Edward's eyes.

"Let go, Mustang." Edward said quietly, forcing himself to stay calm even as he could feel the edges of his mind fraying. _Too close, too close, too close, too close._

Mustang could see the tension spreading across Edward's face so he loosened his grip and Edward immediately took a step back, relief flashing across his face. Edward took a deep calming breath and then looked at his arm. Oil matted the fine hairs on his arm but there was no stinging or red marks that he could feel or see.

"It looks fine to me." He said as Al returned. He took the cloth Al offered and turned slightly to reach for the taps and ran it under the hot water. Al began to use the paper to soak up the oil on the floor. Mustang picked up the dropped pan and bacon and kept a reasonable distance from Edward.

"You can change your shirt, Brother." Al said as he stood up with the oily paper. "We're never going to get those stains out of it."

"I'll do it after." Edward said as he washed the oil from his hands and arms. It streaked across the automail and Ed gave up. He'd get the rest later when he had his shower. He dried his hands and turned to get a shirt thrown at him.

"Change." Al said and held his hand out for the stained shirt.

"I said I'll do it after, Al." Edward replied, tossing the shirt onto his shoulder and looking at the remains of breakfast. He wasn't going to be taking his shirt off. Even though he knew Al had seen the scars, he didn't want to have them opened for questions. And Al knew how much he hated letting anyone see his automail.

"Just change, Brother." Al said again and Edward turned to stare at him. Al didn't remember. It wasn't just that he had lost his connection to his younger brother. Al didn't have it either. Al didn't remember. Those four years didn't exist for him. Edward felt like an idiot. He had worried about Al asking about his scars because Al couldn't remember how they had been inflicted. But then he expected Al to remember how he felt about his automail. Al didn't remember and he wanted to. Ed frowned. He could talk and tell Al everything, but words alone would never bring back what they had.

The brother he had given up everything for, the brother he had sacrificed himself for, didn't exist any more.

Edward hadn't realised just how much of his bond with Al had been formed during those four years. As kids they had been close, but from the moment that transmutation had gone wrong, they had been connected in ways that went beyond being brothers. He had known exactly what Al had been thinking, he had been able to understand so much from so little, in words or gestures. The armour had been as clear and as readable as flesh would have been to him. And Al had known the same about him. There had been a couple of misunderstandings and they had arisen because he had been too protective, too worried about Al.

"What's wrong Brother?" Al asked as Edward kept staring at him. _Brother_. It didn't have the weight it used to. It didn't resonate in him anymore.

"The eggs are salvageable. You can eat them. I'm going to shower and get the rest of this oil off." Edward said in a distracted voice and walked almost blindly from the kitchen.

Al looked at Roy, a puzzled expression on his face. Roy was looking just as confused as he was. Edward had never shut down on his brother like that before.

"What happened, Roy?"

"I don't know, Al." There was a concern beneath his puzzlement that he wasn't letting Al see. There had been something in those black eyes that worried him. A distance. Mustang had never seen Edward look at his brother so dispassionately before.

* * *

Edward stared in the mirror. Black eyes stared back at him. I love my brother he told his reflection. Al had been his reason for living, for surviving. He had willingly given up everything for him. He had resigned himself to never seeing him again. He had known yesterday that he could no longer feel the bond, but he hadn't realised that it had gone for both of them.

For two years he had held the hope that Al had been restored, whole and complete. He had accepted that he would never know if it was true or not. It was the price he had paid. And now he knew the truth. What he had paid had not been the full price. Al's memories had made up the balance. And with those memories, their bond. His life hadn't been enough. _He_ hadn't been enough. Once again he had failed.

* * *

"_I never pegged you as being so stupid, Ed," the voice sneered at him. "But you really are willing to give everything for what you believe in. No matter how many times you fail."_

"_Better that than being like you, you bastard! What do you really believe in?" Ed spat back and moved to one side. The gun followed him and mocking laughter hit his ears._

"_In winning, Ed my love." The single shot rang out and Ed staggered back as he felt it hit his shoulder, burning. He gritted his teeth. He had felt worse, he had lived through worse. He wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he had hurt him._

"_You think you're going to win? Ha!" Ed felt the blood running down his chest and took a step forward. "You haven't got the guts to do what it takes to win, you cowardly asshole." He spoke deliberately and took another step. _

"_But I will win, Ed. Because this is where you will die and you can't win when you're dead." Roy smiled at him and Ed straightened as he took another step and another. _

_Blood spread through his shirt and began to drip from his fingers as it ran down his arm. He looked into that single dark eye and the pain of betrayal became hate, burning acidic hate and he moved closer, using it to give him the strength and will._

"_How true Roy, my love." He said softly as his right arm swung, the hard prosthetic coming down across Roy's hand, the gun falling between them and Ed's left hand reaching for Roy's throat. __"You can't win if you're dead."_

* * *

The bathroom mirror shattered around his left hand and he stared into the remnants that hung in the frame. Black eyes in a white face stared back at him. There was a pounding in his ears and his breathing rattled at the back of his throat. He swallowed hard and his head almost rolled on his shoulders.

The pounding became banging at the door.

"Brother? Brother!"

"…'s okay, Al." He croaked after trying twice. He looked at his hand. His fingers were wrapped around a long shard and blood was dripping into the basin. He closed his eyes and fought the urge to close his fist tighter. Blood. He shivered and his fingers opened, the shard falling to break against the porcelain.

"Edward?" There was a stressed edge to his brother's voice and the door handle rattled.

"I'm fine, Al." He called, trying to make his voice louder, stronger.

"We heard something crash, Brother." Al persisted.

"I just dropped something, that's all." Ed took a deep breath. It wouldn't do to get irritated with Al. It wasn't fair on him. "Go and finish breakfast. I'll be out shortly."

"Okay." There was reluctance in Al's acceptance and Ed sighed as he heard muttered voices. Great, just fucking great. There was a pause and then Mustang spoke.

"First aid kit is on the middle shelf. We'll save you some eggs." The words were completely neutral and Edward grimaced at his incomplete reflection and saw the kit sitting there. The bastard hadn't said anything but he probably wanted the damage fixed as well and Edward did not want to leave evidence for Al to find. It was going to be hard enough to explain the cuts on his hand as it was.

Edward looked at the glass in the basin and the array appeared in his mind. It had been a long time since he had been able to do this and know that it would work. Seeing that little figurine he had created had confirmed that he really was back and now as he clapped his hands to activate the array in his head he knew it again.

The blue sparks flared and reflected in a dazzling display across the glass fragments. He didn't see the golden colour reappear briefly in his eyes.

* * *

Al stared at his almost empty plate waiting for Edward. For his brother. Who wasn't acting like he thought his brother would or should act. Everyone had told him how close they had been. How Edward had done everything he could to keep his promise. How they had both shared everything with each other. But it wasn't anything like that at all. The man upstairs was nothing like the boy he remembered. Even after Mother had died, he didn't remember Edward being this withdrawn.

Watching his brother shake through a memory frightened him. And it was made worse because Ed never spoke of whatever it was he remembered. Just how bad were those memories? Were there similar things in his own past? He frowned at the plate. This was not how it was supposed to be.

His brother was supposed to return and tell him everything he had forgotten. His brother was supposed to return and he could have a family again. His brother was supposed to be his brother.

But his brother had returned and slept for nearly four months and then spent another two being less than alert. And now he was returned again. And after barely two days it didn't feel like he had his brother back anymore. The euphoria had gone and he resented it.

Edward entered the kitchen, his hair in a damp tail, his shirt not quite buttoned completely and his gloves on. Al saw Roy frown and then turn back to the coffee without saying anything. There was always tension between those two, he thought. But Brother reacts more to him than he does me, Al considered. And he didn't think all those tensions came from the missing four years. It had something to do with where Ed had been. With those memories that came.

"You're not wearing your chain." Al said suddenly as he watched Ed sit at the table. Edward looked at him startled for a moment, his left hand reaching automatically for the chain at his neck before he dropped it and picked up his fork.

"No, I don't need it." He said dismissively. He held in his breath for a moment. The Al he remembered would have noticed that yesterday, the minute he had stopped wearing it. Too many memories just waiting to happen on that chain and he had removed it. The Al he remembered had always noticed things like that. This Al hadn't even commented on the missing ring or the gloves. He let his breath out slowly. 'This Al', 'the Al he remembered'. He looked across at the grey eyes. Why couldn't he say 'brother'?

"It was strange seeing you wear it, Brother. And that array…"

"What array?" Edward asked sharply.

"On the signet ring." Al looked puzzled. "Roy's array was on the ring."

Edward stood up abruptly and left the room. There had been no array on that ring. He went straight to their room and opened the drawer where he had put it away. He hesitated before he reached in and pulled out the chain.

He let it fall on the dresser and he took a deep breath before he picked up the heavy signet ring and looked at it. The raised image of a proud horse had gone and in its place was the array. The array Mustang had on his gloves. He stared at it in disbelief.

* * *

"_It's been in the family for generations," Roy said as he tossed it in his palm. "It goes through the eldest son of each generation." He laughed slightly. "I guess it ends with me."_

_Ed frowned and looked up from his calculations. "Do you regret that?"_

"_Not really. I never envisioned myself getting married and having kids anyway. And if I hadn't survived the War, it would have ended there anyway."_

"_Don't you have any other family? Brothers it could go to?" Ed asked curiously. They had never really spoken of family before. Neither of them had felt the need to share their other ties of before. _

"_No." He tossed the ring again. "I am the last of my line." He looked at Ed. "Here, catch." And he tossed the ring in a slow arc and Ed caught it. "You have it."_

"_I can't accept this, Roy. It belongs to you."  
_

"_And I am the last one left, Ed. It is mine to keep or to give. And I give it to you."_

_Ed looked at the ring. A silver horse was set in the black onyx. A foreleg raised as if it had been caught in a proud prance. He looked up at Roy. Roy had been acting strange lately. Long nights were taking their toll on both of them he realised. He fisted his hand around it and then stood up and walked around the table to him._

"_You already gave me a ring. I don't need another. I have you." He opened his hand and let the ring drop into Roy's lap._

"_Ed." Roy sighed, fishing the ring from his lap and stood up, gripping Ed's wrist and placing the ring back into his hand. "Keep it safe for me." And before Ed could query him, Roy leant forward and kissed the blond hard, pulling him away from the table and up the stairs._

* * *

"Fullmetal?"

He shivered and his eyes flickered. The ring was still in his hand. His left hand had fisted so tight around it he could feel it digging into the cuts on his palm. He forced his hand open and let it drop to the floor. He swallowed hard and tried to control his breathing.

Al stepped closer and picked up the ring, still attached to the chain. It rattled slightly as the other ring slithered around the dangling loops. He looked at Edward and saw the sweat on his forehead as he took another deep breath.

"Whose ring was it?" Al asked before he could think twice. He was tired of having to hold his questions in. And he had held this one back for a month now.

"Al." Roy's voice came from behind him, a faint warning in it that he chose to ignore.

He looked at his brother. Those strange black eyes stared at him as Edward licked dry lips and slowly stood up straighter. The gloved hands were shaking slightly and Al frowned. "Why are you wearing gloves?"

The black eyes flickered and Al saw the sigh Edward let escape and his eyes narrowed.

"Why won't you answer my questions, Brother?" He asked as Ed kept looking at him, a frown creasing the pale forehead.

"Alphonse." Roy said and the warning was clearer now. Al turned slightly to look at Mustang.

"No, Roy. I want to know. I want some answers. It's been weeks and I want to know. I want to know who the other ring belongs to and the wedding…"

"You want to know." Edward said before Al could continue. He closed his eyes and let his breath out. He opened his eyes when he felt he had some self-control and found Al looking at him expectantly.

"You want to know about them," and he pointed at the chain in Al's hand. "As long as you know, you'll be happy, Al?"

Al nodded and frowned slightly. There was a strange edge to his brother's voice.

"Edward." Mustang said as he too heard that edge.

"No, Mustang. He wants to know. He's my brother and he has questions. And it'll make him happy. I did everything I could to make my little brother happy." Edward reached out and plucked the chain from Al's hand.

He closed his hands on the rings and pulled the chain, wrapping it around his hands and twisted. It snapped and he opened one hand to expose the simple gold ring with the broken chain running through it.

"This ring was going to belong to my best friend's fiancé, Al. He was going to give it to her next week. And she loved him too, I know she would have accepted his proposal and ring. But I have it because he gave it to me to keep it safe. To give to her if anything happened." Edward's voice was even as he kept a tight control over himself. Memories crowded and wanted to give their colours to the words, but he couldn't let them, not yet, not here.

"And now they won't have it. Oh Brother I'm sorry." And Al was sincere. He hadn't really considered the people his brother would have left behind.

"They don't need it any more Al. They're both dead." Edward said flatly and Al's face paled. "Two days ago, just before I returned." Edward put the ring and half the chain in Al's hand. "Alfons looked a lot like what you… what you will look like when you grow up. Maybe you can use it." There was little emotion in Edward's face or voice but the black eyes were burning.

"And this…" he opened his other hand to reveal the signet ring and the other half of the chain. "This had a different emblem on it. There was no array on it. I was asked to keep it safe. To look after it." Edward swayed slightly but his black eyes stayed fixed on Al's and he kept speaking. "The same man who gave me this ring, also gave me my wedding ring."

Al frowned and then his eyes went wide and he gaped at his brother. Al's face lost its pallor as his face flushed. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, his mind reeling back. Edward surely didn't mean that…that…

"Yes Al, I do mean that. We were lovers, we were in love. And he is…was the only thing that made life bearable over there. Until he betrayed me and I killed him." Edward stared at his brother and saw how white he had gone. "You wanted answers. I hope you're happy now, brother."

Edward walked forward and as he went past Mustang, he pushed the ring and chain at him. "You keep it. From one bastard to another." He said as he left the room without looking back.

Al looked at where his brother had disappeared and shook. "Sit down, Al." Roy's voice came loud in his ears and Roy guided him to the bed and sat him down. Al was staring at the ring in his hands.

He had wanted answers and he had them. And he wished he hadn't, because now he didn't know what to do. He hadn't realised that questions that seemed simple, rarely were. And one question always led to more questions. Even as he tried to understand those simple answers, he could feel more questions slipping into his mind. Selfish ones, curious ones and some that came from his confusion.

What had happened to his brother? What had he been involved in? His friends had died. How had they died? Two days ago? That's when Ed's memories had returned. He stiffened. Edward had attacked Roy. Edward had shouted at Roy. Edward had said he had killed him. Al's eyes went wide. Roy looked exactly like … like the man Edward had… had been involved with. Like he resembled that Alfons person.

"Roy…?" Al began hesitantly and looked up to see a thoughtful look in that dark eye. Al blinked and changed what he was going to say. "You knew. You don't look shocked at all. You knew!" Al moved away from him. "He told you and he didn't tell me!" Al's hands fisted.

"Al, he didn't tell me anything." Roy said carefully.

"Liar! You knew!" Al accused him again.

"I guessed, Al." Roy remained calm. "I didn't know for sure." He hefted the ring in his hand. "And there's still a lot he isn't saying."

"I don't care! You knew and you didn't tell me!" Al stood up, his thoughts struggling for coherency. His brother had been in love with another man. He had killed him. He said he had been betrayed. His friends had been killed. Had Edward done that as well? Alfons. At least now he knew where that name had come from. Someone had looked like him… and Roy. He felt himself go cold. "You were sleeping with my brother." And he stepped back.

Roy frowned at him, slightly confused. "No, Al. Someone who looked like me…"

"No!" Al said sharply. "All last week. I can't…how could…?"

"Alphonse. Your brother and I shared a bed and slept in it. Nothing happened." Roy kept his voice as calm as he could. "The…other Roy betrayed him, Al. That sort of thing is not something you ever forget."

"I wouldn't have thought you'd forget killing someone either! And yet brother did!" Al dragged his hands down his face. "I don't understand any of this."

"Don't try, Al. Understanding can come later. I know it's hard. To us, he's been here for months. But to Edward, it's still only been two days." Roy watched as Al's eyes seemed to look all over the room as if seeking something to latch on to.

"Is he even my brother?" Al asked suddenly and his eyes fixed on Roy's face. "My brother wouldn't have killed anyone, he wouldn't have lied to me like that, he wouldn't have … not with another man."

Roy stood up. "He's your brother, Alphonse. Nothing Edward said was a lie. Edward never lied to you in his life, I hardly think he would start now. You asked him the questions and he answered them. Did you see how much it hurt him? How much it hurt him knowing that the answers would hurt you?" Roy took a deep breath. "This is not easy for you Al, and it's not easy for him either. Don't make it harder for yourself by doubting everything."

Roy stared at Al until the grey eyes dropped and he stepped forward and let his hand rest on Al's shoulder briefly before leaving the room.

Al heard the footsteps disappear down the hall and he looked at the ring in his hand. He frowned. It was easy for Roy to say all those things he thought. He wasn't the one looking at a complete upheaval of everything he had expected or believed.

* * *

Roy walked down the stairs looking for Edward. He was seriously considering separating the two brothers today and making Edward come to the office with him while Al was at the library. Except he knew that would make Al even more unhappy that he already was, and Edward was so unpredictable there was no telling how he'd react to that, especially with him.

He looked at the ring in his hand briefly before putting it in his pocket. He wasn't sure what to do with it. It had belonged to the other Roy, to the one who had betrayed Ed, but it had been changed. Now it held his array and was no longer the symbol of that other Roy. Holding onto it didn't seem right, but throwing it away felt equally wrong.

He sighed. Everything needed second thoughts now. In all his years of knowing the Elrics he had never had this much trouble with them. And for the first time, he could honestly say that half the trouble was with Al. In the past all the trouble had been caused by Edward, but this time they seemed to have shared it between them.

It was difficult to know what to do with Al. Hawkeye had always understood Al better than he had. Maybe he should ask her. Two years away had changed Edward, and Al's memory loss was exacerbating whatever Ed was trying to come to terms with. Maybe a separation was the answer. A last resort. To deliberately separate the Elrics was almost unthinkable.

He let his breath out as he saw Edward standing at the lounge window. His forehead was pressed against his right forearm, braced against the window as he stared blindly out. Mustang walked further into the room.

"Havoc will be here soon and you're not ready." Edward said in a distant voice before he got close.

"Neither are you." Mustang remarked.

"I'm not going." Edward replied in that same distant voice.

"Why not?"

There was a long silence. "Because Al doesn't need me there." He finally said and to Mustang it lacked conviction. As if Edward was using it to cover up what he really felt. He frowned slightly.

"You can't stay here on your own, Edward." He said bluntly.

"In case I hurt myself?" Edward said, his distant voice almost amused.

"Which you could do if you get caught in another memory." Mustang said, his eye flickering the slightly bulkier left glove. "And don't try to tell me you can control it, because we both know you can't."

Edward turned his head and looked at Mustang. Since he had left the bedroom and come down here, he had managed to claw his way into a small hole within the memories of his mind. He was clinging hard to that image and it was all that was keeping him upright at the moment. Answering Al's questions had stirred up the shadows within him and they were clamouring for release. He couldn't let them out. Not these ones.

Mustang took a step back from the look on Edward's face. Somehow he was holding onto his sanity by a very thin thread. "The office it will have to be then."

"Fine." Edward said and straightened himself up. He moved slowly as if in great pain.

"Why not with me?" Al's voice came from the doorway and Edward turned fully to face his brother. Al stared at the white face and the heavily shadowed eyes. "What's wrong with coming to the library with me? Why do you have to go with him?"

"Because I'm not allowed to stay here on my own and you can't cope with this right now." Edward replied distantly, almost apologetically. He couldn't spare much of his concentration to be tactful or to worry about the consequences just yet. He knew it would be yet another price he would be paying.

"And you don't want to be anywhere near me, do you Brother? In case I ask another question, in case you have to actually talk to me." Al looked at him and tried to make his voice sneer. He was feeling resentful and confused and all he wanted was his brother to hug him and tell him everything was okay and it wasn't happening.

"You didn't like the answers I gave you just then, Al." Ed said and he took a deep breath as his fragile stability wavered. The last person he wanted to face like this was Al. Not now. He didn't want Al to be the one pushing him, because Al was the one person he had always responded to.

"Because they weren't true! My brother would never kill anyone, he wouldn't keep secrets from me! He wouldn't have fucked with men!" Al almost spat the words out as he vented. Since his return to Central, he had been fairly well shielded by Mustang's crew so he hadn't been overwhelmed with too much attention over his changed circumstances. Their unwillingness to tell him much of those missing years had led him to bestow an almost god-like status onto the image he was building of his brother. When his brother returned everything would be as it should be, everything would be _just as he wanted it to be_.

The reality in front of him was nothing less than a complete denial of all he had hoped for. And he hated all that this brother was telling him.

The image Edward had been holding on to shattered. The fragments of the memory of him and his brother sitting on the river bank as the sun set disappeared beneath a wave of darkness.

"Everything I said was true." Edward said as his face went sickly white. "I'm surprised you haven't asked if I really am your brother, because _my_ brother always trusted me. I don't give you answers you like and you resent me for it?" Edward stepped closer to Al, his eyes beginning to burn. "Killed people? Yes, I have Al. And you were there the first time it happened. You don't remember seeing the sword go straight through that twisted alchemist but I do. And we hadn't even gotten to Central. You don't remember Greed who kidnapped you. You weren't there when I killed him, but you were there when I killed our mother." Edward stood right in front of Al. Al was frozen, his eyes and mouth wide. Edward was not letting up and the words kept coming, filling him with nothing but horror and pain.

"You remember Mom, don't you Al? You remember what we did, and because of what we did, we created something that looked just like her. You don't remember watching her evaporate as she died a second time. You weren't there when I robbed her grave of the one thing that would ensure that second death. And you weren't there when I killed_ him_." Edward could see Al trying to deny the words but he couldn't stop now. The shadows kept pushing him onward.

"I haven't fucked with _men_, Al. Just one man. Do you find that wrong, Al? Like most people over there who saw it as something sinful and illegal. And those that do it, like me, are imprisoned and exiled and ostracised. Does it offend you too? You were never so narrow-minded before. Or is it that I found something to make me happy and I wasn't suffering in abject misery because I wasn't here? Because I am suffering now if that's what you want. Killing him was like having my heart ripped apart again. Oh, of course you don't remember that either, do you?" Edward could hear it inside him, the little voice of his control screaming at him, telling him to shut up, to say no more. But Edward couldn't stop. He began to shake as sweat beaded across his forehead. Al took a step back and Edward stepped with him.

"No, you don't remember seeing me die. When Envy stuck that blade of his right through my heart. You don't remember that, do you Brother? Of course you don't. You can't remember the most important years of our lives and I can tell you everything, because that's what you want. But you don't want to believe me. Because you can't remember it and you don't like what I am saying. Do you really want to know a secret, Al? Something I haven't told you or anyone else." Ed's voice dropped slightly and he swayed.

"It hurts me. Al. Knowing that you don't remember, knowing that we aren't brothers the way we used to be. That going forward only worked because we did it together. Because all you want now is to look back. And I can't." Edward's eyes flickered and he shuddered as he stood there. He lifted his left hand and used the back of his glove to wipe at his sweaty forehead. The shadows were shifting again and he took a hesitant breath.

* * *

"_I can't." Ed said firmly._

"_Of course you can Ed. It's perfectly safe. Trust me." Ed nearly laughed derisively at that. Yeah right, trust a man that looked like Roy Mustang. Even if he was missing an eye, it was still the bastard's face there._

"_It doesn't look safe at all." Ed protested as he surveyed the flimsy craft._

"_Come on." Roy smiled and held out his right hand. "I'll even hold your hand if you're scared." He teased lightly with a smirk and Ed frowned as he batted the hand away._

"_Fine, bastard." He muttered and held onto the railing as he stretched and stepped into the small punt. He growled as Roy placed an arm around his waist and steadied him briefly as he let go of the railing._

"_See? Not so difficult was it?" Roy smirked again as the blond scowled and sat on the small seat at the bow. Roy laughed lightly as he unhitched the boat and pushed away carefully with the long pole. He stood back just before the raised platform of the stern and manoeuvred them away from the small jetty._

"_You've done this before." Ed remarked as they moved smoothly._

"_Yes. I spent a few years in England before the war at Cambridge. Rowing was better but punting helped with developing balance." Roy said casually as he stepped up onto the platform and let the pole slide down into the river._

_Ed was still nervous. Rivers and automail did not go together and although he no longer had the heavy steel, he was still wary. These prosthetics were nowhere near as flexible as his automail had been and they were heavy. And the last person he wanted to show his scars to was right in front of him. _

_Six weeks and it was still hard to see him as anything other than Mustang. He didn't know how much like Mustang this Roy was, he'd never been in such close quarters with the bastard, but the smirk was the same and it irritated him just as much. And he was bossy, always wanting his own way and ordering Ed around with a casual charm that seemed very familiar. And he couldn't cook. Ed had surreptitiously questioned the woman at the local market and she had begun giving him tips on how to cook. He really didn't think charcoal was that good for your teeth, no matter what the bastard claimed._

"_Daydreaming again, Ed?" Roy's voice broke into his thoughts._

"_Just wondering what you were planning to burn for dinner." Ed retorted. _

"_I thought we'd get something from the stalls."_

"_No." Ed groaned. "The last lot you brought home gave us food poisoning. I couldn't eat anything solid for a week after that. If you want to risk that again you can, but not me."_

"_Live dangerously for once, Ed." Roy deliberately smirked at him._

"_I thought I was here to not be doing that anymore." He had had enough of living dangerously._

"_Then how about, just living a little, huh? You don't go out, you don't have anyone but me to talk to. Which you do very reluctantly most times. I know you don't exactly like me but it's better than having no-one isn't it?" Roy asked._

"_I guess." Ed replied reluctantly. The arrogant bastard was right. It was better than no-one, but it highlighted the fact that he wasn't home anymore. That everything he had known was gone forever._

"_It's a start." Roy said lightly and let the pole slip again before pushing gently forward as he felt the muddy river bed beneath them. "There is more here than just books and the house, Ed."_

_And if he was going to be spending the rest of his life here, then he did need to start accepting it. He sighed. Damn the man. Of all the people to be stuck with it had to be him. He began to look around, watching the other people and the other river craft as they meandered along. Anything to avoid seeing that satisfied smirk._

_The punt tipped and Ed was completely unprepared for it. He sank. He could feel the water closing around him and he almost welcomed it until he remembered that he didn't give up, not to something as pointless as this. He always went forward and he began to struggle against the water, trying to pull himself up even as his arm and leg pulled him down._

_Hands reached him and he grabbed them. He kicked as best he could and felt himself rising. His lungs began to burn and he struggled to concentrate. Another kick and the water became lighter around him. The hands held him securely and he kicked again and finally he was gasping and finding air, not water filling his lungs. He let himself be dragged to the bank and he lay there, breathing heavily. Harsh breaths had him looking across and seeing the bastard there._

_Roy was soaking wet as well and his face was paler than normal. And his eye patch had gone. The thick scar that bisected where his eye had once been was rough and Ed immediately saw the reason for such a large patch as his eyes tracked the ropy twisted scar in its diagonal line to the front of Roy's ear._

"_It's ugly I know." Roy said softly as he turned away and Ed felt his face redden from embarrassment. He hadn't realised he'd been staring._

"_I…I've seen worse." He replied carefully._

"_There's always someone with a worse scar, Ed. But most are hidden. Mine's not so easily hidden." Ed watched as Roy squared his shoulders. "My other patch is at home." He said almost absently and it took Ed a moment to realise what the man meant. _

_Roy had lost his patch and had nothing to cover his scar with. He would not be able to hide it. Ed stared at the tense back. The bastard was never this vulnerable, not with Edward…no, wait, this wasn't Mustang. This was Roy and Roy was not Mustang. Even when Mustang had opened up and revealed his secrets he had never been this vulnerable. This was not Mustang. This was Roy._

"_Well," Ed said as he struggled to get to his feet and staggered straight into a tree as the waterlogged weight of clothes and prosthetics pulled him off-balance. "We'd better get home then. And I'll even let you burn dinner." _

_Roy turned around to look at him and they stared at each other for a long moment. Ed absently reached up to wipe the water from his forehead as it dripped. Roy frowned and stood up, equally shaky and came over to him._

"_You're bleeding, Ed." And for the first time since he had met him, Ed did not move back as he closed the gap and lifted the dripping hair away to examine the small scrape. it was time to move forward again._

* * *

"You can't?" Al repeated and his voice was strained. "You can't? That's a joke brother. All you do is look back." _Why aren't you happy to be back with me, Brother?_

Edward stared at the grey eyes through an increasing array of shadows. Every breath he took was making them shift and waver. He was so tired. He could almost see the riverbank again behind Al. He blinked, trying to bring himself back.

"Two days ago, my whole world collapsed, Al. Not two years ago." Ed replied unsteadily. His head hurt. "How long did you take to get back on your feet? How long Al? Two days? Two months? Or aren't you over it yet?"

"That's not fair!" _All I wanted was you, Brother._

"Fair? Fair has never been a consideration, Al." Ed rubbed at his forehead again.

"And that other world is more important to you. Not me, but _them_. We had years together, but they're more important. They're all dead!" _Why don't you love me anymore, Brother?_

Edward stopped breathing. "They're all dead." He whispered before he shuddered. "Get out, Alphonse." His hands fisted hard and the shadows surged.

"Ed? Brother?" Al queried hesitantly. _I haven't done anything wrong._

Edward turned his head slightly. "Get him out of here." His jaws closed shut and he began to breathe hard and fast through his nose.

"No! You have to explain…" Al began stubbornly, even as Mustang moved.

Edward's head lolled back slightly and his eyes blazed. "_Their being dead doesn't mean I can forget! I can not forget!_" He managed to say between his gritted teeth as his left hand swung and his fist hit Al's jaw. Al staggered back into Mustang.

"Brother!"

"Fullmetal!"

Ed swallowed hard and his hands fisted hard again. The black eyes were aching and his mind was disappearing into the shadows again. Voices swirled around him and he could barely see. _Get him out of here._ He didn't know if he said the words out loud or not. He swayed. He needed to sit down. No, he couldn't do that. So damned tired. So fucking tired. _I wish I could forget_.

"You're bleeding. Exactly what did you do to your hand, Fullmetal?" Mustang's voice.

"Bathroom mirror." Edward mumbled as he tried to figure out where the words were coming from. He turned his head and found Mustang was standing sideways. How had he managed that? He blinked before he realised he was lying on the couch and that Mustang was standing nearby. He looked around. There was something missing.

"Where's Al?" He asked.

"Gone to the office with Havoc." Mustang sat down in the chair opposite. "Don't you remember?"

"No." Edward frowned. "I hit him." he breathed.

"Yes and then you just stood there. Just as I was sending Al with him, you collapsed. So I made sure Al left and then got you on the couch." Mustang said calmly.

"How long ago was that?"

"About fifteen minutes." Mustang studied him as Edward frowned again. Edward was exhausted and it was becoming deeper by the minute it seemed. The shadows under his eyes were almost as black as his eyes. But he wouldn't give in to it. Somehow he was keeping those eyelids open.

"Hawkeye won't be happy." Even the accented voice was exhausted. The words slipped from him almost slurred together. Ever since he had hit his brother, his spirit seemed to have vanished and everything had been replaced with that extreme tiredness.

"Hawkeye will understand." Mustang replied as he looked at the left glove again. The red spots hadn't expanded so the cuts beneath were obviously small ones. The bathroom mirror. He shook his head slightly. He wondered what memory had sparked that, or had it even been a memory? Mustang had never been more surprised than he was when Edward had begun to talk to Al. Things he had never known, never realised. How many other stories were there? Things that had never made it into the reports.

Like Al, he wanted to know. And what had happened on the other side, in this other world that Edward seemed to be falling back into every time the memories grabbed him. Mustang had been patient before, he could be patient again. It just wasn't something he liked doing.

"Al hates me." Edward's voice was thin. The black eyes were staring at the ceiling and the eyelids wavered and slowly closed halfway. Edward's head rolled and faced Mustang. "Did you ever love me at all, Roy?" The words slipped out as his eyes closed completely.

* * *

_At Central Station, a tall, thin man with a dour expression was boarding a train. The silver chain at his hip glinted as he swung himself up the steps. Randall, better known as the Stone Alchemist, made his way to the small compartments reserved for him and the others being sent North._

"_You think it's really that dangerous up there, Stone?" Colonel Lilk asked idly. The two had worked together for several years and knew each other well._

"_No." Stone replied as he threw his bag easily into the overhead rack. "We just prefer to keep to ourselves that's all. Some southerner probably got nervous and has completely exaggerated everything."_

"_Patrols don't go missing, Stone."_

"_No, but it's a remote place and it's winter. It's not uncommon to lose people for a week or so and have them turn up later. Sometimes all you can do is hole up and wait it out."_

_The train started moving and Stone stretched out, propping his legs on the seat opposite and sinking lower. "You'll see. It'll turn out to be just another stuff-up."_

* * *

Al sat on the couch in Mustang's office with Hawkeye. She was holding an icepack to his jaw and studying the stubborn frown he was wearing. Hawkeye had been around the male of the species for a long time now, from raw recruits barely older than Al to seasoned veterans three times her age. She knew what he was feeling behind that frown. She was also not the most motherly person there ever was. If there was any sort of love learnt in the military it was tough love. And Hawkeye had learnt that.

She had been surprised when Havoc had appeared in the office with no General and with an obviously upset Al instead. The appearing bruise at the side of his chin told her that something had occurred. Given that Ed and the General were not with him, told her the problem was between the brothers. Havoc's eyes were slightly wide, so it hadn't been a normal sibling dispute.

She had settled him on the couch and gone to the outer office to get him some water. A quick word to Havoc didn't reveal much. The General had almost pushed Al out of the door and into the car. He had had a quick glimpse of Edward standing there, his strange eyes wide and blank in a face so white, Havoc had wondered how he was even staying upright. The General had looked worried and Al had appeared to be in a state of shock. Hawkeye had frowned at the lack of information but nodded at Havoc and, collecting an icepack as well, returned to the office and shut the door.

Al stayed silent at first but then he began to shake, his breathing becoming uneven as the shock began to wear off. Hawkeye kept the icepack steady and waited.

"He hit me." He said slowly, accusations in his voice.

"Did you hit him back?" She asked calmly.

"No."

"Why not?"

He looked up at her. He hadn't expected that. She was supposed to be offering him sympathy.

"Well?" She asked in a patient tone as she met his look with a steady gaze.

"I… I… didn't think of it," was all he could offer. "He's my brother." He added hesitantly, suddenly unsure of himself.

"I believe that when you were younger, your Teacher taught you both how to spar. Why didn't you duck? Why didn't you hit back?"

"I wasn't expecting him to hit me!" Al exclaimed defensively and he shook.

"That's beside the point, Alphonse. You should always be ready. When I first knew you, you and Edward would spar often."

"I don't remember that. He shouldn't have hit me, he knows I don't remember." Al said sulkily and his eyes shifted to the side. Hawkeye's fingers tightened at the icepack as she felt him try to turn away.

"Edward would never hit you without a reason, Al. What happened?"

Al went silent and his eyes dropped for a moment. Then his lips thinned and his hands fisted and when he looked up at her, his eyes were dark and stormy.

"Because they're dead and I'm alive and all he sees is _them_!"

* * *

The silence was profound. Edward lay in the centre of it and slept. It was a comforting deep velvet darkness that held him cocooned within the white nothingness that surrounded him.

Oblivion. Welcome and peaceful. Safe.

_Illusion_.

The word echoed and Edward rolled over, pulling the darkness around him and closing out the sound. He sank back into the blackness.

_Coward_.

The darkness moved and thinned slightly. He opened his eyes.

_Hello Edward_.

* * *

_Snow fell silently in the northern villages. Several of the old men looked further north and shook their heads. Dark clouds had built up in the higher mountains, towering shadows heavy with promises of more snow and storm. It had been many decades since they had seen such a threatening sky._

_And further north, there was no-one left to watch the snow fall._

* * *

Siegfried Sassoon (1886–1967): "Prelude: The Troops."

Author's Note: Thank you for being patient with my dragon. He really didn't want to come out and play, but hopefully we have arrived where we were supposed to be.

Thank you for the comments and reviews. I do appreciate the time and support you give by doing that.

silken :)


	11. 10: Tempered

**St Edward and The Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Tempered: **_**v.tr.**_** To strengthen through experience or hardship; toughen**

_He wakes, who never thought to wake again,  
who held the end was Death...  
... No life is in that land,  
himself not lives, but is a thing that cries;  
an unmeaning point upon the mud; a speck  
of moveless horror; an Immortal One  
cleansed of the world, sentient and dead; a fly  
fast-struck in grey sweat on a corpse's neck._

_I thought when love for you died, I should die.  
It's dead. Alone, most strangely, I live on._

_Rupert Brooke 1910_

Al glared at her, his whole body tense with the rage she could hear in his voice. His face fluctuated from red to white as his emotions ran rampant inside him. Hawkeye watched as Al suddenly stood up and paced around the office, the words pouring out of him.

"They're dead! They're on the other side! He's never going to see them again! But I'm here, and he's not seeing me! He's seeing them! It's not fair! He's my brother! They're gone, but I'm here! Why doesn't he see that?"

Hawkeye sat there and narrowed her eyes. "Who are dead?" She asked, not liking what she was hearing. Edward had obviously told Al some of those memories that were causing the flashbacks similar to the one she had witnessed yesterday. Hawkeye didn't know how to reconcile what Edward had told her yesterday with what she had seen. How was it possible for him to have memories that apparently overlapped his six months here? Did this 'other side' Al was talking about have something to do with it? But regardless of how that was possible, Al's behaviour was more disturbing to her at the moment.

"Friends he had there." Al ran his hands through his hair and then threw them out wide as he tried to keep his words straight. "Someone who looked like me! Someone who…" Al screwed his face up. "Some guy he …" He couldn't say it, the words hurt too much. His brother wasn't supposed to love someone else, not yet. Not until Al had said so, not until he had told Al everything, and especially not another man. He whirled around and came back to the couch and sat down, staring hard at her. His face was filled with accusations and disgust.

"How could he do this to me? He's all I wanted, all I needed! And it's not him there! He doesn't see _me_. I'm his brother! Why doesn't he see _me_?"

The loud echo of the slap echoed around the room before Al realised she had even moved. His cheek was burning and he was suddenly facing the other wall. She had hit him harder than Ed had.

"You…" His eyes were wide as he turned his head back towards her, staring at her as she calmly placed the ice pack back against his face.

"You are behaving like a selfish, ungrateful child." She said sternly. "Your brother is back and you're whining about it? You were more than pleased to have him back earlier and now you're not? Why? It sounds like he has had a rough time wherever he's been and you're blaming him for that?"

"I'm not blaming him! It's just… they don't exist any more! He doesn't need them anymore! They're all gone! He's back here now. He remembers it all!" Al's voice began to rise again. He had to drown out her words.

"Selfish, ungrateful and stupid. You had more sense when you were in the armour." Hawkeye gripped his chin in her hand and kept his head still, her eyes boring into his. "Your brother has lost every thing, _everyone _he has known for the last two years. Losing friends, especially loved ones is the hardest thing to forget. He lost you when he left two years ago. Have you asked how that felt to him? And now he has lost others. You're being selfish and thoughtless. You can not blame him for not being able to forget them."

Al tried to turn his head away as she spoke but her fingers gripped harder and pressed into his chin. His face flushed red, maybe he was being a bit selfish but there was no reason for her to take Ed's side completely. He had valid reasons for being upset too and it wasn't fair for her to ignore them.

"I'm not blaming him!" Al repeated. "But he's back now! He can remember them all he wants! But he's got to remember me too! Not just them. I'm here too! I'm his brother, not some person he's never going to see again."

"I'm going to slap you again, if you don't start growing up." Hawkeye said in a steely voice. "Quite honestly, your behaviour right now is inexcusable. With the way you're behaving right now, even Edward would question if you were the brother he used to have."

"_It hurts me. Al. Knowing that you don't remember, knowing that we aren't brothers the way we used to be." _Al heard Edward's strained voice in his mind and saw the dark eyes in that white face staring at him and he shook slightly.

"You're saying that people he knew, and knew well, have died. Having him pay attention to you is more important than letting him grieve for them? How long has it been since your mother died, Alphonse?" She watched as his face paled. "And you still miss and grieve for her after all these years. Ed's had his memories back for two days, isn't it?" Al nodded mutely. "Do I have to spell it out for you, or can you see my point through your selfishness?"

There was an edge of contempt in her voice that bit at him and he almost leant back from her but her eyes and her grip at his chin kept him there. No-one had spoken to him like this before. No-one had ever called him on his behaviour. He had never seen Hawkeye like this before and now he understood why everyone always treated Hawkeye with respect and caution.

Al lashed back, feeling overawed by her manner.

"I'm not that stupid, I understand what you're saying. He needs time and he can have all the time he wants. But it's taking him over, he's keeping things from me. It gets in the way of everything and he's not telling me what I want to know. He's telling me stuff that's not true and I don't care how sad he is. I'm his brother and I deserve to know the truth!"

* * *

Mustang watched as Edward slept. He wondered if sleep was the correct term for the complete stillness the young man lay in. If he hadn't been able to see the chest rise and fall he would have thought Edward was dead. His face was so pale and the shadows under his eyes showed no signs of fading. He wondered if Edward had slipped into the coma-like state he had been in when he had first returned.

His last words still echoed in Mustang's ears. Just how deep had the betrayal been, he asked himself.

He leant back and rubbed his forehead lightly. More questions. He couldn't blame Al. Al was fourteen and the centre of his teenaged universe. Impatience and unanswered questions coupled with that Elric stubbornness had led him to push when he should've stayed back, but who expected a normal teenager to understand that, let alone one like Al who had more questions than most at the moment.

And Al's earlier reaction to Ed's answers had surprised him. He hadn't expected Al to refuse to accept what Ed had told him. And Al had never been so quick to condemn anyone like that before, and especially not his brother. He had a feeling Hawkeye was going to have a hard time making the boy see sense.

And Edward. He looked again at the still figure. He had tried to keep himself controlled, had even warned Al. Mustang sighed, if only he had moved quicker, he could have stopped Edward from landing that punch. Al had been stunned and the blank look in Edward's eyes had Mustang convinced that Edward hadn't realised straightaway what he had done.

How much harder was it going to be to convince the young man to stay here when his own brother was rejecting him? Edward was already balanced so fragilely, was he going to call Mustang on their agreement now? Mustang shook his head. No matter what Ed wanted, he wasn't going to accept it.

And then Edward screamed.

* * *

_Hello Edward._

_Hello Edward._

_Hello Edward._

The voice echoed around him and he turned slowly, frowning trying to find its source. He couldn't see anyone and still it echoed. He began to frown.

_Hello Edward._

_Hello Edward._

"Who are you?" He stopped turning and spoke clearly. He wasn't going to play games, he wanted to go back to the oblivion he had just been in.

_You disappoint me._

The voice was all around him and he stiffened at the accusation he could hear.

"Who are you?" Edward demanded louder, his eyes looking from side to side.

_Find me._

Images slammed into his mind and Edward screamed.

* * *

"_No!" Ed's scream was split by the echoing gunshot and he watched Noa fall, her eyes instantly blanked, blood appearing from the small hole in her forehead._

"_You fucking bitch!" He turned to face Eckhart, his breath harsh and his hands fisted. Her pale eyes merely stared at him and her lips curled._

"_One down." She said and raised the gun again._

"_No!" He cried out, his eyes going from her to Alfons, who was kneeling by the fallen woman. Blood was on his hands and his eyes stared at Ed as his lips moved in a silent apology. "You can't do this! I…I'll do it, just don't kill him!"_

"_No, Ed!" Alfons shouted to him. "Don't you dare give in to them! Don't make the same mistake we did!" _

"_You idiot! I can't watch you die as well!" Ed shouted back and they glared at each other._

"_They betrayed you, Ed." The soft voice murmured at his side. She kept the gun pointed at Alfons in a steady hand. "They told me everything about you. They've never been your friends, are you sure you want to spare his life now?"_

"_Bitch! What do you know about anything? Just because you blackmailed them into it, I'm supposed to denounce them? I know who carries the blame here and it's not them!" Ed could feel himself shaking with anger and fear. "You're the one that deserves to rot in Hell!"_

_The blonde woman laughed. "Hell? I'm building a bridge to a new world, to a Paradise where we're going to get the strength and power to be able to rule as we see fit. The only one going to Hell is you, Elric."_

"_You threaten me and you want me to work for you? You're going to kill him and lose me along with him! Your logic is really twisted if you think I'm going to help you!"_

"_My logic is sound, Edward." She smiled as she fired. Ed watched as Alfons grabbed at his left leg. "You see, I don't need to kill him straight away. I can play with him while you watch him bleed. Are you strong enough to hold out as he bleeds to death?"_

_Ed found it hard to breathe as his head spun and he felt his knees tremble. Alfons stared at him and Ed's eyes flickered as he looked from his friend to the woman beside him._

"_Don't you dare, Ed! Don't you dare!"_

* * *

Hawkeye's eyes flickered and her eyes went hard. She allowed the disgust she felt become visible on her face. She let go of his chin, letting the ice pack fall into his lap and sat back in the chair. She waited until the urge to slap him again had passed.

"Truth? You want truth. You disappoint me, Alphonse. You make me wonder if all we have done for the last two years was worth it. I look at you now and wonder where you went to and if we did something wrong.

"Ever since you returned, we have protected you, kept people from making a fuss over you. You were in no state to cope with anything. You didn't even know who you were. And the last thing anyone wanted was having you get caught in the turmoil that was happening around us." Her voice was cold and dispassionate and he had to swallow hard.

"The Brigadier-General was in hospital, the Fuhrer dead and everyone scrambling around. The Parliament was trying to get control of everything, and the Military trying to survive. And you were there. No longer just armour but real. You didn't remember anything, you were suddenly twelve years old and no-one knew what had happened. Ed had vanished.

"So you were taken to Resembool until things began to settle. It was somewhere you could be safe, somewhere where you could learn to be human again. When you came back to Central, we made sure you were kept out of the way. Human transmutation is still highly illegal. And we would have been letting Edward down if anything had happened to you."

"I know all that," Al interjected, despite himself. "But that was two years ago now and I …"

"Be quiet." Hawkeye stared at him. "We have done everything we could to help you, to keep you safe. Because Edward was not here to do it, we did it instead. We gave you an escort when you went to Xenotime and to East City. We gave you access to the old reports. Because we knew that you wanted to know what you couldn't remember, because we knew that you wanted to find Edward.

"Yes, there were some things we couldn't tell you. Some were because we didn't know what happened. We weren't there and Ed is the only one who can answer those questions. Others were because we didn't feel you were mature enough to understand…"

"You made decisions like that? You had no right to keep things from me!" He glared at her, indignation rising above the shame he had been feeling, resenting her for making him feel that way.

"Be quiet, Alphonse. Your behaviour right now tells me we did exactly the right thing. If you don't believe your brother, would you have believed us? You didn't even remember who we were." Hawkeye's eyebrow raised and Al suddenly found himself shaking his head. "Edward has never lied to you in his life that I know of. He has always been honest with you. He had secrets that he kept from us, and even from the General, but never did he keep any from you.

"You don't want the truth, you want something you can accept. Something simple that doesn't require you to second guess your past choices and decisions. Something that will fit in with what you want your past to be. You said Ed was lying to you. I don't believe that for an instant. I think you just didn't like what he was saying and you're still trying to deny it.

"So either you start accepting the truth or I will have you sent back to Resembool until you grow up."

"You can't do that! I won't go!" Al stared at her, feeling his heart pounding. _She couldn't. She wouldn't._ "Ed…my brother wouldn't allow that!"

"Really? Are you completely sure of that?"

Al paused._"But you don't want to believe me. Because you can't remember it and you don't like what I am saying."_ Edward's words came back to him and he remembered the look on Ed's face just before he had hit him. His brother hadn't even seen him. His eyes had been blank and he had been so white.

"_Get out, Alphonse." _What if Ed didn't want him anymore because of what he had said?

* * *

The sudden scream had Mustang jumping up from his chair, fingers poised to snap and his head whipping around for the threat. He saw Edward arch up hard on the couch, his face twisting in pain. Fingers were gripping into the cushions beneath him, his lips drew back in a snarl and his breath began to rush out of him in a series of fast pants.

Expressions flitted so fast across the white face Mustang didn't have time to recognise them. Edward fell back onto the couch, his head moving from side to side as sweat beaded on his forehead.

Incoherent words slipped from his mouth and Mustang tilted his head to listen, but he couldn't make out any individual words. It was as if Edward was speaking another language. His face was still so pale and Mustang pulled off one of his gloves, resting his hand on Edward's forehead. Despite the sweat his skin was cool.

Mustang frowned with indecision as he watched Edward's rapid eye movement underneath the closed eyelids. He was tempted to try and wake Edward from whatever nightmare he was experiencing, or to at least pull him out of it and try and get him settled into a more natural sleep. But would that be wise? Nightmares didn't let you go easily. And Mustang knew just how tired Edward was. Would he be even able to wake him up?

"Alfons." Edward spoke clearly and Mustang waited but nothing else followed and the blonde seemed to ease slightly, his fingers losing their grip on the cushions. Mustang moved to push his chair closer before sitting back down.

To watch and wait. It was all he could do.

* * *

"_Don't you dare!" _The words echoed through Edward and he shuddered, falling into the shadow that suddenly appeared in front of him. "Alfons."

"_Don't you dare say anything, Roy! This is all your fault!" Ed's face was a brilliant crimson and the dark haired man was hard-pressed not to laugh as the golden eyes glared at him._

_The blond haired, blue eyed young man in the doorway stared at them, his face as red as Ed's. _

"_Um, it's ok, really it is…I just wasn't expecting…"_

"_Neither was I!" Ed scowled at Roy. Roy had grabbed him as he had been getting the coffee and the quick kiss he had thought he could get away with had turned serious. Their visitor had come in to find his hosts locked in a deep kiss, the shorter blond moaning as the other man's hands slid down his back to caress his ass and pull him closer._

_His shocked gasp had separated them and there had been a long awkward silence until Ed had rounded on his dark-haired friend._

"_I'm sure Herr Heiderich isn't too upset with us," the deep voice was smooth and the single dark eye had gleamed. "You take him back to the other room and I'll get the coffee." A small push had the golden blond moving and they left the kitchen, Ed apologising all the way back to the lounge._

"_So, umm how long have you been together?" Herr Heiderich asked once Ed had managed to compose himself. _

"_A couple of months," Ed replied, his face going pink again. He took several deep breaths. This is not how he had imagined this meeting would go. Hohenheim had written, only the second letter Ed had received from him since they had parted, and he had asked Ed to help out a young protégé he had found. Someone who might just be able to help Ed find a way home with a science called 'rocketry'. Ed had not been exactly enthusiastic but Hohenheim had not included a return address so Ed had no choice but to wait for the young man to appear. He had spent that time scouring libraries and bookshops for any information on rockets._

_To answer the door and see what he had initially thought to be his brother standing there had nearly stopped his heart. It had taken him a long moment to realise that it wasn't his brother there. If it hadn't been for Roy coming to the door and inviting their guest in, Ed would've stayed there staring for a lot longer. As it was, it had taken him five minutes before he had been able to speak to Herr Heiderich. The resemblance was uncanny. He had gone to make coffee as soon as he could, escaping as he kept telling himself over and over that it wasn't his Al standing there._

_He wasn't sure if he could ever forgive his father for not warning him about the resemblance._

"…_interested in rockets?"_

_Ed blinked and tried to focus on what the other man was saying. "I'm sorry, Herr Heiderich, I didn't quite catch that."_

"_It's ok, Herr Elric." He replied with the calm politeness that reminded Ed of his brother and he had to swallow hard. "I was just asking if you were interested in rockets?"_

"_Call me Ed." Ed said as he frowned thoughtfully. "I don't really know much about them. When … Dad wrote about you, I looked up what there was, but I couldn't find much. They seem fascinating though, and the physics and theories for them look intriguing. But some of it seems a bit far-fetched, the math just doesn't add up, but if you researched combustible fluids thoroughly and a more structured approach to the aerodynamics of the actual craft, it should be feasible. There's powered flight already; to make it go up rather than along can't be that much harder."_

"_Call me Alfons." The other blond stared at the younger man. "Do you realise what you're saying? It's taken decades for man to get this far, you're not going to find an answer just like that."_

"_I know that, but anything can be achieved if you put in the effort. A few years and you could have all your answers."_

"_A few years? More like a lifetime. How long do you plan to study this?"_

"_For as long as it takes. A few years or twenty years. As long as you find the answers, then it'd be worth it." Ed had never backed down from a challenge yet, he wasn't about to start now. And if it was even remotely possible that this new science could be a way home, then he would do all he could to find it. Even if it did take a lifetime._

"_You're as stubborn as he said you were." _

* * *

Hawkeye watched Al closely and saw the doubt hit him. His fingers twisted together and he began to chew at his lip.

"He wouldn't do that." He said, trying to be firm. "He's my brother."

"But you don't believe what he says."

Al paused. He didn't want to believe what Ed had said. "That's different."

"No, it's not." Hawkeye almost smiled at the almost petulant sound. "You can not split it like that. He is your brother and you either trust and believe in him, or you don't."

"But what he said was _wrong_!" Al protested and fidgeted on the couch.

"Tell me what he said."

"He said… he said…" Al fisted his hands. He had tried hard to not think of the things Ed had said, but they were impossible to ignore. He couldn't pretend that they had never been spoken. "He said he'd killed people! Mum! He said he'd robbed her grave! That he killed her too! That's not possible! It _proves_ he's lying to me!" He glared at her. "Mum got sick and died. She never came back. The transmutation failed. Mum didn't come back! _Nothing_came back! He's lying to me!"

"Did you ask him to explain it?" Hawkeye kept herself calm.

Al shook his head. "Why should I? It's not possible. It can't be true."

"Alphonse, I have seen a lot of impossible things. You have to ask him exactly what he meant."

Al took a deep breath and met her stern gaze. "Some things really are impossible to explain. He said he died. He said he was killed! _He __is lying to me._"

* * *

How long had he known the blue eyed blond? Trusted him? Alfons had been the brother he no longer had. They had worked and argued over their theories and experiments. They had often indulged in screaming matches as they fought over some obscure calculation, or rather Ed had done most of the screaming and Alfons all of the long suffering sighs. Even the advent of Noa had not affected their closeness. Ed had been genuinely happy.

After Roy, Alfons had become his closest friend. And even now, as Ed stared into those blue eyes, he couldn't find it himself to hate him. A forced betrayal of all their work, of having it used for such a monstrous plan and all for nothing. Ed took a deep breath. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right for them to pay this price. And it was the hardest thing he had ever done to stand there and watch.

"_You're so stubborn, Elric." _

_Another shot echoed and Alfons tipped sideways with a muffled cry. Blood began seeping from the blond's right leg this time. Blue eyes, clouded with pain and regret kept staring at Ed. _

_Ed's hands were fisted at his sides, the right clenched as tight as he could make the prosthetic move. He was shaking, forcing himself to remain upright. It was sweat that burnt his eyes, it had to be sweat._I will not cry, Al…Alfons. You don't need the burden of my tears. Not here, not now.

"_Promise me, Ed. Promise me." Alfons' voice was weaker but still irresistible and Ed was held by the strength he saw in those blue eyes. "Don't make this meaningless. Don't make me more of a fool that I already am." Alfons coughed._

"_You're not a fool." Ed's voice cracked. "I'm the fool, not you." He went to take a step forward and Alfons stopped him with a quick shake of his head. _

"_No. Promise me Ed. Don't let them break you. Don't let them do this."_

"_Stupid boy." Eckhart fired again and Alfons groaned as the bullet struck his right shoulder. "He's already broken."_

"_I won't do anything you want!" Ed spat at her, needing to release the anger, the pain inside. He glared at her. "Nothing you can do will make me do what you want, you fucking bitch!" _

"_I already know you will do exactly what I want, no matter what you say, Elric." She looked at him. "You're the only one who doesn't." Two quick shots had Alfons crying out as he lay on the hard floor, clutching his stomach. "He's dying, slowly and painfully. It's rather telling that you haven't once rushed to his side. You haven't tried to take my gun away from me. You haven't even been so self-sacrificing as to stand in the way. You'll let me keep doing this and you'll do nothing to stop it."_

_Ed stared at her as she kept on speaking. "You see, Elric. This is how weak you are. Your friends betray you and you'll stand and watch them die because you are too weak. You're letting a dead man make your decisions for you."_

"_Alfons is not dead! You know nothing of my reasons!" Ed shook. It wasn't just Alfons' life at stake here. It was his brother's; it was the life of everyone he had ever known. It was his homeland being threatened. It hurt to not be able to help Alfons, and Alfons knew it. It was the last thing he would ever ask of his friend and it was because of that, that Ed could not deny him. _

"_Ed…" Ed turned and they stared at each other for a long moment. Ed had had nightmares of a moment like this. Where he would stand and watch his brother die and be unable to do anything to stop it. He was frozen in that moment now. It was in the fading eyes and they both knew it. "You…promised…"_

_Ed swallowed and he nodded, unable to speak. For Alfons, for Al, he had promised. Their eyes never blinked even when Alfons spasmed as the next bullet hit his chest._

"_For…forgive…"_

"_Of course, you idiot." Ed mouthed the words, forcing his lips to move past the lump in his throat and the sudden burning in his eyes. He blinked hard and saw Alfons' bloodied hand reach for Noa's even as the blue eyes went blank. Ed stared, locked in the now one-sided gaze. _

_Anger, hot and fluid rose within him. This should never have happened. They were going to pay for this. He turned back to the cool blonde woman. She laughed at his glaring eyes._

"_Finish the array, Elric."_

"_No." He meant it more than ever now. There was nothing she could do to make him obey. She was not going to break him. He shrugged off her earlier words. She had killed Noa, she had killed Alfons and Ed was determined now to make sure those deaths meant something._

"_You still think you are strong, Elric."_

"_I won't help you. You can't make me part of your disgusting schemes."_

"_I already have." She pointed to the door as it opened and Ed turned. His face went ashen and he swayed as his breath left him. _No, I…Not this.

"_Roy…"_

* * *

"Roy…"

Mustang had never heard his name spoken in that tone. Despair and fear, he could hear them both in that single word. It struck him again just how much Edward had loved the other Roy. How was it possible that he had betrayed the blond? What had he done that was so terrible that Ed had killed him? Edward had always had a depth to him, despite living on the outside of his skin most of the time. It was rather daunting to consider that Edward had been involved with someone who looked exactly like him, given their turbulent past. To think that someone who looked like him had been the one to betray Ed made Mustang feel very uneasy. He couldn't image betraying someone who loved him. There just wasn't anything he could think of that would even tempt him to do that.

Mustang looked at the sleeping young man and reached over to brush the damp hair from the sweaty forehead. Ed looked paler than before and his eyes were flickering rapidly beneath the thin eyelids. Ed shifted slightly and his breathing changed. Mustang heard it begin to speed up and saw the fists clench at his sides.

"No…not this." The fear was there. Why was Ed frightened? Frightened for his Roy? What was making him sound so lost?

"Edward, what did you get yourself into?" The words slipped out before Mustang could stop them and Edward turned his head slightly, as if seeking the source of the words. A frown creased his forehead briefly before he slipped into back into stillness.

"Roy."

* * *

Hawkeye held herself still as she tried hard to remain calm. Alphonse's words kept turning through her mind. Edward had died? She took a deep breath. No wonder Al was having a problem believing his brother. But Edward didn't lie. Not to his brother.

"You are an idiot." She pronounced the words firmly and Al stared at her. "You didn't ask him anything, did you? What ever he told you, you didn't ask about. You just labelled it a lie. What did you and your brother spend four years searching for?"

"The Stone?" Al responded, slightly bewildered by her response.

"Precisely. And what is the Stone reputed to be able to do?" Hawkeye waited as understanding flared in the grey eyes and nodded. "He brought you back, it's very possible it brought him back as well." She sighed as Al suddenly looked away. "You are like your brother was. Obsessed, driven by one thought and unwilling to see it from other angles. You have wanted Ed to fill in all those gaps, and you haven't thought of anything other than what you want. No consideration for him or for anyone else. Edward was like that, but he had you to keep him grounded, to stop him from becoming completely swallowed up by his obsession. Without you at his side, Edward would have been a completely different person. You were his conscience, you were the other half of him."

"I…I don't remember it." Al's voice was small.

"We know that, Al. No-one is denying that. You want to remember, but when we've told you things, all you have are the words and stories we give you, you don't remember how it felt to you or to us at the time. You ignore the emotions because you don't feel them. And because you don't feel it, you seem to believe that we don't either. When you were in the armour, you were always so sensitive to emotions and feelings. You were probably the most considerate person I have ever known.

"But now, it's as if you have been reversed. You're as insensitive as the armour you were once encased in."

* * *

Coldness swept over him, an icy numbness that wrapped around him. Numbness to clear the way for the fear, the terror, the absolute anger that were all seeking expression once he began to breathe again. "Roy."

"_Where is your strength now, Elric? Does it take so little to bring you to your knees?" Her amused voice fell between them as he stared at Roy flanked by two guards. He took a deep breath and straightened up, locking his knees._

"_You have no idea what strength I have, bitch." He said coldly, trying to steel himself. His worst nightmares had never been this terrifying and he had to take a deep breath. "You will not win this one."_

"_Never make promises you can't keep." She smiled at him and a shiver wormed his way up his spine. There was something knowing in that smile. She knew something and he didn't. He really hated it when this happened. _

"_I have always kept my promises."_

"_You are so naïve still, Elric." She looked away from him and nodded at the guards beside Roy. Ed watched as they left and Roy remained standing there. _

_He saw her arm lift, her gun held loosely._

_He saw her toss the gun towards the dark-haired man._

_He saw Roy's hand catch it._

_He saw Roy lift his hand, the gun settling into his palm._

"_Roy?"_

_The gun was aimed squarely at him._

"_Hello Ed."_

"_What… what are you doing?"_

"_I'm here to watch you finish that array."_

_Ed's head shook. His eyes flickered. This was not happening. This was beyond nightmare. It was not happening. Roy wouldn't shoot him, it wasn't possible. He should be aiming at the Eckhart bitch, not at him. He took a deep breath._

"_No. I'm not doing it!" He flung his hand out towards the sightless eyes that stared at him. "She killed Noa and Alfons, Roy! There's no way I will help her. I don't know what you're playing at, but I will not betray them!"_

"_This is no game, Ed. You stand here surrounded by betrayal. Do you think yourself above feeling any resentment and hurt for what they have done?"_

"_What about you? Why are you standing there and not doing anything? Where's your loyalty?"_

_Roy smiled and Ed stopped breathing._

"_My loyalty is where it has always been, Ed. To __Thule-Gesellschaft, of course."_

"_No." Ed shook his head again. He wanted Roy to say that he was lying, that he was going to kill Eckhart. He wanted Roy to say he had no part in any of this. _It's not true, not true, you're lying. Tell me you're lying. I'm not going to believe it, I won't believe it. This is an act, it's all an act for the bitch.

"_Yes." Roy denied him with a single word. _

_Ed swayed again as he went completely white. His heart beat loud in his ears and his breathing sounded rough and forced. He couldn't swallow and he was numb all over. His eyelids flicked rapidly as his eyes stayed blank. There was a scream in the back of his throat, choking him as it wanted to deny, to refute everything he could see in the single dark eye._

"_No." It was the merest whisper._

_Roy smirked and Ed broke._

_He moved, rushing forward with blazing eyes, intent on wiping the smirk from that face. With an easy grace, Roy sidestepped and Ed's swinging arm hit the older man's shoulder rather than his face. Roy turned and clipped Ed's cheek with his fist as Ed spun around. Ed twisted away and dropped to swing his leg around, catching Roy's legs, enough to unbalance him. Roy staggered back and then lunged forward as Ed straightened up. The gun butt struck with heavy force against Ed's ribs and he slipped to one side, breathing hard. _

_Ed went forward again, needing to smash, grind, crush the man he loved. He had to make him take that word back. He had to make him tell him it was all a lie. He had to find something that would stop his heart from breaking. _

"_You never give up, do you Ed?" Roy asked just before he kicked out hard against Ed's prosthetic leg. Ed dropped back as he heard the crack and he listed to the side. He straightened up cautiously. It still supported his weight but it was weakened. He brushed the hair away from his eyes and glared at Roy before leaping forward again._

* * *

Al stared at the floor for a long time. His face ached. He could feel the imprint of her hand on his cheek. It stung even though he had put the now no-longer cold ice pack over it. His jaw was sore from Edward's earlier hit. There was a headache forming right at the very back of his neck and he felt completely worthless.

He had never heard such a blunt assessment of anything before, especially not of himself. He had always been told how nice he had been, how polite and steady he had been. Ed had been the loud one, the unreasonable brat, the annoying and demanding teenager. To be told otherwise was a shock. To have it said so dispassionately, so calmly was another shock. He didn't know how to respond.

He wanted to yell at her, to tell her she was all wrong, but he couldn't. To be called insensitive had really struck at him. But it was true. Ever since Ed had returned he had wanted to know. Especially once Ed had somehow gotten his memories back. He had watched Ed shake and shiver through memory after memory, and he had only wanted to know what had happened during the four years of their search. He didn't want to know what Ed had done for the last two years. The memories were obviously bad and he hadn't wanted to know.

"I'm…a coward."

"No you're not. You're just young." Hawkeye spoke calmly.

"I'm the worst brother there is." He sniffed and suddenly turned to her, burying his face in her shoulder and bursting into tears. Hawkeye looped her arms around him and said nothing as he shook with the force of his sobs. She let him cry, thinking hard on what he had said. When she took him back to Roy's house, she would ask Roy if he knew more about this.

Al and Ed were going to have to talk, not only to each other but to her as well. And Roy too, she thought. It had been too easy to keep Al distanced and almost spoilt over the last two years. They had kept him from understanding just how bad it had been at times during those missing years. In their wish to keep him safe, they had overprotected him. And now he was going to be faced with truths that even Hawkeye found daunting to consider if what he had said so far was any indication.

If Al was finding the words to be hard to believe, how much more painful was it for Edward who could feel every one of those memories? She closed her eyes briefly. If Al was this upset, she didn't envy Roy at all if he was trying to deal with Edward right now.

* * *

Forward, always forward, no matter what people said, no matter what they did, he always had to go forward. There was no room for regrets. Even now. "Fool."

"_How true Roy, my love." He said softly as his right arm swung, the hard prosthetic coming down across Roy's hand, the gun falling between them and Ed's left hand reaching for Roy's throat. "You can't win if you're dead."_

_His fingers locked around Roy's throat and he began to squeeze even as his shoulder protested. Roy let himself fall backwards and took Ed with him, twisting in mid-fall to reverse their positions. Ed landed heavily under Roy, the slender man concentrating his weight on Ed's ribs. The air left him in a rush as he heard and felt a rib crack. He heaved Roy off him and rolled hard and fast away, ignoring the strain it placed on his ribs and shoulder._

_Pain was something he could ignore. He had ignored physical pain ever since he had faced the Gate that very first time. Losing his brother had taught him more about pain than automail surgery had. He had always thought that nothing would ever come close to that pain, but now he had found something that equalled it, that went a step further. _

_He had always fought to win, always fought to find a way forward. Not this time. This time he didn't care whether he survived, he didn't even think about an afterwards, as long as he could stop Roy. Failure was an option this time, as long as Roy failed with him._

* * *

"Fool."

Mustang was kneeling by the couch and trying to stop Edward from falling off it. The young man had been writhing and twisting, and he had had to dodge an outflung arm. The sudden stillness and the single word took him by surprise and he studied Ed closely. There was devastation all over the pale face as it sweated and grimaced through whatever nightmare Edward was in. But there was resolution there now as well. Mustang recognised the stubborn tilt to that jaw.

Mustang looked at the clock. He wasn't sure how long he had been here. An hour at least, or was it closer to two now? How much longer was Edward going to be held at the mercy of these memories? Would he get through them and find some relief, some _real_ sleep if he could?

Mustang had been called useless before, but he had never felt quite as useless as he did right now. There was absolutely nothing he could do. Ed began to move again and he barely avoided the hand that suddenly tried to reach for his throat.

* * *

Stubborn, so determinedly stubborn.

_Blood dripped from his fingers and Ed struggled to lift his left arm up to block Roy as the man pushed him back again. His right arm wasn't working properly anymore, Roy had managed to twist it and Ed had felt the connections snap. But he could use it as a club and he had broken Roy's nose with his last wild swing. _

"_You can't kill me," Roy said as he swung back around to avoid Ed's kick. "You love me."_

"_Shut the fuck up, bastard!" Betrayal was burning behind his eyes, it pounded with every heart beat, every tortured breath and every thought. He had never known pain like this before. _

_And every word the one-eyed man said as they fought their way around the large room, had cut deeper and the need to push that pain back onto Roy had grown stronger. Words that Ed wanted to believe had never been said, things he didn't want to know. Ed didn't know if Roy was speaking truth or lies, he just wanted the man to stop, he wanted him to hurt like he was hurting, he wanted this to be a bad dream, he wanted this to never have happened. _

"_So foolish, Ed." Roy spoke almost whimsically as he moved in and managed to dig an elbow into Ed's broken ribs. Ed twisted away with a gasping wheeze and slipped below a swivelled kick, swinging his right arm upwards to smack it against Roy's knee as it passed over him. Roy leapt back, flexing his knee as Ed straightened up again. _

_Ed wasted no breath replying. Of all the wounds Roy was inflicting, it was the white hot pain of betrayal that was hurting the most. It was that which kept him forever going forward. And he was using it. Instinctively, unconsciously, he channelled it through every hit and punch, every kick and every step he took. It shielded him from the pain of his broken ribs, of the bullet wound in his shoulder and the bruises on his face. It kept him breathing._

_Ed used the pain to keep himself upright. Ignoring everything, he went forward again, swinging his right arm wildly and his left caught the side of Roy's face as the older man tried to dodge the hard prosthetic. A wild kick out caught Ed's left knee and there was loud cracking noise. Ed moved away quickly, hopping on his right as his left leg began to collapse, the knee giving out and he risked a quick look down. _

_Even though it was covered by his trousers, he could see something was badly wrong with his knee. The material was stretched, pushed out to one side and he could see his lower leg swing loosely as he hopped back again. His knee was broken. The minute he tried to put any weight on it, he was going to fall. Roy took advantage of his slight retreat and Ed found himself being forced backwards, hopping awkwardly until his back smacked hard into the wall._

_Golden eyes glared up at the single dark one._

"_And so it ends, Ed," Roy whispered as he began to work his forearm under Ed's chin to press it against Ed's throat. Ed pushed his chin down trying to block Roy's arm. It wasn't working. Ed gritted his teeth as his shoulder burnt when he tried to use his left arm to force Roy back. But the longer he stayed restrained, the more he could feel his strength draining from him. Every shallow breath was becoming an exercise in pain. It didn't want to be ignored anymore and he knew that unless he could get out of here, unless he could move, he was going to lose. He could not lose this one and he had run out of options. Ed did the only thing he could do. He brought his left leg up as fast and hard as he could and felt his broken knee sink into the taller man's groin. _

_Roy stiffened and Ed froze. _

_Ed watched as the colour began to drain from Roy's face. Realisation flared in the dark eye and Ed's heart stopped as he recognised it. Once before he had seen that look in a man's dark eyes. His lips parted but only air escaped. Roy's arm pressed hard suddenly and Ed tilted his head back, offering his throat up to the dark-haired man. The edges of his sight went dim before the pressure relaxed and Roy's arm slipped down. Ed stayed pressed against the wall as Roy's head dipped forward. He didn't feel the tears that welled, overflowing onto his cheeks as Roy whispered beside his ear._

"_You…are… such…a fool."_

_Roy's head settled briefly on Ed's shoulder before he slowly slid down the blond to crumple on the floor. Ed looked down and saw blood staining Roy's trousers. He looked at his left knee. Blood had soaked into his trousers and the material was torn. The sharp edge of his broken prosthetic had gone through the material and the wires were exposed. He swallowed as he looked Roy. His knee had cut through into Roy's groin and severed the femoral artery, he was bleeding to death. Ed slipped down the wall, unable to stay upright now that Roy was no longer holding him up. He stared at the dark eye as it blinked slowly and Ed could see an opaqueness beginning to steal away the gleam. _

"_Did you ever love me at all, Roy?"_

* * *

Mustang drew a long breath. He knelt by the couch, his elbows pressing into the cushions and dropped his aching head into his hands. Edward had gone quiet again. The wild flailing had ceased, for which Mustang was very grateful. He had not been able to avoid all of Edward's restless and violent movements and a swinging automail hand had given him a developing black eye. There was an unnatural tension to him now though. He might have stopped moving but he was so tense, Mustang half expected him to break out in another violent outburst. Mustang wondered how much more of this Edward could take. Mustang knew how debilitating nightmares could be, but his had never sent him into the state that Edward was in. He lifted his head and gazed at the tense face.

He remembered Edward's words from the other night. To escape whatever was in these nightmares, he had sought oblivion, death. And Roy Mustang had thought, and promised, that he could give Edward a reason not to need to make that choice again. Mustang was rarely daunted by anything, but he was feeling daunted now. What he had known was not going to be easy, was suddenly a lot harder than he had expected.

He was taken by surprise when Edward suddenly slumped on the couch, the tensions gone and tears ran freely from beneath his eyelids. All life seemed to drain out of him as he seemed to sink even lower, and Mustang had to lean over and search for a trace of breathing to reassure himself that Edward was still there.

"Did you ever love me at all, Roy?" Edward muttered again and Mustang swallowed at the loss echoing behind the words this time. Edward had never sounded that lost and alone before.

"Yes," Mustang murmured as he knelt by the couch.

* * *

One word.

"_No."_

_Somewhere his friends lay dead, somewhere his father was dying, somewhere a dragon roared. Somewhere a blonde bitch shouted commands and people and machinery replied. Somewhere, somewhere…somewhere a dark haired man should have said 'yes'. _

No.

_Ed watched as Roy's chest stopped moving and the dark eye dimmed completely. As the next breath never came, Ed stopped feeling. Small and empty, he slumped there. There were words, thoughts in his head and he couldn't understand them. There was the pain, the hurt and it stared back at him from a single sightless dark eye. _

No.

No.

Did you ever love me at all?

Roy?

No.

Did you?

No.

Love me?

No.

_Ed kept staring at Roy. The blood spread between them, seeping into his already soaked trousers. His eyes were still overflowing but he didn't realise it. The reason he had been moving, the reason he had been breathing was lying there and he was lost. He was frozen and …_why aren't I dead too?

Did you ever love me Roy?

* * *

Hawkeye gave Al her large handkerchief as he pulled back from her shoulder. His eyes were swollen, his nose red and running, and his breath hitched in gulped sobs as he tried to stop crying. His face was splotched and his head was aching. He thought crying was supposed to make you feel better, but he didn't.

He felt bereft and unsure as to what to do now. He probably should go back and apologise to his brother, but that would mean he felt sorry for what he had said. And he did, but not as sorry as he thought he probably should be. He still didn't like, didn't want to believe what Ed had told him. The thought that there was worse to come made him uneasy. Just what was he going to have to accept?

After all this time, he could sense that answers would be forthcoming, and although he had told himself that even if some of the memories were bad, he'd be able to handle them, he was suddenly very aware that he couldn't handle them. Even when he had tried to imagine those bad things, they hadn't come close to the reality. If he accepted what Edward, if he accepted what his _brother_ told him, then he was going to have accept that everything he had hoped for, everything Al had wanted to believe in, was the lie.

And Al wasn't used to being in the wrong. He'd been told how smart he had been, how intelligent and mature he had been. And it appeared he couldn't even do that right now. It had all been so much easier before Ed had returned. He had been able to dream, to search for memories in a safe, almost relaxed manner. Safe was the last thing he felt now. His brother was back and there was no safety to be had.

When they were little, Ed had hated their father with a passion. He had blamed him for everything, for leaving them and for not coming back when their mother got sick. Al hadn't. Al had believed that Hohenheim had left because of greater things. Because he had had things to do that had necessitated his leaving. Even though he had been disappointed at Dad's non-appearance, he had accepted it as part of the image, part of the story he had in his head that explained everything Dad did. Now he realised he had built a similar expectation for his brother. He had imagined a perfect past for them, for those missing years and it wasn't perfect any more. Because Edward was back and Edward was truth.

"I…I almost…I wish he hadn't come back."

* * *

The tears kept running from Edward's closed eyes and Mustang began to get worried. Ed wasn't moving, he looked as if he had caved in on himself. Small and lost, it reminded him of that very first time he had seen the small damaged boy. Mustang moved the bangs from Edward's forehead and there was no reaction. Edward was locked into wherever his dreams had taken him.

Again Mustang found himself wondering just what the other Roy had done. What pressure had been brought to bear on that other Roy to make him do such a thing? He wondered if Edward had heard his reply to that question. It had been an involuntary response to the deep loss in the blond's voice.

It was even true in a way, Mustang thought. While it wasn't the deep love the other Roy must have reciprocated, it was still a love he felt for the young man. A love based on respect and an obscure and strange definition of friendship. It was the reason he felt determined to save Edward, to keep him alive and here. It was why he sat on the floor beside the couch and chewed absently at his thumbnail as he watched a blond weep in his sleep.

* * *

"That is cowardly thinking Al." Hawkeye said as she leant back slightly. "You need to speak to your brother and you need to _listen_ to him."

"I… don't want to."

Hawkeye's eyebrow lifted and she looked at Al. He should have looked sulky to match his words, but she recognised the trepidation in his expression. Her eyes narrowed.

"Whether you want to or not, it is what you _have_ to do. You can not leave matters between you like this. You both have to do some talking."

"What if I don't want to?" Al asked after a small pause.

"You have no choice here. If you don't speak, you're going to lose each other." She watched him as she spoke. "You'll always be his brother, but you have to figure out if he's still yours."

"Of course he is." Al stared at her.

"Then you'd better start acting like it. You can't go back Al, only forward."

* * *

To go forward had lost meaning.

_Ed jerked as the gunshot echoed and his shoulder burst into pain again. He looked away from Roy and across to Eckhart. She held the gun Roy had dropped earlier and she stared calmly at him._

"_Time to get to work. Staring at him won't make him live again." She spoke casually and waved the gun towards the array. "There's no-one left now, Elric. They all betrayed you and you sit there like a sacrifice. Well, there are other ways to make you suffer."_

_Ed began to breathe faster as blood began to run down his arm and chest again, following the tracks already painted there from earlier when R…when _he_ had shot him. Pain bloomed along with reawakening hate. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to keep his head up. _

_She aimed the gun and fired, the bullet hitting the back of Alfons' head. Ed choked as the skull shattered. He rolled to one side and spat bile, before turning back to face her._

"_Bitch!"_

"_Do the array, Elric." Another shot hitting the unresisting body had Ed struggling to stand. His leg gave way and he sank back to the floor._

"_Stop that!"_

"_When you agree to do the array."_

"_No!" he almost howled and the next bullet hit the side of Noa's face. Bitterness surged through him. She stood there, a travesty of humanity and he loathed her. It wasn't enough that she had killed them, she had to take any dignity, any peace they, and he, might have salvaged from it. He looked at her, his eyes going blank as he struggled to control the rush of hatred that surged through him. He looked at Roy and his jaw went tight._

He betrayed me. She orchestrated everything. He betrayed me. I hate her, I hate…I hate him. I am going to make them pay for this. You took everything from me, I'm going to take everything from you.

Did you ever love me?

No.

_Ed stared at her and then at the array. He stopped trying to control his hatred and he let it wash through him. He hated them, he wasn't going to deny it and he was going to not only stop them, he was going to make them pay. He had given everything up for people he had loved before. One more time, just once more. He would do it one more time. For Alfons, for Noa. _

_Another gunshot and blood splattered him as Roy's shoulder was hit. "I am waiting, Elric."_

_He had to bite his tongue as he hung his head and nodded before he could reply. "I'll... yes." _One more time, for me.

"_Good. Do it quickly." He looked up as she turned away and his eyes blazed. She hadn't even gloated over his submission, she had accepted it as if his acquiescence had been her due. He had always disliked arrogance and the hatred surged again. He swallowed hard as the bile threatened again._

_Slowly he moved, crawling away from the wall, dragging his broken left leg and his damaged right arm barely supporting him. Moving made his shoulder and ribs hurt badly and he ignored it. Hatred and betrayal hurt more and he pushed the pain away. It didn't matter any more. He was going to end this._

_He looked upwards at the dragon that hung above him. It had startled him when he had first seen it. Such creatures shouldn't even exist. Where had it come from? The chains rattled as it twisted endlessly against the restraints. The beast was as much a victim as he was, he thought. The chains were grounded in the array he saw and he frowned. When the array was activated, the beast would be consumed by it. It would open the way between and Ed was not going to let that happen. Not now. _

_He studied the dragon and watched the long hair spilling out of its mouth move. Was Hohenheim even still alive, he wondered. He had seen Hohenheim briefly six weeks ago. A meeting that had barely lasted an hour. He hadn't expected to see him here and not like this. _

_They had used everything against him, he had been betrayed by the one he had trusted most. He looked into the dragon's eyes. He paused as he was caught in an amethyst gaze. That colour was so familiar and he began trying to recall where he had seen eyes like that before. _I know you. Who are you?

_He shivered as an image of the Gate appeared before him. The dragon's eyes stared through the image and Ed saw the doors open again. The bewildering rush of images and information that had flooded his mind years ago swept through him again. He had been too young to understand much of the information he had been given that dreadful night. But now he did._

_An array rose in his mind and he followed the thought back. Back to the Gate. It always came back to that. That memory of the Gate and all the knowledge it contained. There were arrays he understood now, arrays that should never be understood. Lines and circles shifted in his mind and he followed the shifting patterns. There was no going back now._

_He crawled to the large array already drawn on the floor and paused for a moment before he looked at his left hand. Blood dripped slowly and he took a deep breath before lifting his right arm and using his left hand to guide the hard prosthetic fingers into his wounded shoulder. He gritted his teeth and kept pushing until he could feel the blood run more easily down his arm. He drew the first line of a small circle._

_She had said he was going to go to Hell. He was going to go to Hell, and he was going to take them all with him._

* * *

"Where are you, Edward?" Mustang asked the sleeping man. The tears had stopped and were drying on his face. Mustang pushed the hair away where it was stuck to his skin by his earlier tears. Slowly Edward's head turned and faced him and Mustang watched as the eyes opened. The hollow look he had once seen in these eyes was back. Mustang held his breath until the eyes closed again and let it out silently. He swallowed. Edward had looked as if he had had no eyes. The blackness had been so deep, so empty that even light had not been reflected.

* * *

_Edward Elric was on his hands and knees at the edge of a large transmutation circle __as blood fell around him._

* * *

Al stared at the floor. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't ignore her. She sat there and her words stayed between them, wriggling their way through his resentment, through his fear, through his reluctance. He didn't want to admit she was right. He didn't want to go back and face his brother. But the more he thought on what she had said, the more he felt he _had _to go back.

There was no third option here. He went back or he didn't. Either way was going to be painful. And did he honestly believe he could _not_ go back? He shook his head. _He is my brother. He owes me an explanation. And I owe…I should at least try to believe him._

"I'll go back," Al said as he stood up. "I'll talk to him." He didn't look at her and missed her small grin at the reluctant, almost surly tone.

"I'll take you there." She stood up and walked around him to the door. She didn't ask if he was sure about his decision. She knew he would already be second-guessing himself. And she was giving him no chances to avoid this. "Come on." She opened the door and waited for him.

Al walked slowly out of the office, wondering if it was too late to change his mind.

* * *

_Edward Elric knelt in the middle of the main array and looked up as the arrays climbed, decimating everything they touched._

* * *

The crackle of alchemy had Mustang falling backwards onto his heels and staring as small flares sparked between Edward's hands. An array flickered in the flaring lines and Edward arched slightly as his hands lifted to it.

"Blood for blood." Mustang spared a quick look at Edward's face and saw the empty black eyes again. Edward's hands lifted higher and the array became reflected in those eyes. The array began to dissipate but the reflections remained. They spun in a lazy circle before appearing to sink into the deep black behind them. Edward's eyes closed and his hands came to rest at his sides.

Mustang moved back to his kneeling position by the couch and wondered just what the hell was going on.

* * *

Edward knelt in the middle of his white space as a flame danced in front of him. It slipped along the lines of an array and golden eyes followed it.

_You see it, Edward._

"Yes."

_Have you found me?_

"No." Edward paused as the flame disappeared, flowing into the array . He looked at the array and pushed his right hand through it. His eyes went black as he took a deep breath. "You want me so badly, you can just come and fucking get me."

_You may regret those words, Edward._

"Probably, but I'm too tired to care." Edward settled back and reached for the obliging darkness. "I have enough nightmares. What difference will one more make? You should've killed me when you had the chance."

_I did. You just don_'_t remember._

* * *

Al took a deep breath before he opened the door and entered the house, Hawkeye right behind him. It was quiet and he felt nervous as he stepped further into the house. He rubbed his hands together and had to take another deep breath before entering the lounge.

The first thing he saw was Edward, lying on the couch. The next thing he saw was Roy Mustang seated on the floor by the couch.

"Is he…is he…?" Al began and Roy looked up. A bruise darkened the side of his face and his eyebrow rose as he saw Al and Hawkeye standing there.

"He's sleeping," Roy spoke quietly as he stretched and began to stand up.

"What happened?" Hawkeye asked softly.

"Just a nightmare." He looked at Al, noticing the red marks and bruising on the teen's face. "Perhaps you could get us both a cold cloth, Hawkeye. There's some in the bathroom, I think."

"Of course." She nodded and left the room. Al walked in further and looked down at Edward. His brother was still so pale and his face looked streaked. His hair was tangled behind his head and Al bent down to smooth his hand over it. He frowned and his eyes burnt slightly. _Brother_. He blinked rapidly and straightened up. He turned away and saw Roy watching him.

"He's my brother." Al stated, testing the words. He hated being this unsettled in his head. He wasn't used to being so uncontrolled with his emotions and he couldn't seem to get back into his normal logical mindset. He felt like he had to start all over again.

"Yes." Roy replied without emphasis.

Al sat down in his usual chair and put his head in his hands. "I don't think I like him." He looked up at Roy with solemn eyes. "Do you think he still likes me?"

* * *

_Somewhere far in the North, snow and ice swirled in blinding gusts. Winds roared through desolate valleys, an angry keening that had reverberated through the mountains. Like a monstrous serpent it blasted its way through trees and cabins alike. Outlying, deserted settlements were destroyed completely. Moving southwards, rolling like a palpable wave of winter, it gathered strength. It dragged towering storm clouds above it and the wind's howling was underscored by rumbling thunder. Lightening sparked continually, flaring across the heavy greyness of the clouds._

* * *

"_Give it back!" The little girl imperiously demanded of her brother as they stood in the middle of deserted street in Central. _

"_Come and get it," her brother taunted as he waved the doll above his head. She stamped her bare foot in anger and the ground trembled._

_Their eyes went wide as a loud creaking noise echoed and she ran to him, forgetting their dispute as the ground shook beneath them again. He held her close and looked around them. The buildings were moving, a fallen metal cross slipping from its resting place against a wall to clatter into the street. _

_Deep rumblings vibrated through the children and a shadow fell across the street. They both looked up at the sudden chill and saw a twisting column of smoke lifting from the broken building behind the fallen cross. It writhed like a serpent before it began to break up. _

_As the smoke disappeared, the building it had come from began to collapse. Toppling slowly, the walls began to cave in. Bricks began to bounce down the shallow steps and the building groaned. The boy dragged his sister with him as he began to run. He didn't look back, not even when the rumbling had stopped._

* * *

Brooke, Rupert (1887 – 1915): The Life Beyond

Author's Note: It's been a long time coming I know, but its here at last. Forgive me for the delay. Not that I'd ever forget the dragon, and people do remind me of him every other day …cough demonandmary cough…

Thank you to everyone for waiting so patiently for this and for supporting me and this sometimes recalcitrant beast. I hope you enjoy it.

silken :)

Edited 21/3/08... ffnet has deleted all line breaks from my fics and I will be going through them all to replace them... please forgive me for any delays on future chapters 


	12. 11: Schism

**St Edward and The Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Schism .**_**n**_**. 1.A separation or division into factions. 2. disunity, discord**

..00..

…_and though  
We are not now that strength which in old days  
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;  
One equal temper of heroic hearts,  
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will  
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield._

_Alfred, Lord Tennyson. 1842_

..00..

"Yes, I think he does." Roy held Al's gaze for a long moment after he spoke.

"Why?" Al sounded almost disgruntled at Roy's reply.

"Because nothing would ever make him hate or even dislike you," Roy said simply and confidently.

"It would be easier if he did hate me," Al muttered rebelliously.

"Maybe it would, but everything Edward did, he did because of you."

Al straightened up and his face twisted. "And those things he… he said earlier? He did them for _me_? That's just … No! I'd never ask anyone to …kill, or to … do … what he did to Mum! That's disgusting! I wouldn't want anyone to do any of that!" Al kept his voice low but he shook and as Hawkeye entered with the cold cloths, her eyebrows rose at Al's words.

"And this is why you need to talk to him, Al. To find out exactly what he meant, because I don't know about those instances." Roy nodded his thanks to Hawkeye as she handed him the cloth and placed it along the side of his face.

"You knew about… about…" Al blushed as he came to a stop unable to go on, his eyes flickering to Hawkeye as he took the cloth from her. Hawkeye looked from one to the other and sat down near Al, her face calm but her eyes bright with curiousity.

"I told you earlier that I guessed, Al." Roy looked at Hawkeye briefly and then at Al. He knew he couldn't send her out no matter how uncomfortable Al might feel. Hawkeye had been in the military a long time and had known the Elrics as long as he had. He doubted any of what she heard would honestly shock her.

"You should have told me." Al stared at him.

"No, he didn't want you to know. He didn't…"

"I don't care what he wanted!" Al hissed. "He's supposed to be my brother, I should have been told!"

"Al, he_ is_ your brother and he is the one who will tell you," Roy stated firmly.

"Will he? After what happened this morning, will he still tell me?"

"I think he will. Will you still want to hear it?"

Al's eyes flickered and his nervousness was evident in the shifting movement of his shoulders. "That's why I'm here," he said.

"And it scares you," Roy said as he leant back in his chair, shifting the coolness of the cloth over the heated bruise on his face. He saw Al's eyes widen and spoke before the youth could deny it. "I know it scares me."

"Huh?" Al stared at the General. There was nothing in either his face or voice to suggest Roy was humouring him and the dark eye stayed fixed on his.

"In the four years you and he searched for the Stone, I only saw Ed cry once. And that was at the very beginning. After that, if he ever cried again, I never knew. Only you would have known. Yet he's been crying in his sleep. Whatever is in those nightmares of his is worse than that night. And those nightmares aren't limited to his sleep, Al. He gets caught in one every time he blanks out on us. Because the nightmares _are_ his memories. This is the first time he's slept since we brought him back and it's not been restful. Something happened to him and it's tearing him apart, Al. Something terrible enough that can make Edward Elric behave like this, is something that scares the hell out of me."

Roy turned his head to look at Ed. Even though Ed was calm now there was still tension in the sleeping body. Random tremors made his hands or his feet twitch and his eyes moved often beneath his eyelids.

"He said he had bad memories, he told us that," Al said with a frown. "And Brother's never cried much anyway. He always got angry rather than cry. I remember that from when we were kids." He looked over at his brother. The streaks he had noticed earlier were still there and he was aware now of the almost bruised look to the skin around those closed eyes. "How do you know he hasn't been sleeping?"

"Because for the last two nights he's sat in here."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Al demanded and Roy looked at him.

"Why weren't you aware of him leaving your room?" Roy asked gently and Al's hands fisted. "I didn't tell you because it wasn't necessary." Roy looked back at Ed. "In the old days you would have known. You would have known the moment he moved, you would have seen the signs and you would have confronted him about it. And he would have brushed it aside as he always did, thinking to keep you from worrying about him."

Al was silent. 'I don't remember' hovered at the back of his throat and he was very close to letting those words out, but… but it felt like an excuse. An excuse he had used once too often. He had been so focused on finding out what he couldn't remember that he had ignored everything else. Including his brother's state of mind. He couldn't even say he hadn't known about because he did know. He had seen it, he just hadn't wanted to admit that it was as important as his learning about the forgotten years. Maybe it was even more important, because if there was something wrong with his brother then Al was not going to get any answers.

He began to feel resentful again. Everything was deliberately conspiring to make him wait for his answers and he thought it unfair. Even he knew that it was stupid to think like that but he couldn't help it. This impatience kept pushing him and it was becoming tiresome, but he just couldn't seem to let go of it. 'I don't remember' and 'you should have told me' were becoming the phrases that came out before he could think.

"It feels like everything I ever was, was all because of him. You know me only because I was his brother. Without him, it wouldn't have mattered if I existed or not. You wouldn't have known, or cared. I remember growing up, I remember playing like kids are supposed to and I remember having a brother to share it all with. But then everything just stops. There's an empty place that I just can't get past. I thought I could be patient, now he was back, I thought I could wait but I can't."

"And if you don't like the answers?" Roy queried and Al felt his face flush. They were back at the beginning again.

"I have to hear them. Even if I don't believe, he does. I'll never find out the truth if I don't get his side of the story." Perhaps Al wasn't aware of just how ready to disbelieve anything that might be said he sounded, but Roy wasn't and he exchanged a quick look with Hawkeye.

"Then we'll wait for him to wake up," Roy remarked non-committally.

* * *

On a north-bound train, barely a day out of Central, a tall thin Major leant against a compartment wall near a large portable communications set. A Colonel was replacing the handset with a slow movement.

"There's something wrong, Stone," the Colonel said. "There's no reply again and Central says they can't get through either."

The Major twisted his fingers through the silver chain at his hip. Randall, Stone Alchemist, looked pensively at the other wall. "The last report said the approaching storm was going to be bad. Lines could be down because of that."

"Northern Command has never had a storm take out their lines before. And no storm moves that damned fast. Last night Briggs called it in and by this morning Northern Command is cut off as well? It's a full day's trip from North to Briggs and this storm did it in one night?"

"It does seem unusual," Stone remarked a faint frown creasing his forehead.

Colonel Lilk looked at his friend and almost sighed. "Nothing ever bothers you," he said with a shake of his head. "There's something strange going on. At the speed its travelling that storm could be in Central in two, maybe three days."

"That can't happen. Geography alone says that. And no storm would have the strength to last that long. You worry too much."

"Could alchemy be involved?"

"I doubt it. I can't think of anyone capable of doing alchemy on that scale. Try contacting them again in an hour. It's probably a fault somewhere and it's just coincided with that storm."

The Colonel did sigh. "Remind me again as to why I am always paired with you."

"Because no-one else wants me,' came the laconic reply.

"That's no surprise," Lilk muttered and lifted the handset again to call Central.

* * *

Edward drew a long breath and shifted on the sofa. He turned slightly as his eyes fluttered opened a fraction. He was still very tired and sleep was trying to pull him back into its dark silence but for some reason he was resisting it. His eyes opened further and he blinked through a haze to see Al looking at him. It took Ed a long a moment to realise that Al was staring back at him and that not only did his brother look rather unhappy, there was also a large red patch on one side of his face.

Ed shifted and his eyes caught on the dark haired man in the other chair. His breath caught and he pulled back, pushing himself into the back of the sofa. Memories lifted out of the haze of his mind and he had to grip the cushions hard before he could see past them again. His heart pounded even as he felt himself shake but he forced himself upwards as he saw the bruise shadowing Mustang's face. He looked back at Al.

"Did you two fight?" he croaked slightly, his voice rough and still heavy with tiredness.

"No, you're responsible for my bruises, Fullmetal," Mustang replied smoothly. He saw the wariness in Edward and stayed where he was.

"I hit you?" The black eyes widened for a brief moment before Ed recollected himself. "I should have done that years ago." Mustang smirked slightly at the almost to be expected response. Ed turned back to Al and studied the red mark. "Did I do that? I'm sorry Al…"

"No!" Al spoke loudly and abruptly and then stopped short. He took a deep breath and met the surprised look on Edward's face. "No, you didn't do it and you don't need to apologise to me. I… I should probably be apologising to you."

Ed's eyebrows rose high and he stared at Al. His head began to shake. "No, you don't need to do that either. This… it's…" Ed let his breath out. "Things are so different for us both now and we just need to find a way through it, that's all."

"I guess so. I want to ask, I want to _know_ but…I haven't been thinking of you at all. I've only been thinking about me." Al hated saying the words, but felt he had to say them. He could feel Hawkeye looking at him and just knew that she would rebuke him later if he didn't say anything.

Ed's lips turned up slightly. "It makes a change for you to be selfish. Everyone always said I was the selfish one." He kept his words light. Al was having a difficult time and it was showing very plainly on his troubled face. His own state of mind wasn't settled either and it was an effort to keep himself focused. Getting that bit of sleep had been beneficial, but he needed more and he knew it. He could feel it behind every breath, every movement, every thought carried the pain he couldn't escape from yet. And he didn't think he ever would.

But Al was in front of him and silently demanding things that were going to exacerbate that hurt and he didn't know how he was going to be able to control himself. He closed his eyes for a moment. It was another kind of hurt to think he had to be so careful around his own brother. That felt so wrong. Al had been the only person he had been able to be completely open with. Even with…_him_, there had been secrets he had kept and not shared. But Al, he never had to hide things from Al and when he had, Al had always found out or he had told him. Perhaps he shouldn't try and control himself now, perhaps what he needed to do, not only for Al but himself was to say exactly what he thought. He had always had the reputation of speaking without thinking. Maybe he should re-claim that. Two years of being careful with his words had led to betrayal.

"Let's get some coffee and talk, Al."

"I'll get it," Hawkeye said as she stood up. "If you will assist, General." Mustang blinked. That had been no question even though it had been phrased as one. It had been an order pure and simple and Ed chuckled briefly as Mustang rose to his feet.

"Keep that up and you'll get milk in your coffee, Fullmetal," he said sternly and Ed smirked.

"Don't even try it, bastard." Despite the uneasiness he felt at the likeness, it was easier to slip into the old way of replying than it had been. He watched them leave the room but he was under no illusions that they would stay there until he and Al had finished speaking. They would return and in a way he did owe the bastard the truth. He looked at Al and found himself without words. _Just where do I start?_

Al watched as Ed sat up straight, pushing his hair away from his face and then reaching around to retie it back properly. He didn't know what to do. The others had gone and Ed was here and willing to answer whatever he wanted and he couldn't think of anything to say. It seemed callous and uncaring to start with what Ed had said this morning. He needed something lighter, something less hurtful and then realised there was nothing. It was all going to be painful to some extent because he couldn't remember and they did.

"This… you said… you said you'd tell me," Al said before the pause became too heavy and his small burst of courage disappeared.

"I said that and I meant it." Ed looked at his gloved hands and then at his brother.

"When we were growing up, you wouldn't tell me things. You'd get angry and go running off and I'd have to chase after you."

"Or we'd end up by the river because you'd go sulking there. I always told you eventually. It was too hard to keep things from you." Ed pulled the glove from his automail and held it up. "Getting this attached hurt. It hurt like hell but you were outside the door when Winry and Pinako did the surgery so I couldn't make a sound. It aches in the cold weather, it gets heavy when I'm tired and you always promised you'd get my real limbs back. Just as I always promised to get your body back."

"I didn't keep my promise." Al looked at the metal hand. He had seen the automail during the long months of Ed's stay in the hospital but he watched it now with different eyes. It moved, the fingers flexed and the wrist turned with an ease and naturalness despite its hard appearance. "You kept yours. Everyone's always said that. I should have been able to do the same for you."

Ed swallowed and his forehead creased. "You did keep your promise, Al." Images of those moments in that underground city when he had found himself whole and alive came back to him. "You gave me back my limbs. I was whole again." Ed paused and was aware of Al leaning forward, questions and nerves alike slipping across his face. He was aware of Mustang and Hawkeye appearing at the door. "But I couldn't accept the price so I drew the arrays I used back on the night we tried to bring Mum back."

"What price?" Mustang walked forward and spoke carefully when Al seemed unable to speak.

"Al was the price. For me to be whole, it cost Al everything." Ed's strange black eyes never left those of Al's even as he replied. "I died Al, and you used the Stone to bring me back. You brought me back and I was whole and I was alive, but you were gone. The Gate took you and the Stone and I was left behind. I couldn't accept that so I used the arrays to get you back. I didn't know what would happen and I didn't care what the price was, I just wanted my brother back. Just as you had been prepared to do anything to get me back, so I did the same for you. I didn't know I wasn't going to see you again, I didn't know it would cost you your memories."

Al listened to the accented voice, the words slipping through his head as he tried to understand them. He didn't know how to react to what Ed was saying. He was finally hearing what he had wanted to know and all he could do was listen to the words and feel empty inside. Because he had no memories, and all he was getting were the words. It was only now that he realised he had been hiding behind another deeper, unspoken hope. That his memories would return with the words. That his brother's voice would unlock all he didn't remember.

"So…I am like this because of you?" Al asked almost blankly as he tried to find something inside that would make the words real.

"I…I don't know, but it's possible," Ed replied, flinching slightly at the almost accusatory words. "The Gate doesn't use Equivalent Exchange the same way we do, if it uses it at all." Ed stopped not sure what to say next. The pale stiffness of Al's face worried him and he had no idea what he was thinking. Al had always been so expressive that this stone-faced youth was a stranger to him. He had a quick look at Mustang and Hawkeye and saw they were watching Al as well. Ed took a breath and spoke, saying the first thing that came to mind.

"For a long time I thought you hated me for putting you in the armour. If I hadn't insisted on us trying, none of this would have happened. I always thought it was my fault. I only lost an arm and leg, you lost everything. I tried so many times to ask you but I could never get the courage up until there was a time when you ran off and got caught up with Scar. You said then that you could never hate me, but back then I guess we thought we'd always be together."

"Al was with Scar?" Mustang asked.

"Yes," Ed said abruptly before he elaborated. "It was just after that Lab 5 time. Al and I had a fight and he ran off and ended up helping Scar with some of the refugees in hiding."

"Scar nearly killed the pair of you. How could you help him?" Hawkeye asked.

"Because Al wasn't a State Alchemist and because even Scar knew the value of compassion," Ed replied.

"I've heard of Scar," Al suddenly said. "I read that he killed State Alchemists."

"Yes he did," Hawkeye responded before Ed could. "There was an incident in East City and then he disappeared. It was thought he had died."

"He went to Central and he was there at Lab 5 as well."

"You didn't tell anyone about that," Mustang said.

"No. Scar helped us despite my being an enemy in his eyes. Al said it was because Scar had once had a brother as well. Scar did nothing to threaten us or anyone else at that time, but someone knew he was there. The military set a trap for him and they had no qualms at using little kids to do it. I didn't trust the military at the best of times, I wasn't about to say anything. He didn't deserve it."

"He was wanted by the State, Edward," Hawkeye stated firmly. "Killing State Alchemists can not be tolerated no matter the justifications for it."

"And the State didn't do the same when it went trampling into Liore?" Ed looked at her.

"Liore cost the lives of seven thousand soldiers, Edward. Scar's actions there were deplorable and inhuman and if you hadn't put up that barrier a lot more soldiers would have perished."

"He saved the people of Liore. He got them out of the city and if the military had listened to me, there would have been no soldiers in there either. But that wasn't acceptable because they needed to have people in there and so I was ignored."

"You ran away after Liore, Edward."

"If I had stayed, Al and I would have died. I wasn't supposed to have put up that barrier, Hawkeye. The more dead the better."

Al watched them talking. Everything he was hearing was doing nothing but raising more questions. Hawkeye had been right when she had told him that only Edward could tell him what he wanted to know. He was telling things they didn't know. How many secrets were there? But he still couldn't relate the words to himself. It was the same feeling he had had when he had looked over the old reports or listened to their stories. It was like hearing about someone else, only this time it was worse, because that was his brother and none of it felt real.

"That array at Liore created the Stone, Hawkeye. The Fuhrer knew that and he knew that human beings were needed to create it. I don't think it mattered to them who died, as long as enough did." Ed took a deep breath and looked at Al. "You were in Liore when the array was activated. There was another alchemist there and he… he turned you into a living bomb. You told me that Scar killed him but was badly hurt. Scar hit the array and you were caught up in it. You became the Stone, Al."

Al felt Roy and Hawkeye stiffen but all he could see were the black eyes of his brother. _I was the Stone? A bomb? What does he mean? None of this makes sense. Why isn't this making sense? I want this to make sense! I want to remember this! _

"I want to remember." Al shook his head. "I want to remember all of this! But I can't! There's nothing there!"

"Al," Ed said as he leant forward. "There's no hurry for this." He shot a quick glance towards Mustang before he continued. "I'm not going anywhere."

"And what if I never remember any of it?" Al demanded. "Then what? I'll have this gap forever. All the words and stories aren't going to make it real for me."

"What do you want me to do, Al? I can't return your actual memories to you. I can tell you what _we_ did, where _we_ went. But there are also things that I don't know about. There were times when we were separated and although you told me some of what happened, I'm sure there's stuff you never mentioned."

"So you're saying that neither of us is going to know everything?" Al shook his head and his lips twisted. "That would still be better than the nothing I have at the moment!"

"No-one ever knows everything. Even if all your memories returned now there would still be things we don't know. And even then you'd probably see things different to me anyway. We don't all remember the same way."

"Ed, Brother, all I want is _something_. It's as if I didn't exist for those four years. No matter how much I get told it just never seems real."

"You did exist, you were real. Not once were you anything but real to me," Ed asserted, his shoulders twitching. He didn't think it the right time to tell Al of the previous time he had questioned his own existence.

"Then why is it so hard to believe you?" Al almost complained as he stared at Ed. "I remember what it was like to research and work out all those theories and then find out they didn't go the way they were supposed to when we tried them out. We used to believe they'd always work and we were always disappointed when they didn't and we'd go back and research harder. But now it's like what you tell me should be like those theories and I should believe them even without having any practical experience or memory of them. And I can't." Al twisted his fingers together. "All you said just now and all you said this morning… I just can't stop doubting it. Like I understand that it is possible for you to have died and come back because of the Stone, I can see the logic of that. But I just can't _believe_ it!"

Ed frowned and swallowed hard. "Is it because you can't feel anything when I tell you things, or is it because _I'm_ the one telling you?"

Al scrunched his face up. "I don't know!"

"I won't lie to you, Al. We are brothers and no matter what else happened, nothing ever changed that. Nothing ever made us forget that."

_Except that I have forgotten it_. Al suddenly straightened up as the thought swirled through him. "That's exactly what I have forgotten! We _were_ brothers but now I don't feel that connection anymore. It's like you're a childhood friend I grew up with."

Ed felt himself go cold. He hadn't expected Al to feel that disconnected from him. He hadn't thought the loss of their close bond would mean the end of their brotherhood.

"No." Ed sat up straighter and leant forward. "We are more than just those four years. Just because you can't remember part of our lives does not mean we are not brothers. From the moment you were born you've been at my side. We've fought and argued, but we have never denied being brothers. When everything else disappeared, we always had that."

"Not any more. We grew up together, we shared everything. But that last memory of the array flaring and someone screaming is where it ends for me. The next moment someone is telling me who I am and asking where you are. I didn't even know I'd lost those years at first." Al's eyes were suddenly clear and the coldness inside Ed settled heavier into his chest. "I've spent two years trying to find you and trying to remember. I thought that it would all be alright when you came back. I thought I just needed to be patient like everyone told me and it would all return. But that's not going to happen. What I've forgotten is what should link the children we were to the people we are now. That link has gone. It doesn't exist."

"I think you're wrong," Ed stated as firmly as he could. "I remember those screams. They were mine. I watched you disappear and I screamed for you. You were gone but I got you back and then two years ago you were gone again and I got you back again. Do you think I would let you go a third time?" Ed pushed as much conviction into his words as he could. Right at this moment, his need to be free to seek the oblivion he wanted was subjugated by his equally powerful need to ensure his brother's happiness.

"You've already let me go," Al's voice was strangely calm and Ed stared at him confused. "For two years while I searched everywhere for you, you found others to take my place. And when you returned, when you woke up you didn't know me. You were like I am now. Only you were worse because you didn't care. And you don't even remember it."

"I never forgot you when I was over there!" Ed protested. "All I wanted to do was get back here. I don't know, I can't even begin to understand why I can't remember those six months that you can. And if the Gate was involved it's unlikely we'll ever find out! But what I can do, what I _am_ doing is to try and fill those blank spots for you."

Mustang and Hawkeye watched the two of them. Both were pale and both were intent upon the other. Mustang realised they had long forgotten that he and Hawkeye were here and he kept quiet as they continued. The memory of Ed's wish to leave hovered at the back of his mind and he had seen the quick look Ed had given him earlier. He wasn't about to say anything, not with Al in the state he was at the moment. Al was behaving decidedly irrationally and Roy wondered at it. He had been so calm up until today. No matter what Edward had done or said he had seemed able to cope with it, but this morning had torn that peace to shreds and Roy could see it getting worse the more they spoke.

Hawkeye watched Al. There was something in him now. A certainty, a calmness he had lacked earlier. Over the last six months she had seen the self-control he had exerted. He had seemed just as she remembered him. Calm and unflustered by whatever mess his brother had gotten himself into. Just like the old days. But now there was a different Al there. Somewhere he had come to a decision, to a conclusion and in the stubborn unyielding Elric manner he was holding to it.

"You're willing to tell me now, but until this morning you said nothing." Al's eyes glittered. "I know I pushed you but you pushed back just as hard. You didn't even want to be near me. You said all those things and made me feel at fault for it. You hit me and you didn't even care, I don't think you even saw me. You were seeing them again."

Ed's breath caught, his chest tightening as his mind wobbled. "Whenever I hit you, you always hit me back," Ed managed to say. "This morning...this morning I was tired. I didn't want to tell you because I knew it would hurt you and it did. After that I couldn't face either you or the other questions I knew you had. I saw the disgust on your face, Al. You didn't like what I said, you didn't want to believe it." His eyes flickered. "I can not… I will not make up some nice little story for you, Al."

"Any one would be disgusted. You dropped all of that on me. Did you think I would just accept it?"

"I don't know. You wanted to know and I told you."

"And then you walked out and left me behind. Roy knew more than I did!" Al said accusingly and Ed flinched at the name.

"He guessed," Ed said as his back tensed. He recalled their long night's talk and he clamped down hard.

"And I didn't. How was I supposed to guess that? Men don't marry other men! You said it wasn't allowed when I asked you once about that ring. That's what you meant wasn't it? That being with another man was wrong."

"It wasn't wrong to us," Ed gritted his teeth as a wave of pain swept across him. He was losing his balance again. Deciding to be open and honest with Al was not going the way he had expected. Al wasn't content to just listen. Al wanted more than just memories from him and Ed didn't know what it was.

"It couldn't have been right if he betrayed you. If your _Roy_ could do something like that." Al spoke the words and Ed couldn't believe he had heard them. They went straight through him and he slipped off the couch falling to his knees, arms wrapping around his ribs.

* * *

"_Why are you doing this, you bastard?" Ed spun past the pillar avoiding Roy's kick and twisting back to strike the taller man with a quick stabbing punch to his ribs._

"_I told you. This is for my future, for the future of the Fatherland."_

"_That damned Dressler. It won't work, plans like that never succeed."_

"_Oh I was in it long before Dressler, Ed."_

_Ed panted hard as he dodged another kick but hissed as the follow-up jab struck at his side. "What are you talking about?"_

"_I've known about you since the beginning. You and your father." Roy stopped moving and stared at the distraught blond. "You were our targets all along. Making you think you were being hunted and then taking you into hiding. It was all planned out."_

"_And _us_?"_

"_No-one planned for that," Roy replied. "But once it did, I used it to keep you with me. If anything had happened to you, everything would have been lost. Your father was necessary as well. Keeping you safe, kept him controlled."_

"_Did you really love me?"_

"_You should know the answer to that one," Roy said as he moved forward again and Ed ignored the burning in his ribs and soul as he turned to kick Roy again._

* * *

"Stop it, Al!" Ed ground out as images burned through him and he had to clench his hands tight. He could feel sweat on his forehead and he struggled against the rising wave of memory. "Fuck, this hurts!"

"See how unfair this is? You can hurt, you can _feel_ and I can't. Words don't mean anything if there's nothing behind them." Al's face was pale, unnaturally calm as he looked at his kneeling brother. "You can tell me _everything_ and it means _nothing!_" Al's voice lowered and he shook briefly. "You want to know what really hurts here, _Brother_? It's that you can talk about what happened to us and everything we did so calmly and controlled and yet the mention of his name makes you fall apart. That's when I know what hurting means."

"You think this is something to envy? Being able to feel like this? Knowing that that one word is going to tear open every scar I have? You have a gap, you have a time that you can't remember. Do you know how much I want _not _to be able to remember? How much I _want_ to forget him? You may have forgotten that four years but they were honest years. We set out to do something and we did it, despite all it cost us. I have never regretted them." Ed took a deep breath as the words tumbled through his mind. "But I regret _him_. I regret that I ever knew him, I regret falling in love with him and I sure as hell regret trusting him."

Mustang held himself back, resisting the urge to move forward and lift Edward up from the floor. The pain in Edward was almost physical in its intensity. The memories he had seen Edward get lost in were behind the words he spoke. Ed's self-control was paper thin now he realised as the blond began to lift his head. His face was tight and his black eyes slipping in and out of focus.

"Feeling like this is a living nightmare, Alphonse. Two years ago I found myself in a place where there was no alchemy, no automail and no you. All I had there was Dad, that old bastard. Only with him could I even mention your name. I nearly killed him when he told me I could never return here. You want to feel like this? Nothing in our four years ever hurt this bad. Betrayal back then was something we could use to make ourselves stronger. We used everything we could because we were going to succeed." Ed straightened up further and his breath was shaky as he looked at his brother. "You want to feel this? I'd rather be dead than ever have you feel like this."

Hawkeye swallowed and looked from one brother to the other. It was painful to watch. Ed looked as if he was tearing himself apart a single strip at a time with every word. She had never seen him brought so low. Nothing compared to pain she could almost see radiating from him. And Al seemed to be the only one unaffected by it. He sat there almost impassive as Ed seemed unable to get higher. But she could see the pulse at the side of his throat and knew he wasn't as indifferent as he was appearing.

"Being dead would solve everything, wouldn't it? You wouldn't feel anything and I'd be like this forever," Al said slowly, unable to stop the words coming from him. Ed was hurting he could see that. And he was just making him hurt more. "This is the real betrayal, isn't it? You're going to deny me the right to feel anything you didn't want me to feel."

"No!" Ed denied it and was stopped from saying more as Al stood up.

"I don't want to stay here anymore," Al said and looked away from Ed to Roy.

"No!" Ed cried and stood up, nearly falling as his knees buckled. He reached out and Al stepped away from his hand. Mustang and Hawkeye stood up as well and exchanged quick and worried glances.

"This hurts, doesn't it Edward," Al said carefully. "All I wanted was you and my memories. I didn't think I would get one without the other. I just never realised that I would end up with neither."

"I am here," Ed whispered as his throat closed at the look on Al's face.

"But you're not here for me," and Al turned away as Ed froze.

"You can stay with me," Hawkeye said quietly as she met the hazel eyes. They abruptly filled and Al frowned, his face scrunching up as he refused to lift his hand up to wipe at them. He left the room and she shared another look with Roy.

"I'll keep him safe."

Ed looked at her, his eyes sunken and his face bleak. "I want my brother back," he whispered, his voice breaking.

"You'll get him back, Edward." She smiled at him and he tried to smile back but failed miserably. Roy moved a step closer but kept his distance.

"Let me know if you have any problems, Riza."

"I will. And I will expect you in the office tomorrow."

"I'll be there." Roy smiled slightly and then it disappeared as Al appeared in the doorway, suitcase in hand.

"Thank you Roy for everything," he said in a stilted voice, looking straight ahead and avoiding Ed.

"Take care Al. You know where we are if you need us." Roy spoke deliberately and saw Al flinch.

"Thank you," Al nearly mumbled and turned away. Hawkeye followed him and only when the door closed firmly behind them did Ed drop back down onto his knees and wish that he had done everything differently.

* * *

It was a short drive to Hawkeye's apartment and Al stayed silent the whole way there. He stared out the window and his shoulders shook occasionally. Something had gone horribly wrong back there and he couldn't figure out where. He had hurt his brother, he had thrown everything back in his face and he just didn't know why. He had denied them even being brothers anymore and it was starting to hurt.

He stumbled up the stairs in a daze and when Hawkeye led him into her apartment he stood in the middle of the room as she took his case from him. He stared unseeing as the tears he had refused to let fall earlier overflowed. His hand lifted and gripped at his shirt and he twisted the material hard.

"Al?"

"I betrayed him. I told him he wasn't my brother." The words were a rapid monotone. "I hurt him because I wanted to know that I could. Because _they_ hurt him and I can too. I don't know why I did that. Why did I do that? Why did I have to do that?"

"Al, come and sit down."

"What did I do wrong? Why was I so mean to him? _Why isn't he my brother?_" Al shook as his voice rose. "Why does it hurt so much now?" His voice broke and he fell to his knees in front of her. "Hawkeye, am I so bad?" he whispered before he covered his face and began to cry properly.

Hawkeye knelt down and wrapped her arms around him. "You're not bad, Al," she murmured as she felt him hold on and cry harder. It took a long time before they moved from the floor and she managed Al get into the spare bed and then sat beside him, because he refused to let go of her hand as he fell asleep.

* * *

Mustang looked at the young man kneeling on his floor and stepped over to sit on the couch near him. He ignored the flinch Edward gave at his proximity and settled into the chair. He stayed silent as Edward kept his eyes firmly fixed on the carpet.

"I did it all wrong." Edward suddenly spoke and Mustang looked at him.

"I don't think there was a right way," he replied.

"I could leave now," Edward said thoughtfully and Mustang stiffened.

"You'd give up so easily?" he queried, hiding his dismay.

"There's nothing to give up. I can't _do _anything and we all know it. He doesn't even see me as his brother anymore."

"You've had arguments before."

"Not like this." Ed looked at his hands. "It's as if we both had preconceived ideas of how this should go and it didn't and we just made things worse trying to get out of it." He sighed and dragged his hand over his face. "I'm just so fucking tired," he murmured as his head dropped back down again.

"More sleep would probably help," Mustang said easily. "Although I hope it's less unsettled this time."

Ed looked up and his eyes scanned the bruise. "I'm sorry," the words slipped out before he could stop them.

"Don't be. I know it's hard for you to be here with me because of _him_, but I am not him." Mustang stood up and extended his hand to Edward. "You were under my command for four years, Fullmetal and apart from the brief moment in the car that last day we never openly acknowledged that we both understood what pain and purpose meant. So I tell you again, I do understand it and I know that it hurts like hell. So get up off the floor, get some sleep and help me find a way to make you stay here. Because that takes more courage than leaving ever does."

The black eyes stared at him and he waited.

* * *

"_Hohenheim," Ed said with a heavy sigh as he looked at the tall man in the doorway. _

"_Edward."_

"_You'd better come in," Ed said without inflection as he turned away and headed to the kitchen. He heard the door close and careful footsteps followed him. He busied himself with boiling water as his father sat at the table and looked around._

"_Herr Pferd isn't here?"_

"_No. Roy went out to give us some privacy."_

"_That was considerate of him."_

"_Yes, it was," Ed replied as he brought over the coffee. "He'll be back later, if you're still here."_

_Old gold eyes met vibrant young ones. "We're not ones for small talk, Ed. I won't waste my breath or yours by pretending otherwise. You want to know why I came." Hohenheim sipped his coffee as Ed nodded._

"_Of course. It's been over a year and I've had two, three letters from you in all that time. We agreed that any contact between us would be minimal. It hasn't really been long enough for people to stop looking for us, especially if they're determined."_

"_I know and although no-one has said anything, I still get the feeling of being followed occasionally. But that's beside the point. This is too important for you not to be told." _

"_What is?"_

"_I may have found a way to open the Gate from this side."_

_Ed stared at the old man, his eyes wide and his heart thumping. "How?"_

"_With alchemy."_

_Ed was stunned. He had given up thinking of going home, of trying to configure an array that would do the impossible. "It can't be done," he stated flatly._

"_I think it can. There's a group of people interested in the arcane sciences, like alchemy, and they are convinced they have found a way to make it work here."_

"_How do you know this is true?" Ed asked, trying to work through the shock._

"_They got in touch with me a few months back and from what they said, there is a method to make it work that they claim they found in some very old manuscripts. I'm still a bit sceptical and they have invited me here to prove it to me."_

"_When are you seeing them?"_

"_Tonight."_

"_I want to come too."_

"_No. I don't want them to know about you. If there's something wrong with this, I do not want you caught in it."_

"_I know how to take care of myself, old man. I've been doing it for quite a few years now," Ed retorted and they stared at each other._

"_I know, and I'm not saying you can't take care of yourself." Hohenheim frowned. "There's something that worries me about this and I'd rather know that you were completely out of it."_

"_If it worries you then why are you doing this? Do you really think they can make alchemy work here?"_

"_The theory they sent me seems feasible, although there are some strange references in the material."_

"_I want to see it."_

"_No. You have a life here, Edward. If there is trouble, I'd rather you were kept safe."_

"_I know that living… here, working with Alfons – and I haven't forgiven you for not telling me about his looks either, has given me a place here. But it's not home, nothing will ever replace that. You can't deny me the chance to look at this research."_

"_You're content here. Stay here and stay contented."_

_Ed stared at his father before he sighed. "I accept that this is how it will be. Whether Alfons' rockets hold an answer or not, I have accepted being here." He shrugged. "If you want to call that contentment you can."_

"_I do. You've found something here and you don't want to lose it. I don't want you to lose it." Hohenheim leant forward. "Do what I never had the courage to do." Ed frowned slightly at the earnest sound of Hohenheim's voice. _

"_Stay."_

* * *

Edward looked back at his hands and slowly lifted the right one. He placed it in Roy's hand with a drawn out breath and let himself be pulled up. He looked into the dark eye.

"This doesn't mean I'm going to stay," he said rebelliously. "I'm just tired."

"Of course," Mustang said blandly and Edward almost glared at him. "I'll wake you in a couple of hours for dinner."

Ed grunted and pulled his hand free before leaving the room and heading up the stairs. He went to the bathroom and stared at his streaked face before wiping it clean and going into his bedroom. He paused in the doorway and looked at the half opened drawers. Al hadn't closed them in his rush to leave and Ed had to swallow past the lump in his throat.

Every time he thought he had reached a new height of pain something always showed him how little he knew. While this didn't hurt as much as Roy's betrayal did, this hurt him in places he hadn't expected. This struck right at the basis of who he was. Al had defined him for those years. Everything had been for Al. With the bond gone he had still known that. But Al didn't have that knowledge and because of that everything was all wrong.

He looked at his bed. Apparently he'd slept there before he'd moved into... before when he'd been in that half-dead state that he didn't understand and didn't want to think too deeply about yet. He hadn't slept in it the last two nights and he wasn't going to sleep here now, not without Al there. He would take the couch again, except … Mustang was down there. He opened the other doors along the passage and puffed his breath out as he stood in the doorway to Mustang's room. Apparently he had slept in that bed. He chewed at his bottom lip. It was the only other bed. With a muffled curse he entered the room and dragged the covers down. He paused for a long moment before he almost jumped into it and pulled the covers up.

He took a careful breath, irrationally expecting to smell Roy's scent on the sheets, but there were no spicy aftershave aromas here. In fact there was no smell at all and Edward realised it was because Mustang hadn't slept in his bed for the last two nights either. He had spent them on the couch with Edward.

Edward almost sank with relief into the pillows and turned onto his side. "So damned tired. Sorry, Al," he muttered as his eyes closed.

* * *

Roy Mustang put the phone down with a frown and began to climb the stairs. No-one had been able to get through to Northern Command all day and there were reports of a huge storm clouds hanging over the area. Tomorrow was going to busy as they tried to figure out what was happening. Maybe he could persuade Edward to come in with him. It would give him something to distract him from all the other problems. Although he knew Ed would see what he was trying to do.

His eyebrow rose as he looked into the empty bedroom and he turned automatically to his room. The golden head nearly buried under the covers and the slow rhythmic breathing drew him closer and he looked down at the sleeping man. He was reluctant to wake him, but dinner was nearly ready. His hand hovered over the blanket-clad shoulder.

"Dinner can wait. Sleep as long as you need, Edward," he murmured and pulled his hand away and left the room as quietly as he had entered.

Edward opened his eyes and blinked slowly. He thought he had heard Mustang's voice but a look around revealed an empty room. He ran a hand through his hair. He must have imagined it. His sleepy eyes studied the clock. He'd slept for a few hours and he could hear noises from downstairs suggesting that Mustang was in the kitchen. He thought about staying here and going back to sleep but his stomach reminded him he hadn't eaten since breakfast.

And if he got out of here now the bastard would never know he'd been sleeping in his bed. He stretched and got out of the bed slowly. A glint of silver caught his eye and he walked over to the bureau against the wall. Mustang's State watch was there and Ed looked at it. He'd rarely seen it although he had known that Mustang always kept it in his pocket. It was worn and smooth. Not like his that had been dented and scratched. He ran his fingers over the engraved lines, barely feeling them with his flesh fingers. He took his hand back as he realised what he was doing and left the room.

He began to walk towards the stairs when he stopped and went back to the room he was supposed to have shared with Al. With a hesitant step he entered and went to the dresser. He pushed in the opened drawers and then stared at it for the longest moment.

He took a deep breath and opened one of the other drawer. He pushed aside the single shirt and looked at the small bag laying there. He wasn't sure why he had suddenly felt the need to check on it and he looked over his shoulder almost certain he had felt someone there. He lifted out the bag and let its contents fall into his left hand. The wedding ring – his wedding ring, glinted at him and he swallowed as he let it drop back into the drawer before looking at the other item from the bag. A slender band, a bracelet of a snake eating its own tail. The metal was cold even through his glove and he shivered slightly.

_Can you feel it now, Edward?_

Edward went still as the words echoed in his head. He looked at the slender band in his hand and his fingers tightened around it as the voice spoke again.

_Your brother's gone now._

Edward stiffened and his breath caught. He had to force his ribs to relax before he could breathe again.

_I'm coming for you. _

* * *

Ulysses: Lord Alfred Tennyson (1809-1892)

Author's Note: A year ago I posted the first chapter of this dragon and I have become very fond of the irritable, stubborn and downright frustrating beast. Being able to indulge my love of poetry along with tormenting Ed has been a great pleasure.

Thank you to everyone for supporting this beast. I really have no words to express my gratitude and appreciation for the way you put up with both this dragon and me.

And a special thank you to Spirix who recommended this poem.

silken :)


	13. 12: Storm

**St Edward and The Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

** Storm **_**n. **_**1.****a violent weather condition of strong winds, rain, hail, thunder, lightning, etc. 2**. **to capture or overrun a place by a violent attack**

--00--

_He, too, must try  
To win back to the lines, though, likely as not,  
He'd take the wrong turn: but he couldn't lie  
Forever in that hungry hole and rot,  
He'd got to take his luck, to take his chance  
Of being sniped by foes or friends. He'd be  
With any luck in Germany or France  
Or Kingdom-come, next morning...  
_

_ Drearily  
The blazing day burnt over him, shot and shell  
Whistling and whining ceaselessly. But light  
Faded at last, and as the darkness fell  
He rose, and crawled away into the night.  
_

_ Wilfred Wilson Gibson 1917_

--00--

_I will go there._

...So you keep saying.

_I am going to make him pay._

...The costs are not yours to decide.

_I don't care about you. This is between me and him. _

...I am him.

_You're just a ghost._

Winds roared and swirled in manic white violence. Cold ribbons of snow flew mindlessly upon the freezing winds. Debris hurtled past, before being flung away to shatter and break against whatever was solid enough to withstand the storm. The noise was incessant, a continual barrage that was as overpowering as the wind itself.

Carried on the white fury of the wind, weaving its way from one cold wave to the next the dragon flew. Circling back and forth, heaving itself relentlessly through the blizzard it kept moving. Ice clung to its body. Torn wings and broken scales were lined with frost and only the storm winds kept it aloft. It roared occasionally, a deeper tone that echoed beneath the screaming winds that carried it southwards.

_I am coming for you. _

* * *

"What's wrong?" Roy asked as Edward again scraped his fork across the plate, moving the food from one side to the other. Edward had barely eaten anything and he had given up all pretence and was just playing with his food now. Roy watched him with concern. It had not been a good day for Edward and that was an understatement. It was to be expected that he wouldn't be hungry or even interested in much around him. Roy had been surprised that Ed had even come down for the meal. With only the two of them here now and considering Edward's feelings about the other Roy, he had expected Ed to stay as distant as the house allowed.

Edward paused at the question his hand tightening around his fork before he put it on the plate and pushed the plate away.

"Your cooking's shit. You'd think out of two of you, _one_ would have been able to manage the basics."

He was staring blindly at his plate and Roy saw the moment when Ed realised what he had just said, because their eyes suddenly met and they both blinked. The insult was expected but the ease of the second sentence startled them both, Edward more than Roy judging by the wide eyes and flush that was beginning to appear.

"The housekeeper keeps me well supplied," Roy said in almost blank voice as he tried to look away from Ed's flushed face.

"Yeah, and you can't even reheat it without ruining it. Or using half the kitchen in the process." Edward's voice was almost as blank as Roy's had been as both heads turned to look at the utensils and pots stacked untidily beside the sink. Edward was still staring at them when Roy turned back to the younger man. Another memory perhaps Roy wondered but the usual signs were missing. He wasn't shaking, he hadn't frozen up and his breathing was staying even. A soft creaking had Roy looking down. Edward's right hand was fisting tight.

"Fullmetal?" Roy made his voice as soft as he could and it was a long moment before Edward acknowledged him. The golden head turned and Roy was startled at the almost lost look on Ed's face.

"Al's not here."

* * *

_Ed sat at the kitchen table and stared at his plate. Yet another meal on his own. Damn those stupid meetings and damn Roy for going to them. Couldn't he miss one of them? He knew Ed wasn't going to be with Alfons tonight. Ed had made sure to mention it earlier. It was the perfect opportunity for them to spend some time alone, but the stupid man had obviously missed the hint and Ed had been too embarrassed to actually say the words._

"_The _other_ bastard would've picked up on it straightaway even though I'm not female," Ed grumbled to the empty room. Ed let his breath out. He tried very hard not to think of the others. There was no way to go back and he was starting to make a new life here. Thinking of home disturbed his acceptance of this world. He sighed and stood up reaching for his half-empty plate. Al would have told him off for not clearing his plate and food was scarce again._

"_I hate it here, Al." He sat back down and put his head in his hands. _Sometimes I really, really hate it here. Why aren't you here, brother? _His head sank lower and his hands covered his ears to close out the sound of the kitchen clock that sounded even louder in his loneliness. _

"_Ed?" A hand landed on his left shoulder, curving gently in a small caress. _

"_Al's not here," Ed whispered, still half-lost in his memories and not really aware of his words._

"_That's why I managed to get home early." Roy's voice had a smile in it._

_

* * *

  
_

"Al's at Hawkeye's," Roy said keeping his voice gentle. Edward's mouth moved as if he was about to say something but then he blinked and a frown creased his brow.

"I know that." Ed's voice had an accusatory edge to it. "It's my fault that he left. I don't need reminding."

"No. This is not a time for blame. You both need some time to think about what's happened." Roy looked at the blond curiously. Had Ed just slipped into the memory state and not realised it? For a moment the black eyes had been unfocused and Roy wondered if Ed had been about to reply to something the other Roy had said.

"I don't want to think about what's happened. I want to be able to stop thinking!" Ed's right hand, still fisted tightly, lifted and slammed back onto the table making the plates rattle. "If I have to be here, then I want the impossible and to have it all like it _should_ be!"

"And what should it be?" Roy queried. "Al having the memories of those four years? And the last two forgotten for you? Or you dead in that other world you were in and Al here and searching everywhere for you?"

"If I had died like I planned, none of this would have happened. Al would have stopped looking eventually."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that. Alphonse is very stubborn and you are, quite frankly, what he wants most of all. He'd believe you were alive even if he saw your corpse."

"You're a bastard," Ed said in disgust.

"I know, but you know it's true. Ever since he's been out of that armour, you are all he's thought about. No matter what anyone has said, he has always believed you were alive and wandering around somewhere, unable to return."

"Unable to return? Ha, that's one way of saying it," Ed attempted to scoff as he stared at his hands. Both were fisted now.

"Too many people have told Al of just how close you both were, so he had to have some reason as to why you weren't here anymore. The thought that you were either dead or not wanting to be with him was just inconceivable to him. It was his way of coping with your absence." Roy let his breath out. "I knew he thought you'd be able to tell him about what he couldn't remember, but I didn't realise he'd gotten so obsessed about it."

"He's my brother. Of course he'll get obsessed over it. It's what we do." Ed sat up and began leaning back in his chair, dragging his hands across the table towards him with the movement. "I hate this. I fucking hate this. He's my brother and I can't do anything to help him. Just by being here I've managed to fuck his life up again. _And _I'm stuck here with you. Why didn't it work? Why did I end up back here? This is _not_ what I wanted." He glared at his almost full plate and his fisted hands suddenly straightened and he brought them together in an angry clap.

Roy stared as alchemy flared between Edward's fingers and the gloved hands landed back on the table on either side of his plate. Roy had a quick glimpse of Edward's face and his eye widened before there was a sharp crack and a cloud of steam obscured his vision. An acrid smell had him leaning away from the table and he waved his hand in front of his face trying to clear the steam and smell. He needed to see Edward's face again to confirm what he thought he had just seen.

The steam dissipated into shreds that wafted upwards and Roy almost wished it back as he saw what had become of Edward's plate and dinner. A shuddering _something _sat on the table. It was an ugly shade of grey, steaming slightly and glistening in a most unpleasant manner. White spikes pushed up through the stinking mass and Roy thought they looked exactly like rib bones. Roy had to swallow hard as the grey mass heaved upwards and then sank back down with a hollow squelching sound. Roy looked at Edward who was staring at his creation with a strange mixture of disgust and longing on his face.

"This is…" Edward's voice faltered and he pushed himself away from the table with an abrupt and almost angry movement. Without finishing his sentence, he left the room and Roy followed the sound of his footsteps. He let his breath out as he heard Edward go upstairs. He had half-expected the young man to leave the house.

Roy looked at the mess on his table. It looked disgusting and it was beginning to liquefy at the edges. A nauseating odour was starting to make itself known and there was something disturbingly familiar about it. Whatever this _thing_ was supposed to be or represent had been a deliberate decision on Ed's part and it made Roy queasy to realise that. Ed was simply too adept to have made a mistake. And Roy was positive that he had seen Ed's eyes turn their original gold shade in that split second before the steam had blocked his view.

There was a loud burst of noise and the lights flickered. Roy was half-turned to leave the room fearing Edward had done something, when he realised it had been thunder crashing and froze with the sudden recognition. That smell and the sound of thunder.

_He stood in the doorway of an empty room, water dripping from his coat to puddle at his feet. Jagged cracks ran across the floor and the whole room was in disarray. Books and papers had fallen from the shelves. Armour and what had obviously once been laboratory equipment was scattered and broken. A foul stench had him covering his nose and mouth with a wet gloved hand as he looked at the blood staining the large array drawn on the floor. Lines had been smudged and broken and he could only stare in disbelief at the intricacy of what remained of the array. _

_Even though it was half-destroyed he knew what its purpose had been although he had never seen or heard of heard of one this complex. Most arrays for this purpose were smaller and much less refined. Human alchemy was born of desperate passions. Alchemists tended to act first and then be too dead to regret what they had done. But this array showed cold calculation. This didn't seem to be an act of sudden desperation. This array looked more like obsession and that was far more worrying. His search for a long-missing man had taken a turn that was very worrying._

_As was the trail of blood that led past him and out into the rain. A survivor? Or an accomplice? He had to find out and he turned, going back into the rain that failed to wash the stench away._

After all these years he remembered and his stomach turned as it had then. He had never seen what the boys had created that night. The remains had gone before he had arrived and looking at the slowly dissolving mass on his table he was grateful that he hadn't seen it _if _that was supposed to represent what had been there. And it made him worried as to just what was going on inside Edward's head.

* * *

Edward stood in the middle of the hallway of the upper floor. He felt a need to return to his and Al's room and take out that bracelet again, and it warred with an equally strong impulse to fall into Mustang's bed and seek the sleep that was the closest he could get to the oblivion he wanted.

"That was…" he muttered unable to finish the sentence as he recalled that seething mass on the table superimposed over the one image he would give everything to forget from the night that changed everything. He trembled. Why the hell had he done that? It was as if something had reached through him and made it appear.

_No. That was all you._

Edward shook his head. "No." It was a thin whisper of denial. There was no way he'd want to recreate anything from that night and especially not _that. _

_The alchemy is yours. The intent was yours._

"No." Ed spoke a bit louder as his head shook again. "I would never want…"

_Never want anyone to see what you did? Never want to remember what you did?_

Ed groaned as the voice echoed in his head. He was never going to forget what he had done and seen that night. Mustang wouldn't know what that… mess was supposed to be. He was fairly certain that he had once heard the Colonel saying he had never seen anything but the blood-smeared array that night. He didn't think anyone but he had seen that … that _thing. _He had not given much thought to what had happened to it afterwards but it hadn't been difficult to figure out once he had known what homunculi were. Al had taken him to the Rockbell's and before Mustang had arrived, the thing that he had created had somehow disappeared. How long or even _how_ it had developed, he didn't know. Had the Gate taken it back and then spit it back out when it was fully formed? Had it hidden itself in the house until it had grown enough to walk, or slipped away in the night to find a safer place? He had even wondered if the other homunculi had found it through some knowledge or sense that only they had. He didn't know and he knew he was never going to know. But through whatever means, it had become the homunculus they had called "Sloth", and in the deepest part of his soul "Mother".

_Such a dutiful son, trying to bring her back._

Thunder rumbled suddenly and Ed jumped. He shivered as coldness washed through him. It was too reminiscent of that night and he looked around as if reassuring himself of his surroundings. He didn't want to lose himself in _those_ memories as well.

_I'm getting closer, Edward._

* * *

Riza Hawkeye stood at the window and looked out at the storm. Behind her Al still slept. Even the thunder hadn't disturbed him. After the day's events she wasn't that surprised by his complete withdrawal into sleep. He probably needed it more than anyone and she wondered if Edward was doing the same. She didn't envy Roy the task of looking after Edward, not if half the things she had heard today were true and she had no reason to doubt it.

Life seemed to be increasingly unfair to the Elrics. One tragedy just led straight into the next. There was no respite for the boys and it saddened her. She half-turned to look at Al. Lightening lit up his face for a brief moment. One moment of light and then back into the darkness. How symbolic she thought and then frowned. It wasn't like her to be so philosophical and looked out the window again. The rain was streaming down the window and blurring the nightscape and her thoughts kept returning to the sleeping boy behind her.

His world had been turned upside down once again and he wasn't coping well any more. Whether it was his age or whether this was just one time too many she couldn't decide. All she could see was that he was hurting and not able to think reasonably. Al had always seemed older than he was and Ed had been the immature one. This time it was the other way around, and if the circumstances had been different she would have welcomed Al's immaturity. She let her breath out watching it fog on the glass. She couldn't blame him for not being mature today. Even calm reasonable Al had a breaking point and it had been reached. It was just sad to see them both hurting and not be able to do anything about it.

* * *

Roy Mustang went up stairs after cleaning the kitchen feeling like an intruder in his own home. The thunder had moved away and only the rain remained. There had been no sound from upstairs and he was slightly worried as to what Edward was doing. He should be sleeping but Roy doubted Edward was doing anything so sensible. Despite Edward's earlier declarations, Roy was fairly certain Edward was not about to disappear. Not until he had made things right by Al and that was the worrying thought. He knew how far Edward could go if he thought it would benefit his brother. Roy didn't want to be watching the young man every moment of the day and Edward would strongly object if he tried.

Roy reached the hallway and walked towards his bedroom. He had his hand on the door handle when he paused. When had he started taking it for granted that Edward would be in his bed? He didn't understand why Ed kept crawling into his bed anyway. Surely it would be the last place he'd want to sleep. _Why don't I mind him taking over my bed?_ Roy frowned at the thought and quietly opened the door, eye looking straight for the bed. It was empty.

He turned straightaway and headed to the other bedroom. He looked into the room and saw Edward sitting on the edge of his bed. Edward was looking at something in his hands and Roy stepped into the room before Edward suddenly looked up and saw him. Edward flinched backwards and gloved hands closed quickly but Roy had already seen. The small silver bracelet.

"Are you alright?" Roy asked as he kept his distance, leaning against the wall next to the door.

"What do you think?" Edward replied with thick sarcasm and Roy nodded slightly.

"If I don't ask, you won't say anything," Roy pointed out and got a shrugged response.

Roy wasn't sure what to say next and Edward didn't seem to want to talk at all. The room became silent. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't an easy silence either. Roy wanted to break it but didn't know how and the longer it went on, the harder it got to say anything. Walking away was his other choice but he didn't want to do that. He didn't want to leave Edward on his own. He watched the blond studying his hands as if seeing through the closed fingers to the metal band within.

"You gonna stand there all night?" Ed broke the silence and Roy met the slightly hostile gaze with a calmness he didn't quite feel.

"Will you be alright on your own?" Roy kept his calm façade in place the moment the words left him. Roy wasn't afraid to admit that he was concerned about Edward even as he knew that Edward didn't appreciate it.

"I'll manage," and the sarcasm was back. It was the resigned expression that crossed Edward's face that belied the words and Roy had to stop himself from moving closer.

"You know where I am if you need me, Fullmetal," was all he said and he moved slowly away from the wall and out of the room. He went to his own room, leaving both doors open. Just in case.

* * *

Randall, the Stone Alchemist looked up as the compartment door slammed open and a frowning Colonel Lilk entered. He watched with an amused expression as his friend sat heavily on the other seat and glowered at him.

"North is still un-contactable." It was as if the Colonel was accusing him and Randall began to grin.

"It's not my fault," he replied.

"I didn't say it was," Colonel Lilk snapped back. "But I don't see you helping either." Randall recognised the signs of frustration in the Colonel's unreasonable words and smiled.

"I can't do anything from here and you know it." He tilted his head. "Did you get any sleep last night?" He already knew the answer. It was obvious from those red-rimmed eyes that were still glaring at him. "Idiot. You kept trying all night. You do know we have a sergeant that could've done that."

"I spent some time talking to Central," Lilk said, completely ignoring Randall's comment. "There's a junction station a day before North, and Central said they'd spoken to them, but everything beyond that point is silent. That storm… something has carved a line right through the middle of that whole Northern area. Central has been checking every communication line. No-one's close enough to confirm what kind of storm this is. Some have said it can be seen from over ten miles away." Lilk leant back and let his breath out, his glare fading. Randall could see the obvious tiredness. "It can't be a normal storm, but the continued silence from Briggs worries Central. They should have had the emergency lines repaired by now."

"No, it's too soon," Randall said with a light manner in an attempt to ease his friend's worries. "Storms in the mountains can rearrange the terrain. If this storm is really that bad, it could take them a week before they could even leave the fortress let alone repair the lines." Randall exaggerated the time and waited for Lilk to bite as he knew he would.

"A week? Three days at the most, Randall! That's all it would take. Hell's sake, they're _soldiers_!"

"Exactly, and it's only been two since they were cut off." Randall grinned and Lilk groaned as he realised he'd been goaded.

"Bastard."

"Yes." Randall's grin widened for a moment. "Look, you grab a few hours sleep while I go and terrorise a sergeant into ringing North HQ every ten seconds for you."

"I can't. We're due at that junction station soon and I need to organise spotters for the way ahead."

"When are we due there?"

"In about two hours."

"Then you sleep until then and I'll take care of the rest."

"Randall…" Lilk looked uncertain and ready to protest but Randall could see the weariness bringing his shoulders down.

"What? You don't trust me?"

Lilk sighed. He could see he wasn't going to win this one. "Don't frighten them too much, okay?"

"I'll be the perfect Major."

Lilk groaned again as Randall left the compartment with a grin that boded no good for the rest of their team.

* * *

General Roy Mustang got more looks than usual as he walked into Central Headquarters that morning. His uniform was it's usual impeccable self, his demeanour was its usual bland snare and his stride never varied from its usual unhurried progress from front lobby to his office. It was the blond beside him that had people staring.

A Major from the insignia, a State Alchemist from the chain visible at his hip and a not very happy one judging from the dark expression that clouded a surprisingly young face.

"When I go, I'm taking you with me, Mustang," Edward snarled under his breath as he caught sight of yet more people staring.

"You can _try_, Fullmetal," Mustang replied with the confidence that had always put Edward's teeth on edge. "It's not much further to the office," he added softly and Ed had to work not to grind his teeth together. He didn't like this understanding Mustang. The bastard wasn't supposed to be so sympathetic and nice. It irritated him and it reminded him too much of …_him_. The other Roy – _his Roy_ - had been considerate and charming and it had all been lies. The Roy Mustang beside him was being genuine enough although Edward didn't want to admit that, and he also knew that this Roy Mustang had always had an ulterior motive for everything he had ever done back then. It would be stupid of him to believe that a Roy, _any Roy_, could ever be completely honest. They didn't change. Hadn't he already learnt that lesson?

_You will never learn, Edward._

The voice echoed in his head and he knew it hadn't been his thought. _When are you going to leave me alone?_ he asked silently.

_I will always be here._

Something flickered in front of his mind's eye. An array of tiny flames spun quickly across his vision and disappeared. He frowned, not sure what had happened. He didn't recognise the array although he had only had a brief look at it.

_Your circle has gone but we are still linked._

Edward looked straight ahead, not letting his confusion show on his face. _What circle?_

_The circle of your sanity._

Edward stopped walking. _I don't understand._

_You don't need to understand…yet._

"Fullmetal?" Mustang had stopped walking as well and was looking at him, a small crease on his forehead the only visible sign of concern. Ed met the single dark eye with equally dark eyes.

"It's nothing," he muttered and saw that Mustang didn't believe that. "Just a memory," he added and saw the dark eye flicker. Now that, he knew was believable as Mustang turned away and started walking again. Ed let his breath out and followed the taller man. The voice echoed behind his ears.

_It is all just a memory._

* * *

Colonel Lilk came out of his sleep with a start feeling something tugging at him and waved an arm around wildly.

"It's only me, sleepyhead!" came Randall's voice and Lilk blinked several times before he could see past the sleep lingering in his eyes. The tall alchemist was grinning down at him. "We're just about to arrive at that little junction of yours."

"Hekat," Lilk mumbled as he sat up and began to stretch.

"Huh?"

"Hekat. It's the name of the junction."

"Ah, is that what that word was." Lilk looked up and the smile he had heard was clearly visible.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. Just couldn't read your writing, that's all. It was a bit hard to decipher that scrawl of yours, so we've been calling it the junction."

"You're annoying, and who's 'we'?" Lilk asked.

"The team and I. We've worked out a roster for watching and figured out the best positions for them." Randall waved a piece of paper at Lilk and he took it with a sceptical glance. "There's two of them up with the engineers in the locomotive and I've put one on the roof of the first carriage. They can change over every hour. The sergeant's in the comm. room and no, there's still no response from the north. Central says we're to report the moment we sight the storm and then we can approach with 'suitable margins for safety'."

They shared a wry look. Neither man was reckless at the best of times. Lilk knew Randall was usually seen as too laidback and casual but the man was always careful. Lilk suspected that his caution arose from his innate laziness that hid a surprisingly strong perfectionist streak. Randall disliked having to do anything twice and took an inordinate amount of pleasure in being able to sit back and poke fun at other people.

Lilk scanned the page and nodded. "It seems solid so far. We can't really do much until we sight it." He looked at Randall who had a quick look at his watch.

"Let's grab coffee. By the time we've got that, we'll be arriving at Hekat. I've asked the engineers to slow the train once we get there."

"Good."

A knock at the door had them both turning. "Yes?" Lilk called as the door opened.

"Sorry, Sirs." A young sergeant poked his head around the door. "The spotters have just sent word. They've sighted the storm."

"Get the train stopped and notify Central," Lilk commanded without hesitation. "The Major and I will begin investigating it."

"Pulling the cord will be quicker," Randall pointed out and reached for the emergency stop cord running above the compartment window. He gave it a sharp tug and a bell sounded. "Why aren't you talking to Central yet?" he asked the wide-eyed sergeant in the door way. There was a sharp edge to his voice and the man took off like a startled rabbit forgetting to salute in his haste.

"That was unnecessary," Lilk said mildly as they had to adjust their stances as the train began to slow.

"Looks like coffee is out," Randall replied with a distracted smirk as he headed out of the compartment.

"We shouldn't be able to see it yet, should we?" Lilk asked softly.

"No," Randall's reply was equally soft and neither man spoke as they began working their way to the front of the train.

* * *

Edward sat in Mustang's office half listening to the man on the phone. Something about a storm up North and his attention wandered as he eyed the books on the shelves. Mustang was pre-occupied so Edward got up from the couch and began to scan the shelves. He knew that if he didn't find something to read, the bastard would give him paperwork to do.

Edward understood why he had to be here and why he couldn't stay at home but he didn't like it. It was made harder knowing that Hawkeye wasn't here because she had taken the day off to be with Al. She had rung soon after they had arrived in the office and Ed had spoken briefly to her. Knowing that Al had cried himself to sleep had given Edward an urgent desire to go and see his brother but Hawkeye had forbidden it and Mustang had backed her up. He had sat on the couch after that and hated himself for feeling relieved at not having to face his brother just yet. It was selfish of him and he knew it, but he didn't want to face his brother's condemnation again, even as he didn't want his brother to hurt anymore. He was caught between the two equally strong urges and felt completely helpless and useless. Even that little voice seemed to have deserted him.

"Coffee, Ed?" Havoc's cheery voice had him turning away from the books.

"Yeah. Thanks Havoc." He grabbed a book at random and carried it over to the couch as he watched Havoc return with the coffee.

"The Chief's going to be busy for awhile. You don't think you could help out with Hawkeye's paperwork do you?"

"Me?" Ed stared at the tall blond. "I was expecting Mustang to push paperwork onto me, but not you."

"C'mon Boss. You'll go crazy if you have to stay in here with him all day, and you know it."

"I'll go crazy with you lot out there," Ed retorted. They had been so careful when he had entered the office earlier it had been obvious to Edward that someone – probably Hawkeye – had scared the curiousity out of them. But Edward knew that that wouldn't last long if he sat out there for more than half an hour.

"Ed, we know you're having a hard time," Havoc said in an embarrassed voice and Edward blinked. Havoc rubbed at the back of his neck and looked uncomfortable shifting on his feet as a line of red appearing across his cheeks. "I mean, the Chief and Riz haven't exactly told us much, and we don't wanna intrude, but, you… well, you're one of us, Boss." Ed couldn't stop staring as Havoc became more and more embarrassed. "We… we won't ask, but we're your friends, Ed and if you want to say anything or nothing that's your choice, you know, and if Breda gets too pushy you can just transmute him into the wall or something."

Edward stood frozen. Havoc was offering something Ed hadn't thought to ever have again. Friendship without judgement and expectations. It took him a moment to realise something else. He wasn't automatically refusing and it was that realisation that had his blood suddenly loud in his ears. He immediately identified the trap that acceptance could be and he looked at Mustang. He was still caught up in the phone call and Ed shook his head to clear his thoughts.

It was his decision to make, he didn't need to have Mustang approve or acknowledge it. If Ed was careful then he could avoid the trap that getting involved with the people here and he would still be able to leave without regrets when the time came. Maybe if he helped out now, it would even make it easier for those left behind. They'd have some memories that they'd want to keep. Not like him. Ed closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them again.

"Sure, Havoc. I'll help."

* * *

Colonel Lilk and the Stone Alchemist stood on railway tracks in front of a stopped train and looked at the storm raging at least ten miles in front of them. Behind them they could hear the murmurs of the other people on the train staring and pointing but they stayed silent.

The storm was enormous. They could hear the thunder that rumbled hollowly over the distance. Lightening flashed in rapid shifts of flickering light. From the ground to high into the sky the clouds towered. And they could see it moving. Slowly, inexorably it grew larger as it came closer.

"I've seen sandstorms as big as this," Randall murmured. "But not a winter storm."

"Can you stop it?"

"No more than you can."

"The train offers no protection and there's no way to turn it around."

"The storm's moving too fast. You'd never get in front of it."

"The same can be said for trying to go around it. The storm front's too wide."

Randall looked at the ground for a moment. "I can create a space underground and seal us in there until it's passed." He looked back up at the storm.

"Do it. I'll send a message to Central to tell them what we're doing."

Randall moved away from the tracks and stamped his foot on the ground, nodding absently before he bent down, squatting comfortably. He looked at Lilk. "Gonna be a long walk home."

"Yes," Lilk agreed absently as he watched Randall begin to inscribe his circle on the ground. He turned and headed back to the train. Yes, the storm would tear the train apart and they'd be stranded here for a while but at least they were going to be alive. _A soldier can't ask for more than that_, he thought as he waved to the Sergeant. "I need a message sent to Central and then get everyone off the train. Get them to bring what rations there are and gather over near where the Major is."

* * *

The dragon roared as it flew on yet another cold wave of snow and wind. Its frozen wings flapped uselessly and ice cracked into fine webs over the ragged membranes before shattering and falling into the storm. Within a few hours the dragon knew the ice would have reformed. The frost had thickened around his scales and flakes of ice were swept away by the wind with every twist and turn of his sinuous length.

It didn't feel the cold and the continual noise was ignored as it soared in endless circles through the middle of the storm. As high as the towering clouds, twisting between the shuddering lightening bolts, slipping from one turbulent wave to the next with an unconscious grace as it traversed the storm that was its home.

With the wind carrying it, the dragon moved towards to the leading edge of the storm. Since he had awakened, his vision had been greatly enhanced. He could follow the wind currents better, he could easily avoid any debris that was picked up and he could see through the driving snow and ice into the world beyond. It made finding prey easy.

_I see a train._

...Should I care?

_No. _

...Then why mention it?

_For a ghost, you're very annoying._

...You won't face the truth.

_Because it's not true._

...Your denials are getting weaker.

_Shut up!_

The dragon roared and pushed upwards and forward with a flick of its tail. Higher and faster it soared. Snow and ice followed and the dragon breached the leading edge of the storm. It flew for a moment with its own impetus but then began to drop towards the earth as the winds no longer supported it. Broken wings fluttered outwards and the long body began to turn in a slow spiral that became faster as it kept falling. The sound of the wind pushing past was different to the usual roar and it gloated as the ground seemed to rush up to meet it.

Before it could reach the ground it twisted to disrupt the spiralling, turning over with a roll to catch the cold updraft that suddenly appeared. Stronger than any natural updraft, the dragon was lifted easily and snow filled clouds closed around it as the storm caught up with it. The dragon roared and slipped up through the wind currents but this time it stayed within the confines of the storm when it turned and fell again. It glimpsed the train again as it spun towards the ground and noted idly that it didn't seem to be moving. _Stupid humans. As if that will save you._

Its jaw opened in what might have once been a grin, and long teeth gleamed as the dragon sought out the best air currents. Mindless violence was always satisfying.

...You are easily pleased.

_Hmpf._ The dragon didn't bother to give a proper reply. The ghost, as he called it, would know what he was thinking anyway. He kept his eyes on the winds, checking often to make sure the train was staying still. His grin widened as he got closer and he dropped into the lower winds. The storm tore at the ground as it rushed beneath him. He moved to be over the railway tracks and could hear them being ripped from their fastenings as he passed. He paid no heed to them as he kept going forward.

Anticipation gleamed in his eyes and he was almost on the train when he felt it. His head whipped around and his body twisted abruptly. The single moment of distraction cost him his balance and he crashed into the front of the train. Steel crumpled around him, the engine was torn open and the resultant explosion swept the dragon with flame. Steam and smoke rose, swept straight up into the storm with fragments of the engine. Larger steel pieces buckled and snapped, and the broken locomotive heaved as if it was alive before it was picked up by the fierce winds.

The dragon pulled itself free of the metal wreckage, tumbling wildly in an attempt to regain its balance and to find the source of its initial distraction. It had to dive low as the rest of the train began to break apart under the pounding of the storm. Glass and wood mixed with steel flew in all directions.

Feeling the ground beneath its belly had the dragon heaving itself up to find a wind. He felt it again and turned, ignoring the wind as it tugged at him and he lowered his head to the ground. A tingling shivered down his spine and he studied the ground closely. Humping his body he pushed himself along, head turning to pinpoint the source of the tingling. Dirt scraped between his broken scales and his breathing was ragged with the exertion. After soaring on the winds for so long to be back on the ground was painful. He wasn't meant to be on the land. In the air, or even in the water was where he could move the freest.

The tingling became stronger and the dragon growled low in its throat. With a strong heave and grunt it levered itself up for a moment, using the wind to twist its body slightly. With a small push it left the ground for barely ten feet and then deliberately fell. Dirt rose around it and the earth shook. The tingling spread all over its body and the dragon roared.

_Alchemy!_

With recognition came the reaction and the dragon's scales blazed as arrays wrote themselves across the broken plates. It writhed as the sudden flush of power worked through it and spread on the ground. A circle appeared and the ground heaved beneath him. A crack appeared along one of the lines and the ground began to split open. Wider it opened and began to follow the line around until the dragon was left on a pillar of stone in the middle of a gaping hole.

* * *

The Stone Alchemist looked completely at ease as he sat on the floor of the hollow he had created. Legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles, eyes half-closed as if dozing and seemingly completely oblivious to all the muttering around him. But Lilk knew his friend was working constantly to keep them all safe. The hand that was resting on the ground hidden from the men and covered by his jacket, was placed squarely in the middle of an array.

Even through the ground they could hear the storm noises above. The hole Randall had hollowed out for them was close to twenty feet below the surface. Several pillars gave the ceiling extra support and the men were scattered around them. The earth was shaking before it had even hit and the sudden explosion had had them all jumping. Soil had loosened from their ceiling and the more anxious of them had been looking upwards and then to Stone to make sure they were going to stay safe. Stone's relaxed appearance had eased most of them and they had fallen to speculation as to what it was like out there.

When an array began to etch itself upon the ceiling they stopped talking. Without a word they all began to move back, shifting to crowd against the walls. They looked at Stone as a line of blue traced its way from beside him up to the ceiling. He was no longer sitting calmly, he was kneeling, both hands sunk slightly into the earth. The light from his array lit his face in sharp relief and the closest soldiers could see sweat beginning to form on his brow.

"Stone?" Lilk queried as he kept looking from the spreading lines above them to his straining friend.

"Something's trying to break through," Stone replied through gritted teeth.

"Another alchemist?" Lilk asked, his mind going into overdrive as he tried to think of all the ramifications of having to fight against a rogue alchemist, as well as wondering just what kind of alchemist could command so large a storm.

"Obviously," Stone's voice was lightly sarcastic and Lilk nearly smiled. Randall never changed, not even at times like this.

"I'll get the men ready. We can distract him if nothing else."

The loud crack had them all looking upward and they saw the ceiling beginning to split open.

"Fuck!" came from Stone and Lilk turned back to him. With quick movements he was drawing another circle beside the one he was keeping going. A small line to join them and then Stone slammed his hand down on the second array. Blue light flared and Lilk had to cover his eyes against the glare. When he looked again, another line was running up the wall and trying to close the widening crack.

Faster and faster the crack grew and it began to get wider. Noise from the storm above came through and dirt and rocks began to fall. Lilk moved among the men, trying to settle them down. His team numbered six, including him and Stone and with another six men from the train he had limited options. Protecting Stone was his priority at the moment and he set two of his men near him. The train personnel he put to work on loading rifles and helping to arm the soldiers.

In the short time it took to organise them the crack had gone over three quarters around and had widened enough for them all to see the storm raging above. The noise was over powering and the sight of debris and snow whipping above them stunned them. The black heaviness of the clouds, the grey shadings as they moved and the white streams of snow made them dizzy.

It took Lilk a few minutes to realise that the winds were not reaching down into their hole. The storm stayed above them and it even seemed to bubble upwards just for the space over them. He moved back near Stone.

"I can't stop it," Stone said without apology.

"I know. Just be ready for as soon as he reveals himself." Lilk looked upward. "He's probably close by." He let his breath out. "He's got some balls to be able to do all this."

"He'll probably be near the edge."

"Yes, he'd have cover and be able to see us. "

"In that case I can transmute the pillars to give you more cover."

"Works for me."

The ceiling groaned and they looked upwards. The crack had reached the beginning again and the gap widened further. The central pillar was now free standing and several rocks tumbled from it to smash on the floor. The gap was roughly five feet wide and everything paused for a long moment. Lilk was about to say something to Stone when the gap began to widen again. The edge began to crumble, falling straight down in a pattering rain of earth and stone.

"He's on the centre pillar," Stone suddenly said and Lilk looked at the pillar. There was a glow above it that could only mean alchemy in action. "I'll bring it down. Get ready."

Lilk made rapid movements to his men and they positioned themselves along the walls, spreading out to cover all the angles.

"We're ready."

Stone drew another circle and laid his hand on it. Lights flared and then a low rumble echoed. The central pillar began to move downwards sinking into the floor. A sudden rush saw it fall straight down and dust flew upwards as it reached the bottom.

The strange creature that appeared through the dust had them frozen until it roared and one young soldier opened fire in blind panic.

Soldiers fired at the monster that writhed in front of them. Bullets ricocheted wildly glancing off the scaly sides of the massive serpent. With a sudden lunge it moved and grabbed one of them between its massive jaws. A high pitched scream ended abruptly and blood dripped from its mouth. A quick toss of its head had the corpse flung towards several other soldiers and they scrambled to get out of the way. The monster lunged again and the soldiers scattered.

"Aim for its eyes!" Lilk yelled, trying to get some control over his frightened soldiers. He wasn't about to admit he was terrified as they were. He had never seen anything like this before and he had no idea how to combat it. He acted on instinct. "Find the vulnerable points!"

Several soldiers tried to obey, but the monster kept moving and it was hard to get an accurate shot off. The long body whipped around and two men were too slow to avoid the tail that sent them flying into the wall. Dazed and stunned the monster was on them before anyone could save them.

"Stone!" Lilk shouted and the alchemist nodded. Hands to the floor to spark an array and the ceiling above the monster collapsed and fell on it. Another array had protrusions stretching out from floor and wall to grab at the long body. Lilk was already directing his men to better vantage points when the serpentine creature shouldered past the rocks. Roaring, it struck again managing to grab a trainman in those stained jaws.

Lilk studied the creature as he moved toward Stone. There had to be some way they could stop this thing and they had to find it fast. It had no legs and there were tattered wings down the side of its long body. Studying it now it was easy to see that the scales were damaged and that the creature bore the marks of heavy mistreatment. Probably from the storm, Lilk reasoned and shuddered. Even with the damage he could see on the creature, it was fast and agile. If the creature could survive the storm, then how the hell were they going to be able to kill it?

"Ideas, Stone?" he asked as he reached the tall alchemist.

"Just one."

"You mean apart from the one that has you digging us a tunnel out of here?" Lilk joked lightly.

"Yes." Lilk looked at Stone. "Get me close to that thing."

"Why?"

"There's an array on it. I might be able to use it to stop it."

"How? I can't see an array." Lilk looked at the monster again.

"I saw it when it first came down but it disappeared once it started moving. I think the array controls it. I don't know what this monster is, but there's no doubt alchemy has something to do with it." Stone turned to face Lilk. "You need to make sure someone can let Central know."

There was a moment of silence between them and then Lilk nodded. He looked around. Three soldiers left and three of the trainmen. "If you seal them away they won't be able to break out again so send a tunnel upwards from here. We'll get the civilians out of this. Tell one of them what to say. I'll send them to you and we'll distract it until you're done." Lilk didn't wait for a reply but moved swiftly to the first of the trainmen.

Stone swore at his friend's back but turned to the wall and drew the array for the tunnel.

* * *

The dragon snapped its jaws at yet another human. The soldier fired at its face and it roared in response. They were aiming at his face more often he noticed and he knew they would be targeting the soft spots like his eyes or mouth, but he gave them few opportunities. Despite being grounded he was still fast and he twisted several times rapidly. Another man got tangled in his coils and the dragon ended his life with a savage tearing snap of his body. A quick turn and he could scoop the broken body in his jaws. Blood ran down his throat before he swallowed and he looked for his next prey. There was no real pleasure with eating humans but he did need to eat and to see the expressions on the others made it worth every bland mouthful.

There was an alchemist here and that was his main aim. These others were simply toys to be played with. He looked around at the flare of alchemy and saw the alchemist. Tall and thin, not much meat on that one but it wasn't for food that he wanted him. The dragon twisted sending his tail into one the upright pillars and bringing it down. It blocked several of the men and the dragon heaved himself over the rubble to get to them. Shouts echoed around him and he ignored them as he reached for the closest victim. A bullet ricocheted close to his eye and he flinched instinctively, quickly recovering as he saw his prey escaping.

A rapid attack and he had the struggling man in his teeth. He spun around to sight the alchemist and saw him standing near what appeared to be a tunnel. _Nice try fool, but it will not save any of you. _With a toss of its head to manouevre the man in its mouth into a better position, he bit and swallowed the dying man. A soldier was running calling towards the alchemist as the dragon began to move.

Gunfire attacked its face and it roared, twisting to avoid the bullets without stopping. It could feel the rubble on the floor scraping beneath it as it pushed forward. A man threw himself in front of him and he didn't bother to eat him, swinging his head to knock him out of the way. He would go back for him. The alchemist came first now.

He was startled but not worried when the alchemist dashed forward. There was a despairing shout from one of the soldiers but the alchemist sprinted closer. He veered to the dragon's left side and the dragon turned to follow him. Jaws opened as the dragon prepared to lunge but the alchemist got to him first and hands slapped at his scales and the arrays burst into flame.

* * *

In Central Headquarters Edward Elric stopped mid-sentence as his mind was filled with a fiery array before he collapsed, alarming Havoc and Breda who managed to catch him as he fell.

* * *

The storm above them crashed, thunder booming to shake the earth and lightening smashed down to strike the dragon. The dragon roared arching upwards out-lined in lightening and alchemy. White and violet flares played out across the dragon's scales. The arrays glowed in the sudden darkness as the storm closed in above.

Lilk stared in horror as the beast rose up. He couldn't move and he could feel his heart racing as the air felt electrified with power and lightening. It was beautiful in the most terrifying manner to see that creature wrapped in such raw power. The arrays were the most complicated he had ever seen and he had no idea what they meant. The roaring of the beast was answered by another bolt of lightening and Lilk threw himself backwards as a shower of sparks cascaded brilliantly into the now dark hole. _What the hell did you do, Randall? _He looked at the monster again, seeking any sign of the tall alchemist.

Randall screamed in agony as the alchemy ignited and he became engulfed in flames. He tried to take his hands away but they were stuck fast. Violet flames of alchemy wrapped around him and bound him to the dragon's side and when the lightening flared he felt them tighten further. The pain was intense as he began to feel the edges of his consciousness blur. The flames kept dancing across him and the smell of burning flesh had him writhing feebly until even that movement was restricted. Breathing became difficult and his vision dimmed.

The dragon roared again and felt the power running through him. His head lowered and he sought out the last humans. The darkness was no hindrance to his sight and he caught two in quick succession. Bullets ricocheted again and he followed them to the soldier. The continual flaring of alchemy and lightening was not helping them and he knew it. He could see where they couldn't and if he tapped into the power coursing around him he would be able to pinpoint them all. More bullets and he lunged for the man.

Blood dripped from his mouth and his long slithering tongue ran the length of his teeth. He eyed the tunnel the alchemist had created and wondered if there was anyone in there. He moved closer as the alchemy ran down his back again. He couldn't stay here much longer. He looked upwards. The storm needed to be moving again. And so did he. With a roar he called and the storm dipped into the hollow with a force that lifted both the dragon and much of the rubble.

Wind swirled and the dragon chose one to take him higher. A vortex of clouds circled with him as he rose. Alchemy sparked outwards and the lightening flared back. Power shifted between the storm and dragon in blinding flashes.

_Alchemists are useful things to have._

...He will suffice.

_There is only one alchemist _I _want._

...You have always been a simple-minded creature.

_And you complicate things._

...That is my purpose.

_Stupid ghost!_

* * *

Edward opened his eyes and closed them again. His head hurt and the light was bright. It took him a moment before he tried again.

"Awake Fullmetal?" Mustang's voice made him groan and he shifted slowly.

"What hit me?" he asked groggily as he tried to sit up.

"Nothing. You collapsed all on your own." Mustang watched Edward feeling around his head. "Headache?"

"Yeah, feels like someone hit me." Ed sat up straighter and began to wake up properly.

"You've been out for nearly an hour." Mustang paused. "A memory?"

Ed went to shake his head and thought better of it. "No." He tried to think back. "I was talking to Havoc I think and then it all went black," he shrugged. "It's not important."

"Fullmetal." Mustang spoke heavily and Edward sighed.

"I know what you're going to say, Mustang and I don't want to hear it." The accent was thicker and the black eyes were tired.

"Then what do you think we should do? You don't want us to be concerned and I don't want to see you suffering."

"Getting bored of babysitting?" Ed's grin was a shadow of what Mustang remembered it to be.

"Not yet," Mustang smiled back without a smirk and saw Edward frown. Mustang wasn't about to let Edward brush away his concerns so easily and Edward was seeing that. "If you're feeling better then I could use your help with something."

"What is it?" Edward looked at with suspicion.

"Weather alchemy."

Edward blinked. "There's no such thing."

"I know. I want you to prove that, either which way."

"How the hell do you expect me to do that? And _why_ would you want to?" Edward's eyes narrowed. "This is to keep me occupied and out of the way isn't it? You made it up," he accused.

"No Edward, this is not something I made up." Mustang lifted up a file on his desk and dropped it again. "There's a storm that somehow seems to have moved from the Northern Districts to the Central plains at a speed and strength that is unheard of before."

"Alchemy couldn't do that. You should know that. You can use some of the elements in the air sometimes but they're very unstable. To be able to calculate them to the point of creating a storm would be impossible."

"Make a list of all you need. Use Havoc to get anything from the library." Mustang saw Ed's frown deepen and held up a hand. "I know, it would be quicker and easier if you were there, but I can't allow that while your health, both mental and physical is so prone to change." He spoke bluntly and Ed grimaced at him.

"Fine, but I want Schieska as well. She can tell me what's in the library."

"Done. You can have a desk in here or in the other office if you'd prefer. All I ask is you stay near us."

Ed nodded. He didn't want to admit it, but if he did collapse again he'd rather it be amongst friends rather than strangers. He sighed. He could almost feel the trap thickening around him. It was tying him back to this place. It was trying to keep him alive and he was resenting how easy it seemed to be.

_Let it bind you, Edward. I will cut you free._

_Oh great, you're back_, Edward snarled back

_Did you miss me? _There was an echoing derisive laugh in his head.

_Not in the slightest,_ Ed snapped back quickly.

_I am getting closer, Edward. I am coming for you._

Edward scowled. Stupid voice in his head. His sanity was in more doubt that Mustang realised and he let his breath out. "I'll take a desk out there. I really hate your face."

* * *

Randall could feel the pain but everything was black around him. He felt completely disembodied except for the lines of pain. He didn't even know if he was actually breathing.

...You're awake.

The voice had him looking around but there was no sense of physically moving and the pain shimmered in a line around his arm. Or what should be his arm if he could feel any connection to it.

"Where am I?" He thought he spoke but he didn't hear the words.

...Somewhere, nowhere, call it the storm.

"Why… why?"

...Because you touched the array, because you're an alchemist. Because you are human. Pick one.

"I don't… understand."

Pain blossomed around him and he was suddenly very aware of every nerve he had. As abruptly as the pain came it receded back to its distance and he lost all awareness again.

...You don't need to understand. You just need to be.

Randall lost consciousness again.

* * *

The dragon slipped along the wind streams, roaring occasionally as it flew. The arrays were gone and the frost was encroaching on its scales again. Tattered wing shreds fluttered uselessly at its sides as it spun and circled through the storm. And on its side was the bound form of the Stone Alchemist.

* * *

-

Wilfred Wilson Gibson (1878 -1962 ): "Between The Lines"

Author's Note: Yes, the Dragon appears at last… I know several people have been looking forward to his introduction… I hope you like him…

silken :)


	14. 13: Communication

**St Edward and The Dragon**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 13**

**Communication _n. _1 The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behaviour.******** 2 ** Interpersonal rapport.

--00--

_Before I die I must just find this rhyme.  
Be quiet, my friends, and do not waste my time._

_We're marching off in company with death.  
I only wish my girl would hold her breath._

_There's nothing wrong with me. I'm glad to leave.  
Now mother's crying too. There's no reprieve._

_And now look how the sun's begun to set.  
A nice mass-grave is all that I shall get._

_Once more the good old sunset's glowing red.  
In thirteen days I'll probably be dead._

_Alfred Lichtenstein 1914_

--00--

* * *

Edward looked through another book and rolled his eyes. _Weather alchemy indeed_, he mentally snorted. _Waste of my fucking time._

He was leant back in a chair leafing through some of the books from Mustang's office as he waited for the files and books he'd requested from the State Library. He'd read the file and found himself intrigued at the thought of such a massive storm, but to put its creation and control down to alchemy was completely impossible for him to believe. Edward had never really thought too hard about the weather. He'd always been more concerned with getting out of the rain rather than what made it rain. Half of the books he'd sent Havoc to get would hopefully give him a basic understanding that he could expand from. In the meantime he skipped through Mustang's books looking for anything remotely weather-related, all the while knowing he wasn't going to find anything.

How was anyone supposed to be able to control something so unstable? Ed suspected that Mustang already knew that and part of him wanted to believe that Mustang was using it as an excuse to keep Ed occupied. But Ed had been in the military long enough to know that everything, even the obvious, had to be proven or disproven as required. But really, _weather alchemy?_ Even Ed could see the tight control Mustang had to keep on his flame alchemy and that was only for the small amount of air he disrupted around the spark from his gloves. Trying to project that control of the atmosphere onto something that apparently covered _miles_ was just not possible. To Edward, anyone even attempting it would have been torn apart from the backlash quicker than he and Al had from their transmutation attempt. He let his breath out slowly at the comparison.

Just as the remembered pain of his automail surgery was the benchmark for every pain he felt, so was that night of horror for most things alchemic. The brief seconds of joy and success when he'd thought they'd done it right, before it had all fallen apart. Those few seconds were his measuring stick for success or failure in every experiment. In that quick movement of his hands between clap and contact, his mind covered that gap in sometimes agonising slowness. _Fail or success_ his mind always whispered to him and he would always silently reply _I _will_ succeed_. Sometimes Ed felt he made the arrays work through sheer determination only. He had been so determined that he was never going to feel what he had felt that dreadful night again.

But he had, and he still was as he had to close his eyes through a steadying breath. Memories really shouldn't hurt this much. Nothing as ephemeral as memory should cause physical pain beyond that of automail surgery. _It shouldn't_ Ed told himself as he shook against another onslaught of images. He forced himself to straighten up in his chair, opening his eyes and stared blindly at the opened book in his hands. He blinked and looked around the office. No-one seemed to have noticed his moment of distraction and he was thankful for that. He'd already collapsed once this morning.

The flaming array flickered at the back of his mind again. For a moment he thought it was reaching out for him and then it disappeared.

* * *

Winds screamed past deaf ears as the head of the Stone Alchemist lolled against the dragon's side. Blue tinged his slack lips and dark patches of flaking skin covered his burnt cheeks. Thick ribbons of scales bound him tightly with only his head free to move. His body was sunken into the dragon's side, his hands trapped between his chest and the dragon. Strips of his clothes fluttered wildly through the thin gaps of the scaly bonds. The Stone Alchemist was a barely noticeable lump marring the dragon's streamlined body.

When the pain surged through Randall's unconsciousness in a flaming array he woke with a cry that disappeared on the wind never reaching his ears.

… It is merely pain.

The words reverberated in his head. Randall tried to respond but he couldn't make his mouth work and his mind was buried under a thick fog. The sharp retort died before it was fully formed. Coherent thought or speech was completely beyond him. He was barely cognizant of an awareness not his own slipping through his mind making his mental fog shift in an undulating wave. For a brief moment Randall heard the roar of the storm around him.

… Sometimes I forget how weak you humans are.

Randall fell back into the darkness as the words _blinked_ at him.

* * *

Al rolled over slowly and his hands clutched at the bedclothes pulling them with him. His breathing became rapid and his eyes opened wide as he sat up with a choked gasp. His throat felt rough and his head heavy. He looked around the room wildly for a moment before he realised where he was. Hawkeye's spare room.

He had to force his fingers to let go of the sheets and rubbed at his eyes, feeling them sore and swollen. He bowed his head into his hands. He'd cried for his brother many times over the last two years but never had he felt this bad afterwards. He knew why. He'd deliberately said things – cruel things - because he'd been jealous and hurt and had wanted to hurt Edward in turn. To prove that he, Al, meant just as much as those _others_ that his brother was mourning. Al let his breath out slowly.

Al had always prided himself on his behaviour, on maintaining a calm manner, on being able to cope with anything despite the large gap in his memories. He buried his head deeper into his hands. He'd certainly been calm as he had brought his brother to his knees, as he'd proven that he could hurt Edward just as much as they had. For that one moment he had felt vindicated, almost triumphant at what he had done.

Cruel was not something Al had ever considered himself to be. Not until now. Petty and spiteful and cruel. Al's breathing hitched slightly. He'd been all of those things and in the cold light of morning the reasons he'd used to justify himself with yesterday seemed silly and childish. Selfish and thoughtless. He'd been jealous of those _others _and he'd been envious of the General. They had parts of Edward that Al didn't understand, parts that he knew he'd never be able to share and it had hurt. It still hurt. Al had been feeling neglected, shut out and all he had wanted was to have his brother back. _His _brother, not theirs. Not their _anything_.

So like a selfish child he had lashed out. And it had worked. It had worked so well that once started he hadn't been able to stop. He had gone straight past the point of no return and was once again brotherless. Only this time it was all his own fault. Guilt and self-pity ran through him. He was so tired of feeling this way but he couldn't stop himself. Hawkeye had tried to help him, tried to help him see reason and he had until it had all gotten away from him. Al groaned and lifted his head to rub at his stinging eyes. He owed Hawkeye an apology for yesterday. He flopped onto his back and pulled the sheets up over his face. He owed them all an apology. Especially Edward.

He had to try to make it right again. Somehow. _Time to grow up _he thought with guilty resignation. _Properly this time._

* * *

Roy put the phone down with a rumbling groan and stood up. Gloved hands straightened his jacket as he made his way out of his office. He looked around the outer office. Havoc was back and seated next to Edward as they looked at the books now piled in front of them. Fuery was on the phone and Falman and Breda working quietly.

"I'll be in General Felsen's office for the next hour or so," Roy announced as he walked to the doorway.

"Okay, Chief" Havoc replied while the others nodded. Edward looked a bit confused but Roy knew the others would answer his questions. _If he asks them _Roy thought to himself as he caught the strange black eyes in a locked stare. Bare seconds later and Edward looked down at the books while Roy left the room a slight frown creasing his forehead.

He didn't like leaving Edward behind. What if's worked their way through his head and he almost snorted aloud. He was being irrational. Edward was perfectly safe in the office and if he did get lost in his memories the others would know what to do. Havoc had experience dealing with the aftermath of war and shell-shock and Edward's reactions were similar in many respects. He could be relied upon to settle Edward while the others got Roy back. And Roy was only going to be five minutes away. There really was nothing to worry about.

Except that Roy _was_ worried. Edward's behaviour changed without warning and Roy didn't believe it was just from the memories Edward was recalling. Edward's eyes were still black, there had been that array that had appeared while Ed had been asleep and the array in the fireplace. No, there was something else. Something that made Roy's nerves twitch in the old almost forgotten way they had in Ishbal. Twitching nerves had saved him more than once back then and he wasn't about to ignore them now. He also didn't like knowing that it was Edward making his nerves twitchy. Of all the things Edward was, Roy couldn't – wouldn't – believe that Edward was a threat.

When he entered General Felsen's office and saw the grim faces awaiting him, Edward became the least of his worries.

* * *

The silence in Mustang's office broke again and Breda smirked slightly as he met Havoc's eyes, then both men looked across at Edward. The young man was flicking through a book with one hand and scribbling notes with the other. He was completely engrossed in his work and unaware of the others watching him with barely concealed grins.

"… '_looking_ at the sky?' Well of course that's how you forecast the weather," Edward scornfully told the page he was reading. "A barometer's obviously too hard for_ you_ to use, fucking moron."

The others grinned. Edward had been insulting every author of the books he'd read so far. His strangely accented voice mocked the written words in mutters and half-sentences. Havoc didn't think Edward was aware of what he was doing as he argued with the books. It was amusing to watch but it was also disconcerting. Havoc had seen Edward research before and while he was showing the same intense concentration he always had, it had always been silent. Even when writing out detested reports Edward had been silent, saving all his comments for the moments when he had handed them to Mustang. The duels between Edward and Mustang over those reports had kept the office more than entertained.

Havoc's blue eyes were pensive as he watched the young blond. Edward's behaviour was too casual, too easy for it to be a sudden development. Somewhere, some _when_ during the last two years Edward had gotten into this strange _vocal_ habit.

Black eyes suddenly looked straight at Havoc. "Do we have a barometer here?" And Havoc got the immediate impression that Edward wasn't seeing him at all.

"What's a barometer?" Breda asked as Havoc watched Edward shudder and the black eyes blinked rapidly.

"It measures air pressure," Falman explained before Ed could respond. "And I believe that Planning and Operations have access to weather monitoring equipment."

"How do you know that?" Breda asked.

Falman shrugged. "Knowing weather conditions is very important in planning campaigns. We, the Military, naturally have a vested interest in the weather." He kept his voice bland as he continued. "Unless you just ignore the weather in those logistical exercises you enjoy so much?"

Breda almost growled at the verbal hit and Havoc had to choke back a laugh as he and Fuery exchanged amused looks. Falman was the one person guaranteed to upset Breda's usual laidback manner and he did it with an almost frightening ease and to the great enjoyment of their peers.

"I don't need to know the weather when I'm concentrating on supply quantities."

"You do if it rains and the troops get stuck in one place for longer than you've supplied for," Fuery spoke up.

Breda leant back in his chair. "There's an automatic extra two day allowance for all supply requisitions. No-one can predict it further than that," he added smugly.

Edward half-listened to them as he forced himself to breathe slowly and struggled not to sink back into his memories. He'd already collapsed once this morning, he didn't want to do it again. And Mustang wasn't here. His fingers gripped at the book in his hands. He had to keep the memories under control.

* * *

"_I thought you said this guy's a genius," Ed accused the blond as he threw the book down._

"_He is," Alfons replied with a confused expression as he looked from Edward to the discarded book and back. Edward's eyebrow rose in a disbelieving manner._

"_His math maybe passable but his chemical knowledge is non-existent," Ed snorted derisively. _

"_Why do you say that?" Alfons frowned at the other blond and Edward smiled almost gleefully at him._

"_Let's go to the kitchen and I'll demonstrate it for you."_

_Alfons' frown deepened. "The kitchen?"_

"_Yes, best place to learn… chemistry." The pause was almost unnoticeable but Alfons heard it as Edward's eyes flickered briefly and Alfons wondered what Ed was thinking about as his smile grew soft. For a moment Edward looked lost in a memory before he blinked and bright golden eyes were once again fixed on him. "Come on Al, it'll be fun and given what we're trying to do here, it's something you need to know."_

"_I already know chemistry," Alfons protested as Edward stood up. "And don't call me Al! I don't like my name shortened."_

_Edward froze for a moment and then shook his head. "Sorry, I just…" He took a quick breath and his voice became brisk. "I won't call you that again and yes, I know you know chemistry. But it's not enough and you're concentrating too much on the mechanics of the system. All the math and steel won't help us if we get the fuel ratios wrong. And the ratios are useless if we don't look at ways to keep the fuels stable."_

"_You can't make them any more stable than they are," Al protested._

"_I can if we can break the chemical formulae more efficiently."_

"_And going into the kitchen will do that?" Alfons asked with a sarcastic edge to his voice. Sometimes it was impossible to fathom Edward's thought processes and this was one of those times. _

"_Yes." Ed's face almost dared him. "Come on, let me show you what you can do with some rocket fuel and vinegar."_

_

* * *

_

Ed blinked rapidly trying to get his racing heart under control. The book shook in his hands and he forced himself to stretch his arms out to place the book on his desk. As he tried to make his fingers let go of the book he looked up and found Havoc staring at him. Concerned blue eyes that nearly had him tipping straight back into his nightmares. _Fuck, where was Mustang when you… _didn't_ need him?_ Edward closed his throat on a groan and shuddered. Sweat blossomed on his forehead.

_You do need him, don't you Edward? _The insidious voice whispered. _You can't help yourself, can you? You need these humans._

Shut up! Edward mentally growled as he bit down on his tongue to stop himself from speaking out loud.

_So pathetic._

Edward couldn't get his thoughts to form a coherent sentence. Too caught up trying to stop himself from falling into the dark and the memories, the words became impossible to focus on. He began to ache from the strain.

_Poor pitiful Edward. The closer you get to them, the more you will lose. Again._

Edward slumped at his desk as laughter filled his ears until unconsciousness made him deaf.

_Soon, Edward, so very soon._

_

* * *

_

The three men in General Felsen's office were silent as they stood around a large map spread across the desk. Red lines and circles dotted much of the northern areas. Towns and villages all daubed with red ink – some they knew, some they didn't.

"It can't have been a natural storm. It can't be." General Felsen shook his head with disbelief as his eyes tracked the red cross overlaying the words _Briggs Mountain Range_. The military installation at Briggs was the largest in the country, a massive complex half buried in the side of a mountain. It had guarded the northern border for over half a century, growing ever larger with each successive Fuhrer and Commander and now it was home to well over two thousand soldiers.

"Most of the garrison is still trapped and it will probably take weeks to dig them out." General Stier brushed his hand along a crease in the map. "General Armstrong is going to be an absolute bear over this," he added absentmindedly.

Roy looked from the map to the loose pages next to it. The first pieces of news from the far north and none of it good. Briggs had been hit by the storm. Most of the garrison had been safely underground. No-one knew yet how many had not. The small group of four soldiers that had managed to somehow find a communications depot had been nearly incoherent in their shock and exhaustion. Briggs had been unassailable, had been designed to withstand anything and it had been torn apart by a storm. Not by war but by nature. The soldiers who had reported in had been very unsettled by that fact and three days of slogging through the mountains without sleep and minimal rations had completely unbalanced them. The transcript of their call made for disjointed reading.

"General Armstrong is efficient in the most frightening manner," Roy remarked. "I don't doubt that she will have Briggs up and running within a fortnight."

"And then she'll be on our backs wanting more men and materials," Felsen added.

"She'll get them too," Stier stated calmly. "Briggs is too important."

"Thirty dead so far," Roy said as he motioned to the report.

"That will go higher. We'll increase the recruit intake this year and send some replacements from Eastern for the time being," Felsen replied as he picked up a pen and dragged some paper closer. "The Ishballan settlements have been complaining about high troop numbers in their areas again. We can appease them."

"Send the youngest. They'll benefit best from Olivia's particular brand of command." Roy smirked slightly before he continued. "And that will leave the veterans near Ishbal and less likely to incite any flare-ups there."

"Olivia will have them doing manual labour on the reconstruction." Stier smirked as well.

"Which they will have to do on their own." Felsen took a breath and let it out. "That storm has also hit Northern Command and Northern has none of the defences Briggs has – had. We are going to be facing major reconstruction work there as well."

The room seemed to darken slightly as they all looked back at the map. The brief moment of brevity disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"We should have had word from them by now," Stier muttered. "They're not that far from North City."

"A day on foot at most," Roy murmured as he eyed the distance between the two on the map. The red line that mapped the supposed path of the storm went straight through Northern Command.

"There are over five hundred men there," Felsen almost growled.

"We need to send someone from North City out to check," Roy told him. "The City garrison always has half a dozen soldiers on hand. Send them out there."

"We would if we could get through to them," Stier sighed and Roy's eyebrow rose in a silent query.

"The lines to the City are down." Stier took in a deep breath. "We lost contact with the Stone Alchemist and his team _here _just before Hekat," and Stier placed his finger on the map. "They were on the main Northern rail line. The storm had to have travelled south-easterly to get to that point after it went through Northern Command."

"It took out the City comm lines from the Hekat junction," Roy realised aloud. "And probably the rail ones as well."

"Probably. The question now is will it follow the rail lines straight to Central or keep moving south-easterly?"

"If we get some mobile communication trucks fitted up and send them out with strict instructions _not _to get too close, we could track it," Felsen mused.

"And maybe send one swinging westward and then up to the north while we're at it," Roy suggested.

"Yes," Stier nodded. "This storm can apparently be seen from miles away so they won't need to get close to it." He looked at the other two. "As soon as we know where it is, we're going to have to activate the evacuation plans. Military losses are one thing but more civilian losses are unacceptable. As far as we know they've been minimal to this point and we need to keep it that way."

"Agreed," Roy said without hesitation and Felsen nodded. Roy pursed his lips slightly. "I've given Edward Elric the task of researching weather alchemy. He doesn't think its possible and quite frankly, neither do I, but there's a chance he may find something that will help us to at least try to break it up."

Stier frowned. "What do you mean?"

"We have to do something about the storm, Jack. We can't just chase after it until it dissipates. We need to see if there is any way to lessen it."

"A storm is a storm, no matter how strange or strong it is," Stier protested. "Like all storms it will come to an end. No-one's going to expect us to _fix_ a storm. The people are going to want us to protect them from it and to help with any damage afterwards."

"I know," Roy said on a breath. "But there's something different with this storm. It moves too fast, it should have dissipated once it left the mountains. It's not behaving like a normal storm."

"And you think alchemy is involved?" Stier asked.

"No. It would be impossible to create and maintain something like that with alchemy. Controlling elements in the air is one of the hardest skills to learn and that's on a small scale. That storm is simply too massive for alchemy."

"Then why have Elric investigate it?" Felsen asked quietly.

"Because if that storm hangs on for another week we will start having people asking us what's happening. If it hangs on for another week like it is now _I'll_ be asking questions. If Edward can prove or disprove weather alchemy we will have either answers or choices. If he disproves it then we carry on as we are until it dies. If he proves it possible then we can use it to try and lessen it."

"Why lessen it? Why not stop it altogether?" Stier asked.

"Because just as alchemy can't make a storm that large, it won't be able to destroy one that size either."

"Liore was rather large," Felsen pointed out almost apologetically.

"Liore was a stationary target." Roy pinched the bridge of his nose. "The array at Liore covered the whole city. It took days to draw. This storm is moving. There's no array that allows for such rapid movement. There's the rain and wind as well. I can make the air move but I couldn't keep the elements tied together for more than a few minutes _and _combine them to make rain at the same time. And certainly not on the massive scale this storm is."

"So, we put the mobile units out to track it and we evacuate as many as we can," Felsen stated after a short pause.

"It's our safest course," Stier concurred.

Roy nodded. He'd learnt a long time ago that even when you covered all the possibilities it always came down to the safest course. _Safest for who_ his cynical side queried silently as they began to draw up the required orders.

* * *

The sounds of a phone ringing and muted voices had Edward opening his eyes with a grumble. His head felt heavy and he blinked several times before he could focus properly on his surroundings. Mustang's inner office and that was Falman he could hear on the phone outside.

"You awake now Ed?" Havoc's question caught him unawares and he shifted to find the tall man hunkered beside the couch. The couch he was lying on.

"How long…?" Ed asked and had to swallow to clear the thickness in his throat.

"Since you collapsed?" Havoc responded and leant back on his haunches. It was a casual enough movement but Edward could see Havoc was watching him carefully. "Not long really. About thirty minutes."

Edward let his breath out. "And the… Mustang?"

"He's still in his meeting. We were going to wait another fifteen minutes before we called him."

"Thanks," Edward breathed the word as he shifted on the couch, lifting up one elbow.

"Of course if you'd started to fit or froth at the mouth we would've called him earlier," Breda told him as he approached and Edward rolled his eyes at the stocky man.

"How considerate of you, Breda," Edward's voice was sarcastic as he met the unrepentant grin of the older man. He accepted the hand Breda was holding out and was efficiently pulled up into a more comfortable position. Havoc stood up and Edward looked at both of them as he rolled his shoulders. How long was this going to go on for he wondered. How long would it be before the memories lost their power over him?

_Never, Edward._

He managed to stop any reaction from showing on his face. He really didn't want to have to try and explain the voice in his head. Especially when he didn't know what it was. Sometimes it felt as if he was hearing two different voices speaking the same words at the same time. A distorted echo of amusement under the hate. Somewhere in his memory was the original voice, he knew that and one day he would remember.

_You remember me, Edward. You just don't want to admit it._

Edward shook his head and swung his legs off the couch. _I don't remember you_, he said silently as he stood up. The voice laughed at him.

_You will. I'm more than happy to kill you again._

Ed nearly fell over and Havoc and Breda grabbed at him as he swayed. He straightened up carefully in their grip and forced himself to breathe slowly. He tried to keep his mind as blank as he could, seeking something that would keep him from falling apart. Envy. Envy had killed him once before. Envy. Edward shook as he fought against the rising nausea. The voice couldn't be Envy. Envy was dead. Envy was on the other side. It didn't sound like Envy. It couldn't be Envy.

"Take it easy, Ed," Havoc said and Ed barely heard him through the tumult in his head.

"You moved a bit quicker than you should have," Breda told him and Ed nodded warily as he found a quiet centre of white in the middle of mind. He began to draw it closer finding a sense of familiarity within it.

"Yeah, bit dizzy," he agreed glad of their wrong assumption for his loss of balance as he managed to claw his way back into some semblance of calm.

"You going to be fine now?" Havoc queried noting how pale Edward looked.

"Yeah. Yes." Ed eyed them both with a silent sigh. He had to offer them something. "It's… the memories just get a bit much, that's all." They nodded and Ed was startled to see more understanding in their faces than he had expected. He shouldn't have been surprised he told himself. They were soldiers, they'd have more than enough of their own memories to cope with. Which meant they wouldn't press him unless he wanted them to. "Thanks," he repeated, meaning it more than he had earlier.

Breda let go of Ed's arm. "Feel up to getting back to work?"

"I guess so. Even though it seems a waste of time." And it would keep his thoughts from spiralling into places he didn't want them to go. Time enough when he was alone for _that_ breakdown.

Havoc shrugged and let Ed stand on his own. "We do a lot of that some days." Breda laughed as Falman appeared at the door.

"Feeling better, Edward?"

"Yeah, thanks Falman."

"That was Miss Rockbell on the phone. She's just arrived in Central and is on her way to see you."

* * *

Al sat at the kitchen table in Hawkeye's neat apartment and stared at the bowl of fruit in front of him.

"Are you hungry?" Hawkeye's voice was gentle as she watched him. Al shook his head. He wasn't hungry and he wasn't thirsty and he wasn't scared and he wasn't crying. It took him a moment to realise he wasn't quite right as his stomach rumbled and the itching on his cheeks proved to be unnoticed tears.

"He's in nearly every memory I have," he said. "Even when he's _not_ there, he is. Everything I can remember, and everything I've been told… it's all about Edward. All about Brother. I've been chasing after him, walking beside him ever since I could crawl I think. Maybe even as soon as I was born. These last two years he's all I've been wanting, _needing_. Someone who could tell me about all the years I don't have memories for. Someone who could tell me _why_ I couldn't remember. Someone who would give me answers to all the questions I had. And I thought Edward – _Brother_ – would be able to do all that. Because he was everything I know."

Al's voice dropped slightly and he leant forward, turning his head to the side and placing it on the table. He looked across the room at the other wall and then refocused as his hand drew lazy circles on the tabletop in front of his eyes. Hawkeye watched him carefully. Calm voice and calm manner at such odds to the breakdown she had witnessed yesterday.

"But I don't know him anymore. He's different now. He's not how I remember him to be and I hate him for that. I hate him for not being who I think he should be. I hate myself for wanting him to be what I remember. I hate him for leaving me behind. I hate him for not coming back sooner. I hate him for coming back and I hate _me_ for not wanting him here at all now. He's changed and I haven't. I hate myself for that too. I feel like I'm a ten year old kid again thinking – _knowing, hoping_ – he's going to get his mother back simply because his brother said we would."

Hawkeye had never heard Al speak so unguardedly before. He'd been the embodiment of tact and diplomacy, always apologising and clearing up after his brother. Al had never hesitated to pull Edward up either, with a judicious application of humiliation when logic failed. But now he was sounding so objective and dispassionate about both himself and his brother, words falling from his lips without any apparent mental censoring. Hawkeye wondered if he was feeling as empty as his words were sounding.

"I'm not ten anymore, I don't know how old I am. Four years that I don't remember and I'm two years younger than I should be. Are you sure I'm only fourteen?" Al turned his head slightly and he looked straight at her. "You all tell me I'm fourteen but my last memory is of being ten and four years missing with the last two I _do_ remember, I should be sixteen. Why aren't I sixteen?"

"Because when you woke up two years ago you told us your name was Alphonse Elric, you were twelve years old, you wanted your brother and did we know where he was," Hawkeye replied calmly. She didn't add that he had not recognised any of them and that he had been hysterical at finding out Edward was gone and that he couldn't remember. He had been kept sedated for the next few days until Winry and Izumi Curtis had arrived and the sight of recognisable faces had calmed him down somewhat.

"I don't…it's a bit fuzzy." Al only had disjointed memories of his first week of consciousness. It still unnerved him when he thought about how it had first felt to realise he had a great big hole in his memory. It had not been pleasant time for any of them he thought now.

"I know," Hawkeye murmured gently.

"I could have woken up like Ed did. Not knowing anything and empty like he was. I could still be like that… _he_ could still be like that. I thought I could wait forever, look after him for as long as it took because he was my brother and he could bring back my memories. I thought that all he needed was me and everything would be fine and right." Al let his breath out. "I've followed him all my life and it's not enough. _I'm_ not enough."

"Al…" Hawkeye breathed his name and Al lifted his head, surprising her with the acceptance in his expression.

"It's okay, I finally did what you wanted me to. I guess I've just grown up."

Hawkeye shook her head with a tiny smile. "You've been growing up for awhile now Alphonse, and you are _more_ than enough. Not just for Edward but for the rest of us as well." She reached across the table and placed her hand on his. "You have _always_ been more than enough."

"But…"

"No buts. With Edward or without, you have always known what you what you wanted and you've always done all you could to get it. You've never done anything that would hurt others, you've always been polite and tactful. You've always _acted _grown-up and you've always seemed older than your years. The last few days you've behaved as a typical teenager and while it hasn't been easy, it hasn't been as bad as you think." Her smile widened slightly. "I wish the office would grow up sometimes." Al felt his lips twitch with an answering smile. "You have strength and intelligence and common sense Alphonse. Growing up isn't so bad really." Hawkeye's voice was gentle and Al nodded slowly.

"I guess because I always thought I was already grown up and Ed seems so much older and _adult_ ..."

"He _is_ older. Wherever he's been has seen to that. But he's still your brother. He will never stop being your brother."

"I know," Al said as his head dropped to the table again. "I've been jealous and angry and selfish and I thought he had forgotten me. I was so happy to have him back. All I could see was _my brother_ but it wasn't the same for him and I resented that. I thought I was being understanding and patient, but I wasn't, was I? Not deep inside where I kept on ignoring what I really felt." Al sighed. "I'm going to have to apologise – _again _– and tell him all of this."

"Yes you are." Hawkeye's smile was audible and Al automatically groaned wondering why he didn't feel as reluctant as he had before.

"Will he want to speak to me?"

"Yes." Hawkeye's hand tightened over his for a moment and then she sat back. "He didn't want you to leave yesterday. He was just as upset as you were about what happened."

"He's my brother…"

"And _you_ are his."

* * *

The dragon roared as it rolled across the wind currents. Thunder replied and the wind howled beneath. The dragon flowed upwards in a dizzying spiral only to slide down through the rumbling clouds as he played on the winds. Lightening flared around him and he danced between the columns of power. Heightened senses kept him from being struck as he twisted and writhed. His broken scales flickered with fragmented arrays as he passed. He could feel the electrical charges building and seeping through his long body as he swooped and circled. He looked forward.

_Not long now. _

… You are impatient.

_You insisted on wasting all those months in the mountains. _The dragon snorted.

…You weren't ready.

_I've always been ready. _The dragon scoffed as he soared close to the lightening, feeling it crackle against his scales.

… You couldn't get yourself off the ground. Did you plan to slither all the way to Central?

The dragon didn't quite flinch at the sarcasm but a twitch ran along the serpentine form. There was no ready comeback to the ghost this time. The passage back through the Gate from the other side had not been pleasant and he had landed in the mountains severely damaged and extremely weak.

_I would have found a way_ the dragon muttered.

… You've always wanted to be independent.

The dragon heard the smiling reply and growled deep in his throat. _And I got stuck with you. That was not what I wanted._

… You already know the answer to that one.

The dragon sighed and the ghost appeared to smile. It wasn't a nice smile.

… No-one ever offers enough to get exactly what they want. Even those who give up everything will only receive a pale shadow of their desires.

_All I want is him dead._

… You will die too.

_Death doesn't scare me. Been there done that. _

… So has he.

A deeper edge echoed within him and as the dragon blinked a single eye flickered in the momentary darkness. The dragon didn't hear the bound alchemist scream as lightening flared again and an array burnt in golden flame.

… So have I.

* * *

_So have I. _

Edward wondered where that thought had come from and an array flared behind his eyes. He frowned. It was as if he'd been answering someone but he hadn't and he'd seen that array before somewhere if he could just remember where.

"Ed?"

Ed blinked and turned to face Breda. He shook his head slightly at the older man's poorly disguised concern.

"Just a stray thought," he replied casually. He knew they were worried about him, wondering what was wrong with him. They'd be watching him like a hawk for the next week or so he thought. Between them and Mustang he'd never be left alone but at least they weren't completely coddling him. Falman had offered to meet Winry in his place and escort her to the office and the others had offered up Mustang's inner office which would give him the illusion of privacy at least. Edward had no doubts that the others would be huddling around the closed door as soon as they could. "How much longer before Mustang gets back?"

Havoc shrugged as he looked at the clock. "He said he'd be an hour and it's over two now. Something's gone wrong somewhere I'm guessing and we'll hear all about when he returns." He looked over at Fuery. "Might be an idea to clear some lines and things so we're ready for him."

Fuery nodded and Ed watched as Fuery picked up the phone and Breda began clearing away completed files and reports. Ed found himself straightening up the files on his desk. Like part of a team. He sighed. They were going to be hurt when he left. Ed knew he was connecting with them but not enough yet to sway him from his intention to leave. Mustang might hope otherwise but Ed was going to prove him wrong. Nothing so far had made him want to stay and the only one who might have changed his mind had walked away from him yesterday.

The door opened and he looked up to find the deep blue eyes of Winry staring at him. He noticed she didn't seem to have changed much since he had last seen her. A bit taller and her face was thinner than he recalled. Her hair was different, shorter at the sides and pulled up at back somehow. It made her look older and he realised she'd be eighteen now. Just like him. Only Al had had the years stolen from him.

"Hello Win," he said easily.

"Edward." She walked closer and he could see she was slightly wary. He wasn't surprised given his accent and strange black eyes.

"Al told me I have you to thank for getting my automail back. It looks good."

"You don't remember the operation?" Winry questioned, her eyes narrowing as she heard again the unusual sound of his voice.

"No. I don't remember any of the time in hospital."

"Why not?" Winry almost snapped the question at him and he shrugged as casually as he could. The last thing he wanted was an offended Winry and he could see that it wouldn't take much to set her off. Some behaviours never changed he thought wryly.

"I don't know." He wondered how he could explain that he had apparently been in two very different worlds at the same time for those six months. He let his breath out. He had to at least try. "Let's go and sit down." he walked towards Mustang's office and she followed him.

"Where's Al?" she asked as he closed the door behind them.

"He's with Hawkeye," Ed replied non-committally.

"You're not going to let him join up, are you?"

Ed shrugged. "If he wants to, then he can. It's his choice." He sat down on the couch and turned to look at her. "I know he's only fourteen but if they'll accept him…"

"No!" Winry cut him off and walked to stand in front of him. "He's already lost four years of his life, he lost _you_! He could _die_ next time!" _Just like my parents_ echoed after her words and E's back stiffened.

"It will be _his_ decision, Winry," Ed reiterated. "I won't talk him out of if it's what he truly wants so don't ask. What happened to me isn't likely to happen again and as far as I know, we're not fighting any wars at the moment."

"What did happen to you, Ed? Where did you go?"

Ed patted the couch. "It's a long story so why don't you sit down?" He waited and after chewing at her bottom lip for a brief moment moved abruptly and sat down. He had no intention of telling her everything and he kept a tight grip on his self-control. The last thing he wanted was to have a breakdown in front of Winry.

"I didn't intend to leave. I don't know what you know about what happened back then but Al was being held by the homunculi and I had to get him back." He watched her carefully and saw her frown.

"The General said he'd dropped you off some place and hadn't seen you again."

"Yes, that was where Al was."

"Why didn't you tell anyone? We could've helped!" Winry glowered at him.

"Because there were other dangers out there, Win. Mustang had his own problems with the State to take care of and besides, they wanted me. Anyone else would've just been in the way and would've died."

"Rose was there," Winry stated. "She didn't die."

Ed's hands fisted as he fought the memories back down. "Rose had something they wanted." _In both worlds_ he added silently. At least in this world she had survived unlike Noa. Both betrayed by the people that used them.

"What did she have?"

"Her baby," Ed answered absently. "They needed a conduit for the Gate and the baby was suitable."

"What?" Winry's outraged incomprehension brought Ed back and he chose his next words carefully.

"There's a Gate. It's only accessible to alchemists and under specific conditions it can manifest itself. But it needs humans in the process. In this case a baby was to be used."

"But …"

"But I stopped them from using him and instead I got caught up in the Gate and ended up going through it and into a different world." Ed left out nearly everything that had happened. His first trip through the Gate, Al's return to flesh, the fight with Envy, his death, Al's sacrifice and Ed's final decision. Telling everything would take hours and he knew Winry would question and argue throughout. Arguing was something she and he did well. It was something they'd always done.

"A different world?" Winry's eyes were wide and her mouth hung slack.

"Yes. One without alchemy."

Winry blinked and her mouth opened and closed twice. She shook her head and stared at him. "You were in another world with no alchemy?"

Ed nodded and he waited. Winry wouldn't be stunned for too long and he had never been able to understand the way her mind worked when it came to anything other than automail.

"Why didn't you come back sooner?"

"Because I couldn't. To try and open the Gate meant I needed to be able to do alchemy." Ed's voice was flat.

Winry looked taken aback for a moment and then her jaw tightened. "So how did you get back then?"

"There was a group of people who thought they could make alchemy work."

"And they did obviously," Winry said before Ed could continue.

"Yes." Ed paused unable to find the words to describe that last day. "I woke up here and found out I'd already been here six months. But to me I've only been back a few days."

"What do you mean?"

"Just what I said. The last six months that you all tell me I've been here don't exist for me. I've been gone two years, no more, no less."

"You don't remember being in the hospital or having your automail done or _anything_ because you were still over there?"

"Yeah, that about covers it," Ed replied. "I don't know why or how it happened and I've never heard of it happening to anyone else either."

"But you're back now, right?"

"Yes." _Until Mustang understood that there really was nothing holding Edward here and let him go._

"For how long?"

"The rest of my life," Ed replied honestly.

"What are you going to do now?" Winry asked and Ed could sense a change in her manner.

"Stay here and help out for a bit, see Al settled in." Ed shrugged.

"And what about me?"

Ed frowned. "You? What do you mean? You have your automail and were working in Rush valley for that mechanic. How'd that go? Did you go back afterwards?"

"I couldn't go back, I've been looking after Al for the last two years." Winry's tone was clipped.

"I knew he'd be safe with you." Ed smiled. "If he decides to enlist, you could go back to Rush Valley."

"I'm not letting him enlist!"

"I told you earlier, it's his decision. You can't choose for him." Ed tilted his head to one side. "Al knows his own mind Winry. He's intelligent and more than able to understand what he's getting into. Anyway, he hasn't decided yet so it doesn't matter. You should think about what you want to do and not worry so much."

"What I want? All I want is for us three to be together and now that you're back, you're going to let Al go, and you don't seem to care!"

"We are together. Just because we're not all in the same place doesn't mean I don't care." Ed took a breath. "Al and I aren't chasing after the Stone anymore and we don't have all the responsibilities we had before. Al can have a future and he can do whatever he wants with it. I spent four years searching for that Stone so he could have that chance and there is no way in Hell I am going to stop him!" Ed stood up and paced away from the couch, calming himself down before he turned to Winry again. "You can choose your own path too now. Back to Rush Valley or wherever you want. Granny's probably counting on you taking over one day as well. You're going to be the best mechanic in the whole country, if you're not already." Ed smiled slightly.

"What are you going to do, Ed?" There was an edge to her voice and Ed's forehead creased in response.

"I don't know yet. Depends on whether I stay in the Military or not."

"You should leave. You could come home while you decide." A thread of steel became evident in her voice and Ed shook his head.

"No, Resembool isn't home anymore." Ed saw her flinch and wondered why. "Home was always where Al was for me but that's changed now. I thought for awhile that I'd found a new home…" _with Roy _"… on the other side but…" he paused and closed his eyes for a moment. "I don't want any more homes. Not for awhile." His eyes opened and the pain of Roy's betrayal shone through briefly before he got his self-control back.

"But you are home, Ed. This is your home," Winry responded and Ed sighed. She didn't quite understand and he knew it was his fault for not explaining it further.

"Home has never been about places with me, Win. Home has always been where the people I loved were. I learnt that after we burnt our house down. Resembool was home because you and Pinako were there but it's not _my_ home."

"Come back with me and we can make it your home again."

"No Winry. It's not that simple and I don't _want_ to make a home. It's not something you can force and I'd only want to leave if you tried."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do." Ed sat down next to her and took her hand in his. "Winry, I love you. You're like a sister to me and I know you want to help, but I don't need it. I need to know that you are out there living your life and doing what you want to do. Don't regret not taking the chance when you could." Ed felt Winry's hand grip at his and then she froze and when he stopped talking he looked at her, wondering why she was staring at him with an almost angry expression.

"Do _not_ tell me you love like a sister, Edward!"

"But I do, Win." His lips curved a little. "You've always been part of the family. The sister Al and I never had."

"You don't love _me _then." Winry pulled her hand away and stood up. She looked down at him. "You're not in love with me."

"No." Ed stood up and reached out to her but she moved away. "I'm sorry Win. I know it hurts…"

"You don't know! All my life it's been you and Al and then as we grew up all I wanted was to be with you forever but you only ever saw Al. I've kept him safe for you, I gave up everything to make sure he'd be waiting here for you. I thought when you came back we'd all be happy. You and Al and me and you. But no. You didn't know us at first and you barely looked at me and when you do know us, _now_ you say you don't love me…"

"I do love you…"

"But you're not in love with me?" Winry crossed her arms in front of her, hugging herself.

"No, not like that. Not in the way you want me to. And I do know what its like to love someone who doesn't love you back." Ed's voice shook as he walked around her. "Trust me, it's better to find out now before someone really gets hurt," he added almost to himself.

He felt a bit dazed. He hadn't expected such a declaration. Not from Winry. Not from someone he considered his sister, his best friend, his mechanic. Hell she was more familiar with parts of his body than he was. It just didn't seem right and he couldn't comprehend it but he wasn't about to reciprocate to something he didn't feel. Roy had shown him just how badly falling in love could go and despite the betrayal and pain, Ed knew he hadn't fallen out of love with Roy. He hated the man but love wasn't something you could just switch on or off. Underneath the hate Ed still remembered the love he had believed they both had shared.

"Ed?" Winry was frowning at him now and he shook his head in return.

"No, I'm not going to talk about it." He watched as she swallowed hard.

"You fell in love with someone else?" Her voice was rising again.

"Yes, and it's over now, so can we please finish here. Mustang's probably back by now and I have research waiting," Ed spoke quickly wanting Winry to go and Mustang back to distract him from the memories he could feel clamouring. Everything he did or said somehow led back to them.

"You're not getting out of this that easy Edward," Winry said in a far calmer voice than Ed expected. "You have a lot of explaining to do if you think I'm going to leave it like this. You _owe_ me a proper explanation."

"Not this time." Ed's eyes burned, his accent thick and he stood tall. "Not these memories."

"Tell me. How did you fall in love? Who was she and why didn't she love you back? Were you keeping secrets again?"

"Enough." Edward suddenly looked much older. "I am not going to have what happened used in some sort of competition between you and someone I will never see again. It is none of your business and it will stay that way."

"I deserve to know! Even if you don't love me, I'm still family! What about Al? Does he know?"

"Al does know," and it wasn't Ed replying. Ed and Winry turned to the doorway. Al stood there with Hawkeye and Mustang behind him. He looked from one to the other and stepped into the room heading straight for Ed.

"Al…"

"I do know what happened and Ed is right. It's none of your business Winry. He's already been hurt enough, he doesn't need to relive it again."

Ed stared at Al as if he'd never seen him before. Al stretched out his hand and Ed kept staring at his brother. After a moment that seemed to stretch for minutes Ed ignored the outstretched hand and wrapped Al in his arms. Al hugged him back gripping tight and blinking hard.

"I'm sorry," Al whispered.

"Me too."

* * *

"Breda, organise several squads to be ready to leave for the north in three hours. Make sure they have mobile communication units and clear lines to us. They are to find this storm and not to approach. Once they see it they're to start heading back keeping it in sight at all times. Falman, I want full scale maps of Briggs and Northern Command. Find out the closest bases and get as many men as possible moving in for recon and rescue. Fuery, go over every communication line we have going North. Find any that work and organise to make contact with North City, see what help they can offer."

Mustang paused and looked around the office. Ed and Al were still in his inner office and Mustang didn't want to interrupt them just yet. Hawkeye had taken Winry to the mess hall for coffee and comfort and he hoped it wouldn't take much longer. He needed her back here.

"Havoc, I need you to accompany General Stier to the parliament in an hour. You are going to liaise between us and them. Treat it as a watching brief. Only tell them what the General says you can and if you hear anything interesting report back here."

"Sure thing, Chief," Havoc nodded. He'd done this before. His placid face and manner was very misleading and invited all kinds of confidences.

"Does anyone know if Ed had any luck with his research?"

"Nope," Ed himself replied. His eyes were slightly red and Al's looked the same as they re-entered the office. Mustang eyes them carefully and then nodded.

"Is there anything that would affect it at all?"

"Not on a scale that would be required if this storm is as big as you say, but I didn't get through all the information."

"Could you keep looking?" Mustang had the feeling he was grasping at straws but he really couldn't see what else he could do.

"We'll both look," Al spoke up and Mustang noticed that Ed didn't refuse, so he nodded at them.

"Thank you."

* * *

_I can almost smell him._

The dragon flew in lazy circles within the storm. His path criss-crossed over the winds that held him up, his long length arching in a slow roll.

… You exaggerate.

_But can't you feel it? So close now. _

… Are you so impatient to end this?

_All games have to end._

… You might not win.

_Oh I will win. _The dragon laughed. _This isn't a game I can lose._

* * *

In an ancient room buried deep under Central's streets an intricate circle that had faded into the dusty parquet floor a week ago began to glow. Dim outlines became sharp and clear and the room was bathed in soft blue light.

… There are prices to be paid.

The words echoed in the empty room.

In Mustang's office, Edward Elric paused as a shiver went down his spine.

In the middle of the storm barely a day out of Central, the dragon laughed again.

* * *

..

* * *

Alfred Lichtenstein (1889 – 1914): Leaving For The Front

Author's Note: So the dragon, illogical and annoying beast that it is, decided to let me finally get this chapter done after making me re-write it several times (and I'm still not completely happy with it ~sigh~)… as is fairly obvious, the end is in sight and rather than go play with the other monsters I've decided to concentrate on getting this one completed first… I will finish the others. I won't leave them undone... Giitus eanat ******  
**

I'd like to thank everyone for their patience and wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Safe New Year... Feliz Navidad

silken :)


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